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Original poster

help! i'm feeling broody

65 replies

lieman · 30/04/2004 18:40

i'm feeling very broody at the moment can someone please talk me out of it!

i've 2 kids 4& 6 and am 34. i work part time and spend the rest of my time taxing kids everywhere. dh doesn't really want anymore but i could probably talk him into it.

i've only just got my life back in order and got a great job after the last one and i know i couldn't give my 2 kids as much if i had another but i think if i don't have another one now i never will.

am i mad

OP posts:
ZolaPola · 30/04/2004 18:51

probably! But aren't we all? Never a logical decision to have kids. I guess because you already have the 2 it's a bit different though, if you'd regret it loads then could be right thing to do. OTOH if your dh would resent you or not support you in this or you can't afford time/money for 3 then maybe it's just a dream you have to let go of.

SoupDragon · 30/04/2004 18:52

Motherhood has nothing to do with sanity

Original poster
lieman · 30/04/2004 19:00

my biggest worry is if i don't have anymore i will look back in ten years time and wish i'd done things different. do you really know when you've had enough kids?
i go from thinking "we'll get by if i had another to i'll spoil what my 2 kids have now if i have another". i worry i'll start taking chances just to see what will happen but will i regret that.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 30/04/2004 19:00

If it's time you're worried about, you've quite probably got loads of it. I didn't have my first baby till I was 37.

zaphod · 30/04/2004 19:10

I don;t think that you will spoil what your two children have now at all. If you have another it can really enrich the lives of your first two...they will be just as excited by the first tooth, and the first steps, and so on as you. For example, my baby clapped hands for the first time today, to great applause,from his siblings. One of the nicest things ever is to see how much enjoyment older children get from playing with babies in the family. (Mine are 10,8,6,2,and 9mo.s)

bunny2 · 30/04/2004 19:26

"You regret more the things you havent done than the things you have." said a wiseman to me. I think it is rare to regret having a child but to look back when it is too late and wish you had another would be really sad.

thirtysomething · 30/04/2004 21:14

lieman - I am going through exactly the same thing as you - I have one ds (nearly 6) and one dd (3) and am trying to decide whether to go for no.3. Everything argues against it - I have awful pregnancies, my kids are pretty demanding and I'm fully occupied ferrying them around everywhere, we're just beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel in terms of holidays without nappy bags etc. and I'm thinking about retraining, yet I still have this yearning for another one. DH is very practical and thinks maybe we should quit while we're ahead iyswim, but I still crave another little one and all the ups and downs that accompany it. I do think I'll regret not having one but on the other hand I don't want to rock the boat and make life harder for the other two! ps I'm the same age as you as well!

Ixel · 30/04/2004 21:17

My ds is only 22 weeks but I'm already tending towards a second, nuch to dh's horror. Am I mad? Does everyone always want more than they've got?

Snarl · 30/04/2004 21:30

Try sitting on an egg!

BoxofFrogs · 01/05/2004 16:13

I'm in the same boat, but I only have one. I KNOW that I will look back and regret not having another, but dh will not contemplate another child

hercules · 01/05/2004 16:18

there was a very funny recent thread that should put you right off.

hercules · 01/05/2004 16:21

here

Wifeof · 14/07/2004 07:51

This is what I keep wondering; should i not tempt fate (i.e. the risk of anything going wrong) and just learn to accept what I have?

Problem is, I'm becoming obsessed with it, spending too much time and energy thinking about it when I should be doing other things and not totally appreciating what a good lot I've got.

Confused!

bootsmonkey · 14/07/2004 08:31

But would one more be enough - I have heard so many people saying that 3 felt unbalanced and there was always an odd one out that they had to go for No. 4?

Personally I can barely manage with one! But have almost physical, bodily cravings for more from time to time, but I know I don't want any more. What the heart and what the head are saying don't always correspond, alas.

bootsmonkey · 14/07/2004 08:34

Wifeof - I know what you mean, I have such a happy, healthy, smiley daughter that I wonder if I can hit the jackpot twice and dare not tempt fate either.

Wifeof · 14/07/2004 09:21

I don't think I could go for 4, I'm not sure my body (or dh's) would last that long!

I can personally recommend 2 - not twice the joy, but take it and square it, which is why I'd love a 3rd.....

twiglett · 14/07/2004 09:23

message withdrawn

Wifeof · 14/07/2004 10:13

I've been feeling like it for the last 4 years since I MC'd #3!! I've been trying to let my head rule and tell myself that I should be content with what I've got, and I constantly tell myself all the sensible reasons why not to; sleepless nights, financial drain, loss of independence, making the house too small for us all etc etc but the old body clock is still ticking away.

I just don't know how much longer I've got (it maybe too late, dh caught mumps off dd 3 years ago!) and can't help feeling time is running out.

If only I could get over it and accept that what I have is perfect!

Bradsmum · 14/07/2004 10:19

I would like someone to tell me that 1 is OK... have DS of 22 mths and would love another but DH not interested and won't even discuss it. I'm worried about DS being an only child - everyone I know who has been an only child says they would have loved siblings and regret not having any. Any answers to this dilemma pls from those who know?

bootsmonkey · 14/07/2004 10:37

Bradsmum - it is such a hard decision to make isn't it, and a subject close to my heart! I have friends who are only children, who had an idyllic childhood, but miss siblings to talk to now, especially as they are having children, parents are getting older etc., etc.

There is no answer! I feel happy with one child and really don't know if I could cope with two, but there is always a part of me nagging away. It is also accepting that I will never ever be pregnant again and giving up that part/function of my life. Not explaining very well - sorry.

bootsmonkey · 14/07/2004 10:38

Also, am I tying my DD down to looking after aged Parents sol, later in life??

bootsmonkey · 14/07/2004 10:38

solo

webmum · 14/07/2004 10:52

bradsmum

My dh is a only chiled and has had phases of wanting a sibling adn others where he was quite happy about it. I ahve friends who have been only children and have never regretted it as they realised all the advantages of not having to share their parents (and their money!) with anyone.

As with all things there's no definite answer, you just do what feels right for you. Personally I don't think one should ahve children just to provide a sibling to their existing one, but only if you really want them yourself.

DOn't worry about your DS, he'll fine whatever you choose!

mummytosteven · 14/07/2004 10:54

bradsmum - my dh is an only and is quite categorical that that is the ideal way to be! I think I only want one as well - got very depressed and ended up on Prozac whilst PG so don't want to risk another PG. Also there is a certain appeal to having got the hardest bits out of the way now!

sponge · 14/07/2004 11:09

I think that as long as you feel you want another one then you should probably at least keep your options open andtry (no guarantees you'll have one of course).
We had one and took so long to conceive number 2 that we were sure that was it. Stopped worrying and fell pregnant so will have number 2 in 3 weeks or so. That will be it for me as I'm already 41 and it seems to take us a long time to conceive. Dh is still talking about a potential number 3 but he can forget it!

Also, a friend of mine who always wanetd lots of kids got to number 3 and realised that was enough.
So I think you know when your family is complete and you've had enough. If you don';t feel that yet then go ahead and try for more. Don't live to regret it {smile].