It is the goat jazz we seek, but the twee monitors have too much opinion on getting between the sheets, sexpests writing notes we may be, but at least the bins go out! We're all praying our uterus won

[lildottie]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 44 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2359579-Viroids-get-your-Miroid-to-stick-his-manjo-in-your-fanjo-and-the-jizz-bombs-will-go-off-Theyre-famous-for-their-super-support-and-butter-fannys-there-will-be-BFPS-its-JSing-44?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2356300-The-nice-weather-is-making-us-crave-burning-meat-on-an-outdoor-fire-maternity-leave-is-causing-headache-and-we-are-all-soldiering-on-as-the-heat-is-getting-to-us-here-is-JS-26?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2355867-Weve-no-time-for-JSing-Were-battling-green-nappies-sleepless-nights-x-box-playing-men-and-trying-to-hide-our-sling-addictions-Fuck-it-lets-do-a-runner-on-a-golf-cart" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

Stats sheet is <a class="break-all" href="//docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/14Ap3NlZ0dP2Rjd1tRdpZ58my-7vZ-oUhevZ-4JROvyg/edit?pli=1#gid=0" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Good luck lil
Am around for soy talk fwiw ain jelly etc. I think I mentioned that it brought icing forward (and actually made me ice, I think!) which is awesome but hardly did anything for my lp. So no implantation viability still but definitely an egg around this cycle!

Might do a cheeky post-witch shag tonight, just in case I suddenly iced tomorrow. as if

Just made a banana loaf. Yum. I have a slight issue though. Any baking gurus around?

I have a problem with my cakes going flat as soon as I open the oven. They rise very nicely while still baking, then I check if they are ready and after that they go flat again. What am I doing wrong? It happens with any cake, it must be me!

Carrot not enough moisture/not baked long enough or opening oven door early during baking process! Yum though!

Very handy to have a DH who works from home to ahem optimise nap time

Opening the oven too early carrot not a euphemism that's the usual reason. Too little baking powder? Do you use self raising flour? Or is it a yeast/yogurt powered banana loaf?

Hmm, does taking Vitamin B Complex make your pee go bright green?

Thanks viroids. Yes, it's the opening oven too early me thinks. The bloody recipe though said bake 30 mins when in fact it was 45!

Having pre AF clear out today so not feeling very hopeful

Jelly toxic yellow I would say? Yes, it's the riboflavin (B2) that does that.

carrot it might not be you, it might be your oven (and/or erroneous recipes) if lots of things take longer than you think they should then maybe it's not as hot as it says? Also check for out-of-dateness of raising agents/flour etc? Lastly if your tin is different dimensions it can affect baking time.

I made an interesting wheat, sugar and fat-free flapjack at the weekend - surprisingly tasty, very virtuous, but even that took longer than the recipe said, so you're not alone :)

No, it's the cooking time I think. The oven is new and this happened with the previous one too. I used SR flour but also baking powder (it cracked v slightly so I think I should put a bit less of bp next time), and it wasn't too dry. It was a standard loaf tin.

I think next time I'll just bake it for longer and put temp slightly up. It's still very delicious btw just v annoying it doesn't hold the shape.

I'm weeing for England.

Do not open the oven!!

In anticipation of SOTM, DTD this morning. So this cycle fact fans - 8, 10,11, 12, 13, 14, 15 and 17.

feathered well done! Powering through! Ovia says today is my last day too...not relying on that though and will try again the day after tomorrow hopefully

Thanks 5hell I'm glad I've been of some use! I feel positive in the long term, that it will happen eventually, I think it's just frustration that not only have I miscarried but that it has wreaked havoc with my body (the painful ovulation if that's what it is, maybe it's not ovulation, but not sure what it was. It was like period pain - if anyone knows what stage of ovulation could be I would welcome your suggestions as I know f all about ovulation. I've mentioned this before but the slight twinges in the left side Friday/Saturday, then light cramps Sunday/Monday and then heavier cramps yesterday, I'm wondering if I did a shagging injury on Sunday, it definitely felt cramp like when DTD on Sunday and that cramp got worse, it was as if I'd pulled my calf running and then it got worse before better) combined with the fact that I should be half way through being pg. But yes, back to EOD next month (although I'm at a hen I now do not want to go on when I expect to be peaking). I'm broken!! How are you?

I do not know when my luteal phase is. Guess it's opks next month then to find outlil? I hope your exam went ok and you're feeling alright.

Sorry for epic post and being repetitve - I'm mainly concerned at how long I'm bothered by ovulation for...it's hard to know what it means and if I should be worried.

That's some serious shagging stoat well done!

I'm really glad I posted gaggia I always felt I wasn't doing it enough before in that 'everyone's at it' kind of way. Come to a TTC board to find out what's a lot! I assumed that was normal and that I was not at all normal!!

Stoat - seriously - I think you should be awarded the grand old accolade of Shagger of the Month for your stellar efforts! Talk about a marathon, lady!

It's like being a student again doing it this much.

I'd like to thank the bank hol and the fact that I've worked from home alot.

that's some good shagging there stoat wow! SOTYear goes to you me thinks

Wow indeed stoat, you are certainly putting the shagging in jsing!

Not much shagging happening here, have had mild stomach bug for a week. Ugh

Stoat give your fanjo a break woman! Well done

Sorry about arse rain just, [loo paper]

I need a hooyah, I'm now feeling dizzy and convinced I should POAS tomorrow!

How many dpo are you Carrot? Poor Viroids seem to be quite poorly at the mo herbal for you all.

How much baking powder are you putting in. If the cakes cracking too sounds like too much raising agent. That makes it rise to quickly crack then sink

Yes jelly it does. Luminous!

Well done stoat!

Thanks Country, it was just a teaspoon. Should be less full next time I think. The crack was quite small. It's the oven opening, I'm convinced now.

Looks like I'm out of weekend piss party. Spotting now, feeling a bit crampy, so AF will arrive in all her glory in a couple hours.

Boo Carrot, you're not out until you are out though.