Viroids get your Miroid to stick his manjo in your fanjo and the jizz-bombs will go off! They're famous for their super support (and butter fannys), there will be BFPS...it's JSing 44!!

[Hobbit19]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2349170-Our-new-greeting-cards-are-here-Were-making-vaginal-butter-and-baking-in-a-sneaky-shag-from-behind-Our-skittletits-cant-hold-us-back-its-JSing-43?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2356300-The-nice-weather-is-making-us-crave-burning-meat-on-an-outdoor-fire-maternity-leave-is-causing-headache-and-we-are-all-soldiering-on-as-the-heat-is-getting-to-us-here-is-JS-26?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found [www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies? HERE]]

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

I think you can still get chicken with giblets. It's just that they have been removed and left in a bag inside the chicken. At least I think so!!

Still doing the mental equivalent of telling myself not think of pink elephants

Good luck to everyone shagging or testing this week!!!

carrot it's always nice to have moral support for pissing

You lot are mental. Just.... Mental.

You love us really honey

Ok I have a confession. I booked a docs app to discuss TTC. After my deflatedness last month I realised how much this is getting to me and I decided to get the ball rolling earlier. I'll lie and say it's been a year we have been TTC and demand all the tests and see what they say. It's next week (Election Day lol).

The witch re-turned up today, so confused because she had fucked off but now she's back. Grrrr!

Angry post over.

honey you are mad too, admit it

Another one signing in for a weekend shagathon! Even negotiating a first night for my DD at grandparents (waa waa my baby can't be old enough to be ready for a night away!)
In a perfect world we should avoid the next 2 months to avoid a birth at the start of the year but because I'm an old gimmer and hitting the big 40 this year I'm just going for it and see what happens...

Jelly I have to admit I am jealous. Because they registered the miscarriage I can't ask for help until Sept! On the plus side, they should do something straight away because of my health problems. Round here you usually wait two years before help. I might go sooner anyway and ask. If I get to the end of cycle 12 with no luck. CD2 of #11 ATM.

Jellypi - i did the same when we were TTC before. I had a few colposcoscopies, fibroids, ultrasounds and failed coil fittings in the past and had been warned I may have fertility issues so at 5 months of trying i fibbed and said it was 12 months. It took 2 months for another ultrasound to come through but instead of looking at fibroids the sonographer was dead chuffed to end up looking at heartbeat of our DD (she didn't normally do pregnancy ultrasounds!) So will have fingers crossed that your doc appointment also leads to a positive outcome...

Aww that's a lovely story nut.

honey I told the doctor in August I was TTC and he said some back if you haven't had luck in a year. I'm just concerned they will a) see it's only been 13 months since stopping depo and tell me to wait longer or b) see my AF hadn't returned by August (when I went to talk to the doctor) and say I need to wait till then. But there's no harm in going is there. The most they can say is "come back in X months" and hopefully instead I'll get blood tests and DP will get his damn SA. I think if my LP had been a normal length this month i would have been ok but it wasn't which has pissed me off. So time for action!!

honey takes one to know one :P

Oh and nut I wouldn't avoid TTC for a particular time of year, you never know how long it will take!

honey Hope you're feeling a bit better

feathered Nice cape twirling and I'll remember your seductive words to use if I ever go for conceive plus (especially the bellowing part - delivery is key, I feel).

gouda Best of luck for next couple of months. Will you still see each other in the gap or will it be a complete break from TTC?

jelly Sorry you're feeling so deflated. Do what you need to do. I hope you get helpful answers or at least reassuring ones.

Got my folic acid furtively in Superdrug today. Don't know why I felt so shifty and guilty about it (mission impossible music) I'm ridiculous.

pretzel I also feel a bit silly buying it!

I'm pooped, ofsted going well though so that's great.

lil we totally renovated our 4 bed house in 11 weeks, if you need any tips I'm your woman!

honey I'm in the same boat, had MC last June and now in cycle 10 of trying since, in fact this Thursday will mark my 1 year anniversary of my bfp how life could me different now DH and I have given,ourselves until July, if after that we have no luck we will visit the docs.

In other news -TMI alert today I have suspiciously what looks like EWCM about 3/4 days earlier than expected, typically its when I go contraband free that unexpected things happen again. It's probably more yellow than usual but definitely passes the stretch test - thoughts anyone?

Going to start the bank holiday shagathon early just in case

black last cycle I had EWCM from about cd 7 right until after icing (and weirdly after icing too).

Jelly you've been TTC for over a year, with or without AF. I think you are more than entitled to request an investigation!

Cat I sometimes get fake EWCM right after AF. But defo shag just in case!

5hell did you have your tests today?

Thanks carrot but technically we've not been trying for a year, it's been a year since stopping the injection. :)

We're going to need a new home soon..... Again

jelly they can do the tests at any time, they can only refer after 1year (sometimes 2) unless there are "other indicators of infertility" ie annovulatory blood result, pcos diagnosis or abnormal sa result. Google your local clinic and see if they require ttc 1year or 2. my clinic says 1year but Dr was insistent it was 2.

What do you mean by clinic lil? Local gynae clinic or infertility clinic?

I worry about DP's fertility because his BMI is only 18 (he eats lots but also does lots of sport) and he only has one testicle, the other is a prosthetic. I don't know how much that affects it.

country Oh dear, why's that?

pretzel I meant the thread. Who wants to do the new Fred where I'll get my bfp

Also have you both gone to gp to discuss??

think its different in different areas jelly. we were referred straight to infertility clinic. hfea website is a hood source of info. I think they refer to gynae in some places for them to do your extra tests (ultrasound, hsg) before referring onto fc.

pretzel my dB has one testical. got his DW pg in 6m first time and 1m second time so I wouldn't worry too much. my dB lost his because it got twisted. I imagine if your dh lost it because of other reasons it may be worth finding out if the other could've affected but one alone is not a problem

Jelly I think it's worth you giving it a shot. Your cycles returned in nov so been 6 months now. They might at least get ball rolling. It can take a while to get the first appointment