Viroids get your Miroid to stick his manjo in your fanjo and the jizz-bombs will go off! They're famous for their super support (and butter fannys), there will be BFPS...it's JSing 44!!

[Hobbit19]

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.
5. Thou shalt not be offended by the word vagina.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't?

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Optional decorations include photographs of controversial political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like Something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband (or Cuntraband) = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

SOTM = Shagger of the Month. Awarded with varying regularity to those viroids who go above and beyond EOD shagging in pursuit of that BFP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedingering!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

Doing A Lemon = Testing WAAAAAAAY to early!

Miroid - The male compadre of a viroid

Cat - Compulsory

Skittletits - Killer molten painful tits and nipples

The link to Part 42 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2349170-Our-new-greeting-cards-are-here-Were-making-vaginal-butter-and-baking-in-a-sneaky-shag-from-behind-Our-skittletits-cant-hold-us-back-its-JSing-43?pg=1" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2356300-The-nice-weather-is-making-us-crave-burning-meat-on-an-outdoor-fire-maternity-leave-is-causing-headache-and-we-are-all-soldiering-on-as-the-heat-is-getting-to-us-here-is-JS-26?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The current Mumming Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2323427-Just-Mumming-Along-Viroids-4?" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">HERE</a>

The Fred about 'how wooode' our Fred is darlings can be found [www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2358940-The-title-of-those-conception-threads-rein-it-in-their-please-ladies? HERE]]

We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Looking, sounds promising, good luck! Will keep gx for you!

Sky have you ever tried to POAS on a day you can't possibly get a line, like 2dpo or even before icing? Just to see if you get any pseudo lines then too? Maybe you have a weird batch!

pickle you don't have to tell a new employer you are pg. If it's your first you are very likely not to be showing for ages too, and even longer if you pick your clothes carefully and gx the interviewer is a male. I'm unemployed too at the moment, it's been 4 months already, but we I are strong believers in things working out themselves. I hope your miroid changes his mind, it's tough xx

Feeling quite down, keep seeing gorgeous baby bumps of mums with toddlers, can't help thinking I would have had a bump by now too... I should really stop that, but finding it a bit hard at the moment...

Sock I just bought generic ones off amazon but I think I got a duff batch. They show nada when the posh CB dual hormone ones give me a peak reading. The previous lot I had did show something, but that was at the beginning of my TTC marathon and I wasn't desperate dedicated enough to pee on them regularly.

Looking gx!

I'm also feeling less optimistic that this cycle is the one today - I am suffering my own special personal sure-fire pmt symptom: super-noxious farts. At least I'm working from home .

carrot that's why I am am conducting my experiment. I am poas with an IC every day until AF comes. I don't trust them at all so will only get excited if I get a BFP on a frer. I take a lot of hormones to support my thyroid and adrenals so they could have been causing squinters. That or I had cps last two months. Is possible as I had a paraguard IUD removed and they temporarily affect the lining of your womb.

Pretzel you sound like my sorta girl. I used to do rugby and martial arts but I have a joint problem and the doctor says no. I do aquarobics. Its really good fun and the resistance of the water makes you work hard and is very satisfying.

Bitch making herself known. Called off work early. Watching a movie on the sofa now.

5hell I have some seeds and a propagator tray! Soon I shall be in business. Would you soak them all in water first, or just certain types?

Niff - Was it you who had practical the same cycle as me, or was that someone else? Are you due on this week?

Took niece to park today and AF turned up four days early so that's me out, ended up rushing back indoors, fun! Think my cycle might be shorter than expected. Now crampy and grumpy.

feathered zumba sounds like a laugh! Used to run but became part of my eating disorder in the past, tempted to try it again but would have to be careful. Didn't have a period for 5 months at the start of last year cause of anorexia I still worry it might've affected my fertility. Sorry if that's an overshare

looking GX for you!

honey Awesome! It was kickboxing and roller derby for me, I've got a bit of a dodgy lower back now and don't want to do contact in case of successful upduffing aquarobics sounds quite fun and would be good for back strengthening eh.

Honey can I be nosey and ask what your joint issues are??

Ooh, Gouda, we might be on the same cycle! I think sunshine is too? I'm due Friday, but this is only the first post-wtf cycle. Last one was 21 days, with about a 3 hr luteal phase, so I'm already beating that! I iced last Tuesday, according to FF, so if I make it to Friday I'll be getting hopeful! Gingers crossed for all of us this week, for pretzel.

ooh honey I'd forgotten about the seed chat... rubs hands in glee as has spent much of weekend potting-on seedlings

I dont normally soak (someone else just? mentionned that i think), but as we're getting on in the year it might help things get started quicker. In my experience peas/beans etc germinate v quickly anyway (couple of days), cucumbers and toms take a little longer (~1 week), but peppers take forever (possibly too late now), others I cant remember! I wouldn't soak for more than 24hrs eitherway as may encourage rot :(

I've now got 32x tomato seedlings, 7x cucumber, 8x peppers and many many peas and mange tout :) ...so too many of most things!!

I'm due wednesday if 25 days and thursday if I revert back to 26. I think if this cycle is a bust then I am going to have to try ovulation sticks next cycle.

I've only been using a shitty free "period app" to calculate ovulation (alongside analysing cm, but for the last year or so I've had barely any at all so it's not much help).

It told me I ov'ed on the 15th, but we could be timing everything completely wrong!

niff sorry hit send too soon - do you temp on your app?

Country I have lupus which fucks up my joints.

Thanks 5hell! Excited to get started!

Hey viroids

I'm donning my cape this evening and getting a birthday shag!!

Got the all clear today levels are coming down on their own so I'm shagging tonight not even to try make babies

Hope everyone is well

Hello all - seems like folks are a lot more clued up about TTC on here these days so can you fill me in because I'm confused and you can answer in words that I understand!
To know when you ice do you know it from using opk's or just calculating it on basis of your cycle length?
If you are shagging at least every other day does it matter when you ice?
What the heck is a luteal phase? Is that thewindow in which we should be shagging?
AF has nearly gone so I am in the mood to don my cape at the moment but we'll see if that feeling stays once I've done teatime and bedtime!

hey daisy HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

glad you got some good-ish news (well, as good as we can get in the circumstances)

happy JSing :)

Happy birthday daisy

Sorry to those of you with an invited guest

nut I think I know the answer to your questions but I'm fairly new to this ttc lark so I'll let one of the more experienced viroids answer.

On CD6 but still spotting a little, and ive just spent 4 hours cleaning & grocery shopping so I'm done in and definitely won't be seducing dh tonight.

While we're asking questions... I was wondering if it is worth dtd if chart says you're in your fertile window even if AF is still hanging around? (ie at end of AF). I mean I guess shag anyway but am I likely to get pg then?

Daisy, sad but hopeful birthday news. You'll be back in the game before you know it but for now shag for the sheer joy of it!

Gouda, I use fertility friend because lil told me to. I have temped this cycle, it's the first one I've done. I am impressed - it is a bit of a fanny, sticking a thermometer in your fanny at 5:55am every morning, EVEN SUNDAYS, but I did see a definite pattern this month, which is how I know I ovulated.

Basically I just wanted to be sure after MC that my ovaries were doing their thing again. Before that I js'd for 8 months.

I'll probably keep up the temping for a little while til I get bfp establish a pattern.

Whoops, happy birthday daisy

Nut, you need lil, la or jelly to answer your qs. They are the chief dispensers of wisdom!

Just had to catch up on a few pages here! Busy weekend spring cleaning the flat (by which I mean all the normal "weekly" cleaning that we've not done for like a month!) Then we watched the London Marathon on Sunday (our church building is on the route so instead of a normal service we all had breakfast together then watched the runners, shouting encouragements here and there! Was good fun! Almost inspiring enough to make me want to train apart from the fact I hate running!!
I do need to start exercising more though -I like the sound of aquarobics so I'm gunno look up local sessions when I get home!

MEGALOLZ at goat jazz!

Nif and Gouda AF is due for me on Friday too! Shall we all piss together? (When is an acceptable realistic time to piss? Gotta be once AF is late, right? So Saturday? Sunday?)

Ahem.

You can detect ovulation by taking your temp. It must be done immediately every morning either in your mouth or vag. Your temp will rise significantly the day after ovulation and stay there.

Alternatively, use opk. Poas between 10am and 8pm, aiming for same time and not too dilute urine. When the second line is as dark as the control line, your body is gearing up to release the egg.

In theory you should get a positive opk followed by an increased temperature a day or two after.

Your leutal phase is the time between ovulation and your period. It should be more than ten days and it should be constant. If your cycle varies in length it will be because the time between AF and ovulation changed.

You are fertile is the three days before ovulation, generally speaking. You should see EWCM at this point. Sperm can live up to five days inside EWCM, but most don't live that long. As soon as you see EWCM you need to shag, and keep shagging until you have a temp that has been higher for three days running.

Wowee, I think honey just took the title for dispenser-in-chief of JS wisdom!