Dear Santa, we've been a bit naughty in all the right ways, & given our husbands plenty of lays, we don't need presents under our tree's, we'd all be happy to get BFPs!! Love the Viroids....JSing 34!!

[lildottie]

Ladies, Fred title says it all; we are the ones who shag as much as our men can cope with in order to get upduffed without the stress of scientific whatnots!

Fred rules (copied and adapted from previous Fred)

1. Thou shalt shag as much as humanly possible in order to get upduffed.
2. Thou shalt not partake of OPKs, temping, or charting.
3. Thou shalt keep symptom spotting to a minimum.
4. Thou shalt share with your fredmates where needed.

JSing lingo

ERTD = Evil Red Tide of Dooooooommmmmmm. Or AF to most others. Also know as 'the witch', 'bitch witch' and 'that one with the red shiny convertible'

Viroid = This is you, dear poster. This is from the first JS thread when someone tried to type 'ladies' and it autocorrected to 'Viroids' - so there you go!

Pant snot = Egg white cervical mucus.

Doing a kitten = Getting upduffed soon after joining (warning: may induce envy in other posters).

POAS = Pee On A Stick (of the pregnancy detecting kind, not from a tree). Also known as PIAR (Pee In A Ramekin - cos we're posh birds innit). Or PIATLH (Tea light holder) PIAWG (Wine glass) or anything else you care to pee in! PONF = Pee on Nigel Farage. Self explanatory, who wouldn't? 

ROC - Receptacle of Choice - what one chooses to use for the task of POAS. Option decorations include photographs of political leaders.

JIAC = Jizz in a Cup. Preferable to jizz on the carpet or jizz in the eye. This one's for the lucky men in our lives.

Shagging like something = JSing like a teenage nymphomaniac.

Giving a hooya = Giving a much needed slap to a fellow poster in danger of slipping into ttc obsession. Warning - this may happen to you if you start trying to POAS at 5dpo. PUT. THE. PISSY. STICK. DOWN. IT'S TOO EARLY!

Contraband = Of COURSE none of us EVER partake of any silly OPKs or temp charting. They are Contraband.

Icing = ovulating. Another autocorrect development!

Getting your Cape on = planning some serious pouncing on DH/DP

TWOT - Two Weeks of Torture. AKA Schroedinging!
TWPU - Two Week Piss Up!

Keeping your gingers = fingers crossed, yet another autocorrect development! Shortened to 'gx'

The link to Part 33 is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2237187-The-home-of-sporn-lovers-and-cunthawks-make-sure-the-ewcm-is-coming-from-the-right-hole-and-don-your-capes-but-dont-put-parsley-up-your-chuff-for-JUST-SHAGGING-Part-33?" target="_blank">here</a>

The current Grads Fred is <a class="break-all" href="//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/2243337-Hop-aboard-the-good-ship-JS-Grads-for-its-sweet-16th-pregnancy-party-Don-your-party-hats-grab-a-bouncy-ball-and-quaff-copious-amounts-of-raspberry-leaf-to-celebrate-our-coming-of-age" target="_blank">here</a>

The rather nobbish article in which we became a little bit notorious is <a class="break-all" href="//www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">here</a>. We are the dark side of MN. Welcome.

Happy shagging, shaggers!

Ha ha kez! Mine can but probably not when you actually want him to

Here's my daft pony

Aww he's adorable! I do love horses - in fact I would probably have one if I had the money and time to spend with one.

cookie Reds blog enjoy!

jelly well done on resisting this lots bad influence! And as for ICs the amount of time it takes to go white is probably linked to the amount of piss on it. I always dunked in my not a penis beaker green cup for 10 seconds and didn't ever notice differences of times to go white.

honey not poas becomes pretty easy when you get told dh's sperm is a bunch of retarded useless fuckers! Definitely made the wait easier to deal with once we found there was an actual reason. But no I'm not JSing personified, I'm the queen of contraband remember!

la I haven't skipped over to sneak in on the grads thread yet but so pleased to hear the scan went well. I'm sure you will still be worrying until the 12 week scan though!

gaggia, kez i'd offer to stick around with you both but sod that! I'm outta here in February!!! this place is like staring at the same 4 walls after 2 years, I want a new playground. Watch out grads!

oh what, i missed half the posts....time to finish catching up!

Awww lovely to see Red is ok

Phew, caught up properly now.

i have nothing to add about horses, except i took on a new client who runs a tack shop today. thats as close as i get!

re the pg dating thing indigo i obvs have no knowledge on being upduffed but it was my understanding they date from lmp (last monthly period) and that's why you have 12 week scan - it's a dating scan. You can get put back or forward depending on the size of the baby. when sil had dn she was put back 2 weeks because of his size. although they said he was delivered on time she was convinced he was 2 weeks late as he had many symptoms of being a late baby - and lupus is apparently renowned for impacting on birth weigh (again not an expert but honey will no doubt correct me on that one if im wrong)

Shag done. Hoping for a positive OPK tomorrow (cd11) and day after. Then I can relax and get ready for Xmas.

What are you lot getting your in laws (if you have them)? My parents are easy but dh isn't great at ideas for his parents!

Lil I guess a reason is something you can deal with in your head. Its the notn knowing that is a killer. Not that TTC is easy for anyone!

lil your ass is gonna be kicked outta here in feb, don't you worry. Bye bye now. See ya. So long!

honey I'm getting my mil a super soft lovely dressing gown, probs an M&S job!

thanks indigo. no it isn't honey but yes the knowing helped, at least from then we felt we were moving forward. it made me start expecting AF instead if hoping for a bfp and that made it easier to cope when the witch parked. if I didn't know we were infertile though I'd be poas every month still (though not at 2or 7dpo you loons )

we've bought mil and her partner a Chromecast so they can stream stuff from ipad to the TV. I've also made microwavable hand warmers for mil. I will try and get dh to get a couple of other bits too but he is also useless.

Sorry this is a bit late but woohoo la - how amazing and what a relief that must have been to hear your baby's heartbeat.

I love hearing what jobs people do, I've never even heard of a barefoot specialist! indigo you will have to become famous for inventing a horse lift thingy that means that preggo barefoot specialists can do their job!

I decided to retrain a couple of years ago so I have accountancy exams this week, stuck in exam hell What was I thinking?!

I have absolutely no clue whatsoever what we are getting the in laws or anyone else for that matter - they are so hard to buy for. Well kind of easy because his mum is the sweetest person on earth and wouldn't give two hoots if you got her nothing or something really crap, she would go on like it was the best present she has ever had. But because of that I really want to get her something lovely. But she doesn't really have any interests! We bought her a kindle last year which she actually uses loads as is a bit of an insomniac and reads a lot but otherwise I'm stuck. And his Dad - well who knows. He likes drinking but is an actual alcoholic so we are not supposed to encourage that. And likes documentaries and history so maybe we will buy him yet another boring book. Yawn! I hate Christmas shopping!

Morning all :) lil I wondered where you had gone!!

I'm feeling really unwell this morning :( I'm certain tomorrow will be a bfn and I'm starting to wonder if I should just count my mini AF as AF and count from there! Or continue with this cycle until the next AF shows.

But current "symptoms" are nausea, lower back ache, constipation and belly ache. All could be attributable to the constipation though!

Morning! Sorry you are feeling shitty Jelly, that sucks. Gx for tomorrow though!

My temp is a bit weird. I messes up yesterday by over sleeping and now I can't see a pattern really. Unless it shoots up in the next couple of days? I am expecting a + OPK today and tomorrow, so we'll see.

In law present buying is tough all though Dp usually pulls it out of the bag at the last minute. I've been asking him for a few weeks for his thoughts so hopefully he'll come up with something in time for us to order it on line.

Anyway, af is here! I actually just did a little dance in the bathroom. Was in so much pain last night so new something was happening. That means I've just had a 37 day cycle. Considering I've had two proper cycles off the pill - one 33 and his 37 one - I guess that's not bad and I should stop worrying about myself. Looking forward to a dtd marathon in about 10 days!

bat what exams r u doing? I'm aat and aca qualified and doing CTA exams atm.

jelly sorry ur body is messing with u.

middle definitely don't worry after just 2cycles. I had 2 31dayers after pill then it all went tits up with being 2 weeks late (with lots of bfns) & 7 week AF! after that they were fine, if not exactly the same esch cycle. fx yours stay fairly settled.

Thanks lil although not sure I'm up for a 7 week af! That sounds horrendous. I still can't believe how hard coming off the pill is. Stupid bloody things.

jelly see how you feel today. Are you POAS tomorrow?

lil I'd like nothing more than to not see you on this Fred anymore. Your time is coming, start packing your bag for the move to grads. My friend just got bfp on her 3rd ivf cycle after ttc 3 years. She's due same time as me.

middle aaaah I know too well the feeling of long irregular cycles. Hopefully yours will settle.

honey the pattern will be off if you temp at different time. Keep dtd and see if you get a rise confirming icing.

Wow lil you're a glutton for punishment putting yourself through more exams! I'm doing ACCA, am half way through.....although hoping to be 9/14 of way through after this week! Have audit exam tomorrow, so completely dull and I'm finding it tough as I have no interest in being an auditor - I actually didn't pass the audit exam in the last sitting so this is a resit and I am still struggling with the motivation I need to study it all day!

Hope you feel better soon jelly - and really hope that all this crappiness is for a good reason!

Today I am 10dpo and my temp is still high. I'm really hoping for at least 10 days of a luteal phase, hopefully more. So not too worried if AF shows up this cycle, as long as she holds off a couple more days! Plus I just flushed my rather concentrated FMU down the loo, because I have ULTIMATE WILLPOWER!! Get that bitches!!

bat it will so be worth it in the end! Exams are so shitty

jelly I really hope you're feeling shit for a reason upcoming bfp tomorrow is Thursday!

lil have you noticed it's December who am I kidding of course you have therefore you start IVF this month??!

Wow Indigo it sounds like it's all stacking up to be a good day for you tomorrow!! I am indeed POAS tomorrow but I have 0 hopes to be honest, after Mondays BFN.

I hate exams, I started doing the CII exams for Insurance...reminded me too much of university lol!

Gingers. Fx for you both tommrow x

Thank you lil

Not sure if I said it on the grads but congrata la