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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

40+ and TTC? Join the club...

996 replies

cloudjumper · 24/09/2014 13:32

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

OP posts:
Rosiejo1 · 25/10/2014 18:03

Hi
Never really joined a discussion online for anything before but feeling a little lost and alone and hoping there might be some help and support out there before I go crazy!!
I am 43 (just) and have no children but have always dreamed of being a mum. Met partner in October 2011 and fell pregnant in Jan 2012 aged 40. Lost the baby through a blighted ovum in March 2012 at 8 weeks. Was the most truamatic thing that has ever happened to me. Still very raw 2 1/2 years later.
Been trying for about 18 months but nothing. In a very stressful job and the dr has suggested this may be the reason. Dr requested hormone blood tests on 2nd day of my period (due Aug 27th) not had a period since. Quite ironic really!!
Returned to the dr who said that until I have a period nothing they can do. She then said at my age it would be better to go private as I would not be referred onwards for fertility treatment anyway. Just self referred to a fertility clinic and awaiting appointment.
Just feel sad, lost and angry all the time. Can't get on with my life at the moment with so many unanswered questions in my head. the thought of never being a mum kills me. Help : (

NewEraNewMindset · 25/10/2014 18:47

Rosie I am so sorry for your loss. I've had two miscarriages at 39 so I understand your pain.

I think you certainly can still be a Mummy but I wonder if you could fund IVF? I am not sure what the cut off point is for the NHS but assuming you don't qualify you have an excellent chance of conceiving using donor eggs. I wonder how you would feel about that?

If you want to keep trying naturally I have heard excellent things about acupuncture, I am starting myself next week. It's obviously difficult as you haven't had a period since August but I suspect they could certainly work on trying to get your periods regular again.

Do you know how old your mum was when she hit menopause?

jassS · 25/10/2014 22:24

Notso, sorry about the scan! been there done that, but yours will turn out positively, I hope! If you want to hang on to the hope, go read misdiagnosedmiscarriage.com, there are,lots of positive outcome stories for your situation. I just love to read them to hold on to hope when I need to.

ChewyGiraffe · 25/10/2014 23:37

Notso - hope you get better news at your next scan. Measuring tiny things, if they're not facing straight on to the camera (as it were), has got to be fraught with difficulty hasn't it?

I remembered reading something the Miscarriage Association say about the unreliability of early scans, so I've dug it out here ...

"An ultrasound scan may be able to detect a pregnancy and a heartbeat at around 6 weeks, but this varies a great deal and isn't usually advised. All too often, a scan at 6 weeks shows very little or nothing, even in a perfectly developing pregnancy, whereas waiting a week or 10 days will make the findings much clearer ..."

ChewyGiraffe · 25/10/2014 23:56

Fireflies: re what I said earlier about LH surges - the gynae's point was that there's some evidence from some studies that after you start the LH surge, which could be found immediately by a blood test, there can be a delay of 'X' hours before it shows up in your wee (i.e. on an OPK). But, (perma baby brain) I'm afraid I did mangle the exact number of hours delay in my earlier post. I dug out some cryptic notes I made that say "8 hours" delay.

So I just asked Dr Google and came up with same type of idea, like: "... there is some evidence for a delay of 6 to 7 hours in excretion of LH into urine" and "[out of] 33 patients ... the detection of the onset of LH surge was simultaneous in plasma and urine in only 11 cases. In two thirds of the patients, the urine LH surge onset is delayed by 3 to 21 h as compared with plasma LH surge onset ..."

Overall, once you factor in not knowing whether your OPK has caught the start or end of a surge, some insurance shagging before your +ve OPK does seem advisable.

The bit about eggs perhaps only being viable for around 10 hours after ov I'd also heard before from an IVF clinic (prior to having DD). So maybe there's something in that, who knows.

Hi to Rosie, and a virtual (((hug))). I reckon we can all relate to that all consuming longing for a baby (or another baby). Today I ruined for myself a perfectly lovely Saturday with DP and DD walking in the park then pottering round shops, with the silent anguish of counting other people's children and guessing the approximate age of those with bumps.

You seem young to me (I'm 45), but a private fertility clinic sounds like a good move. Just by taking that control, hopefully you'll feel a bit better. Then once you've had baseline blood tests and an antral follicle count scan you'll have a better idea where you are. Missing a period is bit of a mystery isn't it? Assume you've ruled out being pregnant??? Years back (like clockwork now) I occasionally missed a period that seemed due to stress, or when v underweight. I hope NewEra wasn't suggesting it might be menopause! Don't use the effin 'M' word!!! I doubt it, and I've heard of people re-regulating periods when they de-stress (yes acupuncture is good idea) or if treated for PCOS, or by taking 'Provera' (I think?). As for the mention of donor eggs, if it's important to you, why not at least give IVF with your own eggs a try first? And if you don't like the clinic, there's usually a second opinion available.

Personally I've found that clinics locally wouldn't even entertain me trying IVF with own eggs purely because I'm 45, but two reputable (if expensive) clinics in London said they would, plus Serum in Greece (although the logistics of Greece seem almost insurmountable). So we might try IVF in Feb-ish if no luck otherwise. Or if my head hasn't exploded by then.

Isabeller · 26/10/2014 00:04

Hello, I just saw your thread and wanted to pop in to say good luck to everyone ttc.

I am a very ancient mummy to a baby DS conceived with help from an egg donor (combined medical and age reasons) I also have very grown up DD.

The journey from deciding to ttc with DP to here was not easy. FlowersFlowersFlowers all round.

Frecklefacedgirls · 26/10/2014 22:23

Hi Isabeller !!! I was on the old thread with you! How old is your DS now? Hope he's doing well.
Notsoold I know it's a worrying time for you,hope your next scan shows a heartbeat and growth x
Gum , it's not easy being in that "sandwich generation" , worrying about and helping care for your parents and coping with the needs of a young family too. Hope your Dad's treatment goes well.
Rosie sorry to hear about your miscarriage, it is such a traumatic thing to go through, absolutely heartbreaking x
A test you can have done at any point in your cycle is a blood test to check AMH (Anti Mullerian Hormone) levels, this gives you an idea of your ovarian reserve. It's not available on the NHS but when I had mine tested I ordered the kit online(about £50) ,brought it to the nurse in my GP practice, she took my blood and filled in the form, I posted it and results came back to me directly. I was advised to do the test when we were trying to decide whether to ttc or not after miscarrying an unplanned (but very welcome!) pregnancy at 44. I got in contact with a company called Cambridge Temperature Concepts who produce a fertility monitoring service,Duofertility (google it, lots of info online),they provided the test kit. My result came back as low but good for my age so we went ahead with ttc but several more miscarriages later we decided to give up so I stopped charting my temp,doing OPK sticks etc. Before we started contraception I conceived again and this one stuck, our little DD (DC4) was born not long after I turned 46. I had been told too I couldn't be referred for any treatment/investigation into my recurring miscarriages on the NHS due to my age, even after the third loss. If you can go private it's probably a good idea but I thought I'd mention the AMH test as something you can do yourself anytime.
Hi Jass, Diege and everyone else .
How are things with you Green?

Frecklefacedgirls · 26/10/2014 22:30

Kiwi how are you? I had bleeding twice with DD2, at 9.5 and 15.5 weeks and each time she was scanned she was fine, but I know when you've had blood previously and it's been a precursor to miscarriage it's impossible not to fear the worst. Hope there's been no further bleeding and everything is ok on your scan x

Gumblossom · 27/10/2014 22:51

Hi everyone. I was hoping to hear some news from Kiwi, I do hope she is alright.

The shagathon has been a success Wink. Not every day, but every other day, and I'm pretty sure I ovulated yesterday which was DH's birthday shag!Grin He is now 54, and I will have my 48th birthday exactly 2 weeks after his birthday. Perhaps I'll get a bfp for a birthday present. That would be lovely. My temperature went up this morning, so at least I know timing was good.

Calibee - any news about the IUI?

trumadison · 28/10/2014 00:12

I'm 21 dpo and still no af...test still says not pregnant...surely I would have a positive by now if I was?!! Just don't know what to think :(

jassS · 28/10/2014 12:07

Got AF just 10DPO. Luteal phase is again too short, probably need to get Agnus Castus if I wish to be in this game....

Gum, I hope you will get your bfp and sail happily into your 49th year all hopes going:-)

NewEraNewMindset · 28/10/2014 12:13

Stupidly tested this morn at 9dpo, stark white bfn. I know AF will be here in 4 days time. Was so hopeful too as we used lots of fertility lube this cycle and I had convinced myself it was going to be the magic bullet. Obviously not lol.

ChewyGiraffe · 28/10/2014 14:52

Freckle what a wonderful outcome to your story. Grin
Of course I can't necessarily expect to be as lucky as you, but it was so lovely to read some positive news to balance against the negativity out there. I wondered if you'd mind me asking how old you were when you conceived? I figure you must have been 45 and a bit, but its the 'and a bit' that interests me! I'm sorry to hear you had 'several' losses, but hope its not unkind to ask how many? I've just had a MC and its knocked my confidence terribly. Lastly, you say you'd given up TTC, but I wondered whether you'd been taking any supplements, or aspirin up to that point? Or whether you took anything while pregnant (aspirin or progesterone maybe?)
Sorry for all the questions, but would be great to know a little more about your journey to DC4.

ChewyGiraffe · 28/10/2014 15:27

Gum - get you and the shagathon! That deserves a BFP surely!
Tru - did you ovulate late perhaps? When last pg I found First Response worked earlier than other tests (like Clearblue etc).
Jass - has been interesting to read about Agnus Castus on the thread and may well add it to my list at some point. For now I've just started DHEA (25mg x 3 daily) and it seems to have made my last cycle a day or two longer than usual. Have you tried it?
NewEra - nowhere near out at 9 dpo!

trumadison · 28/10/2014 15:45

I did that clear blue ovulation test...got a smiley face on Mon 7th Oct...dp was back tues morning thru to weds afternoon...I'm new to all this :( used the clear blue last week and a boots digital yesterday...never did pregnancy tests when expecting my other children...only realised when I was a couple months late...so it wasn't needed really...I'm gonna just see how the week progresses I guess and try another one next week

NewEraNewMindset · 29/10/2014 11:57

BFN again for me this morning, so I'm definitely out this month Sad

Got my blood results back and they were really good. LH and FSH normal, Progesterone 54, so I'm not peri-menopausal, I'm just not getting pregnant! Next step is DP getting tested.

We are pretty sure his results won't be great due to his MS and the Interferon (Avonex) he has to take weekly. I'm not sure what will be worse actually, finding out his sperm count is now awful or finding out he is also working really well we just have unexplained fertility.

ATombWithoutAFoof · 29/10/2014 13:49

New, are you sure you're out so early? Thought it was too early to know for sure.

Glad your results are good.Smile

NewEraNewMindset · 29/10/2014 14:02

Well I can only go from being pregnant three times and not being pregnant for about 16 cycles. I normally test positive by 10 dpo and if I'm pregnant I have white milky/creamy cm. I am dry as a bone and testing negative, so unless I'm going to implant late (which I have done before and it was non viable) I would say I'm out sadly.

Frecklefacedgirls · 29/10/2014 22:59

Chewy I would have been 45y5m ish when I conceived. I had 4 MC, ranging from 6w to 12w (though baby had died at about 9w for that one). I know what you mean about your confidence being knocked, with my last pregnancy I waited till I had a few 3w+ results on Clearblue conception indicator tests before contacting the EPU for a scan at 7w and only then made an appointment with my GP to register the pregnancy. After my third miscarriage I was told I wouldn't be referred for testing(they said at my age risk of MC was 50% anyway) but I was advised to take 75mg of aspirin daily. I know there's mixed opinion on whether there is any benefit to taking it if clotting disorders haven't been diagnosed,and when to start it, but as it turned out I had stopped taking it anyway when DC4 was conceived and I didn't start till after my BFP.I then continued to take it up to delivery day.I had had my progesterone levels checked at 7 and 10 days post ovulation previously (also on the advice of Duofertility but my GP agreed to do the tests) and they were fine so I wasn't on any extra progesterone supplementation . I had originally been taking pregnacare conception daily(pregnacare pregnancy during the weeks that I was pregnant) but had stopped these too! We had swapped to decaffeinated tea/coffee and I don't drink a lot of alcohol anyway but I had stopped drinking completely while ttc. I was back to having an occasional glass of wine with a meal when DC4 happened! I don't know if any of these things made a difference or if we just got lucky with a healthy egg but it does prove it can sometimes just happen.
My mum has a friend who had a baby at 48, I think I mentioned her to you before gum. By the way well done with the shagathon, you go girl!!
Sorry AF arrived jass x
How disappointing to get a BFN New but it is encouraging that all your blood results are normal, hope your DH's tests are ok too.

ATombWithoutAFoof · 30/10/2014 07:27

Thanks for all that info Freckle. Can I ask, who advised you to take the Aspirin?

Frecklefacedgirls · 30/10/2014 09:30

Hi ATomb , when I asked my GP if I could be referred for treatment/investigation after my third miscarriage she said she would make some enquires for me. When I went back to see her she told me I couldn't be referred but the advice from the hospital to pass on to me was to take aspirin.

ATombWithoutAFoof · 30/10/2014 10:21

Thanks. I had one MMC, before conceiving DD, who is 4.

My numbers are OK, indicate good ovarian reserves, and my periods are regular, with positive OPKs, so hopefully all is OK barring age. Wonder aspirin might be any use to me, is it supposed to make the womb lining easier to implant in, or something else?

The last two months something odd has happened, which is a small amount of bright red blood 10 days po, then nothing until my period. No idea what that is, maybe just another age thing like chin hair and wiry eyebrows.

trumadison · 30/10/2014 23:44

Well I'm out...Started to bleed this evening...I'm thinking I should go to the doctors and see about having a test done to see if I'm still fertile...dp and I have been having unprotected sex for well over a year now...and even only seeing him at weekends I would've thought that the timing would've been right at some point

NewEraNewMindset · 31/10/2014 09:01

Tru - really sorry the witch got you Sad. I will be receiving a visit myself in the next few days, what joy! Good plan about seeing the doctor. I had no joy at all until a chance conversation with one of the nurses at my practice and she started the tests process for us.

trumadison · 31/10/2014 09:26

I didn't realise how much I wanted to be pregnant ?? dp is really upset too...at least we have this whole weekend together...as I'm not in work ??

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