40+ and TTC? Join the club...

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

Kimkat, I have never used my own eggs in an IVF cycle, so I can only link you to the clinic who has the best fertilisation rates in Europe and where I went for DE IVF. Here are their prices. Good luck!

Fivepounds, thank s so much. yes I have looked at their site and they seem to be very good. is it easy to get there from the airport? do I need to be there twice? i have just had an usuccesful IVF in December, and can probably bring them all the test results.
have you guys tried AH or PGD? I have never tried these before, as they were never offered to me. any thoughts??
we are thinking to have pgd tests this time due to my age bring 41, and they do that. but there are so many pgd tests to choose from.
does anyone know what the differences are?

Hi all, I really don't want to turn into stats monitor , but as a welcome to our recent newbies, I've added you to our list of triers.

BFPs for all in 2015 please, no dilly dallying now ...

10000Fireflies: 45, TTC #2, DS age 2
Allthefours: 40, TTC #4, DS 19, DS 18 and DD 14 from first marriage, and DSD 16
AWombWithoutAFoof: 44 (only just!), TTC #2, DD 4
Bernad105: 41, TTC #1
Berriesinautumn: TTC #2, 1 DS, (MC at 20 weeks)
Calibee: 44, TTC #4 (with IUI), 3 DC's aged 24, 20 and 17
ChewyGiraffe: 45, TTC #2, DD 18 months
Cloudjumper: 43 (in Jan 15), TTC #2, 1 DS age 3.5
Cobbler1: 43, TTC #1
Crispiecrunchie: 41, TTC #2, had DC #1 at 40
CurlyJay 44, TTC #1
Daftgeranium: 43, TTC #1
Druscilla: 41, TTC #1
FattyFishwife: 43, TTC #6, DS -21, DD -17, DS -15, DS -11 and DS 4
Foggywytch: 40, TTC #3, 2 DD, 9 Angels
Fridgedooropen: 41, TTC #2, DS nearly 6
Fromwesttoeast: 42 (and a half), TTC #6, DC#5 is 3 years old
Grizzer: 42, TTC #2, DD age 4, (MC at 18 weeks)
Gumblossom: 48, TTC #6, DS age 23, DS 21, DD 17, DD 14 and DS 6 (had youngest DS at 41 and 9 months)
ICallHimGerald: 42, TTC #2, DS 6
JassS: 45 (in Dec 14), TTC #5
JessieMcJessie: 41, TTC #1
Joey38: 44, TTC #2, DS age 2.5 (had DS at 41)
Kimkat: over 40
LastMinuteMother: 42 (almost 43), TTC #1
Londongrrl: 42, TTC #2, DS 4.5
Mummy23Monkeys: 41, TTC #4, 3 DCs - DD -8, DS1 -5, DS2 -2
Notsoold: 43, TTC #4, 3 DC's - DD age 20, DS1 15, DS2 11 months
Pessimoptimistic: 40 (almost 41), TTC # 2, DD 3
Puppydogstails1: 40, TTC #4, youngest DC age 6
Rosiejo1: 43, TTC #1
Rhootintootinboo: 39 (nearly 40), TTC #1
Sicksquid:
Stupidhead: 46, TTC #4 (first with DP), 3 DC aged 16, 14 and 13
TheCSLibraryPree: 42 (43 in a couple of months), TTC #1
TheGrinchWearsStripes:
TheHappinessTrap: 42, TTC #1
Trumadison: 45, TTC #5 (first with DP), 4 DC's
Wiltingfast: 40, TTC #3, DC aged 5 and 3
WipsGlitter: 44, TTC #3

kimkat, do have a look at the Fertility Friends forum for women cycling at Gennet. They are a treasure chest of information about flights, where to stay, where to eat, how many days you should need off work, where to buy your drugs at the best price and they are there to hand-hold, too There are ladies currently cycling who are using their own eggs and will be able to answer your questions succinctly and honestly. Might I just say that, if I had the funds, I would absolutely go down the PGD route; imagine having the finest embryologists testing your five-day blastocycsts for specific abnormalities and being able to put the very best back! I know this treatment costs a fortune, so I am very

For own egg IVF, you would be downregged/stimmed at home in the UK with a schedule of injections etc. You would then have a scan (again in the UK) to see how the ovaries are reacting. If all is well you will fly out to Gennet for egg collection and then you would stay in Prague for a full five days whilst the embryos are being monitored and then tested. On day five the best blastocycts will be transferred to your uterus and you can, if you wish, fly home on the same day. Of course, if finances are no problem you could fly home immediately after EC (egg collection) and return in time for ET (embryo transfer). Most women, however, make a short holiday of their treatment...Prague is such an amazing city (and so cheap!) Please do go and join the ladies cycling at Gennet - they are a wonderful bunch...

P.s..I believe Gennet will accept the results of any tests performed in the last six months in the UK.

kitkat, one more thing: I'm sure Gennet insist upon you having a hysteroscopy whilst you are out there (or over here, preferably before you go) to ensure your tubes are not blocked and you have no adhesions or polyps or uterine lining issues etc. Obviously there is no point in going ahead with an IVF cycle if your plumbing is conked

I'll admit to being a bit rattled by some of the posts today, or maybe just by the arrival of AF a whole day earlier than anticipated (#bitchonwheels)

I'm afraid I can't agree with your comment, Fivepounds, that a "... woman of 43 needs to really consider quite quickly alternative ways of starting a family". Noone could dispute that IVF with donor eggs is a wonderful solution for some families - and congrats on your DD - but surely its not a decision that has to be rushed into? It would be equally successful at age 45, or 47, or 49 and 11 months (which I think is the legal limit for clinics) because the age of the recipient is quite irrelevant.

I've said it before, but I had a natural conception aged 43 (and 3 months) which resulted in a healthy DD, full term, natural delivery, just before my 44th birthday. We conceived pretty easily - that is, as soon as I'd stopped messing around with various IVF investigations, due to my being convinced (before we'd even tried) that IVF with some sort of pre-implantation genetic screening was the ONLY way to a healthy child at that age. I so wish I could go back in time and bash the 42/43 year old dithering wreck that I was over the head.

I'd agree that if a woman really wants some fertility treatment with her own eggs, then yes, most clinics would prefer to see you sooner rather than later. But even at my great age of 45 (and almost a half) I've found a couple of reputable IVF clinics who will agree to treat me with my own eggs - provided they see some "evidence of ovarian activity" and provided I accept that the chance of success is fairly low. We seem to be constantly thinking, maybe we'll go next month ... March perhaps.

In my case, DP is so absolutely set against donor eggs (for his various intransigent ethical reasons) that its pointless to wonder whether I could ever feel more positive (rather than ambivalent) towards the idea myself. In many ways it would be easier if DP and I felt differently, but we don't (for now at least), so we'll just have to maximise whatever chances we've got.

Kitkat - I've never had IVF, but if you're considering going abroad, I've read excellent reports of Serum in Athens. They offer the full range of treatments and also seem to have a great reputation for 'problem solving' with immune treatments etc. Here's their website: www.ivfserum.com/ .

A while ago I made an initial enquiry myself via their website and received a very prompt reply which I found both helpful and informative. (If you're interested, I'd be happy to PM you a copy.)

Thanks ChewyGiraffe for adding me to the stats list. It makes for very interesting reading. I was surprised at how many people are trying for number 5 or 6 - I'm finding it exhausting trying for #2 with just one other child, so I am impressed with the energy and enthusiasm that people on here have!! It's also good to see people that had their first in their '40s and now trying for their second - good to know that there are others out there in the same boat.

Interesting discussion about the donor eggs. Both dh and I are in absolute agreement that it's not for us. Having had one child naturally it would concern me that I would feel differently about a second child that hadn't come from one of my eggs. If I didn't have any children, then I may feel differently so I can understand why others would choose that route, but it's not for me.

I'm not sure how I feel about IVF. Initially I was adamant that having been lucky enough to have one child, I wouldn't use any intervention to have a second. Now I'm wavering slightly, and I have seen a consultant to discuss it. However, the cost is an issue - we can afford it once, but if that didn't work, then what would I do? Would I be able to stop?

So, while I dither, I keep on trying the good old natural route. Peak fertility at the moment, so been doing the business every other night this week - few more nights to go before dh is off the hook!!

Sorry that af got you today Giraffe - I hate her more and more each month!!

I am 40, TTC for 7 months, have a DD aged 26 months. Just called my local doctor to get the result of the blood tests they did before Christmas and been told everything ok.

Can I be tested to see if I am Peri Menopausal? it was thought that my lighter and late periods might due to Anemia but thats just been ruled out. What next? a fertility clinic or back to the GP (in UK).

Look, there's no point beating about the bush. In the event that a 43 year-old woman's womb and immune system are top notch - and she will produce a bumper crop of chromasomally-normal eggs - her chances of a take home baby after an IVF cycle are 11% - and that's abroad at some of the more notable clinics.

There is too much disingenuity on forums like this where women keep trotting out anecdotal evidence pointing to how easy it can be to conceive and take home a live baby in your forties. It just isn't happening for the majority of women (there have been a tiny handful on here) and I feel it needs to be addressed in an honest manner. To be childless at 43 with several painful miscarriages behind you suggests that other options may need to be considered? How much suffering is any one of us capable of enduring? And may I say, in response to your argument that a woman can pop abroad at almost fifty for a donor cycle (when her battered and bruised uterus has just about given up the ghost and her body has been pumped relentlessly with drugs), that as a 43 year-old mother of a ten month old, I wouldn't wish new motherhood on my worst 47 year-old enemy.

Giraffe and joey - spot on.

fivepounds - look, we are all very happy for you, and great that you are offering to help those women who might be interested in the donor egg route. BUT we are also all intelligent enough to read around and I suspect we have all read the statistics, the good and the bad stories, we have been honest and made our own minds up on the route we and our partners wish to follow. It's a really tricky and delicate subject and really emotionally demanding. I don't think you will find that anyone here has suggested that natural conception at our age is easy, nor guaranteed to work.

Amazingly, I am very familiar with the 'iceberg' you mention, I have been checked out for all kinds of factors and I have based my own decisions on the evidence I have. You seem to assume that I haven't, which is rather insulting to be honest.

I joined this forum for mutual respect and support amongst 40+ women who are going through similar experiences - with all due respect, I didn't join it to be criticised or preached at.

(I liked the joke about 'beating around the bush', by the way )

I agree with geranium - we are here to support each other, not to be told 'you might as well give up because the statistics say xyz'. Everyone's situation is different, and it is entirely each person's choice which course of ttc she takes and which decisions she makes for herself, there is no one way that works for everybody, and that should be respected. Always.
And on the topic of stats - there are lots of them out there, and not all of them are from reliable sources, or don't mean a lot if they are taken out of context. Throwing random numbers around doesn't help anyone.

I find your tone aggressive and patronising, fivepounds, sorry to be blunt.

I agree with the others Fivepounds. We are all perfectly aware that there are alternatives but for many of us it isn't an affordable option or something we want. We are here to support each other in whatever decisions we choose to make. This forum gives no judgement, just support & advice when it is asked for.

ChewyGiraffe thanks for adding me. x

Fivepounds, thanks alot for the info. will check FF out today.

In 41 soon (in March) and we have already an Ivf baby who is 2.5 yrs old, concieved abroad.

We are hoping for another gorgeous baby. tried a second ivf attempt in December after a mc in April from IVF in February.
we are hoping now to find a good IVF clinic with reasonable prices.
I see many are using Gennet in Czec. Any other favorites at all?
xx

"... There is too much disingenuity on forums like this where women keep trotting out anecdotal evidence ... [about conceiving] ... a live baby in your forties". WTF?

Well I've just put my 18 month old bundle of anecdotal evidence to bed. First day back at nursery after the holidays has properly tired her out. (And yes, even at the advanced age of 45, I carried her upstairs without the assistance of some contraption from Stannah - ta dah!)

And if its alright with you Fivepounds, I'm fully intending trying to conceive another cracking anecdote. I might fail, but that's the freakin' point isn't it? Everyone has to make their OWN decision about "how much suffering" they're "capable of enduring ".

As for your own situation - if your ten month old has left you so tired and grumpy at 43 that you "wouldn't wish new motherhood on [your] worst 47 year-old enemy" - well, then just don't have any more kids and leave the TTC to those with the stomach for it.

Sorry, but I am very cross now. And breathe ...

Right, I need to make this my last effort!

BFPs for 2015. But only if you're nice. Santa will know if you're not.

10000Fireflies: 45, TTC #2, DS age 2
Allthefours: 40, TTC #4, DS 19, DS 18 and DD 14 from first marriage, and DSD 16
AWombWithoutAFoof: 44 (only just!), TTC #2, DD 4
Bernad105: 41, TTC #1
Berriesinautumn: TTC #2, 1 DS, (MC at 20 weeks)
Calibee: 44, TTC #4 (with IUI), 3 DC's aged 24, 20 and 17
ChewyGiraffe: 45, TTC #2, DD 17 months
Cloudjumper: 43 (in Jan 15), TTC #2, 1 DS age 3.5
Cobbler1: 43, TTC #1
Crispiecrunchie: 41, TTC #2, had DC #1 at 40
CurlyJay 44, TTC #1
Daftgeranium: 43, TTC #1
Druscilla: 41, TTC #1
FattyFishwife: 43, TTC #6, DS -21, DD -17, DS -15, DS -11 and DS 4
Foggywytch: 40, TTC #3, 2 DD, 9 Angels
Fridgedooropen: 41, TTC #2, DS nearly 6
Fromwesttoeast: 42 (and a half), TTC #6, DC#5 is 3 years old
Grizzer: 42 (only just!), TTC #2, DD age 4, (MC at 18 weeks)
Gumblossom: 48, TTC #6, DS age 23, DS 21, DD 17, DD 14 and DS 6 (had youngest DS at 41 and 9 months)
ICallHimGerald: 42, TTC #2, DS 6
JassS: 45 (in Dec 14), TTC #5
JessieMcJessie: 41, TTC #1
Joey38: 44, TTC #2, DS age 2.5 (had DS at 41)
Kimkat: 40, (41 in March), TTC #2, DC age 2.5 (OE IVF abroad)
LastMinuteMother: 42 (almost 43), TTC #1
Londongrrl: 42, TTC #2, DS 4.5
Mummy23Monkeys: 41, TTC #4, 3 DCs - DD -8, DS1 -5, DS2 -2
Notsoold: 43, TTC #4, 3 DC's - DD age 20, DS1 15, DS2 11 months
Pessimoptimistic: 40 (almost 41), TTC # 2, DD 3
Puppydogstails1: 40, TTC #4, youngest DC age 6
Rosiejo1: 43 (just), TTC #1
Rhootintootinboo: 39 (nearly 40), TTC #1
SeasonsEatings: 40, TTC #2, DD aged 26 months
Sicksquid:
Stupidhead: 46, TTC #4 (first with DP), 3 DC aged 16, 14 and 13
TheCSLibraryPree: 42 (43 in a couple of months), TTC #1
TheGrinchWearsStripes:
TheHappinessTrap: 42, TTC #1
Trumadison: 45, TTC #5 (first with DP), 4 DC's
Wiltingfast: 40, TTC #3, DC aged 5 and 3
WipsGlitter: 44, TTC #3

That's a lot of ladies TTC! Good luck for 2015 everyone... here we go...

Crikey. Such venom. I'm not the one here with something to prove. I suggested DE IVF because, after spending years on various TTC and IVF forums I can tell you that fertility, for most women, falls off a cliff at 40. Yes, it can happen, but this particular thread is a perfect example of how it generally doesn't. It's easy to disregard DE IVF when you already have a nipper or two tucked up in their cots, but what loon would honestly tell a childless 43 year old to simply keep shagging because she might just strike lucky? And to be rather blunt myself, any husband who forbids his wife from accepting help from an egg donor is in some danger of being seen as rather a cock.

Fivepounds - if you're trying to take a side swipe at me, then (a) learn to read more attentively, (b) look up the meaning of the word ''ambivalent" - for that was the phrase I used re donor eggs, (c) understand that I don't give a flying fuck what you think. Please go and start an argument somewhere else - an empty house for example.

Well, well, looks like Fivepounds is here to give us her Golden wisdom on ttc, yet again, under another name. Why do you keep coming back to tell us all that we are wrong, misleading others and never going to get pregnant on our own? Give it up, fivepounds, goldengirl,GreedyBitch, et al(all the same poster, who keeps changing her name and coming back to say the same things).

Why are you still banging the same drum? And, if it is so important to impart such wisdom, how about starting your own thread instead of hammering the ladies on this thread who are here for support whilst ttc, in which ever way suits them?

I'm 48 now, and quite frankly have plenty of energy and could manage a baby.

Wow. When I read fivepounds first post on here I thought that it was a little bit full on, but didn't say anything. Now it's all getting a little bit weird. Why does it bother you so much that some ladies on here want to try and conceive naturally? If we fail, we fail - what does it matter to you?

I think you must either be on commission from this clinic that you keep banging on about, or the fact that you had to have a child with DE doesn't sit as comfortably with you as claim it does. You say in your last post that you have nothing to prove. Well, I think that's exactly what you're trying to do. I don't even know why you would come on this thread otherwise.

Good morning everyone! It is a long, long time since I posted here but I have been lurking, and seeing that chewy's stats include me, I thought I would poke my head up over the parapet.

So first, my stats: TheGrinchWearsStripes, 45, ttc #2, 1 DS at 42. I should have been 43 but he was two months early! And before anyone wants to moan about older mothers and prematurity, he is completely fine now - not to mention 95th centile for height, and the physical skills of a much older child. not a proud mum oh no

Second, my contribution to yesterday's flurry of Posts (well, to fivepounds in particular). In 2012, there were over 28,000 babies born to women over 40 in the uk. And of course there are lots of people on this thread ttc. That's the purpose of the thread. People who have had successful and/or easy pregnancies don't normally post in places like this because they don't need to. There are also far more posters posting on the mc support threads elsewhere on MN, ranging in age from early 20s to 40s. Not sure what you think they are supposed to do?

Anyway. Hello to new and old. I am so sorry to hear about the mcs and struggles. It takes such emotional energy. But for me stopping ttc would take more, so we continue! We have really only been back on the wagon for three months, as illness and life got in the way for a while after the mc. I have to say I didn't do much towards it (except dtd!) in December, but am throwing everything at it for January. Taking the supplements, low carbing, acupuncture (very good for me, conceived within three months both times have had it), fertility yoga (mostly because I wanted to do yoga anyway as thought I could kill two birds with one stone) and of course lots of old fashioned shagging!

DS is just gorgeous at the moment. He is finally starting to talk and it is so wonderful to hear his personality in sound. He was sitting on the sofa next to his grandad at Xmas (grandad is a bit of a tricky character but the two f them do get on very well) when he suddenly leaned over, patted grandad in the beer belly stomach and said "big!" In admiring tones. I'm afraid to say I laughed...

I will try to keep up with the thread better now. It can be another new year's resolution!

Why are you saying I am a banned poster? And why am I a greedy bitch? Are you quite well? I have already explained why I posted here in reply to daftgeranium's situation: I saw a childless 43 year old woman who, as far as her post read, hadn't been tested for any abnormalities, was having recurrent miscarriages and perhaps had not considered DE IVF. I am perfectly entitled to comment - even evangelise - on a forum for women ttc over forty without pandering to the delusion that we will all strike lucky as long as we stay positive and keep shagging. That massive list Chewy has pasted is so thoroughly depressing when you consider the bitterness with which talk of assisted conception is met on here.

I know DE isn't for everyone but, seriously, you couldn't be further from the truth when you (rather nastily) suggest my choices don't sit comfortably with me. One of the happiest moments of my life was when we flew to the clinic for treatment - the most joyful being when I held my baby in my arms. I also see a lot of husbands and partners like Chewy's, who happily draw a veil over their wives' chances of having a baby because of their 'ethical' principles. Quite frankly, I think to deny a woman a baby because she is using a donated cell is revolting.

Had my husband been so dictatorial I wouldn't be sitting - marvellously comfortable - snuggled into my baby right now.

fivepounds it's really lovely that you are so happy with your decision, and that you have a daughter from the experience. I can understand if you wanted to evangelise about your experience! What you can't do, however, is rubbish our choices and tell us we are wrong, this isn't the place. We all know we are not taking the easy option. It's still our (fully researched, agonised over) choice.
And it's a bit unfair to think that men should have a child by whatever means so that their wives can be mothers. Pregnancy doesn't make us more parents than they are. It makes us more mothers.

So, you are not the poster once called Goldengirl? I wasn't calling you a "greedybitch", it was another of the names she used when posting. I apologise if you are not her. You sound just like her - exactly like her. She too has a 10 month old baby daughter, who was conceived using donor egg at the same clinic as you. She is also the same age as you. And she's evangelical about using DE. I suppose all these factors are coincidental.BTW, I didn't say she was a banned poster, but you seem aware that she was.

So, I apologise if it is a case of mistaken identity, however, I still think your comments are offensive to many of the posters on this thread. Most of these women are well educated and have a good grasp of the statistics etc. They are all on very individual ttc journeys, and noone appreciates being treated like they are stupid if they don't choose DE IVF.

Your experience was good.You had a happy outcome. Not everyone does. Some women come away from IVF stressed, unwell and deeply unhappy, and without a baby. It isn't for everyone.

You are right, you are within your rights to comment on a forum such as this one, but we neither have to agree with your comments, nor like them.

No, I am not the person you are talking about. There are, however, lots of women my age knocking about and quite a few Czech clinics. Oh, and we all do tend to ring the bell quite fervently for DE IVF - why wouldn't we? I never wanted to rubbish other women's choices; I too am ttc naturally despite returning to the Czech Republic this year (a date would be nice, please, clinic!) for a sibling for our daughter. I just wanted to throw DE IVF into the ring when I saw Daft's post. It is very often the case that a woman would gladly - desperately - take a donated egg in her quest for a baby (especially if she is childless) if only her achingly ethical husband would permit it.

I disagree with you, Grinch, that I am being unfair on such men. I think if finances are not a problem, and the woman is desperate either for her first baby or to add to her family - and she is suffering the horror of recurrent miscarriage - then any husband who vetoes donor egg IVF is an utter bastard. Where is the sacrificial love? Just because it doesn't 'sit comfortably' with him he will deny a baby in his wife's arms? Would he deny her a donated kidney, too? Preposterous.