40+ and TTC? Join the club...

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

That's fantastic! Everything crossed, I can't imagine getting a BFP, I think I'd be rather tense too.

Grizzer, fantastic news! A line is a line some people have what seems like normal periods whilst being pg... So how along are you then?
Hope you can get the clexane sorted quickly. Here's to a boring and uneventful pregnancy.

Hey Grizzer, congratulations on your sneaky little BFP! You must be close to 6 weeks now? Fan-bloomin-tastic! All the best for an easy, worry free pregnancy. Please keep us updated.

One thing I find really hard about being on these threads is how people disappear and you never find out what actually happened (I am not suggesting you will do that grizzer). I still have many unanswered questions, so I keep popping in to see if others are turning up..

I think it was Chewy that asked about contraception? No, I am definitely going down that road. So of course I am still very open to getting pregnant. But I am not doing opk's (however tempting it is), not temping, not supplementing. Though you are right, I should probably keep up the folic acid and perhaps aspirin, as I'd kick myself if I fell pregnant and hadn't been taking it. The other thing I am not doing much of is having sex. I have very little desire, but I might make an effort this week

DH's mother is sick in the hospital. On Wednesday we were told to say our goodbyes, that she would fall asleep and not wake up. Well, she rallied and is getting better every day. Though we aren't sure of long term outcomes. We should hear more today about the damage to her heart.

His father is in the Hospice and DH went to see him last night to say his goodbyes.It is probably a matter of days for him. It is heart-breaking to see all this happening to my lovely husband. It would be so nice to have something wonderful to look forward to (for example, Universe, a nice little healthy bub )

I must dash, time to get DS ready for school. He is standing beside me, hassling me.....

Glad you're still popping in Gum. Sorry to hear about the in laws. I hope dh is ok. It's bad enough with one sick parent but having to say goodbye to both like that is awful. At least his mum has rallied for now.
Yes, I think I'm 5 or 6 weeks. Going to get a drs appointment today though as I'm still spotting. Not sure they'll do anything at this stage but I hope it will make me feel better. I do feel a bit queasy this morning but I think that's more anxiety than any thing else. Please keep everything crossed for me x

Grizzer huge congratulations to you. What a surprise ! Had you tested before your 'af' two weeks ago ?
Hope all goes well and wishing you the best of luck over the next number of weeks which are always the knuckle biters ! It gives us all hope that it might just happen for us too !

I'm 5 days from af and expecting bfn. Really toying with doing last attempt at ivf after Christmas. I know it is a control thing but at least there is a chance of pregnancy...

Went to dr today & she didn't seem overly optimistic about the whole thing. She booked me in for a scan on Friday. I've decided to go ahead with the natural health appointment. Dr there says there is a lot he can do to prevent miscarriage.
Just decided to poas again with a cb digital. It definitely says pregnant which is a relief but only says 1-2 weeks. Not so good. If 'af' was actually implantation though then I am only just pregnant aren't I? I know they go by last proper AF so are saying 6 weeks but if implantation was between 5th & 8th November would 1-2 weeks be right? Clutching at straws here!

I don't know, Grizzer, I'm sure in your situation I'd be reading the figures a hundred different ways. I always thought you couldn't get a BFP without implantation.

What is the natural health appointment, and did the doc say what he can do to prevent miscarriage?

I think it's herbs & acupuncture with 'proper' medical treatment on the side. I don't know really. I'll find out everything tomorrow. The scan on Friday won't show anything if I'm only a couple of weeks along. Need to stop thinking about it & start writing reports for my class. Tempted just to take myself off to bed & lie still until tomorrow though!

Grizzer, do you normally have irregular cycles? Could it be that you ovulated really late? But I agree that you wouldn't get a BFP at least until at least 10 DPO... Fingers crossed your scan will get you some answers!

I'm very regular 31 days cloud. I don't think I could have ovulated late because, to be honest, once I get a positive we dtd for about 3 days after & then stop! This was my first month of trying to keep going all the way through the month.
One good point might be that I tested just before AF & got a negative so there wasn't enough hormone then. Tested 1 week after AF & got a positive. That would suggest it was implantation wouldn't it?
Sorry ladies, don't mean to be all 'me me me'. I'll just try to relax & see what these appointments bring.
Thank you all for your support x

Everything crossed!

Think AF is coming for me, definitely crampy. I know we DTD at the right time and I know I'm ovulating. Any suggestions for supplements for DP? His count and shape are ok, but he has a low-ish level of sperm antibodies so his sperm can be a bit clumpy.
Starting to fear that The Problem isn't me, but as we are skint and DP would be happy not to have another, suggesting that he takes any action will be really hard.

Hi, can I join? This December will mark 3 years ttc. Mc's and chem's, no dc's. I'm 42. I went through a period of depression, have come out the other side. Stopped taking all the potions and stepped away from everything, including hope, except opks, even though I haven't been pg in ages now I couldn't fully throw in the towel. Just in the last month I have a renewed, but much calmer, hope. So I thought I'd have a look in this thread for some inspiration, and it's there.

Now, I'l also admit that I speed read the thread a bit after Kiwi's last post. My heart and hope go out to her.

Awomb I suppose acupuncture isn't something dh would consider? It is expensive but a friends husband's sperm improved with it. Otherwise boxer shorts & loose clothes!? My dh is happy for me to have any treatment but won't do anything himself. It's frustrating isn't it?
Welcome Happiness. There are many positive stories here & some very sad ones but you get a lot of kindness & support & it's great to be able to talk about things where everyone understands.
I had a blood test today which showed a 4 week pregnancy rather than a 6 week one. My progesterone levels are very low so I've ordered a cream that apparently you rub on to your upper arms!! I'm also taking herbal capsules called 'slippery fetus' (yes really) which helps you hold on to the pregnancy. I will have a scan on Friday to find out more but hope is diminishing sadly xx

Oh grizzer I couldn't read and run after your post. I am sorry your hope is diminishing, but I fully understand how you feel. Is it possible that you ovulated later than you thought? Even if that doesn't line up with when you had sex, sperm do hang around for a long time, up to a week, so it is possible?

Will they be doing another Beta blood test? Shouldn't they do that to see if the hcg is multiplying at the right rate? And if your progesterone is low, shouldn't they prescribe the pesseries? I myself have used the cream, but always read (online) that it doesn't deliver enough progesterone.

Thinking of you - I hope it all works out.

Welcome Happiness, you sound very calm about this ttc business, you will find some great support on this thread. I love it so much I can't seem to leave!

Another nail in the coffin of my fertility: I have woken up a couple of times in the last week (funnily enough - since my birthday) really hot: I think it is hot flushes I am so NOT ready (You hear me, body? Not ready!) for menopause. Deep down I am wishing for a sneaky BFP! I am due a pap smear, so I must make an appointment and will discuss things with my Lady GP. I wonder if HRT would make me more fertile (by balancing hormones) or would it just completely fuck up your chances?

It's not only the end of fertility that upsets me, I just don't want to be menopausal.I don't want to have hot flushes and weight gain and grumpiness.

However, one little light is that I have lost 2.5 kilos in the last 4 weeks, despite my diet going AWOL last week with my birthday, then all the commotion with DH's family.

He had a call early this morning from the Hospice, his father has deteriorated even more. It really must be a matter of hours now, I think. I just want him to be at peace, he's had a terrible battle with this cancer, poor thing.

Still no news from Kiwi or Calibee?

Diege, haven't heard from you for a while....hello...!

Hi ladies
Do you mind if I join...my first post despite finding much consolation over the last year reading others posts.
41, no dc, had 2 mc's at 6 weeks last December and 7 weeks end of February and then a mmc at 10 weeks this August. Am trying not to lose hope but every month becomes more emotional draining than the previous when AF turns up. On CD10 today and of course poas but negative.
Am taking lots of drugs and lots of herbal supplements prescribed by my acupuncturist. It's definitely increased cm and brought ovulation forward to CD14 rather than CD18 which is where it was hovering after all the miscarriages.
I really feel for you all and grizzer keeping fingers crossed for you.
x

Oh, grizzer, so sorry you did not have any more encouraging news! Really hoping that you might get more answers from your scan. Please look after yourself. Don't let them fob you off, if you are certain about your dates (happened to me once) and make sure they tell you everything there is to tell.

Welcome, bernard and Happiness - may your stay here be short and sweet! There is lots of support and handholding on here. And we all know too well that sinking feeling when AF turns up yet again, in spite of every possible effort.

I'm now (hopefully) rid of that stupid bladder infection, took the last of the antibiotics tonight. Good riddance! I need to figure out how we can dtd without me getting this... I'm 8 DPO, but won't test until Sunday, when AF is due (although my cycle length seems to vary a lot recently). I don't feel pg, but then again I never do this early on (never get sore boobs or anything else), so all I can do is wait.
Distracting myself with work, of which there is plenty of. Plus, I have applied for a promotion and will have an interview for that in the coming week, so plenty to keep me busy! DH is away all week, so need to look after DS. Trying not to get dragged into the whole 'What if...' Just taking my supplements and hoping for the best!

Thanks for the welcome!

I do feel calm about it now but it wasn't always that way. When I first started ttc I was massively excited. The day of my first bfp I called in sick so I could jump up and down and google the whole fascinating process and ring my mother. Scroll past all the hideous bits that happened after that and I've finally worked my way toward this state of calm. I don't know exactly where I am in my month, just that I'm about midway between ovulation and af due date. It took a long time to get my mind set away from my diary and daily counting. I now have to be careful not to miss opk testing time, and I haven't used a pg test in ages. I've even managed to go a few days "late" holding steady, without sinking into a pit, but knowing that I didn't need to pg test. This emotional backing off has been a real help to my daily outlook on life. I think that might come across as gloomy or cold but I'm not - I'm happier now than I've been for 3 years!

Grizzer, these days can seem too long can't they? The story of how you came by your bfp is very sweet. I hope your cream arrives quickly and that the slippery fetus herbs help!

I totally get not wanting to be menopausal Gum. I thought hot flushes were supposed to feel really intense such that you wouldn't wonder if it was a hot flush. Do you get them when you're pre af or early stages pg? I'm sorry to hear about your Dad, I hope he has something to help comfort him.

Hi Bernard, I'm new too! I'm sorry to hear you've had such a hard time.

Cloud, an interview for a promotion is certainly an effective distraction - good luck!

Gum, I am sorry for the state of your father-in-law and also for your hot flushes. bthw, are you sure it was not something you ate? I get flushes when I have eaten spicy stuff, sometimes as long as 12h later.

Welcome n ew ones and Bernard, have you had your mc investigations done? Even if within our age group even after 5consecutive mc the possibilty is 50% that all these mc are really related to old eggs rather than systemic problems with fertility. When I had my fifth that was i consoled myself with. Now, after more than 10, I cannot use this excuse anymore.

Grizzer, so sorry you can not be hopeful. I think I would feel similarily to you, so that if it suddenly turned out positive, it would be a nice surprise.

Happiness, good you manage to be so chill about it all. I still know automatically how many days post-OV I am, even if i do no ovulation tests. Close to 4years of following my cycle has made it so automated that I cannot stop....
I am 10dpo and did a test this morning. It was neg immidiately after test, I left it in cupboard and forgot about it. In the evening I found a considerable pink test line. Too pink to think its evap. So, here we go again and lets see how long this lasts. Each new pg I feel calmer and less involved somehow. the mc is still hard to take, when it inevitably comes. i decided to do the full works, including immune system suppression, as i caught it really early and it is worth doing. Started up thr drugs and will retest Friday. Sometimes it is all it takes to go back to neg, but maybe this time is better. The one I lost in summer got quite far without immune support.....

Hello Jass - I hope this bfp is a keeper for you

My FIL died yesterday, so now we are organising the funeral. I am so glad that my DH got to say goodbye to him, he was very comfortable at the end, and it is a blessing that he no longer has to suffer.

As for the hot flushes - I have had them before from drinking too much champagne, but never noticed with food before. Luckily there's been no more. I've been reading up on Traditional Chinese Medicine, and looking at the diet for "cooling" excess heat. It is all related to kidney Yin and Yang, which is also related to fertility. I will also talk to my acupuncturist about it when I see her next.

You may have seen the thread I started in Pregnancy about anyone having a baby in their mid to late 40's.Sadly there's not been a lot of response I know there are women out there, I was hoping to hear from them.

Cloud, I hope all goes well for the interview. A promotion would be nice. What is your job?

I have the day off today. DH will be with his family organising the funeral, and I am going to spend time getting the house organised as I am expecting we'll have relatives needing a bed. We anticipate having relatives come from quite a distance. My house is in its worst state: end of the year messiness and dirtiness. Lately I haven't been much of a cleaner. It's not something I enjoy, but needs must...plus probably some baking to pop in the freezer for visitors.

gum so sorry to hear about your FIL. I hope he and you were all at peace at the end, glad that your DH was able to say good-bye. How is your MIL doing...? Wishing you all lots of strength.

Sorry to hear about you FIL, gum. It is indeed a blessing that the suffering is over.

Hello Happiness, hope you get in and out quickly!

Jass, everything crossed for you, it's good that you're throwing everything at it from early on.

Once again AF is here. I'm very sad about it, and worried about talking to DH about taking action. My cycles are regular etc, and diagnosis from both a real doc and a naturopath(?) say that everything's in good nick fertility-wise for me. The only negative thing is DP's reading of sperm antibodies, and I'm becoming increasingly focussed on that. What if that's the reason I'm not getting pregnant, and all this time I've been focussed on my own accupuncture / herbal woo etc?

Gum, may the funeral of your FIL be beautiful and peaceful!
Can you get a cleaning company to deal with the home mess? It would be much better than DIY considering the ciecumstances.

On late pregnancies, I once found a website which listed quite some, and there were natural conceptions with happy deliveries up into early fifties. But we know this is not a norm.

AWomb, it always is the hope that something is wrong with us not DH. I am very happy that I have no reason to think he can not do his part, our problem seems to be immune-realted: my body for some reason is afraid if a new pg and kills them all at an early stage. Nothing DH can do about it. Neither can I, in fact, since no treatment so far has worked. But since the cause id relatively unknown, I hope the system can somehow reset itself and keep trying.......

Gum I am so sorry to hear about FIL. When our parents die it really is a closing of a chapter but also if he was suffering it is a relief.

A womb know exactly how you feel. Af arrived today. Unbelievably busy at work so suppressed it all day to arrive home late from childminder with dd ( added guilt ) and just cried with her. So wrong to do that but I am feeling so sorry for myself. I have an excellent job that I should enjoy but really resent, all I want is to have 3 children and do the school run. It is so self absorbed but life is not following the path I wanted. Yes I hear you say counselling, acceptance, be grateful of my situation... but it is difficulty to accept.

On positive note taken the plunge and going for ivf again in new year. 5th time lucky..

Grizz hope all going ok for you..,

Ooh, Jass, I would test too if it was so positively reinforced, good luck!

I did see that threat Gum and was also disappointed there weren't more responses. Can you remember the name of that website Jass? Hope your prep for the funeral and family time is going well Gum.

Awomb and Pessimop, my AF also arrived yesterday. How long are your cycles? I'm varied but more often so short, about 24 days, and I often ovulate really early on.

I also worry about it being OH. We home tested his sperm twice. The first time they were slow or a low count - I can't remember it seems like such a long time ago. On second testing he was at the bottom of whatever the "alright" category is called. More to the point - it's so hard not knowing whether there is something wrong that could be righted. You're worried your DP isn't up for taking action - what's he said about it? Mine wasn't happy at all and we've not done anything further/properly.

Pessimop, I've been wondering about IVF, and also surrogacy and adoption. With IVF I really distrust my body's ability to stay pregnant and we don't have the money to throw at it but you have very good evidence to the contrary!

I've just dug out the report from the consultant. It says:

I note that she has had a Day 2 hormone profile, which was normal, and a Day 22 Progesterone level was ovulatory.

It goes on to describe DP's SA as essentially normal except for the presence of some sperm antibodies ... She is aware that her main issue is most likely her age.

That kind of makes me feel a bit better (I'm ignoring the bit that says the chances of a spontaneous conception are low, but also the chances of success with IVF are also pretty low). I've been starting to focus so much on DP. I'm going to see if I can persuade him to ramp up the supplements.

It's so hard when your OH isn't as fussed over it as you are. He would be very happy not to have another child, in fact he doesn't really want one. I just want us to be in it together.