40+ and TTC? Join the club...

[cloudjumper]

To continue the support for everyone 40 and over who is or wants ttc. Lots of hand-holding and understanding, we're all together in the uphill struggle.

I have never heard of DTD after helping the egg implant!!! Tell me more as we rarely have sex on the 2ww.

I found this on about health website
Sex after ovulation may even help with conception. To be clear, you can't conceive if you only have sex after ovulation. But some preliminary research has indicated that semen exposure may play a role in the implantation stage of the embryo.

I know the odds aren't in my favour now that I'm over 40...but I'm ever hopeful...my oh and I have been having unprotected sex for over 18months now...but because he works away it's a case of trying to get the timing right...which is why we have started the opk...so our fingers are tightly crossed ??

Hello ladies. Well, didn't get to jump on DP last night, the TTC bullshit is affecting our relationship and I just couldn't do it.
I think I felt my egg pop last night, at about 6pm, so I'm hoping having shagged at 11 the night before will indeed be good timing.
I agree though, getting the swimmers and the oeuf to meet is only one part of the problem. Is there anything specific that helps with implantation? Aspirin? Agnus Castus?

AWomb you have my sympathies. I've just got the arse with DP because he is making the act of giving a sperm sample seem like an impossible task. I'm not sure how much I give a shit really, so I've told him to forget it.

Are any of you trying the soy thing? I'm quite excited about it for some reason. I'm on cd3 and planning on taking it cd5-9 to try and get a stronger more mature egg. I'm hoping I don't fuck up my cycle instead which is a slight possibility

What's the 'soy thing'?

Have a read of this thread Squid;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2217152-For-anyone-TTC-or-thinking-about-TTC-with-Soy-Isoflavones?

Hmmm...I can see it works for lots of women in terms of sorting out their cycle length - or bringing ov forward - but I can't see any evidence of improving egg quality. Good luck though, NewEra.

I'm still waiting for DH to come upstairs and kindly deposit his sperm at the entrance to my cervix

LOL Sicksquid, I hope the , ahem, deposit was made.

Boy, I just wish there was some magic formula that would do the trick for all of us.

Sick, i found your link to be interesting too, but very sad for me. 1% chance of a take home baby. Not at all surprising, but the 80% chance of miscarriage was very disheartening. When I last got pregnant (in March) my silly GP was busy telling me that my miscarriage rate wasn't much higher than when I had my son (at 41 and 9 months), and that I shouldn't be too pessimistic, that I was unbelievably fertile, etc,etc. Which was lovely at the time, but not at all realistic.

I have been at home with DS today, who is a little bit poorly (however, he was still able to spend three hours crafting and painting, so not too poorly).I feel really tired today, and a bit off. I have every thing crossed that the Gods are giving me a lovely 48th birthday present (a pregnancy), however, it is more likely that I have DS's bug.

Time will tell...

Gum darling have a hug
My GP who is dealing with DP and my infertility issues said a totally different thing to him than me. With me she was all 'you're not old, who said you were too old??' Etc etc. With DP she said that due to our ages it could take over 2 years to conceive.

I'm not sure if they soft soap us laydees because they don't want to upset us but it was interesting just how differently the conversations went.

I received my Ubiquinol through the post yesterday. So I'm taking 600mg a day, half morning, half night. If the main problem is shit eggs then it stands to reason that anything that might help their quality needs to be done at this stage.

Had my second acupuncture treatment yesterday as well. She did a back massage and stuck needles up and down my spine. Depending on where I am in the cycle depends on what she does. The whole thing is very comprehensive with half an hours therapy when I get there where we just talk and then an hours acupuncture with added therapies at times.

I'm really pleased I found her, I just need a successful pregnancy now!!

Gum, your GP sounds like most other GPs when it comes to fertility knowledge: uninformed. I'm sorry you feel like your dream of a last baby is slipping away. Can I be, perhaps, insensitive and say I too am grieving the loss of my twenties and thirties when I could have - should have - had my family. Why, o, why did I put other things first? I could have a brood like yours around me right now; such a wonderful legacy of yours and your husband's years together. You must be so very proud.

Yes, we managed to DTD last night but today's opk is only almost equal in colour to the control line. So..tonight I will get my proper line and tomorrow I will ovulate, which means more sex needed when DH gets home from work tomorrow. I refuse to ask him two nights on the trot so tonight he has a reprieve. I hate ttc sex..it is perfunctory and loaded with too much emotional baggage (sigh).

NewEra, I hope your efforts are richly rewarded, I really do. Is Ubiquinol a soy isoflavone?

Well for my tuppence worth we gave up ttc sex 3months ago as it was too stressful. Now it's just like a clinic. My husband deposits, I use syringe and softcup. Can't waste a bit of it. It sounds awful and it's clinical but our life for the last 5 years has been ttc and at the start it was great and then we did have our dd but for the last 3 and half years it has been ttc followed by miscarriage followed by fertility treatment so we have adopted a very sterile view of it. Other times of the month are different and we can enjoy it but during the fertile window it is so much pressure on my OH to perform that it was upsetting for us both. This way we view it as a task to be done and move on. I know others will fundamentally disagree with what we are doing but if this it what it takes for another baby we will do anything. We have the rest of our lives to give time to lovemaking.

Oh Pessi bless you, that sounds really sad but totally understandable. If my OH starts to get performance anxiety I will do absolutely the same. In fact if it's OHs sperm that ends up being the problem I have no clue what we will do as I'm not prepared to give up my dream of another child. Whatever it takes quite honestly.

SS Ubiquinol is the more readily available form of a vitamin called co-enzyme Q10. If you google there are lots of articles re. effectiveness to help egg quality. It is horribly expensive though so be warned.

Re. Soy isoflavone I am going to take a low dose of this days 5-9 to try and support my oestrogen and build a better more mature egg. I ovulated day 12 last month and normally get a line on the opk that's equal to but never stronger than the control line. I'm hoping to either push ovulation back slightly or get a stronger ovulation. I shall report back if it has done anything good or bad.

pessi Urgh, that sounds bleak indeed... But at least you are spared the horrible pretence that you are dtd because you feel like it and want to... Sometimes I almost wish I could just ask DH for his 'donation' in a cup and then use a syringe, to get it over and done with - how horrible is that?!

gum Yeah, I agree with sick - GPs really do not have a clue. By now, we know far more than they! Hope you'll be able to enjoy your birthday, with or without that one special present... We get caught up in this whole ttc business far too much, there is more to life than this - even if it's hard to remember that sometimes!

newera Does your acupuncturist specialise in fertility issues? I'm wondering if I should have some... Or reflexology, I've just had an email from a reflexologist I contacted ages ago, asking if I wanted any treatments. Also had an email from the fertility yoga teacher... Sigh. Would love to do it all, but I can't just keep throwing my money at these things - yes, they make me feel better, but ultimately, I cannot afford them all. Might have to think about picking one (really would love to have reflexology).

I've had another counselling session on Tuesday, which was really good. She picked up on the fact that I am really struggling at the moment and might have depressive tendencies, which need to be watched
She recommended that DH and I talk to a medical expert, to get the real facts and figures about where we stand, go over everything that has happened since ttc and evauate what our chances are. I think I need some perspective, so I think I will take her advice. Just so that DH and I have a common platform to base any decision on that we might make. Currently, I feel that I am just fishing randomly in the dark, drifting away from DH.

However, tomorrow I'm off to visit my sister in Berlin for a long weekend, a much needed break! Of course, it's the worst timing, as I am about to ovulate, but can't do anything about that now.

Oh blimey, Pessi, I swear you are no different to me and DH in your attitude to all this. There is more chance of conceiving triplets than there is of me orgasming during ttc sex. Bloody rubbish, and it's frightful to see our other halves wanking furiously to try to supply the goods All we can do is keep hoping, I guess.

Cloud, what 'decisions' do you foresee having to take? IVF? Donor eggs? It all feels so bleak, doesn't it, but you have it especially hard because you feel like you are 'losing' your DH. Have a blast in Berlin and try to forget ttc - and when you get back I would go see that medical expert and put your cards on the table - to the doc and your husband. He needs to know your desperate sadness at feeling so alone in this quest. He loves you, no? He deserves to know so he can put it right

Hi cloud, yeah she does, but gawd knows if it will help. I agree that this process either sees us throwing money at it right and left, or we think to hell with it and give up spending money, only to think in 6 months, balls - I might be pregnant now if I had continued with x, y and z. Its all designed to be a total head fuck isn't it.

Try and enjoy your holiday, might be good to have a break from it for a month. I think men naturally don't want to know the ins and outs of trying to get pregnant. They just want to have sex and so that can leave us doing the charts and pissing on sticks and feeling totally alone. My partner has no thoughts at all in the 2ww. I feel like I'm on tenterhooks and he is just getting on with his days as normal, lucky sod.

Just an update.... I had my scan today and yet another mmc.....
I am truly heartbroken. ...
Maybe I should just give up...
Ohhhh I don't know....

Oh notso, that is fucking awful.

Notso I am so sorry

Notsoold, I am so so sorry to hear your sad news how heartbreaking. How far along were you?
Look after yourself xx

So sorry notsoold. Take care of yourself.

Not so I am so very sorry. It is truly so sad for you.

Notsoold, I am so sorry to hear this. Just heartbreaking. Come hear and talk whenever you want to. We are hear to listen.