Unwanted comment

[hormonalandneedingcheese]

Currently ttc, only about 6 months now going full on but does anyone else ever get the feeling like the world and his wife can comment on it? On whether it's happening?

Most people don't know I'm ttc but DH and I have been married a year now and since then it's been constant 'are you?' from people in very random and different ways. I am fine with it from family and friends but randoms, acquaintances and work colleagues I'm not so impressed with.

I keep finding myself making excuses, saying how I've got so much work on at the moment etc. Then I get many a months grace before it starts again.

What really upsets me is the other comment I got from a family member who doesn't know I'm ttc from me telling them but guessed. I was given helpful reasons why I may not have conceived- DH and I aren't using contraception but we aren't using ovulation sticks or anything so it's not like we're going all out.

The comment was 'it's probably you drink too much, you won't get pregnant.'

It really upset me and I'm not sure why this particular one did considering I've had all sorts from 'positions' to lube (actually was helpful) to food intake. I don't drink much. I always had maybe 3-4 glasses of wine a week and now it's 1 and sometimes none at all! Which this person knows (hence the 'guessing).

I've been hoping for a BFP for the last year tbh despite only switching lube to a more friendly one 6 months ago and it hurt to hear that. I can't seem to fathom why though.

So I ask if anyone else had 'advice' or unwanted or intrusive comments when ttc? I was hoping to commiserate with people who get unwanted advice and unwanted questioning.

I guess i feel guilty for even having a glass of wine which is why the comment has rubbed me the wrong way, but I can't live my life not drinking, eating seafood or the 100 other things that's not advised during pregnancy- especially is it never happens!

Hi Elektra83, please join, there seems to be a fair few of us that get these comments- makes you feel like you aren't alone.

Your friend and your mum...double whammy. The friend should know to leave well enough alone especially when you're giving back questions to her.

Your mum, that is some serious intrusion. The tumour is probably pushing her more, but then she sounds like she was obsessive and intrusive before. What can you do with someone like that?

Hi Hormonal (love the moniker btw, I totally identify with it right now!), yup, well the friend is more of an acquaintance which is probably why I am just as bad back, I don't actually care if she's engaged or not, I just think asking someone if they are engaged yet is as bad as asking if someone else is pregnant! I'm meeting up with her soon so might actually tell her to stop asking the question.

Mum, well yes she's a bit nuts and was before we started ttc/the discovery of the tumour. I don't think she realises that the whole not trying wasn't because we didn't want children but because of the timing/other factors going on in our lives. I don't think she fully understands that what she says hurts/frustrates other people. That's my mum though and if it's not the baby thing, it's my weight or my job, or not going to see her (despite me telling her she needed to talk to my dad before we turned up on the doorstep! My dad doesn't talk to me anymore and I don't want there to be some big drama if my husband and I turn up without him being aware of it iyswim?)

There is too much drama in my life I think!

:) Elektra83 Cheese and chocolate now!

She obviously has no boundaries whatsoever. Shame you may have to be so blunt, you'd hope she'd take the hint.

Your mum sounds interesting lol, sounds like everyone is else is making the drama.

This thread is dead helpful to me cos I now know I'm not alone! I do need to keep calm when talking to MIL though, yesterday I was thinking (while she was explaining why she doesn't want a gc) that we could always just keep it a secret and not tell her. It'd be interesting to find out how long it would take her to figure it out.

Hi just wanting to sympathise and join in.

Not many people know we're ttc but I'm young, 21 and dp is 23 so we both recieve comments mainly from more elderly people. Stuff along the lines of "its time you both settled down and started a family" or "By your age I was married with children" my grandmothers the worst as she seems convinced if I don't marry and have a baby I'm wasting my life. I guess its just that they are from a different time.

I feel some pressure from my mum as she knows I am ttc and always asks if I am yet. I forgive her though as she had a late miscarriage when I was younger and just wants to make sure everything goes okay when it happens. She's also started a "grandmother box" in advance and she crochets admittedly cute baby clothes which she is saving up for the time. My mother is super broody and next year will be having a hysterectomy due to pcos and fibroids. I don't mind her excitement as I know she would have loved another child.
There's an 11 year age gap between me and my little sister, (who can't wait for me to have a baby but forgiven the questions due to age!)
The age gap between us has caused my mum to receive some horrible comments before. I'll always remember her sat on a bench feeding my baby sister and an old lady was cooing over her, I came over to sit with them and the lady asked my mother (who looks young for her age) if I was her younger sister. Replied "no she's my oldest daughter" to which the woman didn't take so kindly and began giving her grief about young parents, seperate fathers and babies out of wedlock etc.

On a more positive note, my best friends are 18 and 16 (sisters). And they know I'm ttc and they never ask me but we had a fun night the other week talking all things baby and coming up with names. Also the younger sister did child development classes at school so she never hesitates to give me advice for pregnancy which I find more sweet than unwanted

This does me head in no end!

People r soooo nosey

I've been married 4 yrs and am 30 and literally strangers I meet at party and friends ask me alllll the time.
One even said "I mean u guys have been married for ages now, seriously what's wrong"
I wanted to say I've had 3 consecutive miscarriages SO piss off. But instead said I was busy with travelling and enjoying time with my DH

Great idea for a thread!

I know it's not really their fault but i hate it when people say things like 'what are you waiting for? It's the best thing in the world!' I know comments like this are mostly from well meaning people but it's quite upsetting when you are trying everything you can.

Sorry slow to read this thread but commiserations to others - I have put on a stone or more since marrying last year - not being thin to start with.
I have had men at work touchng my pizza baby belly and asking - when due, colleagues congratulating me on twins, random women saying am I , and when not even worse - well it's your weight then- also had someone say I shouldnot be drinking in my state ....this coming month is my first tic cycle and I am dreading it- have even joined slimming world as the fat vs preggers comments are getting worse.

Emotional about my weight does not help how awful I feel about being so fat. ( pmt during at too today so rather low!)

Sorry - just read my awful typing errors ...hormonal does not cover it!

Meant to say emotional about weight and ttc and af is here!

Did have a women on the tube ask me if I was preggers... I just said yes. Could not deal with it that day-but normally when asked my reply is no just fat! Stops them dead.

Hi, hope you don't mind if I join in too, the comments on here are half making me angry and half a comfort that I'm not the only one putting up with ignorant (though well-meaning) people!

My DH and I have been together 7 years, married 2 and it feels like any social situation we get asked when we'll be having kids. Over the past couple of years we've had a few hurdles to get through (I was placed overseas with work, so did long distance, plus my MIL had cancer and sadly died after we got married). To add to this I've got endometriosis. We're not TTC right now, but have planned to in a few months (once I've finished the latest lot of hormones for my endo and so I can get back to a healthy weight - gained a few pounds since we got married). But I am already sick of all the comments from family and friends. Both my SIL's keep asking when we'll be TTC and that it would be great for their kids to have cousins to play with. My mum has just recently started asking, which to be honest doesn't bother me, because she hasn't been overbearing with it - yet. It's my friends that are the problem just now. Because I'm trying to lose weight, I'm cutting out certain foods and cut way back on alcohol too, choosing to drive so that DH can still enjoy himself. That just fuels whispers and questions. I actually stress myself out worrying about whether I should drink or not at a social gathering, not because I even want to drink, but just so that I don't give out signals that I might be pregnant. My friends (especially those with kids) are always asking when it'll be our turn, and to hurry up and have one so we can have playdates together. Another friend even suggested that I get pregnant to "cure" my endometriosis (which is a total myth, pregnancy at best delays endometriosis growth while pregnant and breastfeeding, as soon as you stop it starts growing again). So I feel like I'm surrounded by people making comments on my life and telling me what's best for me. And we're not even TTC yet!!!! There's no way I want anyone to know we're TTC, which is why I've started reading on here, think it will need to save my sanity!

Oh also, meant to add, one of the reasons the comments are bothering me so much is that it's just highlighting all the potential problems I might have, before I even start the whole process, which is turning me into a ball of anxiety!

I'm ttc no.2 for 3 months and keep getting asked all the time when no.2 is. I say " when I can afford it and feel I have given my daughter enough time just me & her" it makes most people stop asking! The friends I've met in my new area have kids close together in age and it's so hard to see them when I'm the only one with 1 child. My daughter asks if I'm going to have a baby so she has a friend to play with at home :-(
For no.1 it took me 6 months but I had low amh hormone then so dread to think what it is now!
I would think of a good strong answer and stick with that to get people bored of asking.
Re the child free holiday- yay to one of those!!!!!! At some points I envy couples who haven't had kids yet/chosen not too!