Home on the amazing and determined TTC after mc-ers. We know all about the ups and downs, trails and tribulations,, how it feels to live in the cruel world of Facebook baby bombs. Solidarity, sisters!

[Justonemoretime]

The Rules...

(1) A lady may only POAS on a Friday.
(2) Friday means the day that everyone calls Friday in the time zone where you spent the night.
(3) Rule (1) does not apply to POA-OPK-S, UNLESS they are being illegitimately used as surrogate HCG detectors, in which case Rule (1) most definitely does apply
(4) Rule (1) does not apply following a BFP because if you want to waste £25 a day POADigiS that's your prerogative
(5) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady is POAS in an attempt to get a BFN to prove she can start DTD with intent
(6) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady wants for unknown reason to pee on an actual stick, like a twig or some such, if that lady is unexpectedly caught short whilst tramping in the forest looking for bears.
(7) These rules (including Rule (1)) are subject to the change at any time if the ladies of the Posifrickentivity thread decide on a whim come up with empirical evidence to prove that it is luckier to POAS on any other day of the week
(8) Violators of Rule (1) shall be subject to fish throwing.

And as a grand finale, why not pledge to NEVER POAS before 14DPO?

Hi One Day,
It's rubbish that you're here but you are so welcome. We started trying as soon as the bleeding stopped but nothing as of yet.
Sending you many gentle hugs - there are some truly amazing ladies on here. Xx

The trouble is, if you have 'retained products' and don't realise, its a real heart ache not being able to physiologically know whether its the last one or the next one. I put it starkly, because that's the reality. This happened to me after mmc 1, and it was very stressful. For that reason, a bfn is a good idea. Howecer , if you get a bfp and then get a new pg before your af, good for you and there is no medical reason that it should be higher risk than if you had waited. X

Bloody predicted text.. Bfn before new bfp before first af would be ok, medically speaking.

I agree about waiting for the bfn.

We used amazon cheapies and I tested everyday. It was soul destroying watching it fade but I know it was the right thing to do. Took two weeks or so.

Hi [oneday] im sorry you need to be here, your story is very similar to mine, I had some light bleeding on the friday was told everything was fine and went in for a scan on the monday to be told our baby had died. I was 15 weeks the baby measured 13 weeks

monten I keep seeing the due october thread on active convos i catch my breath everytime, it feels like being punched in the chest.

impatience I had a conversation with dp this afternoon about how its just not getting easier, everytime I feel like ive taken a step forward something happens and my feet get knocked from under me again. The rose situation has devestated me and I find myself sobbing over silly things again which I had mostly stopped doing.

Welcome Oneday, and sorry for your loss. Good luck with your erpc tomorrow, for what it's worth mine was absolutely fine and I had hardly any pain afterwards and only bled lightly for about a week.

I agree it's best to wait until you get a BFN before trying again, just so you know what's what. A word of caution about being more fertile after mc: as far as I can tell from my extensive googling on the subject, there is no scientific evidence that this is true. One study showed that if you conceive within 6 months of mc you're slightly more likely to have a successful outcome, but that's all.

Of course you might be lucky and get another BFP very quickly, but I think after my erpc my lining must have been far too thin for any potential egg to implant as my first two periods were really short and light. I found the expectation that I'd be more fertile just put extra pressure on myself and made it even more heartbreaking whenever AF arrived. That's just my thoughts.

Completely agree with you metalhead I couldnt find any actual scientific evidence to back up the more fertile claims only research into there being a slightly reduced risk of mc.

I didnt bleed at all after my erpc and only had mild cramps, in fact it was so 'easy' I felt guilty that it hadnt hurt more how screwed up is that

Thank you for all your replies, that's all so so helpful.

I'm glad to hear some people have had the ERPC and didn't find it too bad. My DH is so worried that I'll be in pain but a bit like you grittedteeth I'm kind of expecting some to make it feel more real. I just find it so strange/cruel that I still haven't bled, had any severe cramps despite my baby dying over a month ago. My body is still making me feel sick, tired etc and it's just like a cruel trick.

Will definitely take on board the advice to get a bfn before ttc again. I hadn't even thought of that.

Really anxious about tomorrow but think it'll be a relief when it's done and we can start looking forward.

I'm so sorry for everyone going through this, I always of course had such sympathy for anyone who went through a mc but I never really appreciated how hard it is.

Morning all. Welcome oneday sorry you find yourself here, but echo what everyone else says, it's lovely to have such support, really makes you feel less alone. Good luck for your erpc tomorrow. Mine was fine and I felt physically okay very quickly. I did have a big bleed and cramping about three days afterwards so maybe watch out for that.

metal I know exactly what you mean about the fertility thing. I actually did conceive more quickly after first tfmr but I did (and do) feel a pressure to get on with it in case I miss my magic fertile window. I don't think any extra pressure helps in this situ.

just I'm sorry you're feeling low. Please don't feel bad that you feel like you've taken a step back. Grief isn't a linear process. After my dad died my counsellor suggested j think of it like a (messy) oval spiral orbit, with the grief at the centre. Yes you will move forward but you can be brought right back to the centre again in a heartbeat. But you can feel stronger again just as quickly too. I probably haven't explained it very well but it made sense to me! Just because you have a bad day does not mean you are back at the beginning.

smiling I know what you mean about suffering. I felt guilty going for surgical option with tfmr because I felt I should have been awake when the baby died.

We dtd for the first time post erpc on fri. It's good to be back in the game, so to speak!

oneday it's definitely a relief once the erpc is over because you feel in limbo before. Be kind to yourself and take it easy, I had quite a big hormone crash which made me very weepy. Do you have time off work?

Thanks monten It's so lovely to have this forum to vent and talk to people who have experienced the same. DH is being wonderful but I know every time I get upset, he does too so I'm trying to keep things in.

My work have been great and have said they won't expect me in at all next week but if I want a distraction I can come in for a few hours at a time. The obs/gynae Dr who I saw on Friday said that they'd give me a sick notes for a week so it's nice to have the pressure off for a week at least.

Hi all.

Welcome oneday, sorry you are here :(

I'm feeling down today.
Struggling to dtd because of my vaginismus (which has worsened after not doing it for a while) and my nervousness about what lies ahead. Cd 11 and we haven't managed yet :(
Also was playing badminton yesterday with family and skid on the grass. Have hurt my wrist a lot and my ankle.

Hope all are feeling ok today, enjoy the sun :)

oneday I'm so sorry for you - it is a really really shit time. I too was on the January 2014 bus but I miscarried naturally at 11 weeks a week ago. It was my first pregnancy. I am still bleeding but it's much lighter now and hopefully coming to an end.

I really don't know what to do about trying again. Part of me wants to start trying straight away and I guess because I have no idea about dates that we just dtd as much as possible once the bleeding has stopped??

The other part of me is not convinced at all. I am so worried how I will feel if I get a bfp. I'm a natural worrier and can just envisage me being in a complete state until a scan shows a healthy baby. Even if it does I will still worry non stop until the next one and the next one. Or maybe I should just worry about getting another bfp and not get ahead of myself.

One mc I can put down to being unlucky and I think I'm dealing with it ok at the moment, I've still got another week off work which I'm extremely grateful for. But if it happened again (and sorry to those on here that this has happened too) I'm not sure how I would cope and I guess what I'm trying to say is do I want to put myself in that position?

Sorry for the self endulgant rant - any advice would be appreciated.

Sorry you find yourself here oneday. My experience of an ERPC was also as good as could be in the circumstances. In and out in a couple of hours, no complications or side effects aside from general anaesthetic wooziness (which I rather enjoyed), and only light bleeding around one week later. I'd strongly advise to wait for a bfn if you can. Like you I wasn't bleeding much, was only a scan that showed the baby had stopped growing, so chances are your body will hang on to hormones. One week after ERPC I stupidly tried to go running and still had incredibly sore heavy boobs etc (running so soon was also idiotic). So perhaps hang on until you get a -ve then start to try as soon as you're ready? Bear in mind they will warn you off dtd for a while in any case to avoid infection.

foxtrot I feel the same. I want a baby but this hurt and heartache has shaken us so much that I'm actually petrified of what would happen if I did get my bfp. I have a dd already so in many respects, I'm already very lucky, but I'd love her to have a brother or sister to play with. I'm 17 weeks on from my natural mc (I was 12 weeks) and do feel stronger but could have an emotional crash at any given moment tbh! I think it's best to take each day as it comes and do what feels right for you. And everyone on here will be with you for support.

Dp's sister passed away 10years ago, when she was 37 today would havebeen her birthday so we went to lay flowers.

We had decided to take the rose that had been ripped off, so that my beautiful baby's aunt could take care of it but unfortunately when I tried to pick it up the petals fell off so we took the petals and scattered them over the grave.

I felt terrible, I was sobbing and dp, dmil and dfil were comforting me when they were mourning the loss of their daughter.

I feel like the grief is consuming me at the moment.

oneday I am so glad I chose to have an erpc, I was terrified before hand, but i was even more afraid of waiting for it to happen naturally, i needed it to happen at the hospital so that i could leave the fear there and go home to grieve, i didnt want to associate my home with losing my baby.

i felt and still do feel incredibly guilty that I had no pain, barely any bleeding and felt like I had let everybody down by a) not keeping my baby safe, which is ridiculous as I couldnt of done more to keep us both safe and healthy, and b) that I couldnt even miscarry properly.

Smiling, it sounds like you are at a real low point, and I'm so sorry to read that you're struggling. I don't know how or when, but things will get easier, I am sure. It must seem like such a platitude, but I do believe that you'll come out the other side. In the mean time, let it all out on here as much as you need to. Better out than in. Is counselling an option for you? (Hugs)

I'm all in favour of erpcs if you can get one. It doesn't hurt, and is usually pretty straightforward. I understand the need to mark the event with physical suffering, but you can bear witness well enough without waiting and possibly mcing at home. Mine never seem to want to leave, so its been the best option for me. I did have a few complications, but that was because I had a heart shaped uterus. Its a very straightforward procedure for most people. X

Yay! First AF has just arrived, five weeks and three days after my mva. Can't believe after all that bleeding (for 12 whole weeks) that I was wanting to see AF but hey, that's how crazy this aftermath of mc shizzle really is folks! Of course, she has arrived while I was wearing my fave pants, just to reassert her authority....

smiling I am so sorry to read you're struggling and having a really rough time of it. We are always going to be here for you but I echo just's sentiments of considering counselling. It could help you work things through. I know everyone is different though so I'll default to my standard "follow your own heart" line and offer hugs xx

Ive been having counselling since 3 weeks after my mmc and it is really helping.

I was doing ok and feeling more like myself, its just this whole rose incident that has knocked me, it seems silly that a rose can upset me so much but it has!

Ladies, I need some serious fish slaps ASAP! Just came back from a run, and despite my better judgement thought I'd poas again just so I could have a clear conscience to tuck into some wine with tonight's BBQ. So I squeezed out a few drops of wee, and right at the end of the 10 minutes I think I saw the shadow of a line forming... or maybe I just stared at the blank white space for too long?! Aaargh I think I'm going mad!

Thank you so much all for your kind words and advice. I feel like when I talk to rl friends I can't be honest because I don't want me being upset to upset anyone else?

grittedteeth I hadn't really thought about it like that but you've hit the nail on the head. I don't want the association of loosing my baby at home either. We've been out keeping ourselves busy for pretty much the entire weekend. It's when I wake up in the morning that it hits me as for a split second I've forgotten everything and still think all is well. I've become really clingy to DH too (not usually the case at all) and am dreading him going back to work later next week.

I'm sorry you're feeling so down grittedteeth I've just read the bread back and read about the rose incident. I can completely see why it was so devastating. How horrible for you.

Such a tough time, but I already feel it's made DH and I so much closer together. We've shared the happiest and the saddest moments in our lives, just the two of us together.

Congrats on AF broody I bet you've never been so delighted for her arrival!

Metal - can you post a pic of the stick? Then we can all tell you if you're mad or not!
I'm sending positive thoughts to those who are struggling today. Just remember that when you are chastising yourselves for being down in the dumps, you are actually dealing with a really awful horrible thing that has happened to you. We are allowed to be sad xxx