Home on the amazing and determined TTC after mc-ers. We know all about the ups and downs, trails and tribulations,, how it feels to live in the cruel world of Facebook baby bombs. Solidarity, sisters!

[Justonemoretime]

The Rules...

(1) A lady may only POAS on a Friday.
(2) Friday means the day that everyone calls Friday in the time zone where you spent the night.
(3) Rule (1) does not apply to POA-OPK-S, UNLESS they are being illegitimately used as surrogate HCG detectors, in which case Rule (1) most definitely does apply
(4) Rule (1) does not apply following a BFP because if you want to waste £25 a day POADigiS that's your prerogative
(5) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady is POAS in an attempt to get a BFN to prove she can start DTD with intent
(6) Rule (1) does not apply if a lady wants for unknown reason to pee on an actual stick, like a twig or some such, if that lady is unexpectedly caught short whilst tramping in the forest looking for bears.
(7) These rules (including Rule (1)) are subject to the change at any time if the ladies of the Posifrickentivity thread decide on a whim come up with empirical evidence to prove that it is luckier to POAS on any other day of the week
(8) Violators of Rule (1) shall be subject to fish throwing.

And as a grand finale, why not pledge to NEVER POAS before 14DPO?

Thanks all for the hellos! I am glad I am not the only one working out due dates, scans etc. Mofit - I had ewcm and then a few days later AF came, I practically convinced myself I would be part of the lucky gang that conceive straight after mmc and go on to have a healthy one. I calmed down since AF and now shifted my obsession to ov!
English, I really feel for you. There is undoubtly sadness being here but MASSIVE comfort for me knowing I am not the only one out there.

Going to read the thread properly when I get to my desk - but so sorry to hear all the tragic posts I saw briefly

28, been ttc since Julyish 2013. Not my first but first with my husband, married back end of last year. Early this year one v early mc - about 5 weeks. Followed by the hell that is a mmc in the cycle immediately after. Some spotting at 6 weeks. Had a scan, all looked good although a couple of days behind. Convinced ourselves everything was going to be ok and in total denial anything could go wrong. Hcg great and doubling.

Follow up scan at 7 and a half weeks. Sac now looked empty. 3 weeks of pure hell and scans waiting for the sac to grow to 25mm. It stopped growing at 21mm and started collapsing and bleeding had been going on for a week - had clung on to the ridiculous hope for all that time that they got it wrong. Sac started to collapse and had an mva on my birthday.

This was early May. Still in a bit of a state about it. Ttc again straight away. Don't think I ovulated before first period. Definitely ovulated after that and we are on 6dpo.

Forgive me, for I have sinned. I POAS this morning. Negative, obviously!!! Feel like we are living in limbo and can't move on until it happens.

Virtue - I know what you mean about not being able to move on. It's like I am stuck until I am preggas again. Since my mmc was my first pregnancy I have been wondering is it easier if you already have children. I know now it's probably not from reading all of the posts.

Moffit I don't think you have a high risk.. there are women who conceive straight after MC and have healthy babies. We decided to wait till first AF returns just so we know my cycle is back to normal. Lucky for me it is back to normal as I had my AF and I'm ovulating today as shown in the clear blue ovulation stick - got my solid smiley! so pleased.

I hope we all get good news soon. Keep trying and it's so true, I start calculating when my due dates will be as well along with the school academic year. It's natural to feel like this- crazy!! It's all normal we all just want a baby and some women don't know how blessed they are until they lose their loved one.

Lou I always thought so too. Everyone keeps saying 'but just think of the lovely children you already have' and of course I do, I'm very very lucky, and I took it for granted. They weren't planned, I was on contraception. Pregnancies were all healthy. Major complications with birth of DS1 but he was fine. Massive scare with my youngest as a toddler as he developed a very serious life threatening/usually life limiting condition that he beat a year later. I know how lucky I am for all of this.

But honestly no matter how hard I try none of this makes it any easier to cope with the loss.

I definitely didn't know how lucky I was. I look back on my pregnancy with dd and think that I almost want to relive it just to appreciate every bit of it with hind-site. I just want to be fat and pregnant and be able to keep my baby safe. And can I just throw into the mix, I hate the 2ww! Right I'd better go and do some work before I get sacked on top of everything else!

Impatience - sounds like we've had similar experiences. Mmc really is hell, so much waiting around. Thankfully I've got a really good nurse looking after me and trying to rush things through but there's still more waiting than I'd like. The nhs are brilliant but they need to find away to make things easier with less waiting. The idea that I'm carrying around an empty sac makes me feel awful.

The one thing I keep wondering and please forgive me if it sounds insensitive but ive been thinking about it for awhile....

Is it harder to come to terms with a mmc than it is a miscarriage?

The reason I wonder is because my boss had a natural miscarriage at 6 weeks before she had her eldest, she started bleeding one morning and by the time she got to hospital she had lost the baby.

Despite obviously being upset at her loss she just cant understand the level of grief and loss I feel, she keeps insisting im depressed because I havent got over it, its been 10 weeks!!!!!

I had, had a scan at 6 weeks when id had slight bleeding but everything was fine, had another scan at 8 weeks when we saw a strong heartbeat and got to 15 weeks thinking our baby was fine when I had a small amount of bleeding, left a&e after being told everything looked fine to then be told 2 days later that our baby had died then had to decide how to miscarry eventually chosing the surgical route.

im not saying its ever easy but is a mmc harder to accept than a natural miscarriage were you bleed? Or has she just forgotten how devastating it is now that she has 2 gorgeous healthy children?

Gritted teeth - I know what you mean. I can't call what is worse. I have loads of people saying "oh you'll be ok, you got pregnant so quickly so it will happen again". It's the sadness of the loss though. The girl next to me at work is pregnant with her first, due the same time I would be and it's so hard dealing with the loss. When I am sitting here with healthy children, I can't ever imagine I would be anything other than devastated thinking about the one that didn't make it. I also feel robbed of my pregnancy innocence for next time. So many emotions. Hope is the only thing keeping me going.

Oh and gritted teeth - I wasn't a mmc - still getting used to acronyms. I had to terminate due to neural tube defect at 15wk.

Gritted, I personally found mmc so cripplingly painful- there wasn't a hint for 12 weeks that anything was wrong, no bleeding, lots of symptoms, just a massive silence followed by '........... sorry to have to give you bad news' from the sonographer at my 12 week scan. It felt so unreal; how could anything have gone wrong without me having noticed? My body misleads me regularly- I have a neuro issue which flares occasionally, even when I'm happy (it's supposed to flare during stress), I've had MH issues, but I had thought (stupidly) that I had started to understand when and how I was being misled. I felt so stupid, and so useless and helpless.

Never having mc naturally, I couldn't compare the two (not sure I ever would, or would ever want to be in the position where I could).

I just want to be pregnant again, although I know if I were it would be the most terrifying experience, just waiting for scans and not trusting myself or symptoms.

My missed miscarriage was worse than my natural miscarriage. I mean, with the missed miscarriage id already had a scan and everything seemed fine. It was only at my next that I knew- I'd carried on having pregnancy symptoms. Also my baby had been dead for almost a month. Not only was I upset for my baby but also it felt like I had just wasted that past month having morning sickness, feeling tired and dizzy and stuff for nothing really. And id gotten a little bump already. I am more scared of having another missed miscarriage than I am of just having a miscarriage. If that makes any sense!

I would tend to agree that mmc is slightly harder than a spontaneous mc to come to terms with because you think everything is fine and then suddenly realise your baby has been dead for weeks and you didn't even realise. That's not to say that one loss is worse than the other though, every mc is shit and I think it also depends on the person how you cope with it.

Well, in my symptom spotting madness, today I'm getting my hopes up because I have no symptoms - boobs are much less sore than the last week and no more cramps . [dumps bucket of cod over own head]

Having only been pregnant once and having a natural mc I would perhaps think a mmc is worse.

When I realised I was bleeding and what happening, it was a full on bleed. No spotting, no threatened MC. It was done. There was nothing I could do.

However the waiting for your MC - that must be absolute torture because the hope in your mind is perhaps thinking "there is a slim chance my baby could be ok". And all the waiting.

The decision was taken out of my hands. That was it, job done and I could start to grieve straight away if that makes sense?

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does bonkers things like check dates for scans, EDD, names. Makes me feel slightly less alone.

I've been talking about my MC at work - I don't care about how people feel. I'm not ashamed of it. If anything a colleague who I don't really know asked me the other day if I had children and was I planning any. That threw me!!! No I don't have children, yes I am planning but sadly my baby just died - now fuck off!!! Which is slightly unfair.

Anyway I'm now fairly sure that all my shagging since MC means I'm not pregnant so now just want AF to start so I can start looking forward to ov. Going to buy clearblue opk's this month. Sod the cost. Can't be arsed to mess about with the cheapie ones.

Come on AF - hurry up!!! I just wanted to start again

Brummie, I feel the same- come on AF! Think this is the first time ever I've been dying for a visit!

Brummie, greysar - on Saturday when my first AF post erpc appeared I opened a bottle of champers!!

Waiting for AF for me was the worst part and I felt like I turned a corner and was able to hope for the future.

Haha my first AF post-SMM I think I had a cup of tea and a sob, well done Lou! We have a bottle of champers waiting for a special occasion- may well follow your very sensible lead and make that occasion the be next visit from AF

I has a natural miscarriage and an still devastated by it now, giving it took 6 years to concieve. I also had a 6 week scan and saw a heartbeat so though all would be ok, and my hubby was abroad when it happened. Still find it hard to talk, write, think about and have a lot of down times and can't stop thinking of how things would be progressing, and counting the weeks until my due date :( I think loosing ur baby is the worst thing that can happen to anyone which ever way it happens to come about x

Carly - I am so sorry for you loss. I think about my progression all of the time. Even just know, at lunch, two preggas ladies gossiping, they would have been about as far gone as me. I can't imagine I will ever stop thinking about my angel up there : )

I think you are absolutely right Carly,nothing prepares you for the devastation of losing your baby. I so wish none of us had to be in this sad situation.

I had a very slow natural miscarriage twice. It has it's advantages as you don't get any scary sudden blood loss, but to make your way back to being fertile again takes an eternity. So it gives with one hand and takes with another.

I think what every way you lose your baby is devastating. One of the biggest issues I faced was people had never heard of a complete molar pregnancy (including the majority of Doctors) so having to explain it was awful and I could not manage this without crying.
Another issue was the amount of time it took to get rid of the molar pregnancy, 10 months in total and four cycles of chemotherpy. People could not understand how I could still be so sick (neither could I!) and during this time my body was still producing pregnancy hormones.

I knew I was not pregnant but my body was screaming at me yes you are! yes you are!
It really is the worst thing I have ever been through. I remember some of the wonderful comments I also received which included....so your baby gave you cancer?.......why are you so upset if there was never actually a baby?.......your body must be really messed up if it still thinks you are pregnant.

I could not stand to be around pregnant women it got to the point that when I had a hospital appointment people would meet me in the car park and make sure the route I had to take was clear, I was in such a state. My wonderful long suffering Doctor also use to meet me in a coffee shop!

I am coming to terms with the fact that I will never be free from my molar pregnancy. I will be monitored for the rest of my life and nothing is going to change that. So over time you can move on but I will always be reminded of what I went through and that really sucks.

A part of me died with my molar angel.

It's all so sad, I am reading these posts sobbing for all of :( why did it have to be us? That's what I can't understand. I don't begrudge any one there babies but I can't get my head round why my best frien gets to have 3, all planned and all conceived within months of first trying, and I had to wait 6 years for mine to be taken away. And times like this reading these posts it all feels so raw...still :( I just want my angel baby back :( as I am sure all of you do too x

Another thing that really I am struggling with is 2 of my children I look after are on the verge of being taken off their parents, and mum is pregnant again! And plans to have 3 more after as she "has names picked out that she wants to use"!!! I have to be civil to this woman every day when all I really want to do is wrap her darling kiddies up and take them home with me and give them the life they deserve, life is so fucking shit sometimes!

50 degrees, I just googled molor pregnancy and I'm so so so sorry to hear you went through this ordeal. I'm shaken by it and don't want to continue reading.. You are a strong woman. How can people be so cruel and insensitive? Those comments are just disgusting. My heart goes out to you xxx