Upset as DH announced that we won't have enough money after all :(

[bellasorella]

We are supposed to start TTC in December. This has been the plan for a while. We have a combined income of £40k+ before tax but he is self employed with a variable monthly income (so some months will take home lots and others very little). He takes care of most of our finances and budgeting.

I assumed he knew what my mat pay would be, but apparently not. Having found out, he is now saying that if we have a baby next year (as planned) and I go on mat leave we won't be able to comfortably afford our rent and bills.

My argument: Why CAN'T we afford to when lots of couples with less money than us start families all the time and manage. Am wondering if perhaps we just have a different idea of 'living comfortably'.

Who is right here? Does it sounds like our bills must be too high?

Upset as we both really want a baby and, having been together for nearly 10 years and married for three, I really really don't want to wait for another few years :( What a blow.

He might be right, it depends on your outgoings, there is no way we could have afforded a child on a 40k income. But it wasn't the mat leave that was the issue but the nursery fees after going back to work that was the issue. Have you factored that in?

If you're only mid 20s I would wait until your debts are sorted and your car's paid off. You can't just have a year off because you want a baby now - you'll want babies later, too! If you are a broody person this will happen again and again. Focus on getting yourselves in a good financial position before you have a child.

How are you earning under £20,000 as a teacher?

He needs to stop wanting everything to be perfect. Having a baby is chaotic and noisy. None of it is perfect. I laugh at myself for ironing all the baby stuff while pregnant. None ever saw an iron again. Babies just need love, milk, to be clean and safe. They aren't bothered if their bedding matches or their clothes come from Asda or Next. So much money is wasted. Changing tables, travel systems with all the various bits, moses basket, bumpers, all stuff you don't need but cost £££.

Imperial- I'm not, just a little over that. DH earns about the same as me.

You are probably right. That's exactly what he says too. We should manage to pay off those things by the new year and have some money in the bank too. I guess he wants to build up our savings a bit more after we have done that. Hadn't considered that broodiness might not be something that goes away with one baby either!!!

Itsfab- I tell him this. We will get loads of second hand things from family too.

i don't have children, and one of the things stopping us TTC is money. it's not the ML that would be difficult - it's the childcare that we can't afford currently, even if all luxuries go. give it a few years though

Gemma, I know, he's always done it. He does share the spreadsheets with me so I have an idea what goes out and what goes in but he is just better at that job than me I suppose! I do question it and looks at where we can cut down.

Surely most couples have one person that tends to handle the finances more than the other?

We love our time together now as a young couple, but both feel we are ready to start a family and would happily sacrifice some of the things we do now.

I just (naively) didn't really believe that our bills were as high as they are.

Okay, so now you know. What have you done today to 1. figure out exactly how much you need to save to have a baby and 2. started cutting things from your expense sheet to reach that figure?

If you're not doing those things, then you don't really want a baby right now either and you're just letting DH be the meanie.

We've been married three years, so that's taken care of. We did want to own a house first but have both changed our minds about that. We would rather own a house first but would only be able to afford somewhere tiny, smaller than where we currently rent in not in as nice an area. DH wants to wait til we can afford a bigger deposit and therefore get a bigger house in a better area (for kids!).

Matilda, have realised that DH is not being a Meanie here, he is just trying to be realistic and we just differ on the amount we feel is enough to raise a family on. Am planning to pin him down at a good time to chat figures and saving again.

Never ever can anyone afford a baby in principle, but absolutely everyone makes it work if they want it too . Whilst on mat leave it's less travel expenses, less lunch buying at work, you do get child benefit which is extra £81 a month, less tax and your social life becomes a stay at home friends come over one which is loads cheaper. It is hard to make that decision but if you do you will see how much you can save as being frugal becomes an obsession hobbie if you like

Agree with dildoos. If we had waited for 'the perfect time' I suspect we'd still be childless. As it is we have 3 and manage on one salary - DH's, plus small amounts of SE work I do, but we moved to a slightly cheaper area prior to having DS2. Now we have DD as well, and things are tight, but manageable. Your priorities change a lot when children come along.

Just go for it. I'm sort of in the same-ish situation in terms of worrying financially, but as my older friends have said, even our friends and family, there is never a right time to have a baby. When it does happen things will magically all fit into place. Good luck x

Thank you :) Lots of people have told me that "there is never a right time" too, maybe there is truth in that :)