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Original poster

Youngest in school year vs. oldest?

30 replies

wispywoo1 · 24/10/2013 09:34

I had a mc 4 weeks ago and I am just coming to the end of my AF. Me and my DP would like to wait atleast another month however getting pregnant in November will more than likely lead to an August baby - ie youngest in the year. A December baby will probably lead to a September baby (assuming the baby is not early).

I've been weighing this up and understand that an August baby will mean a year less of childcare however I'm worried that the child would struggle academically. Does anyone have any experience of making this decision? I know that parental support is more significant than age however I know boys are often late bloomers/quite immature etc.

Also, another thing playing on my mind is being pregnant over Christmas. Quite a few of my family know I had a mc, if I an not drinking they will jump to conclusions and guess I'm pg. I don't mind them knowing I just don't want the whole "next Christmas when the babies here..." for it to end in another mc etc.

OP posts:
fluffythelabcat · 24/10/2013 09:45

At this point I would just be happy to get that BFP but I understand your reservations. The cleverest person I know was a July baby (female though) so I think there are more important factors. I am also thinking about the Christmas issue, it is hard enough refusing drink at any time of year if you are usually a big drinker (as I am) but at Christmas it is nearly impossible if you don't want people to read into it!!

flymo79 · 24/10/2013 10:03

hey wispy and sorry for your mc. I've had this debate with friends who are on IVF and refused to consider an august baby, but another friend who has a very bright DD who is an august baby. My DP is also a primary teacher and says it's all nonsense. I would just go for it, you will be delighted to get your BFP whenever it comes. And as for chrimbo, it's something we've probably all thought about but for all the worry I've had about it no-one has yet said anything about me not drinking (I try not to in the 2ww, just to make sure I can more than anything!), and if your family know about your MC you can always just say you're being careful and they should understand...

fluffythelabcat · 24/10/2013 10:10

If I did happen to be very early pregnant at Christmas I would just say I am trying not to put too much weight on this year, I have been known to put on 5lb over two weeks at Christmas!! I have been cutting back during the 2WW then drinking after AF arrives so my friends don't know what to think!!

eurochick · 24/10/2013 10:44

I actually waited a month to start ttc for this reason.

Now, three years on we are about to embark on IVF#4 around the time that would probably give us an August date, should we be successful. I couldn't care less.

Original poster
wispywoo1 · 24/10/2013 12:13

oh you're all making me want to start NOW! Well, after AF...! Wink

Sorry to heart about your struggles eurochick. Fingers crossed for you for this round of IVF! I think I am just bring too optimistic assuming it will happen quickly. I have it in my mind that I will mc again though and really don't want it to ruin Christmas. Arrg why can't the men do all of this?

OP posts:
YDdraigGoch · 24/10/2013 12:20

I think it all depends on the child's ability. I have an August DD, who I think would have been better off starting school a year later. At the beginning, she was not very confident, and didn't settle well. However, she was bright, and towards the top of her cohort in terms of ability, so academically she was fine. I did notice the difference between her and some of her Sept/Oct born friends though in terms of maturity. It showed as late as 16/17 in their approach to time management and other things.

Also - real bummer as far as she was concerned, she was unable to join the other 98% of her year to celebrate the A Level results down the pub as they came out before her 18th birthday!!

AND - her birthday was always in the school holidays, so impossible to organise a party - everyone was always away. We resorted to having her parties at the beginning of school in Sept, but every year she got at least 2 or 3 cards with the wrong age on because of that.

Amedea · 24/10/2013 12:22

At my primary school, the less well-behaved children tended to be younger in the year. I don't think there was any major trend from my experience that suggested that being older would benefit a child academically, but the ones in my year who did poorly at school did so mainly because they were badly behaved, i.e. couldn't/wouldn't sit still, listen, concentrate... So I think that being older going into school might give a bit of advantage just in terms of maybe being better-behaved and more receptive, but that's not necessarily age-related anyway.

The only other thing I'd add is that having a birthday in December (as I do) is rubbish! So I will avoid ttc in March/April...

nomorecrumbs · 24/10/2013 12:26

I don't think it's worth trying to plan these things too much TBH.

I was a summer baby and was put in groups with children at school almost 2 years older. I did struggle socially all the way through though with a lack of confidence and never quite shook off the feeling I was the "baby"!

Maybe try after Xmas, then you can drink!

cathpip · 24/10/2013 12:27

My niece was 6 weeks prem and ended up being born on the 22nd aug, my sister was very worried about how she would cope as she is also very small for her age, she needn't have worried. Niece took some getting used to school but thrived, the only thing she moans about is having to wait soooo long for her birthday!

LePetitPont · 24/10/2013 12:40

We started off assuming we'd just get pregnant immediately so deliberately put off starting trying so we'd not catch in December - March (pretty much end of financial year as my husband is a busy bee accountant). But now we have been trying for some time, I would just be delighted whenever!

Again, one of our cleverest, most successful (male) friends was born at the end of August so not really sure that holds.

However - agree the not drinking over Christmas one is definitely more tricky! As a clear alcohol afficionado someone who enjoys the occasional tipple in social situations, like you, going to have some awkward questions if I get knocked up this month. GOing to be lots of driving everywhere, methinks...

Original poster
wispywoo1 · 24/10/2013 16:05

YD everything you have said is what I've been concerned about! I don't think it makes a difference academically, more socially. I was born at the end of June and I did well in my GCSEs, did a degree, post grad etc, but I do remember feeling like the 'baby'. One of the most intelligent men I know was born the very end of August. He now loves the fact that his friends are all practically a yr older! I suppose what will be will be!

OP posts:
NewbieMcNewbie · 24/10/2013 16:12

I think this is just something that either matters to you or it doesn't. So many of my friends say they didn't give a second thought to the month of birth when they were ttc. In fact I've never heard anyone admit they planned it around the academic calendar.

BUT...I'm not sure I believe them. It definitely was part of our plan. We stopped ttcing in the autumn months so as to avoid a summer birth. Started in December both times. And I was factoring in a mc and an ectopic pg and being the wrong side of 35. It just mattered a lot to me. I didn't want to risk my child having any disadvantage if I could help it - plenty of other stuff will be beyond my control.

NewbieMcNewbie · 24/10/2013 16:14

And yes, we all know lots of clever successful people born in August.

That does not disprove the fact that summer borns "generally" don't do as well, in the early years anyway.

Flibbertyjibbet · 24/10/2013 16:17

You can do all the planning you want and end up with a premature baby due in October but born late August like my friend did.

Xmasbaby11 · 24/10/2013 16:22

I would avoid an August birth if it only means waiting a month. It is a general trend that August-borns struggle at school.

LePetitPont · 24/10/2013 17:06

NewbieMcNewbie your post piqued my interest as work in public health and I clearly should know better re. individual experiences vs population trends. So did a google and now am a bit scared by the compelling evidence that August tiddlers don't do as well... eek! www.theguardian.com/uk/2007/oct/25/schools.education

BlingBang · 24/10/2013 17:10

I had two summer babies, boys as well which s considered worse. They are doing great and are in the high sets and never a problem with their behaviour at school. Some believe being the youngest can also affect their chances at sports and some theory also backs this up.

Would rather they were older than the youngest as I did worry about this, also would have been nice to have them at one longer. They looked so small going off to school when they had just turned four. If it had been Scotland, they would have had an extra year at home with me.

ZombieMonkeyButler · 24/10/2013 17:15

I have a lovely teacher friend who was always very determined not to have an August baby.

After 6 years of TTC naturally & four rounds of IVF, she was absolutely thrilled to give birth - 5 weeks early & in August - to beautiful twin girls.

I may be a little biased, as I am a very late July baby myself and daughter of an August born mum, who was incredibly intelligent & top of her academic year at school. My own DD is also an August baby, so I suppose I am hoping she doesn't suffer as a result too! DS1 was born in September and has struggled throughout school, however.

I'm sorry about your MC, but, quite honestly, I would concentrate on getting that BFP rather than the month the baby might be born in.

PuppyMummy · 24/10/2013 17:19

im a year head at a secondary school, its not always the case that the oldest do better or that they r less naughty. Some of my 'worst' pupils r the older ones.

I wouldn't worry about this while ttc, its stressful enough as it is.

NewbieMcNewbie · 24/10/2013 17:31

See, I knew everyone would pile in to tell you about they clever clogs Aug borns and their struggling Sept borns. My own DH is a summer born and has degrees from both Oxford and Cambridge.

These are exceptions to the rule.

Of course it's not a given. We're not stupid. But why take chances if you can hold off a month or two?

FortyFacedFuckers · 24/10/2013 17:37

My DS is one of the youngest in his class and although he is by far the smallest he has always been in the highest groups for all subjects. He is quite shy and doesn't have a lot of confidence but I don't think that's down to age. I really wouldn't worry about it too much and just TTC when ready. Good luck Smile

AngusAndElspethsThistleWhistle · 24/10/2013 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joycep · 24/10/2013 18:03

I am sure it's a load of balls! I am an October baby and I can safely say I was never top of the class and probably struggled more than others academically. Very clever parent and brother so It's luck of the draw at the end of the day. Your child will be what it will be. I must say I have always hated being one of the oldest in my year as well.
But I would just not even bother thinking about these kinds of things. You have no idea what Mother Nature has planned....but I have a warped perspective as I conceived very quickly then had a m/c and more than 3.5 years later, still no child so as you can imagine this concept seems very unimportant to me. Just crack on with things I say - don't hang around! Good luck.

loveandsmiles · 24/10/2013 18:08

Astonished you would plan a baby around when they would start schoolShock

A baby is a blessing and as long as they are healthy that is the main thing. They are also unpredictable and can arrive early / late!

neolara · 24/10/2013 18:18

Statistically, summer borns are disadvantaged academically at every stage, even (I think) at university. Certainly at A level and GCSEs. My dc1 is a July birthday. When she first started school, she was massively behind her peers. Now she is in Year 5 academically she is fine. However, socially I think the age thing continues to make a big impact. It seems like she is always playing "catch up". Her teacher commented the other day that she acts very young compared to her classmate. She does. But that's because she's the youngest in her class. If she was being compared to the girls in the year below (some only weeks younger than her), she would seem exceptionally mature.

My dc3 was due at the beginning of September. I kept my legs crossed and sat on the sofa immobile for the last week of my pregnancy in an attempt to make it to Sept 1st. Fortunately, it worked. She's now at nursery and everything is easier for her than it was for her sister. DC3 is taller, has better language skills, is more independent, has better social skills etc - all because she is old for her year instead of young. The knock on effect is that everyone wants to be her friend and she is bursting with confidence.

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