How do you deal with the emotional rollercoaster? :-(

[VJONES1985]

Okay, I'm brand new to this and I realise many of you will be rolling your eyes at this because your journey has been longer than mine. Perhaps I don't have the 'right' to be talking about emotional ups and downs after only two weeks but I think something we all have in common is the feeling of worry,fear, disappointment.

How have you dealt with these feelings so far? Any advice for newbies like me?

Today I'm convinced I'm not going to ovulate this month because I'm on cd12 with no signs of it, but yesterday I was sure it'd all be fine. Last week, I just knew it'd take months of pain to conceive but this week I don't quite think so. How do I stop myself going mad? I get so jealous of friends with babies!!

Same here. I'm on my 4th month and it's killing me. I don't know. I'm ok for the first two weeks of my cycle, but then I've started getting terrible PMS a couple of days after ovulation, so I'm weepy and ratty and depressed and angry and can't see any way forward. And then AF starts and I just think it's never gonna happen. I've resolved to have 'accidental' babies in future: to just not use contraception and let nature take its course when it will. I'd do that now, but we're so desperate to have a kid that I'm all charting and OPKs and prescribed sex .

Same. And it's a shame because it shouldn't be prescribed and stressful like that but we have to hold onto the fact that some day, some how, we will get there.

2 years of feeling like this for me. It awful :(

I'm sorry, twinklestar. Any clues as to the reason why?

Hubby's sperm is borderline. He's on the vits, has given up smoking, cut right back on drinking - even cut it out for 3 months - to try and improve things. Have just had a failed ivf cycle. It's very hard. Never thought this would happen to me when I joined these conception boards.

No, I doubt anyone does. I know I personally swing from being sure it'll happen quickly to thinking we will have loads of problems but I guess that's natural when it's something we wish we could control but we just can't. Will you get more ivf?

Have one embryo frozen so will do that and if it doesn't work we have to pay.

When I first started trying I got in to a right tizz. Cried when my first period arrived. By the 2nd month I was panicking I wasn't ovulating as I never had a opk surge, convinced i would need ivf. However I fell pregnant that month. Wind on more than 3 years and I am still childless. Unexplained infertility. One round of ivf ended in another miscarriage this year.
But it is weird because I feel more sane (well apart from after m/c) now than when I was at your stage. I am not really trying or putting much effort in any more as i dint believe it will hsppen naturally. I certainly dont care very much when AF arrives. I have seen many many posters plus friends over the years who had fears like you and they had nothing to worry about. It did happen for them and it is bound to for you too.
I think it is very important to go into TTC and think it could take at least a year. Even some people take 2 years yet there is nothing really wrong. Try and focus on all the great things in your life. Have things planned, have a hobby- anything to keep you occupied and fulfilled on something else. I know it is easier said than done. It has been one hell of an emotional roller coaster and it is very easy to lose the plot but sometimes you just need to regroup.
I am sure things will work out just fine for you. Good luck!

Twinklestar - fx for you

joycep - thank you for your story and I'm sorry to hear that. It is your sort of story that makes me realise I should stop being silly and only get upset if I need to. But a new journey is a scary one, I think. Will certainly do what you suggest and try to focus on other things.

it is such a flaming roller coaster! And its making me quite (secretly) obsessive and unhinged.

my journey hasn't been all that long either started ttc in Feb and i pregnant by start of May miscarried at 9 weeks but baby was only six.

This was my first full cycle since mc and I was convinced I was pregnant again, we dtd all month long and especially over the fertile window but I got my period today. Im only 11dpo but had poas three times already and told myself the spotting yesterday was implantation. I'm just heartbroken (a bit dramatic but I just want it so bad, I feel I need to be pregnant by my due date).

My dp wants it too but won't obsess over it like me he just says 'if it happens it happens' and has started getting annoyed if I mention dates or anything because it puts pressure on us.

I have no idea how to push it to the side and relax a bit .

Neither do I, pizza queen, it's the one thing I want so badly in this world. I have everything else.

It does get less rollercoaster-y the longer it goes on. I'm 20 months into TTC and way more balanced about it compared to the first six months. You just adjust; you suddenly realise you aren't thinking about it as much as you were, or your period comes and you don't burst into tears over it. Don't get me wrong, it's still awful, and there are really bad times, but day to day, it isn't so bad anymore. I guess it helps that we've started down the doctor / hospital / clinic route now and have had various tests.

One thing that helped me was when I passed 9 months of TTC, because then I had passed all the events where at the start of TTC I thought I might be up the duff... "Oh, at so-and-so's wedding I will probably be pregnant!" or "When we're on holiday in Greece I'll be pregnant" etc. Once you pass those moments and stop thinking in this way, all the milestones and looked-forward-to events go back to being fun things and not reminders of something sad, which helps.

Moggle - that's so helpful and really made me think, thank you. And good luck to you.

Moggle the milestones still make me feel sad, 2 years later :(

I am very very fortunate to have ds but have so far failed to conceive dc2 after trying for 17months.

We are "unexplained" which sends my control freakery into the stratosphere. Why cant we do it when we managed it before?

Because I fell quite quickly with ds after stopping the pill I don't think I ever really knew my cycle or pms symptoms so I'm both obsessive and self delusional every month. When I feel horribly nauseous I still think its a good sign when in reality it happens every month and I still get a bfn.

I have been in tears at work today because I'm on 12dpo and temp dipped this morning after a lp where they've been much higher than normal. You cling cling cling to any tiny sign it might be happening this month. I feel my life is on hold until the family I always envisioned is complete.

I feel so selfish, as if ds isn't enough. Its very hard. I'm normally ok one or two days into af, but hate this bit.

Sorry none of that was very helpful was it!

It was helpful because it shows how normal it really is to be feeling all sorts of emotions. My thoughts are with you!

That's kind, thank you. I will probably spend this evening googling "temp dip at 12dpo but still got a bfp" as my insanity reaches epic proportions.

I can really see the benefits of just dtd as much as possible and not reading up on conception too much, but of course that's almost impossible!

It is. At least it is for me. I started a thread a while ago about how you stop yourself 'trying'. I'm clearly still working on that!

When you want something so badly, it's hard. Especially in a world where we are used to monitoring and controlling everything.

Waves to everyone hello! It's driving me bonkers as well, it's probably the hardest test my marriage has been through... Dh just doesn't get what it's like temping and peeing on sticks all of the time... I tested this morning (8dpo) but I sort of know I'm not this month.... My temp hasn't gone up at all after opk surge... So I don't think I ovulated. Sob.

I have no advice on how to make it easier, every month is a nightmare for us still

Aww, how long have you been trying?

This will be month 9...!

One of my friends conceived in month nine. She said they increased dtd to every day and sometimes twice a day that month. Good luck!

Thank you, you too!!