tame and wish
I just read back a bit. I cannot profess to understand how you are both feeling right now but I would like to point something out. I hope I am not speaking out of turn.
With this infertility malarkey each period, each time you have sex, each time you walk past mothercare it is a neon sign that 'we' cannot do the simplest of tasks that all life has done since the beginning of time - reproduce.
This means that we grieve for our fertility and our humanity and For you the lost opportunity as the goal has not been achieved. Not to mention that due to the drugs, the bleeding, the hormone, swollen breasts etc we are constantly carrying around d this burden of infertility - there is no reprieve. Just a mass of hope and despair simultaneously. And for those of us who believe in controlling our destiny/working for what we have, there is the double burden of putting all of what we use to get on in lie, into the hands of another.
So, with all that in mind, when it goes wrong of course you will struggle. You are grieving for so much with and without your partners. There is so much to make sense of, so many plans to change/adjust. Its huge and you do not have to be strong. Recognise that you have a lot to deal with, I cannot suggest enough to speak with people (counsellors and loved ones), don't hold back the grief.
It is natural to feel how you do.
Sorry if I have preached or waffled unnecessarily but my therapist pointed a lot of this out to me and told me it was ok to feel how I felt when others got pregnant. And it really, really helped with letting myself feel the grief then only when I was ready, put it away.
Fish.x