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Conception

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Original poster

Gap Between Children

36 replies

gapsize · 21/05/2006 09:25

Does anyone have a large gap between their children? (over 3 and a half years) and how does it work?
Just wondering if it is worth it or not. Would dearly love another child but worried that even if we try now and it happens straight away no problems etc there would be nearly four years, and I am a bit concerned they would have nothing in common and it would actually be harder on DD rather than more fun for her.
Can anyone give their feelings either way...

OP posts:

Riddo · 21/05/2006 09:35

I have 5 and a half years between mine due to combo of PND and infertility. DD (now 11.5) was desparate for a sibling. DS is(now 6). It was great when ds was a baby and toddler as dd was at school so I had a lot of time to spend with him and dd loved playing with him and helping look after him. Now they are either at each others throats and screaming and shouting or getting on beautifully. There is not much middle ground. I think it's partly due to the age gap but has more to do with their very different personalities and dd's raging hormones. It can be quite difficult practically esp on holiday as dd and ds are not into the same things (the beach being an exception) and cinema trips and things can be awkward. We do a lot of trips with one child to one parent. I wouldn't be without either of them but it's been quite hard.

I think dd would have been very spoilt had we not had ds as my parents are local. It's been good for her to have to share Granny.

Sorry this is such a long answer.

Kidstrack · 21/05/2006 09:35

i have a gap of just under 4yrs, i don't consider it a large gap but others might, we started ttc when ds was 21/2 i finally conceived when ds was 3.3yrs and dd was born 2 weeks short of ds 4th birthday, it has worked wonders for us and ds is now nearly 7 and dd is 3 in 2 weeks

Twiglett · 21/05/2006 09:35

I have 3 sisters the eldest 2 are 18 months apart and the next 2 are 2 years apart ... me? I'm 9 years younger than my eldest sister and 5 years younger than my next youngest sister

its fab

stop worrying

if you want a baby have one .. and the gap will be the best thing any family could ever have (I'd lay money on it and you feeling sorry for families who have different gaps )

catj · 21/05/2006 09:49

I have 4 girls.8 years between dd1 and the dts (I didn't want more than one child and then my hormones took over ). I was worried about how the little one would keep up but it worked out ok cos they have each other! Dd1 was ok because she was/is old enough to understand and being at school meant she was fairly independent and had her own interests. The twins are now nearly 3 and dd4 is 9wks (although not at home at the mo but that is another story) but dd1 is great with them-reads stories,plays with them etc (sure they argue too but what siblings don't? )

Waswondering · 21/05/2006 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyMumof2 · 21/05/2006 09:56

ds was 4yrs 4mtgs when dd was born. I don't think of it as a large gap either. The way I saw it was that as I'm young I would rather spread things out a little as I've got the choice. If I had another (I'm not sure I will) I would want another big age gap.

I can honestly say it's been easy. I worried myself sick during my pregnancy feeling really guilty on ds as we were so close and I felt so bad, but I needn't have worried. I don't remember the newborn bit being difficult (and I'm a single parent - have been since dd was born) I was taking him to school on the Monday after having her on the Friday. It all worked well as I knew as long as I got up and got ds out the house, he was getting his time at school, away from the baby, and I was getting my time with her.

Dd has always been very easy. She just fell into a routine, I think because of school run etc it was the same every day.

She is a lovely toddler, very bright as she's picked up lots from ds. They play very well together and ds is very protective of her. They have their moments (when they gang up on me!) but they don't really fight, I think because ds knows he's that much older and bigger than her.

I would say go for it, definately. I would never chose to have children close together. I'm a childminder and found it such hard work having dd and my mindee (a year younger)

With a big(ish) age gap you get to enjoy them properly!

Enid · 21/05/2006 09:58

3.5 years btween dd2 and 3

5 years beyween me and sis - have great relationship

Christie · 21/05/2006 09:59

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Christie · 21/05/2006 09:59

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Christie · 21/05/2006 10:00

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WideWebWitch · 21/05/2006 10:00

I have a 6yr gap between ds and dd as I had them with different husbands. It's great, there was very little jealousy from ds and they get on really well together, they are now 8.5 and 2.5. It's really a joy to see them together, she misses him when he's not here and he's very protective of her and proud to have a small sister. All very Charlie and Lola in our house, it's lovely, go for it. Plus you actually do get some time with the baby during the day because the older one is at school.

Auntymandy · 21/05/2006 10:02

21months between ds1 and dd
21 months between dd and ds2
8yrs between ds2 and ds3 and 21months between ds3 and ds4

HappyMumof2 · 21/05/2006 10:03

WWW, my two are so much like Charlie and Lola too, lol

Kittypickle · 21/05/2006 10:07

I have 4.8 years between my two which is by chance an almost identical gap as between me and my brother. My brother and I hated each other for many years where as my two get on much better than I expected (having hated my brother so much !) . The only thing I regret is that I have managed to get myself a gap of 5 school years between my two because of where their birthdays where as my Mum sensibly found herself with 4. Hers was planned whereas my was one of those happy accidents.

DD did struggle with jealousy when he got to around 1 but having a sibling has completely changed her and she has got much more confidence and loves having an ally when I am losing the plot. It's lovely to go somewhere and see them go off and play together. I think it is going to get harder when DD's hormones kick in but we're in the lucky position of having a fair amount of space in the house and garden so it will be pretty easy to seperate them when friends come round etc.

Kidstrack · 21/05/2006 10:10

thats funny i always think of charlie and lola with my 2 aswell, ds is always explaining things to dd

Original poster

gapsize · 21/05/2006 10:28

Thanks everyone! I guess I just needed to hear the success stories, feeling a bit down today that DD hasn't already got a sibling but need to stop the regrets and get on with it! Many thanks. As you say Twiglett, it will end up being the best gap ever I am sure!

OP posts:

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 21/05/2006 23:10

i have a small gap between my two but I had a big gap between me and my brothers - they are 6 and 8 years older than me and there's no way I'd be without them. (although I guess your real question is more about whther they'd be without me! I don;t think they would...)At times I was a bit like an only child but it was great when i was 14 and they'd take me to the pub and look after me. We've all ended up having kids at the same time and it's lovely that dds have cousins of a similar age. any siblings is better than none (imho and without offence to only children or parents thereof etc etc)

NotAnOtter · 21/05/2006 23:16

my children have gaps of ds1two years dd two-years ds2 six years ds3 3years ds4!

How unclear is that?
Suffice to say all gaps work in different ways..

DS1 is nearly 14 years older than ds4 and its fabulous - they worship one another!

I plan more just figuring out what gap to have!

myturn · 21/05/2006 23:21

There is 15mths between dd1 and dd2, and 15mths between dd3 and dd4 (not planned, just wonderfully accidental)

The gap between dd2 and dd3 is 5yrs. The older girls do not have a lot in common with the younger girls playwise, but they are wonderful with them. Very protective and loving. I really don't think age is so much a factor as personality. dd1 is very close to dd4 despite there being 6 yrs difference and dd2 has bonded with dd4, with 5 yrs difference. I do think that older children love to have younger siblings. My girls are constantly asking for me to have another baby despite there being so many of them already .... it's not going to happen unfortunately.

handlemecarefully · 21/05/2006 23:27

I have just a small gap of 21 months between mine (2.1 and 3.10). I actually think I may have been a bit better off waiting a little - because 2 preschoolers are bloody hard work. May have been a bit more manageable to have something like 3 or 4 years gap(so that I would only have had one at home at a time - i.e. one a baby and the other in Reception class)

brimfull · 21/05/2006 23:32

Well I have an 11 yr gap between my two because of fertility problems.Definately wouldn't have done it like this if it was up to me.Funnily enough they still bicker and having a toddler and a teen makes for a crap sex life.
Don't worry,take what comes.

Moomin · 21/05/2006 23:35

dd1 is 4 years older than dd2, who is now 7.5 months. we didn't plan on the gap but it took us 2 years to get pg with dd2. the gap is great actually. dd1 is old enough to (kind of) reason with about dd2's needs. dd1 is very helpful and has also started pre-school and so has her own little life starting outside of the home, so she hasn't been starved of attention as such, with dd2's arrival. dd2 adores her big sister - her face lights up as soon as dd1 comes in the room. and personally speaking i don't think i'd have coped with two 'babies' - it's been hard enough with a little girl and a baby, and they're both very easy overall, so i shouldn't complain! i'm just glad that dd1 is so independent.

mosschops30 · 21/05/2006 23:38

there is an 8 year gap between dd and ds, wasnt planned that way but thats life.

dd adores ds, dotes on him, its worked out very well and a lot less stressful that having a toddler and a baby when shouting 'pass me the wipes' when i'm up to my neck in poo

sallystrawberry · 21/05/2006 23:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jabberwocky · 22/05/2006 00:28

There's another thread on this somewhere. The consensus on that one seemed to be that less than 2 years apart was very, very hard in the beginning but better later on. 3 to 4 years apart seemed good all the way around.

Coincidentally, ds will be 3.4 when lo is born in December.

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