The Genuine BESH Palais. To misquote Carlsberg, we're probably the barrenest TTC-ers in the world...

[HesterShaw]

We are Barren. We are Evil, on account of having left procreating until our 30s. We are Selfish, thinking only of careers and money and cars and holidays. And lastly, we are Hags. Welcome to the BESH gin palace. Babydusters and instadiffers need not apply.

It didn't happen more than the once, thankfully. Though HOTB visited once, I took him into town and on the way home we had to navigate police, ambulance, and two men dripping blood all over everywhere... It was a nice place to live most of the time, though. Except during England-Wales rugby matches (right in the middle of England's dominant run up to World Cup victory): I kept quiet on match days

I spent a year in Swansea. Oh those Friday nights down Wind Street.....

It was always Monday nights out for me - student discount night in most places. On the occasions we went out on other nights, town seemed much rougher - like the aforementioned fighting guys littering Kingsway with blood and teeth...

Can't we just dip the buzzwams in glitter instead. The tassels have brought about all this angst which makes me think they are borderline evil.

euro it was a quick morning mercy shag. Tbh, I had forgotten all about that one (not that there are loads to choose from) which is why I had looked at the nurse as though she was fucking bat shit crazy when she said she had two positive tests (hence I made her do another one).

raff & hest you are both beautiful. Just stay away from vans and the sun. I cannot believe someone squirted at you raff. That's well nasty.

jeff fanks luv.

rasp have a wipe down with some monkfish and repeat 'I rock' twenty times.

Hi to everyone else and thanks for your lovely posts.

Norks x

Waaahhhhooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so late to this party, Noks, I'm am covered in glitter and shaking my fat booty and jiggling my buzzwams with glee for you!! Epic congrats!

This is all too exciting. I need a lie-down..

noks I'm afraid I don't know your back-story or whether you've name-changed, but I'm delighted to have been able to break out the tassles! Although you've not done us barrens any help - it's bad enough being asked by a 12 year old fertility consultant whether the penis is inside the vagina when it ejaculates - without you running around pretending you don't know how it happened!

cap'n what a wonderfully energetic shake about ! My favourite so far. Thank you. Here, have a Jane Austen bonnet, some breeches and a dollop of mackerel page for your efforts.

donks four and a half years ttc, MC six months in and nothing since so decided to go for ivf before I was carted off to the nuthouse. Failed round of ivf in March 2013. Since my failed round my body has been all over the place so I really didn't think I could be. I had convinced myself that I ovulated in early April and that we dtd in time, but then had what I thought were two periods in a week, hence my surprise. Next time Harry Potter the Fertility Consultant asks you a dumbass question, you should tell him that you do know Percy Penis goes in and out of Virginia Vagina until those two naughty boys, Ernest Ejaculation and Stephen Sperm, pay a visit. Stephen then goes on a wonderful adventure and travels through the magical tube to see Enid Egg.

Ffs, did he really ask you that ?!

norks you really do make me I'm so pleased for you.

In other happy news - it's Star Trek day!

I've got my tickets booked for tomorrow, Twink

Bloody hell, noks. That really is a FCFU. Nice work.

About 5 mins ago I started seeing zigzags in front of my eyes. They are spreading. Did the dr mistakenly remove a part of my brain yesterday or something?

Migraine? After effects of anaesthetic?

euro that's not normal. Have you drunk enough water today ? Go to the quack if it continues. Xx

twonks I am wearing Spock ears in your honour. Who is your favourite ? Are you going to the IMAX ?

Norks pliz to come over to PESH when the shock has worn off (if you're anything like me that will be in about another 6 weeks!).

jeff where is The PESH ? Can I stay here too ? I like all this lot because they dance and say funny things and put glitter on their boobies and EVERYTHING.

nokkie oh yes. We were asked which hole we put it in. Imagine out surprise to discover there was a difference!

The PESH are over over here but as a general rule new differs lurk there to start and post after a while. Generally PESH will continue to mark our spot on the BESH thread to keep an eye on you! :)

Still can't believe Jeffers is a PESH :).

bet she can't either

You do know that at the end of being a PESH, you will have an Actual Baybee, don't you?

Who is MsJupiterJones pliz?

faif fanks. I shall stay here for a while, see how things pan out and then come over if all is going well. I will lurk in the meantime though.....how is Faithlet ? All good with you both ?

donks un fucking real. You should have asked them to do a demonstration for you.

joops used to be a blondish-red head.

Our GP asked if we'd been sechsing regularly...he had a couple who claimed to be TTC for two years with no joy, turns out he was in the RAF and had been abroad for 12 months of the 24 so I can understand him checking! Tis a bit beyond to check you're using the right hole though!

Aaaahh.

All this NCing baffles me. You would never catch me doing it, no siree....

When I initially went to see the idiot GP, she said "You seem very worried about it. Calm down. I doubt there's a problem. Look at all these celebrities who get pregnant in their 40s."

hest she should have her doctors badge (or whatever) taken away from her. She should also have a slap with a rotting haddock. Stupid fucking woman.

Hest I still struggle to believe that there will be an actual baby at the end of this. Everyday I say to SSG '.... A little baby' he thinks I'm more mental than ever.

Like Faif I can't seem to leave the BESH. It's where I feel at home. With the glittery boobs and talk of fish.

It's because I'm here isn't it? Admit it. You can't leave me

Yes, Hest. You are absolutely right.

Also because the talk of an Actual Baybee & the shenanigans that come with it terrify me. I tried posting on the October Bus in ante natal but it's a bit too enthusiastic & 'Hun' for a seasoned ESH.