Five and the Mystery of the Declining Fertility - the BESH engage the services of the Famous Five to track down their baybees and finish with lashings of ginger beer. Topping!

[ArielThePiraticalMermaid]

Morning everyone, just let me wolf down this amazing meal of tinned tongue, hardboiled eggs and ginger beer (don't you find food always tastes so much better outside?) and we'll toddle off on our latest adventure. We'll make sure Anne does the washing up (you'll make a proper little housewife and no doubt the fecund mother of four fine sons one day Anne ) and us boys can have the proper adventures! No, not you George - you're nearly as good as a boy but not quite. Leave the actual procreating to me and Dick. Woof woof! Shut up Timmy!

Ah as I expected - she was an instadiffer with DC1.

Quelle surprise

Careful, faif and frank. We are probably under surveillance now for being mean about people on other threads. Maybe they have cottoned on to the E in BESH.

I fort pessaries went up the other way

Oh no, that's suppositories, isn't it?

I am so full.

They're all a bunch of cunts

God, I SO can't imagine planning a baby, making a baby and giving birth to a baby. It's impossible. It only happens to women on thread like those.

The 'hide thread' option is the only thing that has saved me from being banned by now. True fact.

I even hate myself today. I am a barren old hag with a cat who's not even that fussed on me.

Cats aren't fussed on anyone. That is The Way Of The Cat.

I feel the same today. I want everybody to piss off and leave me alone.

I'm going to have some rice pudding. So there.

ω

Ok ignore last crazy post.

I just see a row of symbols Rie. That last one is the currency symbol for the Japanese Yen. The funny double-s thing is used in racing and is referred to as "the double squiggle". It usually appears next to a horse's name to denote that the horse is unreliable! i've no idea what it actually means in "real" life

One looked like a bum, I swear. I found them on my phone.

Are you bored deary? I'm sure cook could find you some chores to do if you like....

No, just trying to post something non ranty and bitter. Couldn't think of anything else.

This will help

Will get off phone and onto proper computer. If only I could have an adorable kitten it might make up for the babyfail. A kitten which doesn't grow into a sneering, scornful, bitey, disapproving madam.

How do I wake the kittens up?

I want a dog. I reckon dogs are better substitutes for baybees than cats. More loving. A cat is probably a good substitute for a teenage child though.

Dogs aren't as cuddly though. And they smell. And eat faeces.

Trust me, hamsters are rubbish baybee substitutes!

It's the trigger shot that gives you a false positive, Frankel. It contains HCG and can stay in your system for up to 10 days, apparently. The fanny bullets contain progesterone. They won't give you a false positive on a test but might give you preggo types symptoms as prog levels go up in pregnancy.

I did GSCE German, but can't remember any of it. Wie komme ich zum bahnhof bitte? Or something.

I need kittens. Dogs have scrabbly paws that make cuddling precarious and nerve-wracking.

You are all naughty bad beshes and you will be spanked and sent to bed without any supper.