Five and the Mystery of the Declining Fertility - the BESH engage the services of the Famous Five to track down their baybees and finish with lashings of ginger beer. Topping!

[ArielThePiraticalMermaid]

Morning everyone, just let me wolf down this amazing meal of tinned tongue, hardboiled eggs and ginger beer (don't you find food always tastes so much better outside?) and we'll toddle off on our latest adventure. We'll make sure Anne does the washing up (you'll make a proper little housewife and no doubt the fecund mother of four fine sons one day Anne ) and us boys can have the proper adventures! No, not you George - you're nearly as good as a boy but not quite. Leave the actual procreating to me and Dick. Woof woof! Shut up Timmy!

How do we know none of them are barren though? They might be. Rowan for one, might be a MAN!!!!!!!!

We are being spied on, spied on, I tells you. "To the Faraway Tree, quicksharp".

Easy way to flush out MNHQ (OliviaMumsnet at least):

TSSDNCOP

If that fails:

"Sam Seaborn is the worst character in West Wing!

^ only joking, obv!

It's a West Wing thing - OliviaMumsnet is a WingNut. It stands for:

The Secret Service Do Not Comment On Procedure.

It comes from an episode after someone shoots at the President and the Secret Service agent in charge says the above when asked how it happened.

Olivia often uses it when refusing to comment on why HQ have done something we all want to know about

I missed all the fun! Who did you mock, you evil bugsie? And don't we quite often do that? Because we're bitter and jealous?

I went to work and came home just after lunch, finishing off some bits and pieces, than a sneaky nap, I think.

Right what did I miss, except norf's performance as posh-in-holy-trousers-whilst-swearing. But that is cos I was nowhere near...

The answer to that is YES. Clearly. But then it will only take about five minutes to put a new one in her tummy

Fuck 'em all anyway. Bastards.

PMT

My God, what did bugs say that was worse than me saying her family member wanted to murder her?

I am on the train home again, eating a cinnamon pretzel and drinking a chilli hot chocolate.

MNHQ is a veritable dildocam to the fred.

spitting out my herbal tea at you norf. Jealous of chilly chocolate. Done with feeling rough now. Meh.

Where did you get the chilli hot chocolate?

I ate a packet of crisps. First one all year. Losing motivation to stick to a fertility diet when I've had more packets of crisps than shags this year.

I've not had many shags this year either, winks Poor HOTB is suffering a Dread Lurgy, and is constantly either slathered in creams or can't stand to be touched (by anything, including clothes). Still, his drugs appear to be working at last, so suspect he may be back with a vengeance within the week

I've been bloody bleeding half this year... (shockingly short cycle to blame+ IUI spotting). But I have not had any crips. I have remembered there are some in the cupboard. Be right back...

We're off for the weekend and sans IUI this month. So it will be alcohol and shagging :) wish my clearly not hormonal headache would bugger off though!

AMT, winkle. You know, the shiny little huts in train stations.

I've had two shags this year. And considerably more packets of crisps.

I love AMT. I am sure they are responsible for at least half the weight I gained in my first term at uni.

Bloody hell I don't post for a couple of days & MNHQ turn up. The BESH aren't nasty intentionally. It's a result of our struggle.

I don't think the IVF has worked. I feel nothing different. So today I had a Burger King whopper. Mmmmmmmm. In my defence I have been awake since 5am & driven like a million miles for a meeting I contributed 3 sentences to. Meh.

Maybe it's a craving, jeff

And doesn't it like bounce about for days anyway before implanting and setting off speshul symptom-producing hormones anyway. So lack of symptoms = bollock all, if you ask me.

Remember Lyra? No symptoms whatsoever. And look at her one year old bundle of fun. It's too early yet Jeffers

You never know, Jeff. Everything crossed!

Also, I am giggling at our struggle That is so accurate, yet makes me feel like a cross between a teenage girl and Hitler...

Fanks for reassurance hags. I just Want To Know. I am terribly impatient.

Right, so what's everyone up to this evening? I have my joggers on already (which translates to Doing Fuck All).