Fantastic Forty Plus, part 9, this time is our time,bring on the bfp's!

[hopefulgum]

We've filled out thread - I do hope you all find your way here. I can't add a message on the old thread to let you know it is here...

This new thread, will no doubt have its own set of bfp's and babies. I am excited to see what it brings.

Irish....my dh took me to the seaside as it has been always a special place to us. For me particularly meant that although a ocean separates me from my country I am still a Brazilian girl the same is with the lo...the ocean separates us but I am still the lo's mother....
Peace to you in the coming months xx

Calibee, good to hear from you, sounds like your scan yesterday was more promising, but I'm sure waiting 2 weeks for another scan will seem like an eternity.
newpatches & morien, how soon before you test? Good luck! greenlizard that sounds like a very unusual cycle if in fact AF has arrived. If it has though, you're starting again and this will be your month . Sorry about the BFN hopeful, maybe it was just too early?

Isabeller, it all sounds very exciting, I hope it all goes smoothly. Notsoold, I hope you are feeling ok, getting through the due date is hard isn't it, but it sounds like you were able to commemorate it (if that's the right word) in a peaceful way.

diege, I hope the chickenpox is subsiding. Have you had your job interview or is it today? I'm on nights so I'm not sure which way is up, but I sympathise with those not sleeping as we had a lousy night on Sunday. And of course now I have to stay up all night.....

It is not going well in our house. We didn't talk on Sunday night, just sat in silence for an hour or so, which partly contributed to the lack of sleep (being visited by DD at 4.45 am didn't help either). DH was barely speaking to me, so we talked before I came to work. I say talked - I'd been in tears on and off all day, and he cried again as well. He says he cannot even look at me, he's struggling to interact with DD - she senses all is not well, even if she can't articulate it, and he cannot say he won't leave us. I love him very much and he loves me, but I don't know how to get through this. He says he's not having counselling again as he felt it was useless last time, and will not consider medication either. He won't come to the doctor's with me. He does not want the baby, and we are both very unhappy at what should be an exciting time. I can't terminate a pregnancy I really want, because I will grow to resent that he made me choose, but if he leaves, what if I resent the baby? I don't want to be a single parent and I don't want to destroy our family unit. But I hate DH being so unhappy, and feel it's my fault for even asking about another child - but if I hadn't I would have lived with the regret for the rest of my life. And we've beeh having unprotected sex for 10 months. I don't want DD to be an only child, I am close to my DB and really value that relationship and I'd like her to have the opportunity to have that. Also, I don't want to be a burden on her when we're old, I want her to have someon to share that with. Because DH is an only child, if MIL develops health problems in her old age, we'll have to deal with it as there will be no-one else. I realise I may not be very coherent, but nights tend to have that effect on me. I don't feel I can talk to anyone in RL at the moment so I really appreciate being able to vent to you lovely ladies. Thank you. SSxx

sparkly if it helps you rant away as much as you like. It really does sound extremely difficult time for you (and your DH) and I would urge you to get some support for yourself - it could help clarify your thinking and give you strength. Perhaps your GP could give some advice? Thinking of you.

notsoold that sounds like a lovely way to remember your lost one and well done for making it through and i hope you feel some peace. Let us know how you get on with your CBFM - I am thinking of investing in one (although not sure why as we couldn't have any more sex than we do!)

hopeful really sorry about the bfn - it might well be too early what with all your symptoms. Fx for you and hope you get some respite from the heat (it's raining here again....it's a wonder we don't all have trench foot here in the UK)

morien have you tested yet? Such restraint! patches hope you slept well - have you tested yet?

deige did you (and your ds) sleep well - does he feel better?i think your interview is tomorrow but just in case it is today - good luck!!

My AF has definitely arrived (despite hoping the bleeding would stop and somehow be a weird pregnancy symptom!) bled heavily over night with very sore cramps. The blood is very red (so no brownish blood to start which would be usual) and there have been a few clots. Felt very sorry for myself last night (nearly fell off the wine wagon but resisted). As DP away I indulged myself watching back to back episodes of one born every minute (alternating between being pissed off that some people have babies like shelling peas and crying because it is amazing) DP wont let me watch it as it makes me cry so much but i felt much better after having a bit of a weep on my own in front of the telly. Given weirdness of cycle I am definitely going to try acupuncture and maybe do a bit more yoga.....think my chakras might be out of whack along with my hormones

I really hope that someone on our thread gets their bfp soon - if it can't be me this month [sorry selfish moment there!] I want it to be you.

notsoold ,what a lovely way to remember your lo, and great that your DH shared that time with you. xxx

sparkly you're going through such a horrendous time. I don't think you should feel guilty, you discussed having a baby, your DH agreed,he knew you weren't using contraception ,so how on earth could it be your fault? It's not as though he was deceived in any way. I don't think, whatever the outcome, that you would come to resent the baby but I hope you can resolve things .

greenlizard it's very generous of you to wish everyone else bfps, I know what you mean though, when someone on here gets a bfp it is a boost and makes me think it is possible for the over 40s and maybe I could be next! I think we all know what we're going through aswell so we know how much it means.
I have a love/hate relationship with One Born too and it always reduces me to tears!

Well, slept like a baby last night, but woke at 5 busting for the loo. I did manage another couple of hours afterwards though so feel a lot better than I did yesterday, although still tired and with a banging headache.

It's hard to say when I can test really sparkly...my cycle is all over the place at the moment. If it is 'normal' then I'm only OD+5 so af would be due around 17th. I did have almost immediate symptoms with my other 3 though and knew I was pg long before I tested.

Patience is not my best virtue!

I'm so sorry things are so hard for you at home; like Irishmammy said, you didn't do this alone so it's very unfair on you. If he won't go to the doctors or counselling then you go...go and talk it over with your gp, mw, whoever. And keep talking on here. And for what it's worth, I don't believe you would resent your baby at all, whatever the outcome.

Sparkly I really feel for you, what an absolutely awful time you're going through, I want to knock your dh over the head to knock some sense into him! As others have said it shouldn't have been a surprise to him and it's totally unfair on you. I also agree that I'm sure you won't resent the baby, it's not your fault your dh feels like this, sounds like he's having some sort of a panic attack about the idea of being a father again and he needs some sort of counselling but won't admit it at the moment, I hope for your sake he comes round and realises what a blessing its going to be and gets some help! In the meantime please go to the GP yourself and get some support, I haven't been through quite the same scenario but my dh and I had issues a couple of years ago and he left me for a while, he went through a mid life crisis/breakdown i think and eventually went to the Dr which was the turning point for him, we're great now and have come through it, but it was terrible at the time

On another note did anyone watch 'babymakers' on BBC4 about an NHS fertility clinic last night? Had me almost in tears as it followed 4 or 5 couples going through IVF, it was so sad as only one couple got pregnant the others were devastated, made me think how very lucky I was that both of my embryos took successfully. I also thought that their care seemed a lot poorer than the care and attention I got at a private clinic, I know not everyone has that option and it's certainly beggared us but I wonder if these same couples might have had more success had they been able to go private?

sparkly So sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds horrible. I agree with Tina and want to slap your DH. Sorry, but he does need to pull himself together and grow up - there's nothing wrong with needing help and asking for it, instead of sticking your head in the sand, which appears is what he is doing!

Easier said than done, I know, I really feel for you - this should be a happy time!

Well, my rollercoaster continues. Just called the EPU to ask about the histology analysis they were going to do with the tissue clot that I brought in last week. Well, they analysed it, and it turns out not to be pregnancy tissue! Apparently, 'just' some sort of blood clot . I mean, WTF?!? Really?!?! The nurse I spoke was very vague, to say the least, asking if I happened to have done a pg test recently. Turns out I did, yesterday, and it was very much still positive. Which I had expected, since it's only really been a week since my miscarriage... If I can still call it that?

So now I'm supposed to do another test in a week's time and call them with the result, and then 'we'll take it from there'.
Argh! And Argh! I don't know what to think now. Apart from that I've really had enough of this whole business and want to know what's going on, for once and for all.
Should I have asked/insisted for another scan?! The whole 'What if...' situation is back on (well, in my head it is), just when I thought I'm starting to pick myself up again.

JBrd yes,I think you should have another scan, you need to know what's going on one way or the other and I'm sure they'd have a good idea from scanning you even at this stage.
Pregnancy tests can remain positive for a few weeks but what if your little miracle is hanging on in there!
From the EPU's point of view you're probably not coming to any harm physically by waiting but it's mental and emotional turmoil for you.
I would definitely request a scan!

Blimey jbrd you really should ask, no insist, you have another scan to check what is happening! I can't really appreciate what you are going through (look at me and my wobbly bottom lip just because my period came a week early! Ha!) but it must be emotionally exhausting for you. I really hope you can have scan quickly so you know what your situation is.

Good luck and wishing you a miracle. Xx

Thanks, Irish and greenlizard - I just called the EPU again and spoke to another nurse, to get more clarification about what is happening. Unfortunately, they still believe that the miscarriage has happened, going with everything that has been happening, and that the pregnancy tissue just hasn't been seen/felt when it was actually passed. They are not going to scan me at this point , I will have to wait at least until next week and do another test. I'm seriously considering getting a private scan...

If a private scan isn't an issue financially for you, I think you should go for it. Do you know how you go about doing that? Even if the scan confirms that you have miscarried you can at least start to deal with it rather than hanging in limbo -which must be so horrible and stressful. At least the second nurse sounded a bit more clued up than the first one.

I am still wishing you a miracle though! Xx

Oh my goodness jbrd the agonising wait.

I can't imagine how stressful that an be but I would definitely ask for another scan, private or not.i wouldn't trust anyone until I'd seen the scan myself and spoken to my consultant. You are perfectly within your rights to to see your consultant. At least then, you could ave all your questions answered.

sparkly I want to hope that you will all find a way through this difficult time and have a happy and loving summer however things turn out.

Jbrd I hope it doesn't sound too idiotic to say 'Do what's right for you'. You might not feel like fighting for an earlier scan and a private one could be a good answer unless that will cause you more stress than waiting with the attitude that no-one has proved to your satisfaction that you have had a miscarriage.

hugs to all, I'd like to echo greenlizards post, you put it really well.

I was completely shattered when I got home yesterday. The nurse explained in great detail what would happen at each stage and that we will be kept in the loop about the egg sharer's treatment so we will know as soon as the clinic do if she is likely to have enough eggs to go ahead with sharing (I think the minimum is 8 = 4 each so we both have a chance of ET). I want to send her a card, the clinic can pass this on as long as we don't identify ourselves to each other, and I'm trying to think about what to say.

I'll be going for a baseline scan in 10 days then various medications and scans over the following fortnight to check the progress of my womb lining. At some point during this time I will no doubt get out my tarot cards and start bulk buying chicken entrails.

I had a nasty headache all day and couldn't manage the C25K session I was planning but did walk a fair distance. I really sympathise about the knee pain hopeful. I put on a few pounds last autumn instead of losing a few because I rested my whole body instead of just my achilles tendon when I strained it. Have you ever tried the Nordic Poles?

My last bit of good news is that DP and I braved the GP surgery today, I was fully expecting a very frosty reception due to our combined madness and ancientness but the GP was very kind and I am relieved to feel I could go there for antenatal care if I need it.

sparkly it's one thing to not be happy about a pregnancy, but it's another to refuse to discuss or communicate. that is really unreasonable. good luck! I think for you finding someone else objective to talk (face to face) could be really useful.

jbrd a private scan might be well worth the £100, if you have it to hand, if not being more insistent every day with the nurses until give in might be worth it...?

isabeller best of luck with it all

I'm bloody knackered today, partly due to another late night but also I'm feeling faint and dizzy and flushed all day. I don't remember this from my last pregnancy. It's beginning to scare me a bit. You'll laugh but I'm worried I'm having twins, since my body is getting so carried away with it all so early. Twins would not be a good outcome for us. I have to keep reminding myself that the more likely outcome is that by the end of March I'm more likely not to be pregnant at all. It seems very cruel that it can take 3 months for chromosomal problems to manifest and meanwhile our bodies are perfectly happy with the pregnancy.

Hi ladies,

Moved house and without internet until the end of the week - borrowing MIL's internet at the moment - but wanted to come on and say hello. There's so much to catch up on and I have so little time here this evening, but I just wanted to add my voice to everyone else's Sparkly in support of you. I can't believe what an utterly awful time you're having of it. Your DH needs to pull himself together and get his ass to the doctor's and get some support. He was quite happily going along not using any contraception, and there is always a chance of pregnancy. He can't now start throwing his toys out of the pram because it's happened. And worst of all, he can't allow it to impact on your DD that is frankly rather unforgiveable. She's a child, she has no idea what's going on!

I really hope you get everything sorted out. To all the other lovely ladies here, I am really hoping that once I get the internet at home I'll be able to catch up with the thread - it all seems very busy!

In DrWhoFan news...been having cramps since 5dpo. Due on today or tomorrow. Nothing happened so far today. Nauseous on and off, sore boobs...heartburn after tonight's shepherd's pie (nothing to do with my cooking!), so keeping my fingers crossed, but after 2 chemical pregnancies, I've been here before...

Will catch up properly with you all in a few days.

Much love
xxx

Hi everyone,
jbrd - thinking of you. I agree with the others, have a scan if you possibly can, even if it means paying privately, you can't go on 'in limbo' like this.
_Sparkly- You DH is really retreating into his 'cave' isn't he? My DH was like that when I was pregnant with our DS.Even after he was born, he would make the odd comment like 'I wish it was just the two of us sometimes.' Our Ds is now a strapping 14 year old and Dh and him do everything together, mountain biking, football, etc. I think that men sometimes like to get all the attention for themselves, honestly, and feel a little jealous and left out of the mother/baby bond. They often really bond with their kids when they are old enough to interact properly. He's just feeling scared and insecure, he'll grow out of it. i hope you make whatever decision is right for you, we'll support you no matter what you decide to do. xx
Well the bad news is AF got me today, really gutted. Keep going I guess. Will have a large glass of to drown sorrows. :((
Hi to everyone else, hope you settle in new place soon DrWho - moving is stressful!
xx

Good Morning everyone,

Sorry Af found you quickdowtonson. Enjoy your .I know that each AF is a nasty little reminder that your aren't pregnant, but hang in there, one of these months you'll be enjoying YOUR bfp.

jbrd, so sorry this roller-coaster ride is still happening, but I have everything crossed that the outcome is a happy one. Has anyone suggested getting beta blood tests? If hcg is falling due to a loss, then it can be measured, and if it is climbing, then there's really good cause for another scan. How many weeks would you be by now? I do hope you have some answers soon.

remnant, don't stress about twins - every pregnancy is different, and having these strong symptoms is probably just a great sign that the baby is going to be a sticky one.

Isabeller - glad to hear things are moving along for you. I'm visualising at least ten big juicy eggs for you (why isn't there and egg emoticon for the conception threads?). As for the C25K, I am still holding off, but already feel much better. I went to a "bodybalance" class at the gym yesterday so got in some great stretching and core work. Hopefully doing that will help improve the muscles around my knee,and my quads. I intend to take a long walk today to see how things go. It is actually overcast and cool today. Thank goodness, we are all starting to feel exhausted by the hot, humid weather and are ready for a cool change. December/January has been the hottest Australia has seen in over 100 years. There are bush fires raging all over the Eastern States and Tassie, but they won't get their cool change for a bit.

Drwhofan - things are sounding positive for you. When will you test? Or will you be a model of strength and wait til AF is late? I hope this is it for you.

Morien - waiting for your update? Any news???

Calibee - how are you feeling?

Irishmammy - how are you?

Greenlizard, sorry about the wacky cycle and AF. Have you ever taken Vitex ( also know as Agnus Castus), it is great for sorting out cycles that might be a bit wonky. I too have a love/hate thing going on with "One Born". I love seeing the births and cry my heart out, with joy for the new life safely earthside, but also grief for myself, wondering if those days are now behind me. I don't want them to be, but I feel powerless to do anything about it. I just have to continue trying without it being all encompassing.

I didn't bother with a test this morning. Although I tested early at 10 dpo, I will now wait and see if AF turns up. If there's nothing by Saturday, I will test, but I think AF will turn up judging by my crappy temperatures.

P.S. Meant to send love to Sparkly - sorry things are so awful. I know your DH won't seek counseling, but can you see someone to talk things over? If my DH was behaving like yours I think I might ask him to separate for a while, just to get perspective on it.I now you don't want to break up the family unit, but it isn't you who is doing it, it's his behaviour .It just isn't fair that he is making everything so stressful in your household. He really needs help because your DD will be affected by his moods and behaviour. His reaction isn't normal, so he really needs professional help to get through this, despite him saying that professionals couldn't help him before, so they won't this time.

If he leaves (and I truly hope it doesn't come to that), you will never resent your child. And if he does (resent the baby), then he really does need to address that. He says that he loves you, but his actions aren't saying that. So sorry, Sparkly, it's such a tough thing to be dealing with during early pregnancy.

((hugs))

So I have now booked myself a private scan for tomorrow afternoon. I decided I just need to know, one way or the other, I just cannot continue getting derailed every time I am starting to get back on track again.
I was meant to have a quiet and relaxing week to re-gain my strength, but so far, it has been anything but that! Work has already started pestering me about deadlines, reports, grant applications blablabla, and I made the stupid stupid mistake of getting sucked in. Won't ever make that mistake again.

Then I was meant to go on this all-day workshop in Oxford on Thursday, driving down tomorrow night and staying in a hotel. Which is not happening now, but I was stressing about missing it - I'm aiming for a career change, and this workshop would have been very useful to get information and meet people from the field I want to move into. But I just can't concentrate on this now - my CV still needs work, I need to do more research and start the networking - but I literally can't. Didn't help that DH kept saying 'Ooh, I really think you should go, this would be really good for you and your career' - not realising how pressurised this made me feel (DH is very career-orientated and readily projects that onto other people, i.e. me). Until I had a mini-meltdown earlier, and now he feels terribly guilty, poor sod.

But I've now made up my mind to get clarification what is going on with my body first, and feel much better about it. Incidentally, the hotel cost that I now don't have to pay will cover the scan fee .

And now I will retire to bed and attempt to read another chapter of one of my all-time favourite books, Lord of the Rings. Great escapism, just what I need (if I can stay awake).

Good morning gum ! I was wondering if the bush fires would affect you at all but thought you might be ok where you are, good to hear you're safe and well!
I hope AF doesn't turn up for you.
My temp increased this morning and ewcm has gone so I presume I ovulated yesterday and am now starting the 2ww. I hope timing has been ok.

I went out for lunch with DS today,he doesn't go back to Uni till next week and since the girls are back to school and DH is away I thought we'd have some mother-son time. It was a lovely meal and it was nice to have a chance to talk,he's great company and even if I wasn't related to him I'd want him as a friend!

Sorry AF got you downtown I'll raise a virtual glass with you to toast your brand new cycle full of opportunity!

remnant sorry you feel so rubbish but strong symptoms could be indicating high hormone levels so surely that's a positive thing!

Drwho sounds like you need to test!!

Isabeller it's lovely you can write a card to your donor but it must be hard to know what to say! Hope you get lots of eggs that result in BFPs for you both.

JBrd that's a really good idea of gum's ,to have bloods taken, you could even have that done at your GP if the EPU wont see you earlier and it would help give you a better idea of what's happening.

sorry JBrd crossed posts, glad you're having a scan tomorrow, hope it clarifies things for you.
Thinking about your job must feel like a low priority at the moment with everything else you have going on, it can wait!
Enjoy Lord of the Rings !

Jbrd, so glad you've managed to get a private scan, hopefully it will provide some clarity and you'll know what is/has been happening instead of having to sit it out for days.

gum glad you are safe from the bush fires.

Good to hear from you drwho, hope the move went as smoothly as possibly and you'll be fully internetted up soon. Symptoms sound promising, hope this is your month.

Isabeller, writing a card for your donor is a lovely thing to do, but I imagine finding the right words is really hard.

quickdowntonson sorry AF got you, enjoy the wine, and good luck for this cycle. I think the cave analogy for my DH is a good one, but he appears to have come out of it!

Much to my astonishment, he was very affectionate when he got home, and said he woke up yesterday morning feeling much better, as if all the stress had been released. It was an abnormal reaction and some sort of panic attack, but he appears to be over it, and it'll be ok. Thank you so much, ladies, for your support over the past few days, particularly those of you going through hard times yourselves. I'm intending to go to the GP on Friday, which is my first chance, and would definitely have mentioned DHs reaction if things had not improved. We didn't have much time to talk due to the day/night thing, but hopefully we've turned a corner. Of course there's a long way to go, and like remnant says, if I'm still pregnant in March, I'll be amazed. Go to go, work beckons. Love to all.

jbrd will be thinking of you today.....

sparkly I'm glad DH has "softened" a little...some men have a natural selfish streak in them. It probably never even occurred to him that his actions were so inappropriate....maybe now that things have settled a little you could arrange some time for a chat and tell him that his behaviour is not on your list just now.

Raa to the af quickdowntonson ....a new fresh cycle to concentrate on

Have a lovely day ladies x

Glad you have a scan booked jbrd - fingers crossed it goes well. I can quite see that thinking about building your career at this particular moment might be a bit too much!

hopeful I was thinking about this wonky cycle (poss. no Ovulation with early and heavy period) and if I had done anything different. I had taken EPO until what I thought was mid cycle (was planning to stop when I O'd but as that didn't happen I better stop anyway) I am wondering if that had anything to do with it. Guess I won't know but I won't be taking EPO this month! Have you taken Vitex? I have read conflicting views on it. I might just go au naturel this month except the conception vitamin I am on and see if my cycle rights itself. I couldn't get my 21 progesterone done as I had started by period by then so will have to try that this cycle. I have found a local registered acupuncturist who specialises in fertility issues so planning to make an appointment today. I am strangely excited about it - DP who doesn't believe in anything except good old medical doctors is raising his eyes at this. We ended up having an argument spirited discussion about "alternative" therapies - this discussion happens a lot as I am a vegetarian and willing to try different ways of thinking - he thinks I am a total tree hugger. He's right of course - proud of it! One with an open mind I like to think Mind you he has totally changed his diet and lifestyle since we've been together and feels much better for it.

sparkly that is quite the turnaround in DH behaviour - sounds like he has had a word with himeself! Does he have any idea of the impact of his behaviour on you and DD? The reason I ask is that my DP is a huffy so and so and when he goes in one of his moods (which can appear without warning and go on for a couple of days) it wouldn't cross his mind to apologise for it when he finally comes out of his man cave (or huffy hollow as I like to call it) mainly because he seems incapable of empathy at these times...the rest of the time he is a different man. I agree when things have settled (and you get to sit down with him) you should tell him how is behaviour made you feel. I better he is clueless! I am glad though that he seems to have turned a corner....may your pregnancy be totally dull and boring from now on

Sorry AF got you quickdowntonson I am slight ahead of you. Enjoy your wine and just think we are first in line for next months BFP's if they are handing them out!

Drwhofan well done on the move and fingers crossed this month is it. Sounds promising..

remnant please don't stress about twins just yet!! I think strong symptoms sound good and a sign of a strong pregnancy which is the first step and of course each pregnancy is different.

Isabeller Good luck with writing the card - I think it is lovely that your donor will get to know how much this will mean to you and your DH and good luck with all the preparation.

Right, I have made myself late with all this typing...got to go to work. Have a lovely fertile day

Morning all!

sparkly, I'm really glad to hear your news. May it be plain sailing from now on...

jbrd, good luck with your scan, will be thinking of you this afternoon. I think it'll be money well spent, just for you to have some clarity about what's going on.

Isabeller, hope you've managed to think of something to say in the card - I think it's a lovely thing to do (but hard...)

remnant, how are you feeling today?

I've got a tiny bit of brown spotting this morning so I assume AF is moving in (looks like I'll be joining you, greenlizard and quickdowntonson). I didn't test this month as I just didn't see the point, I've been so sure that AF was going to show up - not in a negative, 'I'll never get my BFP' kind of way, more just resigned acceptance that it's not this month. Today is CD35, and that's much more like my cycle length pre-MC than the 28/29 days I've had since, so maybe it's a sign that things are finally back to normal.

And on top of AF, I'm off work sick, having caught DP's virus - the dr told him it's a 'cousin of flu'. I felt worse and worse throughout the day yesterday, and today's worse again. So I'm snuggled up on the couch with a fleecy blanket and a book which my head hurts to much to read.