TTC 10+ months thread 12

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Wow x post with euro freedom seaview and buzzy we are chatty tonight!

Joy- oh my goodness, aaaaaahh, wonderful news snd what a rollercoaster. Sit tight honey, one day at a time.

Thank you for all the thoughtful responses to my earlier post. Really really helps.

Viv - stay positive, I agree you are a n individual

Euro - not long now, very exciting.

Lemon - difficult conversation but healthy to address these things and as a result you two will be stronger.

Thanks sar. Thinking of you and MrSar. It will work out. What was the saying: It will be okay in the end, if it is not okay, it is not the end, or something. Big squidgy hug. Also, having the perfect frosties waiting for you when you're ready to continue with them is a good thing! And I agree that the endo might have been interfering with implantation.

(And madness no beating yourself up about earlier decisions either, we act as well as we can, with the knowledge we have. We all carry regrets, had I known earlier, I would not have been worried about anticonception and maybe started the whole TTC earlier).

Aw euro you said to art what I wish I had said! Skilfully written. Art, scrap my blethering and just listen to euro

Question. My clinic monitors clomid v carefully (apparently ) what will this involve? I'm thinking 2 scans after initial googling, period one and around ov? Then day 21 test? Or do you not have that if you know you ovulate anyway? And will I get a trigger shot? I know I could find all of this out by hunting mums net but I thought if air my clomid virginity here instead. There is a baby dust thread. Dust isn't actually a very nice thing so this phrase always makes me think of cobwebs and ashes and dead skin.

And period scans - I'm so not up for this. Hare has been to all my scans but I think I draw the line there. Is it as bad as I'm thinking? Also, though I've had many scans now I've never had one at ov time. What if there is no egg!?

(like how do you manage being tampon free for a bit )

I can't help with the clomid part, as I never had any.

But the bleeding scans, I can do. Initially I really, really hated them, as I am a bit uncomfortable with the showing my bloody bits to anyone. So the how-do-I-manage is as follows, I take out the tampon in the clinic's loos when I arrive for my appointment, sticking in a pad for safety. I wait til I am called. I often make a joke about it being rather bloody. but really they know what they're in for, it is there job, remember. I undress behind the curtain, and do a quick wipe against dripping on my way to the chair. Hop on, dildo-cam in, out (with some blood on it, their problem, not yours). Walk back whip clothes back on, generally tampon in the privacy of the loo.

I was not happy with SB being there for my period-scans, so he never was (I do most my scans alone, only when I need support, I ask him to come along). But with the mc I bled through about three scans, more or less, and he was there. It was great to have him there, and I never once doubted him being in the room. In fact, once the sac came out, I made him identify it, which was useful, as he could reassure me it was really out, but frankly that was grim and this is way TMI. In any case, it has not done us any harm in the sechsing for fun department, even though it was more sharing then I ever wished.

Also I've never had an O-scan. I get scanned til the egglets are ripe (>18mm) and then triggered, and then IUI-ed. No scan, until the next periody one.

rabbit at NLC there was no period scan they scanned you a few days before ovulation, they might ask for another one if the timing isn't quite right, if you ovulate around cd14 then they will proabably ask you to go in around cd11-12 and then they will tell you when to trigger and to shag, no day 21 scan

ooops I hadn't finished, can you ring and ask rabbit so you know the frill

drill not frill

Goodness so much chat on here! Will inevitably miss so much out.

Viv- re the stats. Ignore! Ignore! Ignore!. I'm not sure how much of my story you are aware of. Unexplained until the summer, when I had a pre-IVF AMH test and found out it was very very low I fell apart, as the lovely ladies on here will testify to. I made things so much worse by googling, and although I did find some inspiring success stories, I also found too many depressing things that made my heart ache. So I have pretty much had a self imposed google ban ever since. I also started seeing a fertility hypnotherapist. I didn't get pregnant after my IVF, but like Buzzy's life coach I did find a lot more balance. Also, the hypnotherapist asked me if I knew my chances of getting pregnant. I started at the 20% type numbers, and she interrupted me and said "No. Your percentage?". Her point - statistics are averages, and they don't actually apply to anybody. Of course she also told me 90% of her clients get pregnant on their first IVF cycle, and surprise surprise I was in the 10% who didn't. She also told me not to go on internet forums . But in some ways I do think she was right. Although I love you ladies and can't actually leave you, I now find if ever I stray into other threads or forums, whether they are of the Hooray I'm pregnant type, or the Never-ever-conceiving type, I always feel worse for reading them. Anyway- long waffle to say Stats are useless and meaningless :)

Lemon I am so sorry you and SB had to go through that conversation, but sometimes life is better for it afterwards. Mr Nelly and I have had our share, but keeping the lines of communication open is vital. We do go through phases though. For our own sanity, we try to have as many days where we DON'T share our sadness, as days where we do. Sometimes it feels right to analyse and plan and reflect; but other times we put it all to the back of our minds, ignore it, have fun, be irreverent.

Sar my goodness don't be blaming yourself for having done IVF. You had medical advice (albeit perhaps misguided), it's not like you did it for shits and giggles! I'm actually one of those people who feels no issue with IVF though, in terms of not caring one bit how my child is conceived - so long as it is actually conceived. For me the Donor Egg conversation is a different matter, and more of a leap. But "regular" IVF is just a thing I have to do. Mind you, in the two cycles since I've experienced a lot more ovary pain than normal so maybe I shouldn't be so blase. On the flip side, I had proper CM yesterday for the first time in ages and ages. Unfortunately we both feel asleep too early to take advantage, and this morning it was all gone to the point of needing to use the sperm-friendly lube. Whoops sorry for the overshare! Anyway, you did what you did. Look forward. Open heart, remember :)

I avoided the pregnant sheep rabbit. Can you share your good news via FB or is it non-share-able full stop?

Bit late to say this art but I too am glad you are still here. Otherwise, it'd be like you are watching a film you love, but then half way through the DVD mucks up and you don't get to the best bit! Euro's Uni analogy was very good though. And sometimes I read what you write and while I don't feel anything I recognise as jealousy, I do feel something and it's..what? Confusion? Puzzlement? I am usually quite good at putting myself in other's shoes, but pregnancy - I cannot for one moment imagine what that is like. It's just this weird thing you are talking about that is whooshing over my head. I feel like you are Sheldon and I'm a very bemused Penny .

I've been writing this for ages so will post now but come back with the millions of things I've forgotten.

Popping in quickly to say OMFG joy!!! That is AMAZING! I'm soooo pleased for you. And increasing hcg levels is a really good sign. You are def at the best place for post bfp monitoring, so no more worrying now and leave it up to the experts. Yay another ivf win

rabbit I too have been jealous of sheeps on cuntryfile and of veggies that I've grown from seeds that seem to have a 99% germination rate

Gin - I can barely grow anything from seed. Nothing germinates that I grow. Except weeds. I am doomed .

Actual out-loud-chuckle on jealousy of seedling germination rate
If the state of one's plants are an indication of reproductive success I am doomed, like you nelly. At least you can nurture something gin!

Does anyone know if all NSAID's are contra-indicated for TTC or just ibuprofen? I hurt my back on honeymoon (doing nothing, literally, I think my body went into shock). It's been twitchy since, but some heavy-lifting hobble chores have set it off today. Paramol isn't touching the sides. I have taken a diclofenac which has helped. Can I keep taking them? I'd rather treat than just painkill. .

I really could have Googled that couldn't I??? Anyway I did and no I probably shouldn't take it. Still if my back continues to be this sore there will be no shagging anyway.

joy

I believe the other ladies have said it but: - joy - you're only f**king pregnant!!!

I just checked in here now - it's late on Sunday and I hadn't checked in all weekend - OMFG. Amazing. I can understand you being super-nervous and worried but I am just thrilled for you. Fingers crossed my love for a sticky sticky bean and I hope that the rest of your pregnancy is really boring and uneventful. Bloody hell we do have some crazy pregnancy stories on here, what with your 'it's all over' bleed and art's car crash. I am just overjoyed for you my pet. I'll go to bed with a smile on my face!

Will catch up later. rabbit glad you are feeling cheery, I am too, especially after hearing the lovely lovely news about joy - art I love that poem too. He signed my copy of his book: 'To Critter, with pleasure' and I just about fainted, what a groupie! Wish I'd bought an extra one and got it signed for you too now.

Big hugs and shiny strutting tail feather shakes to all. Good luck to doll and euro and anyone I have missed who's having EC this week - very very exciting. Apologies for sloppy namecheck, too much Sunday night

joy You're PREGNANT!!!! What a story! I did think about asking if you were sure it was all over on Friday, but I didn't want to sound patronising. Perhaps the bleeding is that infamous implantation bleeding we always read about. My friend with twins also bled on and off throughout the first trimester and all was fine. So, it could be a twin sign??

gin at being jealous of pregnant sheep. I know what you mean though. Us barrens are the lowest of the low in the animal kingdom.

viv I think we all worry about age. But there's nothing we can do about it except plod on. I personally know several women who have got pregnant in their forties. My aunt was 45 and I know for certain that was not IVF. She also had a mc the year before. Are you having any more investigations? Has treatment been mentioned?

lemons I'm sorry to hear about the drifting apart. I'm pleased you've talked about it though, I think as long as you keep doing that then things will be grand. Me and DH never really explicitly talk about ttc or babies. I think DH has sort of accepted that it might never happen. I don't think it bothers him anywhere near as much as me. I don't like to bring up how I'm feeling because I don't want him to think he's married to an emotional, miserable cow. I think I'm pretty good at hiding my feelings day to day, but I know that's probably not healthy for the long term. I think if you can talk about how you're both feeling then that has to be the best thing.

nelly I'm not sure if I wished you a welcome back after the honeymoon. Where did you go? Was it amazing? Are you planning on ivf again?

euro sorry that stuff makes you feel sick. How long do you have to take it for?

I'm feeling loads better. I'm due back at work tomorrow, I'm glad I didn't go back today as I'm still exhausted. I'm not sure if that's normal or not. I haven't really been doing much during the day, then I'm falling asleep on the sofa at 9 and going to bed and sleeping through until 8. Tomorrow I'll have to be up at 6.30. It's going to hurt. There's quite a bit of bruising around the wounds, but they're not too sore. My tummy just feels a bit stiff and I'm still bloated. AF should have been due this weekend. I'm wondering if the lap has delayed things. Were your AFs normal post lap?

Morning all,

Just swinging by as I caught up on the chat last night and saw that Joy has had a BFP!! Oh-Em-Gee! Congrats Joy what wonderful, wonderful news YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I have everything crossed for the next few nerve wracking weeks. As you are being so closely monitored I'm sure everything will be just dandy. Oh I am sooooooo chuffed for you, especially after reading your heart breaking posts from last week.

Ladies, I miss you too and kind of feel it's not my place to get involved any more, not because I've suddenly moved on or because I've become a smug preggo. It's mainly because I don't want to rub salt into any wounds. I kind of felt that when I ranted about my morning sickness, I shouldn't have done because there were some comments a few weeks later about how boring pregnant women talking about morning sickness is and I felt ashamed of myself and . The politics of pregnancy is difficult in real life too. I feel very embarrased in lots of situations because I've spent so long moaning and weeping about not being able to get pregnant and having to be quite stern with people last year about how I needed to face up to a child-free future and now I've got what I want. It is bitter sweet. Part of me feels you do what you do to get through a shit patch (for me it's less coming out of uni for a £100k job and more like being unemployed and depressed for years and then landing the dream job and all of your friends having had their jobs all along and supporting you and then being like oh look at me in my swanky new job) and part of me feels like I was over-reacting all along. Anyway, that's why I don't post here so much these days. Also, Mr P told me it was probably better if I left you all in peace as you may feel awkward to talk about stuff with a preggo lurker. I'm not sure he completely gets the dynamics, but I though what he said sounded sensible.

But anyway, it would seem like I'm over-reacting now and perhaps I haven't been making any of you feel bad.

So, anyway, without sounding boring, I'm 21 weeks today. Sickness is still popping up every so often (tends to happen after cake and dairy days - I've been reprogrammed against sugar and dairy dammit) so I saw the brown goddess on Friday. Oh how I love her! I'm back on a moderated brown diet, that includes light dairy and 1 cup of real caffeine tea a day . The idea being that I was drinking too much decaf tea, which still has stimulants in it - not just caffeine, which are still not great and she would rather I had one treat tea everyday than a few decafs. I had my first real yesterday and felt quite high off it - thrilling times! It's very similar to what I was doing before but I have to up my protein snacks and start the day with a fresh lemon and ginger drink. I'm not allowed any cold fruit or veg at the moment - I've been experiencing terrible tummy probs and this should help with digestion. This struck a chord with what freedom (?) was talking about. Also, I got a mention in an article she did for a local magazine if anyone is interested... article I felt quite proud and had a tear when I stumbled across this in a coffee shop on Saturday morning. So, had the 20 week scan last week and baby is fine. I have a picture of him with his feet on his head and hand in his mouth! We don't know the sex (but call him he in the text book sense) but he is one busy baby in there. He's only tiny but he's staring to do some weird moves that can actually hurt a little bit. His fave is to roll up into a ball and wedge himself into my right side like a mini cannon ball. Last night you could actually see this happening in my tummy when I was lying down. The left side was completely flat and there was a massive bulge on the right side. We took turns to tap and jiggle him back out flat but he refused. Stubborn little thing!

Mrs.Nelly welcome back! Your wedding pics were gorge and your honeymoon pics made me do this --> It looked totes amaze. Glad you had such a wonderful time :) You really did deserve it.

MrsD glad that you are recovering from your lap. I was so pleased to read that they could remove the cyst and that your womble has been given a gold star. When do you start IVF? I also loved the sound of your hospital - a menu?! Wowsers!

Rabbit I hope it was sunny where you were yesterday, sun was shining down here and I thought of you and your vit D as we headed off for a day of filling wood worm holes in the stairs. I've been put on a high vit D supplement as part of my new regime. Spring is around the corner - just 8 weeks away - yippee :) Thanks for your warm comments about us grads too. It made me feel all snug inside to know that we are missed a bit. Because I miss you guys and I didn't really want to leave.

Lemon glad you and SB are talking. It's so important. And you have really good ideas to keep everything on track. Hope you are enjoying your lovely boozy month off.

Sar enjoy your next few weekends. Sorry you have been through the mill, I think 2012 was bloody hard for lots of us and you had it particularly rough. You really were dicked around by your consultant who seemed to be so gloomy and pessimistic. But well done you for coming through the otherside and getting 2013 off to a great start....new job, a clearer picture of where you are and some treats to look forward to. Don't forget that last year you were often a shining example positivity and support handed out. I still remember your "dance naked in the shower" and "wear your watch on your other wrist" list of shaking down and getting up stronger. You are very generous with supporting other people. Be generous with yourself too :)

Euro can't believe how quickly everything is coming around for you! I've got everything crossed for a pain-free, stress-free, drug-free IVF success.

Buzz wow! I can't believe you're all booked up. How exciting!

Rabbit and Gin this may sound weird, but sheep ovulate in a completely different way to us. I learnt about this last summer when I was reading about some study or other. Basically, some animals need spaff to ov and other rare breeds (like humans) ov of their own accord. I remember feeling miffed that I didn't just ov every time a spaff got up there. How much easier would that be?!

Gin I did laugh at your future caveman baby It sort of made me think of the Flintstones...

Doll good luck with IVF II. The pic of you and mini doll at Xmas was so heart warming and you are both gorgeous. He is one lucky boy to have such a wonderful mum.

In other news, the house is nearly there. We have working lights, radiators, wifi, electricity sockets, a phone, 2 x decorated bedrooms, a hearth in the front room... this week the floor tiles are being laid (looks up to sky, clasps hands together and asks the universe "pleeeeeeease keep Mr Ps back intact) by Mr P and then the bathroom can go in and then we can get the hell out of the in laws. We reckon we have 3 weeks left (not that I'm counting.....)

Christ, I'm such a motor mouth. I best get back to work. I also need to clean my teeth and brew my crack tea. :)

Waves to all I've missed... and good luck with everything. xx

rabbit re: your clomid Qs I think the amount of monitoring and whether they use a trigger depends on the clinic. I've managed to push all my period scans to day 4. I bleed most heavily on days 2-3. My method is to use tampon/mooncup as normal, but add a towel. When I get to the clinic I go to the loo and whip it out, leaving me the towel and the straight afterwards I go to the loo again and insert whatever. So it's not too bad. I have quite heavy periods but I have never dripped or anything.

Nelly at Create they use a particular anti-inflammatory to actually hold back ov, so as you have read, I don't think it is a good idea. I think the follie growing is a form of inflammation or somthing and NSAIDs can interfere with that process.

mrsd the nausea has eased off now - I think my body has got used to it. I need to keep taking it today and tomorrow to make sure there is no oving before EC. I'm glad you are feeling better and have been taking the time to heal. I think the sleepiness is a result of the GA - it's a bizarre thing for the body to go through and it needs to get it out of your system. Take it easy when you go back to work. I can't remember what my periods were like post-lap. I was 19 and not remotely interested in getting pregnant so I was keeping a less close eye on things back then!

princess I bet you can't wait to get into your new place. It must be amazing to feel the baby move around like that.

I had my 4th scan this morning and all is looking good. My follie is growing nicely - 21 mm on its longest edge. My lining is looking "beautiful" (I've never been complimented on my endometrium before but at 37 I'll take what I can get) at 11mm. I'm triggering tonight and have EC on Wednesday morning. She warned me I might feel like I have been kicked by a donkey afterwards as the ovary is hiding a bit, so they will probably have to press on me to move it (luckily it moves, which I guess suggests it isn't anchored by endo or anything). Brilliant. I am in the process of thinking up a shopping list of Nice Things to have in the house for afterwards. Chocolate will feature heavily.

Yikes! Too many posts to name-check but I have read all.

Joy!! you must be absolutely ecstatic and terrified. Much, much luck. I pray those embies stick xx

Thank you, all, for your kind responses. To those who asked, I am currently resting after 3 rounds of Clomid, my FSH scores have been 6.5 and 8, I don't believe DHEA (or anything else) can improve egg quality (nor does my consultant). My cycles are beautifully predictable (29 days) and it is 10 months since my mmc. I am convinced the ERPC has fucked me over, which is why I am looking forward to my lap & dye (and endometrial 'scratch'!) on the 19th Feb. Someone asked if my financially-challenged circumstances preclude IVF treatment. The answer is 'yes'. I would require donor eggs (wouldn't dream of using my own at this age) and I don't have the necessary £9,000. IUI will start ASAP after my lap & dye (I hope).

viv given what your consultant said about egg quality and the fact that your FSH levels are really good for your age, would it not be worth a go with your own eggs? Paying privately at an NHS clinic is about £3,500 I think (that's what our place quoted us if we wanted a second round there after the NHS one). Still a huge amount of money, but a lot less than £9k.

I think that sort of money is out of reach of most people viv. Not many can say that they can easily lay their hands on £10k. Me and DH live a comfortable life but we don't have spare cash, we have never been a saving for a rainy day types. I'm not sure what we'll do if it gets to the stage of us having to pay all of the costs for an ivf attempt. One step at a time. Anyway, you may not need ivf. I think your FSH sounds good, and your eggs obviously are capable of being fertilised. It sounds like a lap and dye might give you some answers.

princess it's good to have you back. I'd lie if I said I wasn't envious. Not of you, but of you being pregnant and being able to experience all this stuff that seems like another world to me. But that doesn't mean I don't like reading your updates, or that it causes me any pain or distress. Because it doesn't. It's totally different to having to listen to pregnant friends or colleagues (who I know sneezed and got pregnant) moan or whinge, or go on about how special it all is. I like to read about people from here having normal pregnancies, because it gives me hope that it might happen. If it was all doom and gloom on here, I'd feel so depressed about it all. But stories like yours makes me think that it could be me one day. It sounds like you have a very acrobatic babe, do you have a very noticeable bump now?

I'm supposed to get my stitches out this week, but my work schedule is manic trying to catch up what I've missed. Do you think it will matter if I don't go until next week (2 weeks after op) to get them removed?

Thank you thank you wonderful ladies for all your messages.

Euro ? beautiful lining/ripe follie, that is all excellent news. You are put to sleep aren?t you for EC? I really hope you don?t feel like you have been kicked liked a donkey. Thanks for your story on your friends ivf. That is reassuring. I know it can be normal for some women and i know for others it?s a bad sign. I guess it?s just a matter of holding tight and hoping you?re in the right camp.

Princess ? lovely to hear your update and amazing you are more than half way there already. Sounds like it is all going super smoothly. Fab your house is nearly done.

Mrsd ? my beta isn?t high enough to be twins, which i think is a good thing. So pleased you are feeling much better. You had a long op, it?s very normal to still be feeling exhausted. I was terribly bloated for at least 2 weeks afterwards. I would think it?s quite possible the lap may have delayed things with AF.

Nelly ? sorry about your back. Does it need a bit of physio to sort out?

Rabbits ? i have wandered past the breeding ducks in the park year after year and have been envious at their ability to pop out ducklings. The bleeding scans are never nice and i always apologise to the docs but they really are use to it. I keep saying to myself it was their choice of career. Blood down there is probably no different to them than blood coming out of a wound on your arm. You just feel undignified. Super curious to know what news you received yesterday but understand that you don?t want to out yourself.

Lemon ? i think it?s lovely that you and MrLemons chat. Sorry about the bombshell moment but at least it was aired. You are obviously very close and are working as a team to get through the next few months. I think the miserableness of ttc can open up so many more cracks especially about work etc. Roy and i have been very poor at chatting about it. and he normally keeps quiet and i?m never quite sure what he is thinking. I think it?s very difficult to read men because they deal with things so differently.

Mrshy ? so at least you now have a good reason as to why the lsat FETs didn?t work. The lister are suppose to be excellent so it?s great you are in good hands & i?m sure those embies will thaw just fine. What is a prothrombin mutation? I was fine on IVig , I did have a few palpitations but it was pyschosommatic. I drank 2 litres of water whilst doing it ? went to the loo 5 times and i really was fine. It was more the thought of it that spooked me. I spoke to the nurse and she said the odd person gets a mild headache but basically everyone is fine. I certainly hadn?t heard of hives or heads exploding! Depending on the results of my NK cells, I?m having it again on Wednesday. We seem to have come some way from the short LP gang days several years ago ? this was definitely a red herring.

Seavie ? i totally agree about Chinese med and have many stories where western meds failed but eastern didn?t. Obviously it works the other way round too but there?s definitely something in it for me.

Art ? it has always been great having you around post-bfp. It?s like having a hopeful beacon. I think you are the first AC success story on here and i obviously have been desperate for it to run smoothly for you. Hopeful stories are comforting. And this thread is not some bus where bfps are popping up all the time. Generally I don?t think bfps on here come with buckets of excitement and happiness either ? it just sets off a new wave of trepidation and anxiety.

Viv ? that?s excellent fsh and i have heard really good things about the endometrial scratch. Not long until your lap now.

A slight rise in beta today but not much. But at least it?s going up.I think it?s suppose to double every 48-72hours. progesterone is about 391 which seems extremely high. Not sure why they want to keep it that high but if it keeps a period away that?s fine by me. Next bloods on Wed.