TTC 10+ months thread 12

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Joy!!!!! Literally..... Joy . Holy shit.

I am squeezing your hand very quietly and gently and keeping everything crossed. Wow oh wow. You so so deserve it. But easy does it, one day at a time. Today, you are pregnant .

Joy that is fucking amazing! I can only begin to imagine the emotional rollercoaster you are on now. Hold tightly in there. That has properly made my night.

So, Sunday update time. I am facing a week of 5.45 get ups and non return home til 7 so I have got the proper sunday grumps. It is a ballache not to be able talk about work on here. I live 7 months of manic back breakingness and 5 months of largely pissing around. 2 months to go. I also got some fairly amazing news today (entirely non pregnancy related) which I can't talk about either but suffice it to say I've been doing a happy dance all day. I wish I didn't have the shit I will be outed fear.

viv I am not necessarily on the path to ivf as, whilst I might get an nhs go (depending on weight and FSH - looking dubious) and could maybe stretch to one round on the never never, I am not sure I want to. I don't have much money to throw at it so it really would be a one off gamble and I actually don't think I am mentally up for it (today). So we aren't all on an ivf journey here. Try not to think too hard about the stats. You have conceived and there is every chance that you will again. There are are no guarantees of anything. I started trying at 33 and not a sniff of anything. You never can tell.

euro sorry the drugs are making you feel dodgy. I too wonder what path I will choose, adoption or staying as I am, clean house and pretty happy in all other aspects. It feels all well and good having adoption there as a back up plan, but in reality at what point does this start to feel real? Once you are pregnant, there you are, on a trajectory forward and good luck willing, there will be a baby at the end with no one dredging over every detail of your past to check your worthiness. Adoption feels like a much more fractured and drawn out process to me and I fear the intrusiveness a lot. But I'm hoping that if the drive is strong enough and if it feels right to go for it, none of that will matter. Ramble. And massive oversimplification of Serious Issues!

art I never did get round to saying how amazing that you have reached the 12 week mark and seen your baby wriggle. I do not feel remotely jealous, you bloody earned that moment! The posting here and feeling awkward is something that I have not fathomed but perhaps it feels v different once you are pregnant. I do read the grads thread but feel I have to lurk because if I post I look like I've been lurking! It has always been a source of sadness for me that people continue to use MN regularly but feel they have to be somewhere else. I feel this because we have talked, some of us, for YEARS on this thread now and its like hey - I was reading that story! Online friendships are a strange beast. But (and especially as I have met your lovely self) I do understand that people see things differently. BUt, what I am trying to say in a very long winded way is that you should never feel guilty for popping in to say hello. I miss you and your witty posts.

madness sorry for the tears at work. I have done that a few times now and have found it utterly mortifying. Yes, blame it entirely on the hormones.

sar bless you - don't ponder on the journey and the route you have taken too much. When you get to where you are going, it won't matter a jot how you got there. You have every right to feel hopeful that you have had some physical barriers removed. Keeping it all crossed for you.

critter did I say how much your posts make me feel uplifted? I think I did

posting to read a bit more and check who I've missed.

art I don't actually think that post makes sense, sorry!

doll two choice moments for welling up. Where are you up to with things and how are you feeling?

buzzy about the one arse!

pout remind me when you start ivf-ing? We will hand hold the entire way through.

WOW - on the topic of welling up. Having been away for the weekend, more on that later, first I got tears in my eyes from your first message joy and now you've got me sniffling properly. So, so, so pleased for you. Keeping everything crossed for sticky pregnancy, but hurrah for being very carefully monitored. And HUGE hurrah for the rising hcg and the little line this morning. HUGE congrats.

Massive congrats on making the magic 12-week point arte and I totally agree you are very, very welcome to pop in and chat whenever you want to. I miss you lot too (and since the mc I find the pg boards to depressing to lurk).

Wow it has been busy on here this weekend!

free did you like your wu doctor? I think that has been very important for me with acu. I am cold and stagnant. Yippee! If I stump up for acu once a week things improve dramatically for me in terms of no spotting and general warmth. Sadly that was not sustainable financially and I didn't get pregnant. Now I go once a month, around ov time. I love my acupuncturist. Acu does help me with ibs and eczema and general well being and something amazing happened when I had post surgery treatment, like something horrid had left my body, most odd. However, I realise that for me, it has not been the magical thing to get me a bun in the (cold) oven. But it clearly is for some people. And if I do do IVF I will build this in a lot. Mostly for me it is about the relationship I have with her, and all of her fertility and general life wisdom. She has been one of the key things that has helped me get through this bollocksy experience. I do eat warming things and have dramatically changed my diet over the past 2 years. I am now caffeine free, organic and everything made from scratch, tee total (still going and sad face) 2-3 litres of water a day and largely Puritan. It offends me that my eggs are so bloody fussy! What more do they want!!!?

I am verbally incontinent tonight, sorry everyone!

Well done on the spring clean, buzzy. You are amazing, and hilarious . Good to know you have only one bum. Ta for that nugget.

And doll even considering injecting in the back of a truck makes you a hero. I have stayed at home when needing to do the trigger shot, rather than go to parties, fun and stuff like that.

Can I just say I am in awe of all of you going through IVF, at the moment. It seems a lifetime away, both in real time (not looking at cycling before May/June) and in invasiveness. I can do IUIs now, just hope that a pregnancy materialises before IVF becomes the answer.

Glad to see the meds have stopped their evil-side effects, euro. We've been discussing other options if IVF fails this weekend. Such a happy topic, but necessary. We've come to adoption, yes maybe, and SB is going to look into it (I have done so years ago, but we need to be on the same page.)

We had a really lovely, exhausting and emotional weekend away. It turns out that SB has been hiding how miserable he feels from me for the past few months (not that surprising, considering I've been very occupied getting my head back into the right frame of mind). But he completely scared the hell out of me with the bomb shell of "I feel like we're growing apart", where I thought we were much closer, because I certainly let him in more than before. We talked (another bottle of wine away) and the bottom line is not that we're actually doing badly as a couple, phew. He has been hiding his feelings, because he does not like dealing with them, because I put things in focus and then denying the pain is harder, and because he likes to work through stuff by himself. Also, he just wants to be happy, rather than deal with the rubbish that comes our way... But it is not working, and he needs to do something about it. So we've made a plan, and I'll report back on the success. We'll be doing more stuff together (he's been not wanting to DO stuff quite a lot, and I've been really busy with work, so he got away with moping by himself too much). We'll be chatting about our feelings (his as well!) at night, preferably every evening. He'll be looking into stuff to be changed at work, as the TTC woes are only part of his troubles. And if things don't improve over the next six months, we'll take other measures...

So now I am trying to write the paper I need for the course I am doing, and low and behold, I find myself here. Thankfully with some really cheery news. Ta for that joy!

Wave at lemon. I had a throat lump for joy and also spilt my drink!

lemon I think these chats are important sometimes but can be quite taxing on heads and hearts. I sometimes wonder about how Hare digests things as he is generally the one holding me up and appears eternally optimistic outwardly. Boys - well maybe just people in general but mostly boys - handle things so very differently. I'm glad you shared wine and have plans and ideas. Tail fluffs.

Verbally incontinent rabbit let's start a group . I am pleased you get so much out of acu. I still have with stood all woo (mainly because I simply haven't got the time in the week).

I do hope Dr Wu's tricks help you along freedom. Also, I am sure I am not a cold person. I might be stagnant it certainly feels like that sometimes but not cold. In our relationship I am the one that warms the bed, and gets cold hands and feet pushed in my direction not that I like that but hey.

As to the stress stats and the worries about fitting in viv. I don't know whether we're all hurtling towards IVF, nor do I think that matters. But then that is up to you. The age deadline is a biggie and I think it worries most of us, even those "spring chickens" in terms of AC. The thing though is, there is nothing you can do about it, so freaking out will not make you any younger, buy you moretime not will it tell you whether you are one of those magic types that do conceive easily at a higher age. I still believe you could do with a dose of buzzy's living in the moment.

As could you sar. Please don't beat yourself up about the IVF, you did what you could considering what you knew. It is great to have those frosties waiting for you when you need them but there is no hurry. It is great a bit of positivity and fun things are happening in the sar household. Don't feel guilty, and definitely don't stop doing them, because you feel guilty. You deserve a bit of fun and relaxation, 2012 was rubbish!

Shit me Joy!! What a fucking rollercoaster eh! Jeepers- please do excuse my language!!
In answer to your question- I had 9 frosties to begin with, but two perished on thawing and four went back but didn't stick, so that leaves three.
Since then I have opened my chequebook and gone to the Lister, had an arsenal of tests including the karotyping you said you might try, and a hysteroscopy. I have a prothrombin mutation and high killer cells, so if (please please please) 2 out of my final 3 blasts thaw, they'll be going back with clexane, aspirin and a truck load of IVIG. Did you get on ok with the IVIG by the way? Seems from what I've read I'll either notice nothing at all or my head will want to explode and I'll get covered in hives. Yippee.
Hiya Gin. I call my iPhone a wanker on a daily basis - never asked Siri the baby question but might ask him if in fact I should be saving my money and popping microwaved egg up my clunge (ah, the old frittata story).
Hello Sarlat and everyone else. I will try to catch up properly and post more because you are a lovely bunch and I can't bear the farty babydusting ( loved that!!) on some of the other forums I frequent (am totally fucking addicted to). Xx

joy thats fantastic news, I had bleeding for the first week of my second pregnancy, when will they give you another blood test :) :) :)

Also, special waves at pout, I read a million pages ago about you trying to learn how to crochet, you should it is fantastic fun. I've taught myself with the happy hooker a few years ago, but I did not find her explanations the best. I prefer youtube and blogs for finding out how to do stuff. Also I found doing stuff in the round much easier than crocheting into the chain. So my first (hilariously massive) project was a granny square throw, roughly based on a pattern from "the royal sisters" (google it).

Btw madness I think you're doing amazing on all those hardcore drugs, so a cry now and again is only to be expected if it wasn't you, ignore me, I just read a million posts

Oh wow, Joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's incredible - I'm just thrilled and delighted and keeping everything crossed this bean (or beans!) will stick..... of course you must be absolutely bloody terrified, but bleeding in early pregnancy is normal for a lot of people and not necessarily a sign of anything wrong. Hang in there, it sounds like the clinic are doing a brilliant job of monitoring and the extra progesterone etc will make a difference.

Loving the plans for a neanderthal baby Gin. Just check the size of their skulls first . I don't think it's trivial to be pissed off at the no-drinking at social events falling during your cycle. I found explaining the not-drinking was the hardest thing, as my friends would have rumbled me instantly, hence a very anti-social xmas and new year. I am was very disgruntled at my IVF months of being teetotal. It felt unfair to be denied small pleasures while going through something shit. I now sniff desperately at Mr A's wine like some kind of wannabe cokehead and do have a wee mouthful every now and then. I shall be smuggling gin and camembert into the delivery room. I believe both are good for pain relief .

Doll shooting up in the back of vans sounds pretty hardcore but pretending to be diabetic sounds like a reasonable excuse if you need one. i was the queen of public toilet injections but at least there's a measure of privacy, even if you do come out to a queue of annoyed women with their legs crossed wondering what the hell you've been doing in there. Hope the doctor's got his phone switched off this Wednesday. Will be thinking of you and Euro - another step along the road.

Buzzy grin at the many pants, one bum. I too have many pants but I really need a cull of the more elderly and over-used specimens .

Lemon your weekend away sounds like it's done a lot of good, though emotional and exhausting. Conversations like that are necessary and it's good to have a plan. You sound as though you are doing pretty well to me, this shit is so endlessly draining it would be weird if we didn't all struggle from time to time but you're talking and doing something and that's good .

Madness the downregging hormones did that to me too. Hopefully your colleagues are understanding. I cried over the cat and got no sympathy at all. There are advantages to working from home

Rabbit thanks for your kind words. I have mostly just been self-conscious I guess, it's not so much that I think people will be envious (we all want our own babies, after all, not anybody else's) but i don't want to seem inappropriate or be in the wrong place iyswim. I think because most people seem to leave the thread I kind of felt it's the done thing but I don't want to because I feel I have real friends here, particularly having met some of you, and have had so much support and kindness from everyone. Anyway I'm clearly still here so i'll shut up about it now - this is my last paranoid ramble on the issue . Hurrah for your good news! Anonymity can be a bugger sometimes but it's great there are happy dances going on in the burrow.

Viv I'm sorry about the age related fears. FWIW I've had a lot of those in the past few years (I'm 39). But as Doll says, age is not the be all and end all. You're an individual, not a statistic, and you've proved you can conceive very recently. It can happen again. Step away from the stats, they're not helpful. Someone here told me that when I was obsessing over the rubbish IVF success rates and they were absolutely right. I'm glad I opted to carry on regardless otherwise we wouldn't be where we are now.

Today has been very out of character for me. I have done a shitload of cleaning and baked a cake. Neither of these things features ever very highly on my weekend schedule. The cake in particular was a great and surprising success . I have already eaten two enormous slabs . It's a good job we don't have a food mixer so the effort-to-enjoyment ratio is quite high, otherwise my new found talent bit carried away here might run off with me. Though I might have to make another one tomorrow to hide from Mr A that I will no doubt have eaten the rest [fat bastard emoticon]. I am in fact now hoping that he will be prepared to have regular cake as a substitute for shagging. Worth a try...

I have to be off, i've been pretending to work for the past half hour but am about to be rumbled (and I think tea is in the offing). Waves and loves to everyone, sorry for any news I've missed, will be back

x-post, MrsHY1. You just made me snort cake crumbs out of my nose. Profanity and irreverence are the main reasons I don't want to leave this thread

art my emotional blackmail has made you stay. Yay!!! Yum and congrats about the cake.

MrsHY when I write a book on ttc, which I will one day, that story is so going in there.

Oh no, they are scanning the sheep for pregnancies. I can barely watch, please don't call them barreners! No.. they just get called 'empty'. Also, I am jealous of the pregnant sheep. A new low.

I missed MRSHY's return. I still LOVE that story and am keeping stuff crossed for the perfect thawing of the other frosties, as well as no exploding heads on IVG.

PS Scanning sheep for pregnancy what are you watching, rabbit?

cuntryfile I love it!

Speshul

Right, maybe I should do some work, been hogging the fred for the best part of the evening... Waves and feathers!

Bloody hell, Joy what a rollercoaster! When you started bleeding you sounded so downhearted that I didn't roll out the story about my friend this happened to. Exactly the same thing - got her period, assumed it was all over, went to have a follow up consultation and the blood test showed she was pregnant! Her baby is 6 months old now. She thinks that because they put two back but she was only pregnant with one, that the bleed was the other one going, or that as they didn't manage to collect all her eggs (she had OHSS and they couldn't get to them all) that the eggs left in there triggered the period. Whatever it was, it all turned out fine and she had a normal pregnancy (bar a teeny bit of high blood pressure right at the end) and a sneeze birth!

Also, my friend who had the id twins (from a transfer of one frozen embryo) bled most of the way through, but it was all fine!

Madness the downregging drugs sent me into such a loopy mess in three weeks that I had to stop the damned things, so you are doing marvellously well!

Art I've been thinking about how the preggos on this board must feel and fantasising about beng one of them one day . It must be like coming out of yooni and landing the £100,000 job when all of your friends are on min wage. However much you don't wave your crisp £50s around, I think you must be conscious of the fact that you have them. Even if you just want to spend time with your old friends and they want to spend time with you. Which is how I feel. I don't want to lose touch with someone I've enjoyed talking to because they get a fab job or win a baybee.

Joy - So happy to read your post and there is still a good chance. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm keeping everything crossed for you... I really hope it is a BFP for you.. You really deserve it after this long journey. The last few days must have been a massive roller coaster ride of emotions. I really really wish for a positive outcome for you and Roy.

Yes I decided to go an see Ana Maria instead of the guys on Harley Street just because she is much more convenient for location wise.

Viv - I really feel for you. I know feeling like you are up against the clock really piles the pressure on but you just need to keep trying and try to put that to the back of the mind.. I have seen it happen that women conceive in their 40s including my own mum! When is your IUI scheduled for? Will you be doing a stimulated cycle?

Euro - sorry to hear you are feeling unwell. I don't know what it feels like first hand but I have seen close friends go through it. I really hope you feel better soon and it will all be worth it.

Gin - I LOL at your asking Siri when you will have a baby.... Very funny. I know how you feel about giving up alcohol. I actually drink v little (max 2 drinks a week) but when I know I shouldn't I always really want a drink. It was my last day of clomid for iui yesterday and it coincide with a dinner with some friends who were all enjoying some wine. I decided one glass won't hurt! I mean!! I see so many European ladies drink an odd glass of wine with dinner on the continental even while pregnant. They all tell me it's only English women that give up everything! Not sure if that is actually true.

Madness- sorry to hear you have had a low week. I think ttc really does it to you. It's such an emotional roller coaster. Some days I'm so positive and other days I'm convinced it will never ever work.

Sarlat - sorry to read about your journey. Sounds like things are looking better and you have an opportunity to try naturally which sounds v promising. Your old consultant really sounded irresponsible to me. And def seems like you were hurried through to Ivf. Good luck with trying it au naturelle

Doll - hope you are feeling good and you manage with the drugs next week with being out with work.

Freedom - V interested in what Mr Wu told you. I have been a long follower of Chinese meds. Many women are cold in UK and Europe because of the climate and because it's common to eat raw foods here(eg salads). In fact in more sunny climes v few are diagnosed as cold. You can be hot, damp (also v common in the UK), blood deficient, blood stagnation and qi stagnation. A good and simple first read to understand the basics of Chinese meds can be found here if anyone is interested. www.birminghamchinesemedicine.co.uk/diet.html

Sorry if seem to be selling Chinese meds but I became a convert more than 10 yrs ago when I had reoccurring cystitis for more than 3 years. I would spend night after night drinking gallons of water, one dose of antibiotics after another. After 3 consultations with top specialists in the country and numerous expensive tests I was still getting cystitis over and over. Continuous Bleeding and sometimes I could barely walk. Out of desperation I went to see a Chinese doc at a friend's recommendation. With herbs, diet changes and acu, in 3 months my cystitis was gone and I have never had another attack again. It's also helped with other minor health issues. Because of this, I have been a faithful follower of Chinese meds.

Sorry if I have missed anyone. A big wave to everyone else.

Joy Please God let them stick. Amen.

ha ha rabbit I was watching that too, 52,000 sheep in 28 days !!!!

lemon tight hand hold, those conversations are not easy to have but you have started on the right road, men never are that good at 'talking' about things
yes I do only have one bum but it is rather rotund
I also found youtube useful for learning to crochet :)

viv I wouldn't pay attention the stats, there is very little you can do about it, you can't change your age and you are only applying more pressure to yourself and Michael. You could ask about DHEA, I'm into my final month of it, looking forward to not being a spotty dotty greasy teenager I think some places do it or yo can buy it online.
You could get pregnant next cycle, concentrate on your SO cycles, are you and Michael taking muti vitamins??

ooooh art I do fancy a bit of cake :)

Ladies, I forgot to ask in my previous post if anyone has had Clomid and found their lower abdomen feel really tight and hard/bloated. I haven't been able to do my jeans up this weekend and I didn't pig out at all. Any ideas?

Awww thanks art and lemon I do work in a pretty understanding office and I have told most people about the drugs as a medical treatment after surgery so it can be explained even if they don't know about the whole ivf thing. The hrt seems to be dealing with the worst of the side effects but it was perhaps a bit naive to expect it to be able to overcome all of the other sh*t and put me back on an even keel...... But MrM might dispute the fact that I was ever on an even keel

rabbit I laughed out loud at being jealous of pregnant sheep. That is a new one