TTC 10+ months thread 12

[buzzybee123]

A very friendly and supportive thread for those taking way longer than they had ever expected to make a baby.

Oh and second dolls use of last nights tea, I had beef, broccoli and rice salad today with soy and sesame oil. The bento box blogs are nice for ideas too (I don't cut sausages into octopus though). I could talk about lunches all day. Three years ago I decided no more canteen rubbish and stuck to it. It's saved me so much money!

Afternoon lovely ladies!

So much has happened since I last checked in!

First, I really hope the lap went well sar and you got some answers and maybe even some fixed tubes. Thinking of you and ready for post-lap handholding.

And viv I am sorry. I hope you with or without your P will stay sober and keep at building your life. I hope you can!

Good work, joycep, I'm amazed with how well your coping. I might have read through the IVF leaflets whilst waiting for my scan this morning, and they said to take the day off for EC. Massive good luck and tail feathers at you.

My news is after a 28 day cycle (which is long for me) I am now heading for a 24 day cycle (which is short for me full stop). But the gonal-f gave me much less headaches and a follie of 15 and one of 18mm this morning, triggering tonight (at probably 16/7 and 19/20mm) IUI again on Wednesday. Also freedom I got my (very temporary) BFP after IUI4, this one is IUI6, and I am getting sick and tired of it already again, so I can heartely sympathise. At my clinic they suggest moving onto IVF after 6, but now they are suggesting sticking it out for a while longer, since it can make me pregnant. Things to discuss properly at our review appointment in a few weeks.

On lunches I brough the salad in to work today which we had last night, carrot, spring onion, avocado and some bits of lettuce and it was lovely. But too little, so I've just raided the biscuit tin :)

Waves, feather tail shakes and general friendliness to you all. You are amazing people, and our babies will come, eventually!

Crumbs, ladies, your kindness and support, despite barely knowing me, is really humbling. Thank you. I hope you don't mind my updating you. I feel a little odd pouring out my non-ttc problems to you - you are strangers to me - yet I know that you care and that you all have men in your lives who you, too, are sharing the highs and the lows with (in whatever form they take). So, forgive me for what must seem like a selfish outpouring of my problems. I assure you I have read all your posts before writing this.

I woke yesterday morning to find Michael sat with his head in his hands, weeping. I was very calm and asked him one question: when did you start drinking? He replied, '11 o'clock yesterday'. When I repeated the question, asking how many months ago he started he looked at me quizzically and said that Saturday had been the first time. I reminded him of his ramblings, his filthy profanities and his insistence that he had been 'at it for months'. He simply shook his head, saying he didn't remember getting home never mind what he said. I became apoplectic. I threw a cup at his head which he ducked from and my cat is only alive due to a miracle of physics. I punched him. I was screaming so violently I was dribbling and coughing.

When I was calmer he tried to imply that Saturday 'had to happen', that it was somehow 'inevitable' after the intense pressure he was under to give me the baby I so desperately want. I went fucking mental all over again. I told him I would NOT take responsibility for his choices on Saturday. I told him that acute stress does not excuse his throwing away our future and his sobriety after nearly three years being sober. I told him he had the tools to resist his demons but that Saturday had been a much-nurtured process of planning and fantasy which he had deliberately hidden from me and which we could have battled together.

My sister picked me up and took me to Mum's where I was comforted and prayed for (we are all evangelical Christians; me - not a very good one). I spent the day being loved like I've never felt loved before. I got this text from Michael in the evening: 'What possessed me to think that my life would be bearable without you in it, I have absolutely no ides. I have clearly made the biggest mistake of my life and yet I don't recall saying "sorry" for ruining your life. I am so sorry for what I have done to both you and your family. I am simply empty now. You said you felt like you were dying. I feel like I am dead."

Evening all.

First work day done. I have a pounding headache and am shattered but it's done and tomorrow will be easier. The kids were so excited to talk about Christmas which is always lovely .

sar I hope that things have gone well today and you're okay with the results. You have earned your medal xx

viv glad you're getting support from family.

lemon 6 rounds of IUI is rough. I'm glad that the drugs this time have been kinder to you and will be thinking of you on Wednesday. The biscuits and crisps are my downfall at the end of the day. MrM gets home quite late so I always have time before dinner where the temptation to snack is bloody overwhelming

mrsd I am trying the hairy bikers diet cookbook at the moment. They have lots of lunch ideas at the back. If you're not aiming to lose weight you could just have bigger portions. The tuna pasta salad was quite nice today. rabbit I have checked out your salad website. Looks promising. I tend to avid hummous because I feel sorry for the kids in the afternoon if I'm all garlicky!

I had a pleasant surprise on arrival at home today. We had a letter from the fertility clinic stating that we should get our treatment "around April 2013" with preliminary tests being organised soon . School holidays are last week of March and first week of April so there is an outside chance that the timing might work well. If not I don't really care . I seem determined to be in hospital at Christmas every year so perhaps a Christmas or new year baby is on the cards for next year.....

That's great news Madness!

drizz IUI clearly can work for you. I can see why you find it frustrating though. I would have liked to try it for a bit longer, but our clinic was ready for our NHS IVF cycle so we stopped after 2. I'm planning on using the third one after the first IVF cycle.

viv that sounds really tough on both of you. Have an unmumsnetty hug.

joy how are things today?

We had our consent appointment at Create today. It was fine. Cycle 1 is pad for now and the only stumbling block will be out HIV/Hep tests. Create said they would give us a letter requesting our GP to do these, but due to a mix up, we only got it on Friday and could only fax it to the clinic today. I think they only need the result by egg collection, but they are claiming they have to have it by our first cycle scan (day 6). We will try to push it through, but if not we will have to get it done there, for an extra £300, which is just annoying as we could have got it done before Xmas were it not for the admin mix up. The other alternative is to try to get our old results from our last clinic. It only needs to be within the past 12 months and we were tested last Feb, so we could still clear the hurdle by using that. Anyway, other than that, it all went fine. When I get my next period, I call them to arrange a scan on day 6 and they take it from there.

madness I like your thinking we might be doing IVF around the same time. I have seen a bit of the hairy bikers tv programme and some of the recipes looked yummy

rabbit neither Shehata nor Create seemed to worry about spotting or short light cycles. I have noticed that there is a section about adoption on the positive reporting forms

mrsd I too use last nights left overs for lunch, I have also made a bit bowl of fruit salad and take some of that to work as well, makes a bit of a change from just fruit. Sorry about the dream, I find I am now a light sleeper

lemon good luck for Wednesday

viv I hope you and Michael resolve things one way or an other, maybe some time apart to think about what you both really want big hugs

sar hope you are home and recovering

pout hope you are getting settled in to your new home

Well I did do some work but also spoke to my colleague who has adopted, she said that Social Services got in contact with her ex husband when they were 'checking them out' I also had a good chat with another colleague about my IVF plans, I did do some work honest I am thinking about looking into surrogacy

Barry has a temp job for 2 months which is better good.

Well waves to everyone

x post with euro thats good, could you just ask your GP for the blood tests??

viv I am glad your family are supporting you and praying for you.
lemon good luck with the IUI on Wednesday. and thanks for your words of comfort and encouragement.
GREAT NEWS madness about the treatment timeframe! Hoorah that things are moving forward.

AF has finally arrived with cramping today so I can move on to the next cycle. I went to the library in my lunch break todayand had a nice walk and got out 8 books. Now I am going to drink hot chocolate and treat myself to a reading frenzy.

The GP has the request letter from Create now, buzz so hopefully he will get on with it.

BTW, another thread has just reminded me that there is a programme about IVF on BBC4 at 9, if anyone is interested.

hi all.

Sar - have been thinking about you all day. Really hope today went ok.

Buzz- i looked into surrogacy and it is really expensive isn't it? My gay friends have spent £25k . Mind you they found a surrogate and got her pregnant in less than a year. iNtersting about the pred. I have heard steroids disrupt sleep and make you more hungry. I take mine first thing in the morning and drinking 3.5litres of water a day plus the litre of milk is doing a very good job at filling me up. We don't have an occ department at work or an HR dept.

Euro - glad today went well. That's great news you will be starting soon. It must be a relief to get the ball rolling. THose bloody HIV/Hep tests are a pain in the backside. My clinic lost mine in 24hrs and so i was running around like a headless chicken trying to find a copy.

Madness - it's about time something went your way so that is great news about the fertility clinic. Hopefully that will all tie up nicely. Sorry about the pounding headache.

Viv - goodness, sorry to hear about everything. I am pleased you have a supporting and loving family and hopefully that will give you some time to work out what to do.

Lemon - i am glad there weren't as many side effects. You have been very resilient though with all this jabbing.

I read an interview with the actress Helen Hunt the other day and she said 'i fought like a wild animal to get pregnant with my daughter'. So she did lots of fertility treatment. I thought that was quite a good explanation. We are all fighting like wild animals for this to happen and I shall use that quote further down the line...i hope.

mrsd - sorry if you have had loads of tips on the lunch front , I shall add in my two cents worth. I find protein the thing that keeps me going. You might not like any of this but hard boiled eggs, tuna, sardines or chicken drizzled with lots of olive oil and a salad with lentils I'm eating cream cheese on ryvita piled with avocadoes to keep the wolf from the door. If you have a high metobalism things like pasta and potatoe can give you a sugar high and will burn very quickly. But i know we are all different - some are carb people and others are protein. Protein is good for ivf though. Dolls - soup idea is great as well. As for your damaged tube , it's just bloody rotten luck.

Rabbit - it seems like every month your body messes around with you, sending out different signals. urgh you so deserve a bfp. I don't know much about spotting but presumably lots of women have it and get pregnant. I wish there was a bit more research on it though.

Doll & others - thank you very much for the heads up on EC. I don't know when it will happen but I am guessing Thurs/Fri so I have put a request to have those days as leave. Your're right , even after my hysto/cyst aspiration last Sunday , I wouldn't have been a good way to get to get in to work.

Today was a bit tricky working everything in to work but thankfully the 2 main people were out. I was called at 11am and was told to go straight away to another blood test. So i ran like a mad woman down the street. It took 20mins round trip so i can get away with that under pretence of long loo break. then called for a scan at 2.45pm. Ok a late lunch but i waited an hour before i was seen. The general manager walked in 5mins after i got back. So that was lucky.
I am suppose to have my lump removed on Wed but I called to cancel that after realising i couldn't weave that in to my day. I was called back and was given an absolute bollocking by the hospital. the woman was mad and said i would be taken off the list and would be referred back to my GP. I didn't think to remind her that they had cancelled my appointment 12 hours before my op last month and I had booked a day off work for it. Also they have changed it 3 times themselves. urgh anyway what a nuisance.

Anyway, all fine with me. thanks for your kind words everyone. Just taking every day as it comes. Keep having minor panics like i had backache last night and thought the Ivig had done something. Then i read my blood test results today. Fsh and oestridol off the scale but i hope that's normal during ivf. Boobs are hurting but the doc tells me that's normal as it is the oestrodiol. Also asked again that this wasn't going to speed up the menopause and was told NO. [just had to triple check]. What a headcase! The follies haven't reached 20mm yet but they are round the 17/18mm mark so my dosage has come right down. It's a bit tricky trying to work out when the lsat time Roy needs to do his stuff. They say optimum abstinence is 3-5 days but a bit tricky when you don't know when EC will be!

right , big waves to all.

freedom - sorry about AF. i hope you are feeling ok.

joy what the hell did they spend £25k on??? Sorry you've bee mucked about by the hospital, so EC should be in the couple of days :)

joycep god you must be exhausted! I'm exhausted just reading abut your day! You are doing amazingly and another day done.

buzzy the ex partner thing freaks me out. I've done a lot of research on this as anyone on here for a long time will know that contacting my ex is NOT as option for me. You can refuse, but it is difficult and you need additional references from that time, which I have.

viv I hope you're ok. Ttc is impossibly difficult and it sounds as if you have it's become increasingly stressed by it all to the point where you need to sit down, when you're ready and have a long talk about it all. Other difficulties and life challenges are exacerbated by ttc I think.

lemon a lot seems to have happened since heard from you last. Crossing everything for 6th time lucky.

madness a date is good!

euro another one where things are happening and fast. I'm scared by the HIV test. That really would be the final straw. But I am a bit if a hypochondriac.

Af arrived on my official start to the term first lecture. I do love her exquisite timing. It's not such a hurty or troublesome one though. I think that was my 22nd cycle of nothing. Though I should prob discount the three disaster cycles after my op. but by the time I give clomid a go, I reckon all in all its time to face facts that this isn't happening to us and I'm not going to be one of the lucky ironic differs. I haven't even been upset to get my period in recent months, I don't expect anything else. I do drive myself CRAZY though with the not exactly knowing what the problem is. I have ' what is it?' In a loop in my head today. Sperm/egg/fertilisation/implantation AGH!

Missed you freedom hello cd1 friend. Sorry about that. But books are good!

rabbit I don't mind if contact my ex but it does seem abit OTT, I sure I can get references, lots of people are willing to help us out on that front, I haven't really looked into it much, but need to. I have been side tracked by a clinic up north that do donor egg sharing with other women needing donor eggs and surrogacy I have so many other things I should be doing. . . Sorry about AF and her crap timing,

Oo what clinic? Does it make it cheaper?

Last night had a MASSIVE crying fit about this whole thing triggered by something trivial really . I feel spent and perhaps it's been a good release and I don't even feel sad really, maybe I just needed a good bawl. But now my face looks awful! Age and five year old crying with dry sobs equals puffy pig face. I'm going to put emergency tea bags on my face now! Morning all!

Awww rabbits, tight paw squeeze. I think sometimes we have to let it all out and hormones probably don't help. Stupid shitty ttc.

joy I'm excited on your behalf that EC is so near. The whole not being able to predict exactly when, is a right pain in the arse. Have they given you an indication on how many eggs they expect to collect? My veins wouldn't stand up to so many blood tests. I would be black and blue! Have you started the clexane yet? It was my least favourite jab but you are such a pro with the injections that I'm sure you won't have any probs. Btw, how did your friends' surrogate get pregnant? Was it home insemination or iui??

buzz where is this cheap northern clinic?!

euro we had problems with the blood tests too. I rang up my gp who booked them in for us, but we didn't know about the extra hepatitis one so ended up having to pay for it at the clinic. V annoying. Which dr did you see yesterday?

mrsd I had a dream I was pregnant, but not properly pregnant. It was really odd and quite frustrating! I think Dave realises we may well not get a baby. He occasionally gets sad, but generally either hides it or actually just doesn't care as much as me. For him, I think the guilt of not being able to 'give' me a baby is hardest.

Speaking of which, did anyone watch The Hour? Hector in it was infertile but he shagged about, so his wife did lots of baking and then shagged about and got pregnant and all was well...

doll Dave hates reality tv (I luffs it) and I think Chelsea would be a step too far. If he's not about, I gorge on that kinda thing, although the Valleys one looks terrifying. Oh and shhhh don't tell the police about my baby stealing/buying plans!

madness pleased your first day back was ok and yay for April ivf.

viv big, big hugs.

sar I really, really hope everything went ok yesterday. I was thinking of you.

Dave is out tonight, so I plan to watch the bbc4 programme about the clinic. Was it any good?? I'm also going to batch make soup (mrsd I got the Covent Garden Soup for everyday book for Xmas, which is ace) and surf rabbits lunch website.

rabbits I think a cry can be good sometimes, I've done it many times. It's not surprising when you think what we're going through. I hate it though, because it leaves me with red, puffy eyes, and I always have a headache the next day. I hope you're feeling ok. Is there a particular reason you felt so bad yesterday? Or was it the general no closer to being pregnant stuff?

Thank you all for the lunch ideas. I've made soup for today, leek and potato. I'm hoping it might fill me up, I have to take my lunch at 12 but then we don't eat dinner til 7 or 8 so I find I'm snacking in the afternoon, early evening. And of course I snack on rubbish.

There were two birth announcements yesterday, both girls. One was 6 weeks early and is in special care but I think she's doing well. It had been a trouble free pregnancy up until then, it makes me realise how bloody hard the whole process is even after getting the bfp.

Thanks for the paw squeeze gin you lovely person. I've already been asked if I'm ok at work. I thought the tea bags had worked but clearly not!

rabbit I think everyone has a moment of doubt when they do the HIV test. I know I did last year. But as it was all clear 11 months ago I am less concerned about the repeat. I just need to fit it in before we cycle!

I think a good cry can do the world of good. And as a bonus I also find once the redness has gone away I am left with marvelously clear skin. I think it must be a release of tension and toxins or something. I wish I could cry more easily. I'm a bit like the Cameron Diaz character in The Holiday who feels like crying, makes boo hoo noises and then gives up.

Gin I didn't catch the name of who I saw yesterday. I think it was a nurse rather than a dr as we were just sorting the forms and talking through what happens next.

I thought the prog was pretty interesting. It focuses quite a bit on the embryology side of things (sperm selection for icsi, talking to the embryologists) which was interesting in a "behind the scenes" way. The lead dr there is quite a character.

Cross post mrsden yes I have the crying headache! It was a combination of a v close friends imminent birth announcement (so happy for her but also thread of ) googling about adoption and not feeling remotely uplifted but it was sparked by a ridiculous spat with Hare that I 100% initiated and was 99% unreasonable about. I feel embarrassed and a bit ashamed. Am trying to displace blame on period hormones.

Euro I have no reason to suspect HIV as I know none of my very very few partners have it! Or at least they are fit as fiddles. But I still do frets, just in case I'm wrong. Agreed about the skin! I can cry but tend to hold it in like a throat lump. It is rare for me to have full on sobbing episodes but last night I indulged myself and I do feel better for it. I've had 4 major sobs since ttc. But all levels of tears included I've probably cried more in the past two years than I have in my whole adult life. I would rather walk on hot croaks than let anyone except hare or my mum and dad see my cry though. I don't cry at films or weddings. So I'm miffed that people suspect at work. I've said I have a cold coming.

Hot croaks don't sound as bad as coals. I would walk on them.

We can blame a lot on hormones. I do find i never really feel the need to cry in the first half of my cycle. I hope your headache disappears soon. I've had loads of headaches the last couple of weeks, I think it's too much chocolate over Xmas.

I wish I could have watched that programme. I wonder if it might find its way on to YouTube, what was it called? euro did it give hope? Or was it depressing?