I am interested in surrogacy

[TheCunnyFuntOfEastwick]

I'd love to be able to help someone who desperately wanted a child but couldn't. DP says he totally agrees and he would be with me every step of the way.

But, I don't know how/where to begin!

Also posted this in chat as none of the topics seemed the right place.

If anyone could give me any help and pointers that would be wonderful, thank you.

Watching this with interest. I think it is the most wonderful thing literally anyone could ever do for someone else. I have two kids and always wanted four- I could theoretically have more but I had such bad antenatal depression, SPD and hyperemesis that I have been strongly advised by my psych and GP not to get preg again (am completely normal when not preg!). This would be such a gift to someone like me, and even more so to someone with no kids. If you can really do it, then do it!!!

I know you didn't ask me but as I am around, if you do host the embryos are transferred through a tiny catheter through your cervix using ultrasound to guide it. It's not very dignified and the need for a full bladder is uncomfortable but it isn't actually too painful.

For what it's worth I was 23 when I had my first surrogate baby and my expenses have never been anything close the £10k max as I was a flexibly working WAHM at the time and none of the pregnancies were complicated, my agreements were arranged so that my paid expenses were my exact expenses but allowance was made for them to get high if I genuinely needed it for childcare/bedrest etc - I didn't. The only possible exception (which I will defend until I die) was for a week in a caravan near the family after my second two surrogacies (for the same family, 4-5 hours away from home) so my children could see the babies with their parents and not feel like they had just vanished.

Olivia do you know if there are/have been any other surrogacy threads before? If so, which topics were they in?

Thanks for that OddBoots, I've always been curious how they did it, I thought it would be something like that. The week near the other family sounds like a good idea, if it helped your children then why the hell not?!

I'm slightly as to how people can get to 10k though.

IVF carries the risk of multiples, I shudder when I think that I had 3 put back the first time, thankfully one little sweetheart stuck. If I had got pregnant with triplets I could easily see how £10k+ could be spent on a nanny for my own children never mind any loss of earnings due to an extended sickness break.

That's an extreme but even a few weeks on full bed rest so needing a nanny would reach the thousands. You may have friends and family ready to help if you were pregnant with your own child but they might not be so willing in a surrogacy and/or you might not feel it fair to ask.

Oh Stuffit that's awful, did she not even have the decency to explain that she had changed her mind?

Where should we get this thread moved to? I've done a search on surrogacy and there are threads in Conception, Adoption, Ante natal and then I didn't have time to read any further. Where should it go? I don't want it to go poof!

stuffit, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I expect your surrogate had good intentions but suddenly got scared by the enormity of it all. I doubt she ever set out to hurt anyone, but that doesn't really help you.

Did you get your baby in the end?

Cunny, I did it host the first time. We tried three times. First time with frozen embryos, second time with fresh, and third time frozen, which resulted in twins. Negative results the first two times.

Second couple started off as host. They had I think eight embryos frozen and ready to use. We had three tries, used up all embryos and had three negative results. We moved onto straight surrogacy and got pregnant the first month. He is now 3.

Third baby was straight. Pregnant first month trying and he is now 7 months.

With regards to the expenses, I got significantly more than £10,000 each time. You just cannot underestimate the effect this will have on your own family. I'd be very surprised if we even broke even with the last surrogacy as I spent so much time in hospital, which meant my husband couldn't work. Would I do it for no money at all for a friend? Absolutely. But do I feel guilty for my 'expenses'? Not a bit.

I think it's a wonderful and incredibly selfless thing to do . (Hi Boots). My sister (who I'm incredibly proud of) has had 4 surrogate babies and, initially, I had my reservations. However, I attend the birth of her final one and have never seen a look of such pure joy and gratitude on the faces of anyone in my life than those of the 'parents'. My sister has kept in touch with all 3 sets of Parents, all of whom make absolutely no bones about where the children came from when the question arises even from the children themselves.

Lorelilee I was just about to ask you why the hell you thought it was a selfish thing to do and then realised I'd read it wrong :o

Thank you Aitch, you've been a real help so far :) I'd like to hear from a lot of surrogate mothers all about their experiences, I think the more I know, the more prepared I'll feel.

Shall we get this moved to conception? I think that's the closest topic isn't it?

FYI my dh, a little pot, a warm armpit and a drive across town, a needle less syringe and bobs your uncle, one DD after 5 months of trying :o

Hi Everyone,

Sorry for the late post.

At the OP's request we've moved this thread to conception.

Thanks.

A warm armpit? I'm not even sure I want to know. . . .

Thank you Sandy :)

Oh Stuffit how sad. I'm not surprised you feel that strongly about it! I hope you get the child you deserve one day :)

Warm armpit to keep the pot warm ...

if we'd been using my armpits in a different fashion that would have explained my inability to conceive

Oddboots having used both COTS and Surrogacy UK can you give me more info on the differences and time scales of the two?
I had cervical cancer 5 years ago and had my cervix removed and a cerclage stitch put in place which was meant to enable me to carry a pregnancy. Earlier this year I fell pregnant but we lost our little boy after my waters broke at 18 weeks. Because of the stitch I had to have a hysterotemy (type of c-section) which has now meant there is an increased risk of the scar rupturing if I were to get pregnant again (because of where it is on the uterus) which could kill me!!!
The consultant has suggested surrogacy as our sensible option rather than putting both me and a baby at risk but I just don't know where to start to look into it! Any advice, greatfully received.

Hi all
New to the site today.
We would love to find a surro after a number of years ttc with ivf failures, immune issues and adenomyosis. Still longing for our first child, never ever imagined in my wildest dreams I would not have my own children. We have been heartbroken and devastated over last couple of years. Trying to keep hope but in our 40's it always feels like a race we are losing. Have to keep some hope going tho.
Hope to chat and make new friends
Anna