Trying to conceive after mc? Pregnant after MC and seeking somewhere safe to hide? Recently graduated from the mosh pit? Come on down to the mosh pit for some serious metalling and cake! Part

[Dorita75]

Hi, thought I'd start the new thread. This is a brilliant thread for anyone trying to conceive or who has got a bfp after mc, full of lovely ladies, fab advice and a lovely place to metal, so called because someone said metal instead of mental and the rest is history......

Oh Martha - will be thinking of you and your husband. What a shitty few months it's been for you.

Hello martha - what you said does make sense. How about through you ask the medical staff to be open minded with you - you may change your mind. Your dh may change his mind. I know this is very different but when my brother died (it was sids) my mum went to the hospital to say goodbye. My dad did not. Which in my opinion is fine because we are all different. Also can't the staff take pictures, prints etc and have them put to one side in case either of you change your mind? I will be thinking you tomorrow; take asmuch pain relief you want. Hope none of my ramblings have upset you in anyway..

Wilde me and dh have no idea if we should worry or not we are going with the thought that he said the brain development was normal just the head size was small?! And ithere is "slight" resistance - i got the screen positive for PET and / or IGUR from the scan report!

Martha that is totally understandable, I know some women who the hospital has taken footprints and pics for to keep in the notes incase they want to see them in the future. I didn't need anything because of the problems with the cervix but I know they will give you whatever pain relief you need/want. Will be thinking of you xx

mrsp hope all goes well with the next scan. Must feel good to be near viability, I still have 7 weeks to go and it seems like forever

martha i didn't see my baby either so don't worry about that. the midwife was really careful to make sure i (or dh) couldn't see anything.

when i came home from 20 week scan i didn't really know what to expect when i went to hospital. i started reading on here about women in similar situations who had held and named their babies. i was freaking out as i didn't want to do any of that. i rang the hospital and the midwife who answered told me i would want to at the time and everyone does. i was really freaking out. when i went to hospital the midwife who looked after me was lovely and she said to keep an open mind but she would look and let me know if it was something i would want to see or not. as my baby had died a couple of weeks previous she said not to look so the decision was taken away luckily for me. i did ask about the sex though as i thought it might come up at some point in the future and it was on the post mortem report so i might have got a nasty shock later on.

i donated the baby to research so there wasn't a funeral or anything to worry about. i sometimes feel a bit bad that i did that but i really didn't want to do anything else and it might help others like me in the future.

i didn;t name the baby as i have a baby name lined up for a boy and didn't want to 'waste' it IYSWIM. that sounds terrible...

i probably sound a bit cold hearted but it's the way i deal with things and it worked out best for me. i wasn't made to feel that i was doing the wrong or right thing. it is up to you how to deal with everything.

pm me if you want to know any other details

Martha So gald you still want to come here - as we very much want to have you. The mosh pit VIP area is exclusively yours right now. I have to say I have thought about what I would do and I think I would feel the same. I think the alternative would be too much - maybe that is denial or maybe self preservation - they can be flip sides of the same coin. Great advice from Moomin of having a back up plan just in case you change your mind though. If interweb love could lift you up and take you through the pain of tomorrow that is exactly what would be happening right now. You have been in my thoughts all day and will remain there. There but for the grace of god go I (and I don't even believe in him but you get my gist).

So much mixed emotion on this thread as always but today it seems especially pertinent. I am crying for Martha but dancing for Tas, Pebs and Moomin. Just goes to show though that we are all here for each other - regardless of the news being good or bad. An extra special dance for Tas - the relief of being in the right place is an excellent start after all you have been through.

MrsP I had PET and IUGR with DD - although tiny she was perfectly formed although all that prodding and monitoring is a pain - hope you get more info soon.

Wilde Fingers crossed for you.

Anyways I have to shoot off but didn't want to go without sending you all an extra special metallers hug - I think we all need it today.

Martha I am so so sorry :( So many of us have been there and it's just not fair. I've spoken about my induction before, similar situation, so again if you need anything, just send a mesage. I am sorry it has to be this way, don't feel pressured into decisions now. Know that even if they take him away you can ask to have him brought back if you change your mind and that is okay to do. The process for me was not physically hard, I hope for similar for you and a peaceful experience. I am thinking of you.

Oh Martha I'm just devastated for you. Lots of love xxx

marff

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Warning to those feeling sensitive, I go into a bit of detail about my induction

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When I found out that the baby was too big/far along to simply have an erpc I was terrified - I felt sure beyond everything that I did not want to see the baby. I just wanted to be able to go to sleep and when I woke up it would be over (ah, naivety! Gotta love it!). I couldn't bear the idea of catching a glimpse by accident. Wouldn't it be awful to actually see? To be confronted with, as you say, a dead baby? Yes. It would.

Although I quickly accepted I had no choice other than to be induced but resolved to 'avert my eyes' and made it clear I wouldn't, couldn't look at the baby. I was reassured I wouldn't see and that was fine.

When it came to it though, I was absolutely compelled to look - he was born in a blot clot the size of a football (I know that sounds unbelievable/an exaggeration but it's not) and all I could see was the tiny cord coming from it to me... the nurse clamped/cut it and all I kept frantically saying was 'I DO want to see, I do want to see my baby'

She reassured me as she left the room that she'd bring the baby back and then I crashed. Once I was stable enough, she bought him back in, cleaned up, in a tiny basket and I felt such an incredible peace. It was so right to be with him. How could I have wished it any other way?

The thing is, we don't know how we will feel at the time. We only know how it feels right now. And ANY reaction, ANY way of dealing with it to get through is is the way you must go with at the time.

I urge you to take a camera, marff. The staff on my unit had a camera available to take pictures (as advised further up, have pictures/prints taken if you still feel you don't want to see at the time as that feeling may change with time) but it didn't have any memory, or batteries, or something... either way, they couldn't do it for me. So I did it the next day myself after DF bought my camera in but he'd already deteriorated a little in the time that had passed and I'm a but sad that my pictures aren't a true reflection of how I know he looked.

I hope, for tomorrow at least, you might get to feel the way I did for my time in hospital - in a bubble of care that allowed me to get through it without falling apart. That came later! :P

manda that bubble is truly a beautiful thing in a mad, bad world.

martha your poor love, my thoughts are with you and your DH. Take care, and we are all with you in spirit, any decision you and DH make is the right one. Xxx

It's so so sad that anyone has to go through this, all you ladies are so strong to share stories. Martha my thoughts will be with you along with everyone else's on here xx

Only popped on quick to catch and oh my. Martha I cannot say how sorry I am. My head had been with you today thinking of you and hoping and now my heart goes out to you and ur dh if only I could put my arms around you I would x
Please please stay here to we all luv ya and want to be there got you hun x I've no advice as its not something I have experienced but I see sadly so many of the lovely ladies have already shown their strength and courage and can all help you through xxxx take care xxxxxx
Be brave tomorrow and I second manda if you don't feel u can see the baby now then go with it but if your feelings change tomorrow then roll with that too x

martha. I'm so sorry. ((hugs))

Am a bit worried. Woke for a pee and when I wiped there was bright red blood . I don't expect anyone is up, but don't want to worry DH as he'll need his sleep if we are spending tomorrow at A&E. I'm trying hard not to worry, but it is tough. I'm 14+4 today. So scared.

Confused - how are things this morning? Is there any chance you could have a urinary tract infection? They can cause bright red bleeding after weeing.

Take care and let us know how you go xx

Martha, I am thinking about you this morning. I think you should go with what ever is in your heart... Definitely agree with those who say ask for photos to be kept, in case you change your mind, but deeply understand this a very personal matter.

I was terrified I was going to be confronted by something monstrous, and asked MW to check. They were very good about not letting me see before then. And in the end he was heartbreakingly fine to see.

I had some pain, nothing terrible, but some and they were very generous with pain relief. If you are in any pain, ask. The MW I was with was an amazing woman, who was so very gentle and kind. I wish the same for you sweetheart.

I know this sounds a bit mundane,but bring some lovely shower gel with you. I found the shower afterwards quite cathartic. I needed that time alone.

And I don't know if this helps, but for me the induction day was not the worst of it. The worst was the day I found out. I hope the same for you.

Huge hugs.

No more blood, just brown gunk. I'll call the midwife and ask what's best to do. Feeling a bit better, if shattered from no sleep.

Martha thinking of you today my lovely. Our thoughts surround you like that big bubble.

Confused I know it's virtually impossible but keep calm. Let us know how you get on. I had a terrifying scare at 16 weeks - hope yours is just the same, unexplained bleeding. Keep in touch.

Hope its just a little bleed that's nothing to worry about confused. Lots of people seem to have them. It is really scary though for us mettalers.

Martha I had to go to theatre to have the placenta removed I didn't realise at the time but this is quite common so don't worry if it happens to you.

I just wanted to add to keep an open mind about seeing the baby. If the midwife would have said it was ok to look I probably would have done.

Thought I would pop on to see how everyone is and I'm sat here crying :(

Big hugs and love martha I don't know what to say but I'm so sorry xx

confused how are you this morning??

Well done to all the good news stories out there state I'm not in Colchester about 20 miles away in a small village but Colchester EPU is my 'local'.

pixies life is a bit confusing a the mo not really sure what my body is up too ...........

Confused glad the red blood has gone. Hope you get good advice, and that you get good news today.

pebs tas, I never congratulated either of you on your good news.

pixie, hope you're ok. Have you stopped your random bleeds?

I'm ok at the moment. Still metalling about kicks, I think I would be happiest if I was permanently being whacked from within... But getting quite big now. Have terrible heartburn and I'm very tired. With DD I moaned about these a lot. Now I'm so bloody grateful.

Hi jaffa yes since my embarrassing moment last week no more bleeding fingers crossed :)

Thinking of you and your husband Martha. Xx

Thinking of u today Martha hope all goes as well as it can xxx

Confused defo ring the midwife to get some advice if nothing else it may be enough to calm the metalling xxxx