Partner doesn't want to try yet, but i'm desperate

[justforinfo]

Hi all,
It's a little strange being on this thread as i'm normally over in car seats advising

I'm not really sure where to start, it always sounds stupid when I try and write how i'm feeling down or try to talk about it :-/

Basically, i'm desperate to try for a baby. It's all I think about every day and all I can dream about. I love my partner to bits and we are very happy together, but I want children soon (now) and he wants to wait 5 years (and that's talking him down from the initial 10 yr bombshell) We'd only be 30 in 5 years, which is nothing.... but i'm ready NOW. I don't want a baby when i'm 30, I want to be running around with my child!

I feel like there is a piece of me inside that's empty, I see other mum's and their bumps/babies and it's like getting punched right in the heart. With being a child seat advisor it's making it so hard to stay happy, i'm finishing work and breaking down.

I keep telling myself that 5 years is no time to wait, and to enjoy the child free years (holidays etc) but.... I can't explain it, I just hate the thought of waiting 5 years to even start TTC.

He's terrified having a baby will stop his life. He plays music and wants to gig and have freedom to do whatever he wants, which is fine. I also have hobbies, i've tried throwing myself into them and work to take my mind off this, thinking to get myself in optimal shape and health for when pregnancy does happen and to be saving over the years so I can take time off work (self employed), and my partner keeps re-iterating this, and I know baby talk is getting to him, but I can't help it.

Any advice? It's not fair of me to try and talk him round any more, but I just wondered if anybody else had been through anything similar?

Sad, lonely and scared :'(

You are quite young still. He just doesn't want the family life settled down babies and nappies. He's having a great time playing his music and living the lifestyle he wants. This is a perfectly valid and reasonable choice for him. So it's up to you whether you wait for him to be ready or move on.

I think 25 is very young, but also understand the overwhelming broodiness. I was overwhelmingly broody from teenage years, and in hindsight, there was negative psychological reasons for that. I'm not saying there is for you! But often there is more to it if broodiness becomes an obsession. I did have one young, and it wasn't as ideal as I thought it would be. 28 and 30 was more ideal for me.

My advice is, as someone who has a DH that is a musician, go to lots of music festivals and outdoor gigs that are family friendly but also fun for single adults. He might come round sooner if he realises he can still enjoy his hobby and family together. Your family holidays can be music festivals instead of Butlins. He doesn't have to give up everything.

ZOMBIE THREAD for anyone else who didn’t realised until they’d already read it all.

I went to the fertility clinic just for checks to make sure everything was ok and he also had checks for me. They told us we should try for about 3 months and if nothing happens come back. I'm just worried about losing that space. You know how hard it is to get help. But I will have that conversation with him again and go from there. I'm not going to spend my life waiting around because its just not fair on me so will see what he has to say and hopefully we can meet in the middle.

@Kaler you may be better off starting a new thread then you have get more responses, most people here will respond the the original posters post by mistake which won’t help you. I hope you manage to work things out

Not sure how to start a new thread. I'm new to all this.

Oh ffs. The OP is now about 35! If you can join to post surely you can work out how to start a new post.

I had my first child at 32 and I'm financially secure and in a much better place than I would have been if I was your age.
I think your partner is being sensible and he is within his rights to have this opinion in the same way you are.
The more you bring it up the more likely he will resent the idea and feel pressured.

OH FFS, ZOMBIE THREAD! why!!!!!!!

It's called being exceedingly broody op. It's normal but that doesn't mean it's a reason to have a baby.
Watch some childbirth videos, that'll soon put you off xD

That being said, I wouldn't necesserily be ok with him saying to wait 5 years. That's a long time to be with a partner before kids. Especially on top of how long you've been together. What I mean is I worry he may actually be saying he just isn't that into you. What's his timeframe for marriage? I'd start asking as you've already been together two years. I'd expect him to be proposing soon and to be married within the next year. 2 maximum. Don't even consider having a kid with a man who hasn't at the very least, proposed marriage.