Some company, please. I'm a bit freaked out.

[ImprobableNotImpossible]

Hello,

I haven't posted for a really really long time and I've name-changed (I think) because I really don't want to go at all public yet. So, if you recognise me from previous posts or (much worse) real life, please please don't out me.

So, in a nutshell, I have been unsucessfully TTC for over five years. I had one early MC ages ago and one cycle of IVF with a really poor response. Over a year ago we were told that I probably had premature ovarian failure, that there was no point in more IVF and that I would almost certainly go through menopause in the next couple of years. I was a very difficult time, obviously, but we were always realistic and coped pretty well. We grieved for a bit then picked ourselves up and got on with accepting and adjusting.

So, fast-forward to now and with several people close to us for the second time and with my periods showing no signs of stopping, we started to wonder if we'd given up to soon and I started tracking my cycles a bit again and we started a bit of low-key trying (we'd never actually stopped, of course, but we started paying attention to timing). I'm now on day 27, 13 DPO, and I tested yesterday and there was a faint, but visible line. Twice.
I've tested again today and there is a still faint, but more distinct pink line.

Ummm, so, I'm pregnant, aren't I?

We (husband and I) are a bit freaked out and have no idea what to do with ourselves. We can't tell anyone real and we can't actually believe it, but I am, aren't I?

I just really need some company until I'm more sure and less overwhelmed, but please no baby-dust or hugs or any of that stuff, I hate all that.

Thanks.

Sounds like you are congratulations!

Im sure due to your history you will be testing for the next week or so, I have my fingers crossed for you and a very sticky bean. I will be here to hand hold, I had a stillbirth last year and two early miscarriages since so I know the heart ache of trying and well the amazement when one month it seams to go right.

Congratulations!

Make an appointment with the practice nurse tomorrow, the one at the surgery I use was available short notice and absolutely fab when i turned up in complete shock and said "I think I'm pregnant" and promptly burst into tears!

:o

Sounds very positive, I hope it goes well from here!

Thank you for the quick replies and fanjodisfunction, I'm really sorry for your losses.

So, the message is cautious optimism, yes? Keep testing (no more than daily) and hope for the best.

I think I can cope with that...

I think thats all you can do ImprobableNotImpossible.

thankyou

does sound like you're pregnant. Congratulations. Stay off the alcohol, start taking folic acid asap (tomorrow if poss) and read up up early pregnancy care.

I feel so ridiculous.
I must have read this sort of thread a dozen times and thought: "Silly woman, why didn't you just wait 'til you were definitely late?" and now here I am.

I don't even really know why I tested yesterday, I didn't expect anything, it was a whim.

The science part of my brain does understand that, for now at least, it looks like i'm pregant, but the five-years-in-expecting-lifelong-childlessness part of me just feels very weird.

very understandable. With two early MC behind me I always say to my self next time I will wait for a least a week till I test, but I never do.

How many days untill AF is due?

yes i understand, complete disbelief due to your history. I hope very much its a sticky one . For now you are pregnant so just try to relax and take care of yourself.

i can't imagine relaxing being that easy though!! try to enjoy it at least.

My normal cycle is 24-26 days, so I am late for me, but then I do occasionally have 'normal' 28 day cycles.

I'm pretty sure I ovulated on day 14 this month.

I'm supposed to be going over to my sister's tonight to see her and my mum, but my sister is pregnant (second time, concieved ridiculously easily) and I'm not sure I can hold it together...

Sorry, it's day 27 today.

on our Angel mums thread we have a mantra 'today I am pregnant' so take one day at a time. It is hard not to think of the future in good or bad light but you just have take every day as it comes.

well don't go then. don't make life harder on yourself. come up with some excuse until you are ready to tell those close to you- unless you feel telling them would help?

ok so you still have a day or two to go untill you will beleive it.

I would stay at home with your feet up, your family can wait, and they will understand later.

I should have said, it's my mum's birthday, so it would have to be quite a good excuse and I saw my sister on Saturday and was fine and normal.

We are very close and I can't at all decide if I want to tell her everything or not. It would be awful for both of us if I miscarry, but I can't imagine going through it without her, so I will be telling her at some point.

I am so confused.

I guess you either fake sickness or go along and see if the evening with your sister and mum will help you make up your mind whether to tell them or not. Im sure it will help you along to be in the same spot as your sister.

ah more difficult. I'd probably go along and see how it went before saying anything. As the mum of a 19 yr old DD i'd want to know and though it would be upsetting for your Mum if you did MC we are made of strong stuff , so I wouldn't worry about burdening her unless you know she already is swamped with serious problems. Mums are there to share the load.
And try to stop the MC talk! You're pregnant, take each day as it comes. There's always a risk but please try to focus on positive thoughts even if you feel it would be better to prepare yourself for the worst- it won't be. I know its impossible to banish those thoughts completely but try to minimise them as much as you possibly can.

Pls be positive this is great news. I just posted elswhere about my cousin had a baby yesterday after TTC for 5 years plus, they knew they would struggle as he had testicular cancer a decade ago and they are both now in their 40s, they had failed IVF twice and at the point of giving up they conceived naturally and their ds was born healthy yesterday. so it does happen. Bet of luck to you and look after yourself x

I would not tell anyone except for dp.

Thanks again for the positive messages.

I went last night and told my mum, but not my sister. Mum was delighted, but realistically restrained in her excitement. In a sensible mum way she told me not to test again for 48 hours. Advice which I naturally ignored.

So, this morning's update: no period. Boobs heavy and nipples sort of stinging. My 1 permitted cup of coffee tasted bitter and horrible. But the test was exactly the same - faint, but distinct line at about 4 minutes.

I was really just hoping for a nice clear positive this morning.

I just can't shake the feeling that it's not real and it's all going to be gone suddenly. It just feels so very fragile.

Anyway, off to work now to think about something else for 8 hours - you wouldn't know it from the neurotic mess I am here, but I'm kind of senior and responsible in RL!

So if today is CD28 then you are still very early pregnant, so that might be why its still faint, but I have heard that the faintness of the line means nothing. But remember you are still pregnant.

Take it easy

God I haven't posted on here in ages but your situation has really touched me - I'm rooting for you.

You're all being so kind with your lovely hand-holding, thank you.

I'm not feeling to cheerful tonight, I had an ok day, but I've had a bit of spotting tonight. I know that doesn't really mean anything either way, but I don't feel to optimistic tonight.

Thanks for all the positive thoughts and kindness, though.

I spotted in all my pregnancies, is this about the time you would normally be due on? Could be breakthrough bleeding.
Worrying is completely normal, I'll hold your hand, really touched by your story, fingers and toes crossed!

DEf not impossible !!!!
I tried for just 3 years referred to barts, a hostile environment is what was concluded- prob wont hold any pregnancy!!!
1 month after such news i found out pregnant- 9 months of heavy bleeding and clots and numerous consultants adv me to prepare for the worst i was blessed with a gorgeous 5lb 4oz baby girl :-) She is 41/2 now and i count my blessings everytime i wake with her and put her to bed!
So Improbablenotimpossible meet your virtual twin who survived the agony and realises consultants can say whats medically correct but if you just dont fit the bracket.................Get pregnant! Congrats- feet up so oxygen to uterus and try not go to toilet every 2 mins to see if your still spotting ! xxx