TTC 10 plus months, part 6

[mrsden]

A friendly, supportive thread for those of us who are taking a bloody long little longer time than average to conceive.

I did think maybe the dragon was there to taunt us that we won't be getting dragon babies unless we get upduffed this cycle. Snakes are so much cuter than dragons anyway.

Yep, took me a while to cotton on that is wasn't some reference to the Year of the Dragon!
On reflection I prefer to think that it is princess's Dyson hose attachment gone bad.

[Dragon] what's that? Dyson hose?

Or even !

Hi ladies. Just a quick message from me to say the blood test confirmed that this cycle didn't work. Am obviously sad and a bit teary, but not as upset as I thought I would be (but guess that may change with AF and pmt arrival..)I'm trying to see it as part of a 3 cycle procedure and have also been looking into adoption as a last resort. Think it helps to have a plan. If the bank of the in laws are happy to fund, we may try another cycle next oct/nov. I want to enjoy my summer & let my bruises etc properly heal! Thanks for all your kind thoughts and words - it helps so much and I can't wait to meet you in RL. I'm a bit worried about Mr Gin, but am going to book our free counsiling session (and also follow up consultation) which will hopefully help. Shame men dont have forums like this. Big hugs to all x

Very sorry to hear the news Gin. Big hugs to you and Mr Gin xxx

Pout I think you have just renamed my Dyson!! Purple My dyson bit me the other week (I pushed the tube in a bit quickly and it took my small pinkie with it). I still have the healing wound on my little finger.

Joycep so sorry to hear about the rubbish announcement. They really knock you for six and seem to come from no-where. Hope you're feeling better. I agree with you and MrsD that the waiting is a killer. I'm so used to doing what I want when I want, getting my own way or making things happen that TTC is a very frustrating game. I.Want.Baby.NOW!!!! But.... Bobbly ovary say, "Princess... you must wait patiently" (I kind of imagine this in a sort of kung fu face off between me and ovary, sort of kill bill style) It is a ridiculously long time. I have imagined that the first thing I'll say to my snuggly new born is, "hello baby. You are very beautiful / handsome (I'm not fussy between sexes either will do just fine thank you). You must take after your daddy in both looks and punctuality. I have literally waited years for you to come along. Now you are here, we are going to have so much fun. Mummy loves you" And I know it will happen. I didn't think I would meet a perfect man, but I did. He may have been 6 (or more) hours late to a couple of our dates and generally a bit crap in the time department, so I guess a late baby is to be expected. Visualization can make me feel so much better sometimes and give me hope.

Pout I agree with divorcing TTC from the outcome. Actually, now we have my bobbly ovary and crooked hormones to contend with, we've kind of given up trying for a baby. I don't believe it will happen until we have some answers and I think OH is very happy that he is not stalked like a piece of meat and normal 'happy' SSI (shagging sans intent) can resume at least for a little while!!

Very of all these pig outs of which we speak. Chocolate? I don't even like chocolate that much, but it is brown, non?!

MrsD Sorry to hear your friend wasn't very supportive. Mine have been ok, actually my two besties have been mostly brill with the odd comment thrown in but as you say they really don't understand. You have a great place hear to come and moan all you like. We all understand and it's not really moaning it's a bloody tedious and upsetting time. Lots of hugs

We had to take old sick Polo to the garage for his MOT over the weekend. He failed, not too badly but enough for us both to look at the shiny new cars. We have looked at the financing and I was like, well we can't afford that shiny new fast car if I'm on maternity leave and then it struck me that the snake, that could well be a horse, will probably not be around until nearing the end of the three year financing package and that the shiny new car would have a much bigger boot for the pram (and nappy bag) I've been coveting. Plus DH thinks that the shiny car is much safer for a family. Once the house is done I think we have decided to treat ourselves to a nice shiny car. Oooo exciting!

You may all also be interested to know the following characteristics of water snake babies:
Influential, motivated, insightful, and highly intellectual are words that best characterize Water Snakes. These Snakes work well with others and enjoy being recognized and rewarded. They?ll reveal feelings to those closest to them, but no one else.
Also:
Ancient Chinese wisdom says a Snake in the house is a good omen because it means your family will not starve - promising. This could be taken metaphorically to mean that a Snake could never have a problem with his family starving because he is such a great mediator, making him good at business rich baby look after mama??. Or it could mean that a Snake would be willing to sacrifice his possessions, something the Snake has a lot of, in order to pay for his family?s food. Any way it is interpreted is representative of the Snake?s character and is a measure of the value he puts on his material wealth. The Snake is keen and cunning, quite intelligent and wise.

This doesn't sound too bad. Horses are good. OH is a horse, although they are quite vain and stubborn. I'm not too sure how a rooster like myself could cope with 2 prancing ponies

On that note, I'm off to make myself some iced fizzy water with slices of valencia orange. Yummy.

X post Gin I am so hugely sorry to hear your sad news today. Lots of hugs, and I mean really huge hugs coming your way. Poor you. It's not fair is it. Good to have a plan - I'm impressed with your pragmatism. Make sure you and MrG look after each other. I hope that it works for you next time. Lots of love and thinking of you, princess xxxxxxx

gin I am really sorry ((((BIG HUGS)))

princess it doesn't hurt to plan ahead, I have always had the next step in mind and being DESPERATE I need to have a plan of action, I'm also on Tamoxifen for my super ovulation instead of clomid/letrozole. I'm hoping I'll produce more than one follicle this time.
I suppose it depends on what kind of cysts you have and the size, a friend in Canada is going to have hers removed. It would be best not to have evasive treatment if it can be helped.

pout trying to find the middle isn't easy, its a good job they don't see me at my lowest ebb !!! They would have me certified

mrsd sorry you have such a rough time with your cycles, its so frustrating and feels so unfair

joyce i'm tired of hearing about other peoples pregnancy announcements (accept on here), had a team meeting today where they discussed my boss who is away on maternity leave and two other colleagues who will be going on maternity leave in the next month. I just feel it should bloody well be me!!

lemon hope your out sourcing went well today :)

So who are meeting up then, wish I was

princess at your DH's reasoning for getting a shiny car

Happy day.

Probably not so happy for you gin and I'm so sorry. One day ever so soon you will remember this one and realise that it all worked out just as it should. You've had a rough time this go and I'm gutted for you that it didn't work. But thinking of it as a three cycle process is what I'd like to do too. One place in london actually does a three cycle package. I think this would take the pressure off a lot, it's like three for the price of two I think. That sounds kind of bad,Like a tesco offer, but you know what I mean! Loves to you and mr gin.

joycep ah pants to the PA (pretty awful). It never does stop getting rubbish does it? Unless it's been a long fought battle and then I feel glad and like there is still hope for me! I so so hope I get to meet you lot, but suspect I may well be off my face on anaesthetic and morphine. But please will someone take a photo and email me?!!

mrsden sorry the cycles feel all out of sorts, must be a strange one, waiting for hatching ad wondering. When do you start ivf (and apologies if I asked that already)

princess admirations for your healthy eating zeal. I can only tolerate ttc health initiatives for 1-2 cycles so failed at Marylin after 6 weeks. I kept picturing her eating a black forest gateaux and a big glass of red wine. I've also done the 'inconceivable' green and brown plan. That did make me feel virtuously amazing with so much energy until I developed chronic diarrhoea! I've also spent 6 weeks in the paleo plan but lost too much weight. so lately I just do my best to eat organic, eat my five a day and make stuff from scratch with lots of soups and smoothies. It's become second nature to eat well which has to be a bonus of ttc?

pout leaks are a pain. We had one last year in the bedroom. We woke up to rain on the inside. We got the roof fixed but it left the ceiling with a huge stain that in spite of painting keeps poking back out again. It is affectionately known as the fanny patch. I hear you on pregnancy being dissociated from ttc. And babies! The goal is two lines. Should I ever get there, it's going to take some adjusting to the fact that we have made another human being.

iPad battery about to conk out but waves to the rest of the clan. I am in the iddle of probably last two week wait until September. This feels scary and wrong. I of course don't feel remotely any different to usual and know that actually it wouldnt be the right thing. I want this beast out of me and it would be a bit of a treacherous pregnancy. But I'm still thinking about it. Bums.

Gin I?m so sorry to hear about your results today . Big hugs. I?m glad that you get a counselling session and hope that it helps you both. You?re very wise to think of it as a three cycle procedure and to take the summer off to recuperate and relax. More hugs.

Princess at rich baby look after mama! Sadly, I?m not convinced: I?m a snake and my mum still has to help me out . Even more sadly, when I?ve finally finished my studies, I still don?t think there?ll be much hope for me? However, I found the following quote about snakes, which tickled me pink: ?Since they are such relaxed individuals, they can often seem to be slacking off at work when in reality they are at the height of their creativity.? I can hear me now, next time Mr B catches me dozing deep in thought: ?actually, I think you?ll find I?m at the height of my creativity!?

Talking of creative, well done pout on solving your leak problem ! More seriously, I hope your extension isn?t truly f*ked. We?ve got a pretty shoddy one on our new house, complete with artex ceilings (hmm, nice). Furniture-wise, so far we?ve got a bed (super duper one that I cannot wait to jump on into) and a teeny kitchen table from argos (no money left after the bed). We have lots of plants though . And, hopefully, soon a dog. That?s just what Mr B says about collies. There was a programme on tv a while ago about animal intelligence and they showed a collie that knew something like 1000 words! Clever things.

Sorry about the non-ovulatory cycle mrsd. That is so frustrating. I?m also another person lacking somewhat in patience. With this whole ttc business, I feel like shouting: ?I?ve been patient, thank you very much, and I?m ready now. Enough practising, let?s get this show on the road.? Sadly, no one?s listening.

Sorry about the pg announcement, joycep. I agree: after 29 cycles, it is surely your turn. Go chase that clinic and get an appointment!

Not long to wait now euro? fingers crossed!!

And fingers crossed for you too, lemons! Hope today?s outsourcing went well.

Waves to everyone else!

Oh gin, I'm so sorry to hear about your result. After all you've been through, it shouldn't end this way. It sounds like you've got a sensible approach to the next few months and next steps. Taking your time is the absolutely the right thing to do, let your body and mind recover a little and let yourself be sad for as long as it takes. Thinking of you both.

Hello to everyone else too, sorry I'm being spectacularly rubbish at keeping up and posting but between work deadlines, travel and endless family gatherings I'm cream-crackered and short on time. Happy day to all.

Oh gin. I'm so sorry this cycle hasn't worked for you. The counselling sounds like a great plan and you've got a really healthy attitude to the three cycle approach. Lots of love xxx

mrsd sorry to hear about your third anovulatory- it seems downright unfair. I too am impatient and used to knowing that if I work my balls off I'll get where I need to be...not working in this situation. The detachment thing has definitely become more prevalent since about month 20- I feel like I'm dealing with an illness or something...but sometimes I get huge slaps of reality, in the shape of announcements/comments/FB photos.

pout are you sure you just didn't shrink them in the wash? I tend to do that all the time

joycep even though most of our contact is about fertility issues I can reassure you that you are absolutely not a depressive bore- you are an informed, supportive and interesting person as far as I can see!

beryl and lisa sorry about AF- hope you are both through the worst of it.

Has been really interesting today to read about all this PCOS stuff. I had my first iui scan today and have been told, contrary to a former scan, that I have PCO (but not PCOS). It was my gut instinct a while ago to think that I had it (overweight and struggle to lose it/ chin spots/ facial hair noted by mother/ high blood sugar) but was told fairly early on that I didn't. Therefore I have bypassed a lot of info in my 24 months of intense Googling, reading and general obsessing. Will check out the website mentioned by euro but am petrified by the thought of a brown diet princess! At least I have something else to search instead of 'iui success rates' which I am tiring of!

Waves to all the other lovely ladies! x

Just jumping on quickly to commiserate with Gin. Meh.

gin so sorry it didn't work out this time. Hugs to you. You are being amazingly pragmatic and strong about it. You WILL get there xx

oh gin i am so so sorry for you and Mr Gin. It just doesn't seem right after going through that whole long process. however, I think that's a very healthy attitude to see it as this 3 part process and to give yourself the Summer to recuperate. I feel so attached to everyone on here , it just makes me so sad and gutted for everyone when things don't go how they should. Big hug and look after yourself.

princess - oooh at shiny new car. that is exciting.

lisa - urgh at all your pregnant colleagues. It will be your turn one day, it will it will.

wine - have you been given a date yet for getting this thing out? it is sounding like it will be interfering with the big meet up... damn it.

oh beryl have i missed something - are you getting a collie?

frannie - what is the difference between PCO and PCOS? Who told you , you didn't have it? that's annoying they missed it... I am sorry you have been told you have it but hopefully diet can sort it out??

pout - I can't work out why ttc or the failure at ttc shatters confidence. But i agree, it seems to have affected mine too. I am relying on DH too and feel quite bereft without him here and I use to do very well at being independent. and oh dear at your extension..! we have spent 5 years trying to get a leak sorted in the roof without them replacing the roof...theyh really are buggers.

mrsd - also will be very glad to meet you all

Gin I am so incredibly sorry that this cycle didn't work for you and Mr Gin. I hope that you can take this summer to look after yourself, rest, recover and then take the next step as it comes. A big hug to you. Your baby is still out there waiting for you, I just know it.

joycep you are most definitely not a depressive bore, I only know you through your online posts but your lovely zippy character shines through them! And sorry about the pregnancy announcements - it (almost) always stinks. I wish I didn't live thousands of miles away and could meet you all, even though I am a total newbie on this thread - you've all been such a comfort to me.

mrsden really sorry to hear about the anovulatory cycle. That absolutely sucks. It is so frustrating to not even be able to get out of the starting gate because you're not ovulating - I feel your pain.

pout about your roofer's "professional opinion". That peanut butter cake sounds absolutely delicious. I've been sadly sitting here while DH scarfs delicious chocolate chip cookie dough Haagen Daz. Argh! I'm afraid that the Get Ripped For Summer campaign had a rocky start over the weekend, when I went to a Pilates class run by a hunky Cuban ballerino called Fidel. I failed totally in the 'roll ups' exercise where you have to do a sit up - I ending up giving up and just lay there, gasping like a fish, while everyone else lithely carried on.

princess thanks for the tips on the various non-dairy milks! Gives me an excuse to potter around my budgeting nemesis, Whole Foods (or 'whole pay check' as it is called here). Do you still drink normal tea, or do you buy decaff? Normally I would be a bit about cutting out dairy, wheat etc - Victoria Beckham style - but desperate times call for desperate measures and if it gets me ovulating again, I will man up and embrace the brown diet cause. At least it feels like I'm doing something and not just endlessly waiting. Hooray for the new car - that is excellent news.

wine did I miss when they said they'd remove the fibroid? I can't even imagine how stressful it must be knowing that it's there but not having it out yet. I would have thought the least they could do is hurry up, given how long you have waited already. Grrr.

lemon hope that you're feeling ok post-outsourcing.

Beryl about your deceptive 'height of creativity'! That is brilliant.

frannie another pco-er! High five! That's great that you're moving ahead with IUI - good that things are happening. Progress.

euro good luck with your 2ww - not much longer to wait now.

I know exactly what you all mean about the odd feeling of distance from ttc. I feel strangely separated from it too - a couple of different friends told me they were pregnant this weekend and I felt sad, but also sort of distant from the news. I suppose it's a consequence of having to continue to be stoic about it all and just truck on. Actually, now I think about it, I think it's a way to protect oneself from being completely subsumed by it.

Waves to everyone I've missed - hope you're all feeling ok about things.

Morning lovely ladies!

So sorry about your news gin. It is miserable and I wish we could change something about it. I do think counselling is a great idea and may help mr Gin as well.

Sorry also about AF arrivals lisa and someone, the duff cycle mrsd and the AF restraint pout. Like the thought of you dancing backwards through the newly re-branded shower extension. Although leeks and tight jeans suck. (If it is really just before AF, you could just be retaining a bit of water, so no need to exercise).

The outsourcing was pretty crap yesterday: it hurt (womble cramps), it bled and not that many swimmers were sent in (DH has been ill). So not an overly happy lemon. The tummy ache has now finally gone, but so has this months egg...

Sorry they saw you had PCO frannie, but it does make a change from googling iui success rates - done that WAY too much too. Was there any good activity visible on your scan? When is the next one?

about the meet, when is it again? Trying to work out whether I can be brave, after all...

Sorry about the PAs, and I agree joycep you are definitely not a bore, and neither are you mrsd. A bit about the messy clinics, fingers crossed they bring us messy baby snakes...

Oh and to the connection between TTC and pg and babies, I forget too. But yesterday as I was lying with my legs in the air while the lady said it bled a bit and offered me one of the industrial style pads they have in the hospital, it did strike me that this was definitely not the way I had been envisaging creating a child of ours... Weirdness. It would take some serious getting used to the idea of actually being pg and having a baby, if and when...

Right, time to start the day!! Waves to all!!

I'm so sorry it hasn't worked this time gin but I think you're right to look at it as a 3 step process. The clinic will have learned something about how ivf works with your body and this will help them with the next round. I've been doing quite a lot or reading up about IVF and it is often said that it needs 3 or 4 attempts. In fact, the only person I know who has had ivf didn't get pregnant until the 4th go. But I know that you will be feeling pretty awful right now. Big hugs to you and mrgin.

lemons I'm sorry that iui wasn't nice yesterday. Fingers crossed for the 2ww.

euro any sign of activity in your 2ww?

This morning my temp was up, 36.6 as opposed to 36.3 yesterday. So I'm not getting my hopes up yet but it is looking like I may well have ovulated. Maybe the chocolate yesterday did the trick. So, I'm now an advocate for the stuff your face with sugar diet. Fingers crossed for another temp rise tomorrow.

lemons I'll pm you about the meet date, I don't think we've got a venue yet. I won't post the date on here because I am stupidly paranoid that someone who knows me will work out that this is when I'm in the UK and it must be me. Stupid I know!

lemons I've spent far too much time obsessively googling IUI success rates too! I hope you are feeling better today.

mrsd I have nothing to report. My temp is following is usual pattern and nothing feels different. I'm 8dpo today.

I admire all your exclusion diets. I am planning to be back on the alcohol when next AF arrives, at least until we start IVF.

gin I am so sorry that this cycle hasn't worked out for you and agree with joycep about being so gutted for my friends on here when things don't go to plan. You sound like you are feeling fairly pragmatic. Sending you big hugs anyway.

princess I totally get the Kill Bill stand off thing with me' lady bits. I also have a DH who is always late and has this highly irritating "tomorrow, next week, never" approach to life and have often mused that the whole TTC thing is just following his usual life plan!
Hurrah for a new car.
BTW thanks for the stuff on snake babies. This concept had totally and irrationally upset me before (it doesn't take much these days to trigger a ridiculous meltdown) but I quite like the sound of snake babies now!

lisa I did laugh at your comments about if the doctors saw the true picture how you would be certified silently agrees that I too am certifiable

wine any idea when your op is? We have "fanny patches" too, well small drops of brown stuff on the ceilings. I have applied inches & inches of emulsion to try and eradicate them to no avail.

beryl artex, I feel your pain along with one room with textured wallpaper on the ceiling. Happy to report that inches of emulsion have improved that slightly! I truly think that we viewed this house with our eyes shut
I love plants but manage to kill all plants in my "care". I bought a Venus Flytrap at Easter and that is now black and droopy. FGS they self feed on flies but yet I have seen it off!

frannie I too see TTC like an illness these days. It is certainly not the joyous milestone it should be.
Incidently when I had my internal scan they diagnosed polycystic ovaries but not the syndrome. I think it's because though I have a few cysts and enlarged ovaries, my bloods were in sync and I appear to ovulate. It's all quite complicated and from what I've read the whole thing is a bit of a medical mystery.

joycep I totally agree that you are definitely NOT a bore. You are sweet and caring and very funny. I think feeling like that is part of the TTC syndrome of eroding confidence.
BTW don't get me started on the roof. I am taking the out of sight, out of mind approach to this!

critter Fidel Am secretly reassured by your gasping like a fish ponders own condition when walking up the hill whilst walking the dogs

Sorry about more pregnancy announcement. It really does feel like the whole bloody world is upduffed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lemons So sorry that the outsourcing was so uncomfortable and crappy. Hope that you are feeling better. Did they give you any indication of how they think it went?
I agree with you about the 'this isn't the way I planned making a baby' sentiment.
BTW I love you..."water retention, no need to exercise" This is my mantra for the day while I make a Victoria sponge.

mrsd Yay for potential ovulation
Fellow exponent of the Stuff Yer Face fertility diet here! I am thinking that we ought to copyright this, get the book deals, web diet sign up fees and associated snake oils and fund our IVF with the proceeds.

euro Still fingers crossing for you.

Well the AF dance more likely the forking out for prescription of AF blocker meds just this morning a half hour before AF arrived worked. The bitch is in the building. Now I just have to hope that it is all over by Tuesday.

Just quickly, thanks for the good wishes for the WWs and general commisserations about yesterday's outsourcing. Today is much better (no painful cramps for one) and I have done some useful stuff for work and sneakily written a job application, so I feel a lot better. The lady at the hospital was very reassuring, both that DH's sample was still more than enough for IUI and that is can vary and that the bleeding and cramping is completely normal. So there should be no effects on the results from the cycle but that is not how it feels. Thankfully we are off on hols next week (again), as I need to finish my leave before my job ends

Sorry you forked out for the prescription just before AF's arrival, pout. It should be gone by next Tuesday, unless you have freakishly long AF, which in itself is a reason to look inside. But happy to have helped on the (not) exercising front.

Now I need to go and investigate where PMs go... Will come and whinge if I fail!

Have been playing mummies and daddies with our niece today. Just makes me realise how much I really want kids and what a great dad my DH will be. One day .....