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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

I'm in denial about this aren't I?

43 replies

DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 20:54

Title says it all really! Been off the pill for almost 4 years now and have not had anything even remotely close to a BFP. Have been referred to a fertility expert and have undergone a scan to check for PCOS- (negative), had a hystersalpingogram sp? several months ago (came back normal) and waiting for another appt to see the consultant in charge. DH will have a SA done next month. Despite all of this it has only dawned on me recently that my DH and I obviously have fertility issues! Has anyone else experienced this and do you have any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 21:26

Bumping- although not sure why?!!

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InTheSunshine · 26/02/2012 21:39

Don't like to see posts going unanswered so here's my opinion. If your husband hasn't had his SA yet then the issue could well lie with him ( as it does in my case). But there are 100's of other reasons too. Do you temp chart or use a fertility monitor or anything like that?

Have you had any other tests? It's not much fun is it?

Uglymush · 26/02/2012 21:39

We were similar to you, although lucky that it only took us 2 years. We went through the same tests as you. It is a difficult time for you and it doesn't probably help people saying relax about it and take your time, babies are made when they want to be!

Have you tried the ovulation kits to make sure you are trying at the right times of the month?

The other thing that a friend suggested to me was hynotherapy to make me relax more and try not to become 'hung up' on becoming pregnant. Again I was looking into this when I fell pregnant.

All I can really say is have fun trying, we described it has NHS prescribed fun! Good luck

Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 21:49

Thanks for the replies. No not doing anything like that- ov sticks cbfm, although I think it's time to get started on them. I guess I have been very laissez faire about the whole thing and just hoped that nature would take its course! Does anyone know what is likely to happen after dh has the SA done and I see the consultant? At my last appt with the fertility registrar he said that it was very unlikey to be an issue with DH Hmm

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Uglymush · 26/02/2012 22:00

I highly recommend ovulation kits, we refused to use them at first - waste of money etc - but after using them it only took 5 months and one of them my DH was away.
I recall I had an internal exam, an xray and an ultra sound. DH had sperm count and a 'swim up' test to see if they were heading in the right direction. I then fell pregnant, but I do think the next thing was going to be where they injected the sperm directly into me rather than through intercourse - if that makes sense. Sorry if I am not helping

ScarlettInSpace · 26/02/2012 22:02

Hiya, did your consultant say on what grounds they were basing the 'not likely to be DH' view on? My consultant says 25% of problems are caused by sperm issues & a further 25% are a combination on both parties...

Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 22:05

Not at all! It's good to be able to discuss with someone who has been there (all my friends fell pregnant within a month or two of trying and I find it hard to talk about it with them) Will try the ov sticks and the CBFM and be proactive!

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Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 22:07

TBH I feel a bit scared when I read other threads and all the lengths that other posters are going to in order to get that BFP- i'm not sure I have the strength for that!

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Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 22:08

Scarlett- no he didn't, he also referred to God so I kinda took it with a pinch of salt Hmm

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ArielNonBio · 26/02/2012 22:13

I completely get you OP.

We have been TTC unsuccessfully for two years now and were pretty relaxed about contraception before that. However it has only been in the last month or so that it has dawned on me that there is a possible problem rather than we're just so far unlucky. It's a horrid feeling. The word "infertile" takes on all manner of new connotations. I was saying to myself in the shower this morning "We are infertile. I am infertile" :(

And I also can't see myself going through what other people are going through. "You need to push for this, you need to insist on that". I don't think it's me. I don't think I have the strength for this type of stuff.

Uglymush · 26/02/2012 22:17

My consultant said not to monitor temperature as it doesn't really help.

I understand what you mean about friends, but I think it is important to remember you are not alone.

I do think it is very unfair of your fertility registrar to rule out DH having a problem before testing! I know I totally beat myself up and blamed myself so someone saying that would really upset me.

Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 22:27

Ariel- I feel exactly the same- So far I have also been thinking that we are just unlucky, and taking comfort in the fact that it just doesnt always happen straight away for some people- it's only now that I am beginning to accept that there may be/obv is a problem of some sort. My friends with children are pushing me to get some answers- and while they are well meaning I just feel that going down that road is just not for me. It's hard- whilst I would love to have a baby I'm not sure that major medical intervention is something that I want/can deal with at this point. I am 32 btw what age are you?

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ArielNonBio · 26/02/2012 22:29

37 in April

< Dies >. How can I be that old? Angry

EdnaClouds · 26/02/2012 22:32

My friend and her dh took 7 years to conceive. They didn't want any medical intervention so they just took a let's see what happens approach. Their dd was born and then it took another 7 years until they conceived dd2.
Not sure if this is helpful in any way but just wanted to let you know that it does just take longer for some people but don't give up hope.

Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 22:33

Uglymush- yes I have been blaming myself to some extent- the registrar told me that the consultant would not even see me until my bmi was under 30. At that point it was 32 I think. He implied that my weight was probably a major factor and told me that it was up to me to lose the weight etc. Since then I have lost 1.5 stones, my BMI is under 30 and I'm still not pregnant!!

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Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 22:34

Ariel- the 30's are the new 20's- that's what I keep telling myself!

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Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 22:37

Edna, thanks for that. That's how dh and I want to go and that's what we've been telling ourselves but I'm starting to feel that leaving it to chance may mean that it won't happen for us Sad

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Uglymush · 26/02/2012 22:38

Dairy - I know exactly how you feel. I didn't think I wanted all the intervention until I was told we had only been trying for 2 years so would have to wait another year before we could start IVF (if necessary), that was the day I realised I would do anything for a baby - it was a real body blow - if you get what I mean. I was 31 when going for the tests and our consultant kept saying we were young and still had lots of time - it just didn't feel like that!!

Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 22:40

Also I have a huge extended family (am irish) and infertility just doesn't exist within it. I have 1 cousin who doesn't have children and my granny still holds out hope/prays that she will conceive- she's 47 ffs!

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ArielNonBio · 26/02/2012 22:41

You had to have been trying three years????

Our PCT's cut off is 39. I was told by my GP she would refer me ASAP because of my age. This has both comforted and alarmed me.

Original poster
DairyleaAndPickleOnAStick · 26/02/2012 22:44

Uglymush- yep, that's exactly where I am at the minute- I feel extremely anxious at the thought of the consultant even suggesting IVF, as if how could I even be at this point already

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ScarlettInSpace · 26/02/2012 22:46

I think going for tests isn't the same as seeking intervention, there could be something really simple, such as a small tube blockage that will get cleared within the process of testing, prob worth a trip to GP to ask for referral for a little piece of mind alls well iykwim? Good luck whatever you decide ;)

Uglymush · 26/02/2012 22:47

sorry had to laugh at your cousin comment! There is no concrete evidence yet that you are infertile. It is great that you have lost the weight - although I am sure BMI was invented by the NHS as an excuse not to treat people and as a stick to beat us with!! I appreciate it seems easy for me to say, but have all the tests, see where the land lies so to speak, then back off for a while. Talk to your DH and do what is best for you. You can always go back to your consultant in a few months if you really need to, but sometimes the added pressures of tests don't help either

TheOutlawLauraPalmer · 26/02/2012 22:51

Rie - is that you?

Uglymush · 26/02/2012 22:52

Ariel - I got conflicting information - was told by 1 GP that as I was 29 I had to be trying for 3 years as mot yet 30. Moved house so had to change GP just after turning 30 and they said as I was ove 30 and had been tryng for over a year they would refer me. It was then at the end of a year of tests that they said I would have to wait another year before I would be eligilbe for IVF. This was all in Cumbria who seem to have different rules. I have friends in another part of the country who got an almost immediate referal and weren't over 30!!

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