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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

any mums nearing 45 thinking of prgncy again?

79 replies

toomuchsand · 21/01/2012 10:52

i have 2 dc and would really like another- I had the 2 late, and one over 40 anyway, didn't meet dh til late. Are there any mums out there who have a baby or had one this late? how did you feel and would you do it again? I have had 2 cs already and would need another (massive babies...)

OP posts:
beangrower · 27/01/2012 16:28

Pookicat It's great to hear inspiring stories. We should hang on in there, eh? Did just meet a lady of 45 who was with her DC2 of just under 19m. Her oldest is 8yo and it just took a long while to get DC2 despite wanting a smaller gap. You just never can tell what your body's going to do...

Cairn - sorry, you sound a bit down. Hope you're ok. The switch thing is a thought I've had too!

Jollster - sorry about your tough times. Totally get the feeling of cheesed offness.

TFLS - glad you swear by acu. Have been having since Nov and DP is just about to start (under duress).

This sounds awful but the lack of even a chemical pg has made me suspicious that sperm isn't meeting egg, esp as 2.8 yrs ago we got pg 2nd cycle TTC. But I'm beginning to realise that this really is a lottery at my age and also I should be thankful not to have had anything upsetting happen so far.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Cairncake · 28/01/2012 15:08

Hi all. I have also wonderered whether I am coming up with the goods but it is the wee swimmers not finding them, that is probably just to make me feel better, but who knows! I am philosophical, lo no.2 would be a bonus. Keep saying to myself "I will give up at 1yr... extended to 2yr....oh maybe just a bit longer....." now it is give up at 3yrs ttc and I can say that I gave it a shot. I have lots of animals, maybe I will just get more....

beangrower · 28/01/2012 19:20

Yes - I keep thinking we'll get another dog. Just got a second rabbit (giveaway at nearby City Farm). Seems like a good plan Cairn!

Cairncake · 29/01/2012 10:28

Hi. Dogs are very good for the soul (got 2 rescues) but I would love another lo too! I think for most of us we automatically put failure to conceive down to age, and maybe that is it. How do you know if you have had a chemical pregnancy, it is egg fertilised but not implanted isn't it?

beangrower · 29/01/2012 17:50

I think with a chemical you would get a BFP on a home test but then a full bleed a few days later (ie a v early miscarriage). That's what I understand anyway.

I haven't had a jot of anything since DS, who will be 2 next month. It makes me wonder (as conceiving was a doddle before) but it could just be down to age though I've been trying for a year aged 39 with v regular cycles and smiley faces on LH tests, which seemed ok; it was when I turned 40 in Nov that I suddenly thought maybe that's it - past it. Sad

Having said that DP has finally cut right down on his booze (from 2 glasses per night to once a week max) and we are both having acupuncture. We have a v healthy diet etc (I haven't been this healthy for a good while and look around at young mums who are so unhealthy but have several kids and get annoyed).

I'm also due a HSG to check my tubes are ok; so that may help. If it's going to happen at all it will be in the next six months and after that I'll just let go and get on with some other fun stuff - ie another dog. It's been a shocker of a year getting so upset about lack of BFP but hopefully I'll get over it. Am thinking of fostering for a few years so my DS has company even if he's an only...

Philosophical is good Cairn - wish I could say the same.

gigglepin · 29/01/2012 17:56

Got room for a small one to sneak in???

Im 42 soon, ttc no 2. Have ds aged 8.
Loads of problems so far, but we decided last month to start ttc again after knocking it on the head last summer.

Maybe just maybe.......

hopefulgum · 30/01/2012 07:23

Hi. I'm not nearing 45, I've actually passed it (last November) and still ttc. I see some familiar faces (names). Waves to Jollster, Beangrower and TFLS.
I've been trying for about two years I think. I started when my DS was about 10 months old, but I was breastfeeding and didn't start ovulating til he was about 18 months (I think - all a bit blurry now, must be the old age). I had two miscarriages last year (I was 44).

I had a barrage of tests which indicate (no surprises here) that I'm heading towards peri-menopause. My estrogen is low, FSH of 12, and low AMH. But not really giving up yet, though I probably should.

I'm still hoping for a little miracle, but feel it slipping away (another negative pregnancy test todaySad)

MalibuStacy · 30/01/2012 07:26

I am 47 and pregnant after 3 cycles of IVF.

hopefulgum · 30/01/2012 11:41

Malibustacey - congratulations. Did you use donor eggs, or your own?

MoJangled · 30/01/2012 12:57

BFN for me... Sad

Congratulations Malubistacey

Lexie1970 · 30/01/2012 13:17

Hi

I had DS at 37 not planned and breezed through pregnancy. Got to 40 and thought need to get skates on and had MMC 10 2010. I am now going through the private investigative route at almost 42 as according to my docs I am post-menopausal which I find very hard to belive.

Had AMH done last week and have consultant appointment in March to discuss options - waves to mojangles I have a feeling it may have to be donated eggs at this stage of the game to get a sibling.....

I just think that reaslistically once you get past your 30's it becomes more difficult- even if the lucky few do seem to get pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby. However it is always worth trying before you become resigned to only having 1 or sadly none at all :(

Lexie1970 · 30/01/2012 13:20

Sorry mojangled just seen your post - hope you are ok?

beangrower · 30/01/2012 13:38

mojangled - so sorry about your news. We're all thinking of you and wishing you the best at a tough time.

Malibu - that's so exciting for you.

Lexie - your story sounds familiar to me, although post-menopausal sounds weird. How can our bodies change so darned quickly?

A lot of us here seem to have one DS - it's strange isn't it? We seem to get boys when we're older...

Well - fx for those still trying. Some days I feel absolutely fine about either outcome; some days I feel desolate at the thought of no more babies. I guess this gets easier though?

beangrower · 30/01/2012 13:43

ps Hopefulgum - how do you know when you started ov'ing after b-fing? I b-fed until my DS was just under one but first AF arrived about month 8 I think. I have essentially been hoping to conceive since then and DS is now 23m. From about March/April last year I have been getting the regular LH surge on tests...

We are off to docs today for test results (previously bodged by last GP) and both DP and I are now acupuncturing and no longer drinking. In a way I feel like we have only just begun to properly TTC because of this. DP was quite resistant to any lifestyle changes until now. I think I only really properly made changes in November. I think these are just arguments in my head to make myself feel better about lack of BFP though... I'll tell myself anything if I think it will get me up the duff... Wink

blackcatsdancing · 30/01/2012 16:40

44 next month and want to try again immediately. Currently going through MMC, baby died at 8+2 but not picked up until 11+3 at scan. Booked in for ERPC this Thursday. Got pregnant 2nd month of trying. Told at early 7 week scan i have good supply of eggs but obviously its the quality that worries me.

Lexie1970 · 30/01/2012 17:15

sorry to hear about you blackcat - mine was picked up at 12 week scan too :(

The wait for the ERPC was the worst for me even though it was only a couple of days - bloody pope was in town and OH was panicking he wouldn't be able to dodge him to collect me from St Thomas' - we laugh about it now!!

My periods were a nightmare after procedure and never got back to normal (all ties in with doctors crap diagnosis now...) so if things don't settle down fairly quickly then see your doctor (sorry if being a bit presumptious - we just don't have the luxury of time any more)

blackcatsdancing · 30/01/2012 18:00

lexie sorry to hear you lost your baby and found out same way as me. I had some warning as i started spotting 2 days before but EPU couldnt offer scan until 48 hours later- same day as NT scan so they said to attend there. Anyway have been discussing that on Miscarriage section. The wait is dreadful. 1 week for me to get an ERPC.
I've got a 19 year old also. This is my second miscarriage, first was over 20 years ago so i'm hoping it is long ago to be insignificant.

Lexie1970 · 30/01/2012 18:12

It's funny that the miscarriage didn't overly affect me. I think this was primarily because I already had a child, I was 40 and knew the statistics, and mainly, because on that scan picture there was nothing - I imagine seeing a form there and being told you have lost the pregnancy must be so much worse.....

Onwards and upwards is my motto so hope you feel much better when the procedure is done x

beangrower · 30/01/2012 20:30

Sorry to hear about MMC; must be tough - impressed Lexie that you took it as well as you did. I really hope that you have another chance.

Well, we have just had a very poor SA result. Not sure how we managed to get our DS so quickly 2.8yrs ago but there you are.

I think with my age and DP's dodgy swimmers we are looking at tricky times ahead. He's trying acupuncture and minimal booze. Maybe we'll get lucky.

hopefulgum · 30/01/2012 23:31

Blackcat - so sorry for your loss. I found the miscarriages really hard, as I think I had already made the connection and felt my babies were babies IYSWIM. I had mentally prepared for miscarriage as it happens to many over 40's ladies, but still,when it happened I really found it hard. I'm much better now, though at the time was bereft.

I had two ERPC's and they were fine. My periods have been very light ever since, though last month was a bit better, so hopefully, things are improving.

Must dash, but wanted to say how sorry I am Blackcat.

blackcatsdancing · 31/01/2012 08:41

thanks hopefulgum, sorry about your losses. DP and I held off talking about the baby inside me for a several weeks but as i neared 12 weeks and as my tummy swelled it became difficult to carry on not bonding. I think on another thread someone said (not in a heartlesss manner and not to me) that it was only a bundle of cells, but to us it was our baby, and even knowing the chances of a pregnancy not sticking were not great (34% of pregnancies miscarry at my age i believe) we did start to plan and talk about the future, we did tentatively think about names. In a way it helped us be hopeful when we knew we really couldn't be certain (if you ever can) until at least 12 weeks. I had a miscarriage over 20 years ago (at 12 weeks) and can honestly say you never completely get over it but time is a great healer and i know things will improve.

lostboysfallin · 31/01/2012 10:31

oh blackcat, I'm so so sorry.
I think I saw you on another thread when things were more positive.

I'm desperate for the BFP, but very scared about another miscarriage, I really don't know how I would deal with it.
I'm finding it all very stressful, and I'm starting to think I should just give up.
Just turned 42, have one DS,4 and had 2 miscarriages since.

Just had all the tests done, and all looks ok except for the AMH, still ovulating so still a bit of hope.
IVF planned to start in Mar/April.

beangrower · 31/01/2012 12:14

Lostboys - hi and sorry to hear about your losses since your son. It sounds as if you had him at the same age as I had mine - 38.

How was your AMH/FSH? My result was 9.5 for both - not horrendous but still 'low fertility'. We've also found out that my DP's fertility isn't very good either so I think another BFP would be a bit of a miracle.

Good luck with the IVF - are you based in London and do you have a clinic to recommend?

lostboysfallin · 31/01/2012 12:29

We are at the Bridge Clinic, London Bridge.
I'm not convinced they are the best. Think the Lister Clinic might be better. Can pm you with tips re the tests on my phone now.
amh was .5, so they recommended donor eggs, but fsh 6.4, so that's ok.
sorry your SA wasn't good, but I guess there are ways to improvethat a bit.

Think we are just going to give it one go.

Cairncake · 31/01/2012 13:05

Huge congrats to MalibuStacy. Lexie1970 - Have you had a second opinion re menopause? Your doc a bit hasty with diagnosis methinks. Blackcats and Lostboys, I am so so sorry. I had DS when I was 39, and I bonded with him as soon as I found out that I was pregnant, the powerful feelings began straight away. I have not had a miscarriage but don't think that I would handle it so well so my thoughts are very with any of you that have. What you feel for your child is more than love, love is an inadequate word.
Beangrower - sorry that results are disappointing and good luck with next step.
It is hard to keep positive because there is a finality about declining fertility, and IVF is emotionally tough, changed my mindset because I had to, cried out now and almost lost hope but accepting it. TTC is stressful and painful. After DS born I breastfed until he was just over a year, took a long time for my cycle to get back to normal, no bleed until DS 8mths then long and heavies for while, maybe hormonal shift happened then, but LH tests still positive. Keep sane everyone.