Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

[Whatevertheweather]

“Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counter balance of color, energy and hope.

Ciwi, you're so close now! Nearly there. Have you been in for any more monitoring? Your new niece sounds adorable - you're so brave going in to visit your sister!

too I was in on Friday and am back in tomorrow before going in for induction on Wednesday. The staff have been lovely and are more than happy for me to go in whenever I need to. How long left for you?

1 week and 5 days. Friday 9th March.

It's lovely that the staff are looking after you so well. My community MW is coming tomorrow morning for a quick check-up, then I'm seeing the consultant on Thurs. It's so close, but not quite close enough!

Oh Ciwi and Too you are sooo nearly there ladies xxx

Oh how exciting ... didn t realise we re that close to having 2 new rainbow babies. Xxxx

Hope today wasn't too painful for you blizy x
Too wow, I didn't realise you were that close, and ciwi the first rainbow boy this week! Then razz not long after... How exciting.
I'm feeling rotten today but not going to have too much of a moan about it. Think the hormones are playing havoc so I feel a lot of it is down to that and just feeling a bit lonely - DH and boys playing computer games all day and I'm just invisible. Don't think DH loves me anymore

(((August))) what makes you say that lovely? xx

Oh no, August, I'm sure that's not true! Are you just maybe having a bit of a post-holiday dip? You're under so much stress just now, as is your DH, so perhaps it's just all been a bit hectic and you're tireder than you think. I spent a good part of early pregnancy wanting to cry with tiredness and it meant I saw everything in a very negative light.

Ciwi, the first rainbow boy - I never thought of that! V special. Can't wait to see the birth announcement. Ciaran will be so proud of his little brother.

Blizy, how are you doing, sweetie?

august what makes you think he doesn't love you anymore? I'm sure what too has said is true. Your DH is probabyly very scared just like you and playing with the boys is taking his mind off stuff, if you feel down try and chat to him, tell him your hormones are crazy right now but he's not making it easy for you and you need a little support.

I have just realised how addicted I am to the internet . It was down for all of yesterday and it was like having an itch that I cant scratch!! That kind of makes me sound a wee bit sad, oh dear.
blizy sorry that I couldnt post yesterday but I was and still am thinking of you. I hope that you and dh managed to get through in the best way that you could xx
august I am sure that your dh is just coping in his own way, do tell him how you feel, men quite often need it spelt out for them. Im sure that he totally adores you and is just scared for you and indeed him.
wtw so glad that K party went well after all.
ciwi I am so excited for you and a massive bit jealous, you also too.

I now have a plan in place. They are treating me as gestational diabetes with that being the cause of the polyhythingy. I have to go to fetal health unit 3x a week for monitoring, seeing my consultant on weds. Have to be admitted, possibly on weds or thurs for steroids, as need sugar levels to be monitored hourly as the steroids raise them. Am awaiting an appointment with the diabetic team. Tummy remains very uncomfortable. Scans every 2 weeks or more frequently if I become larger still (yes that is a possibility). My consultant will talk to me on wednesday about delivery dates so baby razz could well arrive sooner than planned!! I may sound lighthearted about it all but really I am not. I am terrified of everything from an early baby to cord prolapse and am stunned that I can never seem to do anything without drama!!

Hi Ladies, thanks for your concern. The thing is, I actually don't think DH is scared at all. He really doesn't seem to care. It's like he can't compute that I am actually carrying a baby and complains if I rest or feel ill - almost like its a nuisance to him. And if I say "mr August?" to ask him something while he's on the xbox he says "WHAT AUGUST?" really loud or just ignores me. Recently I've been wondering if he blames me for Jacob's death, or if its just that I'm not attractive to him anymore, having 2 consecutive pregnancies I've put on a lot of weight and all his family are obsessed with being skinny - MIL kept making comments like "you can think about losing the weight after the baby comes". Or that he wants to move to South Africa and resents me for having "kept" him here for the last 10 years (which of course I haven't, I never made a conscious decision to stay here and not move there, this was just where we met and where we live).
I feel vulnerable and like I've lost everything. I don't feel like I can go back to work, I have no confidence and I left to have a baby, how can I go back? He wants me to - we can afford for me not to but he resents me being at home "sitting on my arse all day" while he's at work even though i do everything and have the boys to take / fetch from school. Domestic duties don't really mean anything to him though - where I think I'm being a good wife and mother he either doesn't notice or he sees me like a "maid". South African women don't do laundry or mopping floors so I kind of feel that him seeing me doing that makes me seem lowly to him.
He comes alive when my sister comes round and chats to her about her work and offers her alcohol.
Basically I think I'm just a bore to him and he actively opposes me when I try to get the boys ready for bed - refusing to turn off their games, letting them watch TV in their rooms. I try to explain I'm being a responsible parent and he's not the one who has to wake them up like little zombies in the morning for school but it doesn't make any difference. He just tells me to "stop being miserable" which just makes me so frustrated. I freaked out at him last night and now feel wretched.
I think I should leave him but I don't know where to start.

Really sorry for the long rant.
Hi razz sorry to hear about the possible GD. It's a good thing that they're monitoring you so closely though, and you do seem up-beat about it (even though of course I know you must be terrified) - you'll get there. x

Hi guys long tym no speak im 34 weeks now havin another boy but im starting to feel nervous as im 35wks on sat and thats wen i lost ben so i dont know what to expect on the day ... hospital been great get monitored every two days and i c the consultant thurs to get my c sec date soo fingers crosssed

Hi Vicky, wow, you're nearly there too. Its going to be a super month for rainbow babies.

Yea sure is good luck to every 1.expecting

Oh August that sounds really draining and tiring. Remind me, how old are your boys? Is it a recent change in behaviour/attitude towards you? How was he when you were away on holiday and away from the daily stresses of work. You poor thing you sound totally ground down by it. I'm struggling with a similar lack of energy at the moment so I can imagine how hard you must be finding things. What did he say when you freaked out at him? Have you told him you are feeling like this? Loss of a child is one of the hardest things for a couple to go through, it puts such a strain on everything and throw on top the new pregnancy it's no surprise you are feeling vulnerable. Big hugs xx

Razz sounds like a good plan is in place with lots of close monitoring. Not long now my lovely. You seem to be coping with the extra stress beautifully, very inspiring xx

Waves to all - hope everyone is okay. There's a mum I know that is 11 days overdue, stupidly it's making me very anxious especially as she's averse to induction and wants it to happen naturally 'whenever that might be'. I just want to say please for the love of god let them help you get your baby out safely!!

shakey massive congratulations! Lovely name too :o

fan I look at Ella now and I can see everything that Scarlett should have been. Most of the things we have (moses basket, pram etc) were bought for Scarlett and been stored ever since so it's very bitter sweet.

Hmm rat names, Penn and Teller? I'm not very good at names I'm afraid!

Too I do hope that Bean's kidney won't cause a problem. Will you know after the birth or is it a matter of waiting to find out? 9th March is my Dad's birthday :)

Angel disneyland paris would be great, we're hoping to get there one year with all the dcs.

ciwi been thinking of you a lot, you're so close now! Looking forward to reading baby news very soon :o

August (hugs) I'm sure he does, it's hard sometimes though to realise that I think :( It sounds like you're having a really hard time of it with him. Can you talk to him about how you're feeling?

razz I had to be admitted for steroids too, the first lot didn't make my sugars go high (I was self testing every few hours after the initial period as I didn't go up) so they let me stay at home for the second lot. They did put a cannula in me in case I needed to be put on a sliding scale (a drip with glucose and insulin so it could be adjusted easily should my sugars change). I was lucky that my sugars weren't affected by I think by the time I had my steroids my diabetes was starting to go "wrong" and my numbers gradually got lower.

I was induced at 34 weeks and it was a sudden thing, I wasn't expecting it so early. The monitoring and scans were reassuring for me but I'd say definitely get bags packed and get your head round the fact that baby might be delivered early. I totally get what you mean about the drama, I felt the same way but it's all over for me now (touch wood!) and we're through the other side. If you want to ask anything then please do!

We're all good here, I'm knackered after being up in the night lots and feeding Ella tons. She's got reflux and is really uncomfortable :( She's already on domperidone and gaviscon to try and help things but still throws up a fair amount. Luckily she's putting on weight still and is now 5 pounds 14 at 3 weeks and 2 days :) Had her at the drs today though to adjust the dose as she's bigger and can have more, hopefully this will help her more, it's horrible seeing her in pain. She has a clinic appointment at the hospital to review her medication in a couple of weeks so hopefully we'll see some improvement before then too.

Dd1 was 10 yesterday! Can hardly believe where the time has gone. We had a good weekend and she had a lovely birthday. Dh was ill last night, he thought he was getting sick but (as I thought) it was just the rice that he reheated; told him not to do it! He threw up a few times so ended up sleeping on the sofa and I was up most of the night with Ella. Not complaining though, just knackered!

Razz, glad you have a plan and that it includes regular monitoring! Also it is great that you are seeing the consultant soon and can discuss all this and possible delivery dates. Chin up honey - you can do it! You're extra specially brave and strong and you and LO will be fine.

Oh August . I'm so sorry. Does DH know you feel like this? I think you need to start with talking to him as calmly as possible. If it helps, DH often snaps at me when he's on the playstation/laptop/engrossed in the TV just as you describe. It's very irritating! Have you got anyone reasonably neutral in RL to talk to about his behaviour? Someone who knows you both and is able to give you a balanced view without instantly leaping to defend one of you. I hope you work this out, sweetie.

Vicky, haven't heard from you in ages! Hope everything is going well. 34 weeks is great! I'm 35+3 now. Hope you get through the 35 week milestone without too much worry - can you get your MW out to listen to the heartbeat on that day? Or go in for monitoring?

Thankks n good luck ,, yea can go in as many tyms as i like lol there brillant i think i b ok .. i go up there every two days for reasurance cant wait to get the date n have sumthing to look forward to xx

wtw they're 8 and 5. DS1 just came downstairs, at 9:50pm (!) to say mythbusters had finished. I was unaware he was even watching TV so said "you've been watching mythbusters all this time?" (since he went to bed at 8:30) and he said, "yeah, Dad put it on for me". And I had him this morning practically falling asleep in his cereal and not wanting to go to school. I didn't even want him to have a TV in his room.
It is irritating isn't it too - the way nothing else is important whilst they're 'in the zone' doh. I feel totally excluded and i'm always the one who has to say time to turn it off now, I reckon they'd play all night if I didn't say anything but I hate always being the baddie. Boring old Mum always telling us what to do.

Vicky so good to hear from you and to hear about your little one.

august Im so sorry that its so bad for you at home, is there anyway you can sit him down and chat, tell him that fair enough they do it differently in SA but your in the UK and well we are going to sit down and talk. Sorry if thats over stepping the mark.

Well I bought them last night, Nutmeg and Biscuit they are called, they are white with creamy brown heads and strips down their backs. They are a bit skittish at the moment but Im working on getting them tame. I bought they from a pet shop in the end as I couldnt find any breeders willing to talk to me or with ready kits for sale. They are so cute (ive posted a pic on fb if you want to have a look)

On the swi front, I decided last week that I wasnt going to ov test this month I know I ov around CD14-17 so just get plently of SWI in during that time and hope for the best. Dh has stepped up, he was tired last night but woke me up this morning for a quickie before work! So hoping that the arrival of my ratties will help me stay sane in ttc to come.

blizy how are you doing?

Hi sorry i've not popped back for ages, I started getting really stressed about the 12 weeks scan and had to take a break from taking about my pregnancy and my house sale fell through. I'm not suprised - the buyer got a survey that revalued the place at £36,000 down from £45,000 but it's apparently got damp and woodworm too and needs £4000 worth or work It's still under guarentee for that stuff from work carried out for the previous owner - but I'm just going to surrender the pace to the mortgage company and concentrate on a) Tiddler (we don't feel right with just 'baby' feels impersonal to us) and b) raising the fees for bankruptsy. Hey ho life's never easy

Hope everyone is doing well - will have a proper read later

Just a quick one as I'm at work. Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you and Zoe today Blizy xxx

Blizy, thinking of you and Zoe today.

Fan, enjoy your rat babies! They sound cute. I've never known any pet rats but I hear they're really intelligent. Hope they provide a great distraction and much love and affection.

August, I hope you and your DH can talk about this and get through it.

Trickle, hello! Hope Tiddler is doing really well (love the name! This one is Bean and Thea was Babbit). How many weeks are you now? Oh no about your house survey . That really sucks. Are you in danger of bankruptcy? DH was made bankrupt in 2008 - he was running a pub and it folded. We're in Scotland, though, and I think the insolvency laws are slightly different here. Still, I know how shit it is.

blizy I will be lighting a candle for Zoe tonight. big hugs to you and yours