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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

Angels and Rainbows - The beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. But it can provide colour and hope.

984 replies

Whatevertheweather · 13/01/2012 21:28

“Rainbow Babies” is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn’t mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counter balance of color, energy and hope.

OP posts:
fanjodisfunction · 06/02/2012 20:19

wtw I know its shocking I don't know what I would do with out you guys. I really hope she can talk her DH round.

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 06/02/2012 21:34

Thank you Too I've had 5 months off. 3 months maternity leave, 1 month accrued holiday then January signed off sick. How are you feeling today? When are you working until?

They suggested a phased return Fan which was really kind so have until beginning of March until I am back full time.

Miasmummy fx for you as well this month xx

OP posts:
MiaAlexandrasmummy · 06/02/2012 21:47

wtw today must have been challenging on a level I cannot imagine...

thanks for the good wishes, not sure it is my month, although I will still be upset if it's not. Finding out blood test results tomorrow.

shakeyjake · 07/02/2012 09:35

wow so much has happenned!

cheese congratulations on baby Ella what a lovely name and hope you are both doing well.

blue sorry AF got you again grrrr.

wtw going back to work is hard and glad your work is being so good with you.

miasmum fx for you today that you get the BFP you deserve.

fan also good luck with your testing next week, what a fantastic valentines pressie that would be.

I had my growth scan and consulatant appt last week, baby is growing fine but the amount of comments from midwives and consultant to how big the baby feels makes me think i am going to have a whopper. she is still breech and because of previous c section they wont try to turn her i am booked in for c section on 23rd feb as they wont do it before i am 39 weeks grrrrr.
yesterday saw the aneasatist (spelling is rubbish) and because i have a metal rod in my back and a curve of the spine i have to have a general so gutted i will be asleep when they deliver her. just hoping all this scrubbing floors will make her move but she seems quite happy to dig her head in my ribs

Bluetinkerbell · 07/02/2012 09:40

had a really big emotional breakdown yesterday. DH thinks I am way too stressed to be able to conceive, he says I'm too focussed on it and should try to relax more. I just don't know how...

spilttheteaagain · 07/02/2012 10:05

oh blue Sad
My mantra was always that CD1 was a shitty day and CD2 would feel better. It's ok to be gutted and drink Wine. I think stress can delay or stop ovulation, but you're fairly sure you are ovulating so I wouldn't worry about being too stressed IYSWIM. fan is right, something like a 1 in 4 chance of conceiving even if timing etc is all fine, egg and swimmers present. Seems mad doesn't it. I remember thinking "with x million of you in there, how can you MISS the bloody egg??!!"
big hugs xx

AngelGeorgie · 07/02/2012 10:15

Arh Blue it is shitty. No words of wisdom but sending you much love xxxx

fanjodisfunction · 07/02/2012 11:08

shakey wow that's so close and a bit sucky that you'll be out for the birth. Will DH be able to be there even if you are under the general?

blue I agree day one is always aweful even if your not ttc, men don't understand. I had the same with DH but he now understands that saying that kind of stuff to me only makes me more stressed. Its also stressy for you because your cycles are changing. Sometimes we have to take it on the chin and get on with it, but have a cry first and a rant about it.

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 07/02/2012 11:52

Ah Shakey really not too long to go now Smile That is a shame about having to have the section under general though x

Blue (((hugs))) it must be so emotionally hard for you and Fan and Blizy. I think you are amazing the support you provide all of us xxx

Anyway I'd better get back to doing battle with various IT depts trying to get my access levels sorted. Fun!

OP posts:
Moominsarescary · 07/02/2012 13:16

Hi everyone

cheese congratulations on baby Ella
wtw glad work seem to be supportive, hope your ok
blue sorry af got you, me too. I remember being so stressed when ttc tommy, dp says now he used to dread af time, think he felt under pressure
miasmum fx for you
shakey I had ds3 under ga, dp had to leave the room after I went under but I don't know if that was because it was an emcs, he did get to see ds pretty quickly after though.

Well my appointment with the consultant is thus Thursday, the day I was booked in for the csection. I'm dreadeing going back to the maternity unit. I'm taking ds 10 months with me, don't know why but I think I'll feel better with him there

spilttheteaagain · 07/02/2012 15:20

Having a "moment" here.

I was holding Freya and telling her about her sister, and I told her she had a big sister called Bobbie who was 10 months older than her... and then... it hit me that I know nothing else about her Sad. I don't know what colour her eyes or her hair would have been. I don't know what would have made her grin and giggle. I don't know if she would look like Freya. I don't know if she'd be big or small for her age. I don't know if she'd love going for drives and staring out the window. I don't know if she'd love splashing and kicking in the bath. I don't know if she'd sleep curled up with me. I don't know...
And I wish so much I could have known her.

The emptiness aches xx

MiaAlexandrasmummy · 07/02/2012 15:39

split you know that you loved, and continue to love, Bobbie very much. You know that she grew inside you. You know that she loves you all, and that she would love her baby sister. While I hear your pain about all the other things you don't know about her, these are the really important ones. xx

fanjodisfunction · 07/02/2012 15:40

spilt hugs. It must be so hard. Can u not tell her the things you do know, like when you found out you were pg with bobbie and the first moments u felt her, why u named her bobbie.
I think your doing an amazing thing sharing bobbie with freya.

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 07/02/2012 16:16

Oh Split it must be so very hard. I feel the same I think the worst part of a stillbirth or very quick neonatal death is having absolutely no living memories of them. I really struggle with the fact that I never saw Erin's eyes open or heard her cry. But I think Fan is right, you can tell Freya about Bobbies scans, if there was any patterns to her movements, anything that made her move less/more and what she looked like when she was born. I know it's not the same and I know it's not fair though there should be so much more we know about our babies xxxx

OP posts:
Bluetinkerbell · 07/02/2012 17:57

oooh spilt I know so well what you mean...
DH said yesterday he thinks I am still grieving, to which I said I will be every day, there is not a single day that I don't think about Sterre. I think somehow I have accepted what happened, although I still think about the what ifs... He said he dealt with it very quickly and accepted what happened, but it is just different for me. I don't know whether I should step away from MN or conception threads or something at the moment and just let things go...

AngelGeorgie · 07/02/2012 18:00

Spilt know what you mean. I look at Georgie's photo in our living room & wonder if her eyes are blue like Phoebe's ,if she would of giggled at the same stuff Phebs does, if she would have poured the same way etc... So many unanswered questions the most important thing I have to come back to is that she is incredibly loved & missed.I know it's so hard xxxxxx

AngelGeorgie · 07/02/2012 18:01

"poured" no, no, no that should say pouted!!!

razzdazz · 07/02/2012 18:07

Hello all
blue so very sorry that AF came. I really do feel for you and fan and blizy. So very hard. I did try for 5 years for a third child and totally relate to the dissapointment each time it never or only nearly happened. Shit, really it is.
too I hope you are feeling a bit better at the moment. Have you arranged anything new with your midwife?? Hope my remark about never being pregnant again did not upset you, if this was my only baby then I would very much do it all again.
wtw well done on completing your first day back at work. Of course it would have been so emotionally trying. I can remember going to a shopping centre out of town after I had lost Thomas and just standing there sobbing as I remembered that I had been so full of hope at my last visit. One step at a time.
spilt I feel for you as Thomas was also an earlier loss so not many memories more feelings. The other ladies have given great advice.
shakey how fab that you are almost at the end. What a shame you have to be asleep but just think about all the lovely cuddles afterwards Grin
miasmum wishing you tons of good luck for that BFP

spilttheteaagain · 07/02/2012 18:41

Thank you ladies you are all fantastic xx So great to have a place where we can say these things and be genuinely understood.
razz you're right, it's especially the earlier side of the loss that means there is so little to remember. I was 1st pg, low risk so only had one scan where we saw her alive. I was still waiting to feel definite movements when she died - I'd had possible flutterings, but she'd been so sick and small that there were no big kicks to make me jump and to be sure were her. And when she was born I do know that only to us could she possibly have been beautiful, and for that reason her photos are for DH and I only, I don't think I'll even show them to Freya, or at least not until she's an adult. There's just so little of the tangible to remember or share. Just so much love and so many dreams and such a sense of loss now.

blue of course you are still grieving. It is very different for the men I think. DH still cries occasionally and I know she has changed him and his ways of thinking/hoping/reacting, changed his "it'll be fine" attitude, but it's still a very different, less all consuming, grief from mine.

angel I was wondering what you meant by pouring at first!!

Feeling better for talking to you all.
Thanks

fanjodisfunction · 07/02/2012 18:56

blue that must have been a little hard to hear from your DH. Mine has very dark days but often doesn't tell me as he doesn't want to upset me. He says he made a promise to himself as soon as we were told she had died that he had to get me through this. I have told him he needs to let me know how he is feeling and he's started to now.
I hope I'm not speaking out of turn but do you think he feels like this because it was an earlier loss?
I think men do deal with it differently they didn't carry their baby or give birth to them, their emotions are different because of this, there is less for them to cling to.
If you feel that you need to step away from mumsnet then do, we will always be here to support you.

spilt you had me thinking of the memories that I have for Ophelia and I thought the one I cling to the most was me singing to her in the car, I started when I was about 7 weeks pregnant, I was finding it difficult to believe I was pg and thought I needed to bond with her. So I used to sing. That memory is a happy one for me, the others are to raw sometimes.

I've had a headache all day, also I've been looking in my diary and I shall be on CD29 on saturday and a few times I have had af start on that day, so its going to be another weekend of AF watch!

TooImmatureTurtleDoves · 07/02/2012 20:56

Oh Fan, you just made me remember driving somewhere for the first time on my own (I learned to drive when about 3/4 months pg) and saying out loud to Thea "it's just you and me, baby". Like you, I was having difficulty believing I was pregnant and it was probably the first time I spoke out loud to her. After that I started talking to her lots when I was alone.

Spilt, you can tell Freya things like how small Bobbie was, so wee and sweet and adorable, and how she felt in your arms. How soft she was. I remember how it felt to hold Thea and stroke her cheek and trace her little downy eyebrow ridge (she didn't really have eyebrows yet, just a little blonde fuzz)...and she had hair, which I hadn't been expecting at all - just a little bit, but it was a darkish brown, and I held her hands and curled her tiny pale fingers around mine. She felt so hot when she was born and she settled into my arms and I thought she moved, but it was just my imagination. And I loved her so much.

I remember DH turning to me in the post-mortem meeting and saying 'she was going to be so clever', and I asked how he knew, and he said because she had a really big head (on the 90th centile).

Back later, am crying too much to go on.

blizy · 07/02/2012 21:01

too huge hugs for you (()) hope you are ok. xx

fanjodisfunction · 07/02/2012 21:07

too you've made me smile and cry at the same time, its such a dad thing to say because she had a big head bless.
It might sound an odd thing to say but maybe we are lucky that we got to see those features in our angels. Ophelia had golden blond hair and looked like her dad. I remember running my finger down her nose and feeling her downy skin.

Original poster
Whatevertheweather · 07/02/2012 21:31

Oh ladies your words for your babies are so beautiful, they have forced me to sit here and really really remember how it felt to hold Erin, to stroke her and scrutinise her every perfect feature. She had masses of curly dark hair totally opposite to her very blonde big sister. She was totally perfect, her nose had the cutest curve I had ever seen. I remember thinking something this beautiful cannot possibly be dead. I thought I saw her eyelids flicker as well Too. It was about 6am and I'd been half sleeping with her on my chest in the hospital. The sun was starting to come up but it was very dim and I was half asleep I could have sworn she was just about to open her eyes. For a split second I thought 'I've done it I've willed her back to life'. God I really can't believe she is gone forever and I'm never going to see her again.

OP posts:
MiaAlexandrasmummy · 07/02/2012 21:39

Echoing whatever's words. Your descriptions are simply beautiful. Tears in my eyes here. My memories are a little different - I can remember Mia's birth, when the statistics said she should have died, and I can recall her death 13 months later, when she shouldn't have... even so, still have so many questions about what Mia might have been. It isn't fair. Our children are so innocent.