mid 30s, TTC #1, 2 years so far, fed up. anyone else?

[CaipirinhasAllRound]

Just wondering how many of us there are in the same boat

I'm ok thanks. Back at work and hating it and yesterday had to walk away from my boss to have a little cry.

Anyone been to Mozambique? lesley?

Love the plan of having that thing done then heading to China town missbrightside!

X

Sending you caipirinhas. Be kind on yourself. Can u throw a sickie?

Never been to Mozambique - is that top of the list for your next adventure? Would be v interested to hear your report back if u do go.

Random question but I've been thinking about my protein intake - how many of us are vegetarians?

Lesley I don't eat red meat (and haven't for about 20 years) but do eat fish. In an attempt to up my protein I have an egg and nuts (not together !) most days and a glass of milk of night (in addition to what I would eat 'normally'). No idea how many grammes of protein that equates to nor if it's enough ......

Caiphirinas I second a sickie ! Up until last year I had had 5 days off sick in 9 years (and 4 of those were for an ingrown toenail operation !!! Felt fine but couldn't get shoes on to go to work !!!) Now I've decided that 'loyalty' brings you no favours (or certainly not where I work) and now I have no qualms in putting myself first ......

After our last failure my boss looked at me one morning and told me I looked miserable ! To be absolutely fair he doesn't know about our treatment but he does know that I've had lots of 'medical appointments' so you would think he might be a bit more sensitive ...... The funny thing is that he has an IVF baby but he has never openly spoken about it to any of his team (we found out from a 'secret source') so I'm sure he would be understanding. But as I haven't managed to tell my mum yet I just couldn't tell him before her ..... !

xxx

miss brightside you sound v healthy! My diet is really rubbish - I eat heaps of bread, pasta, cheese and chocolate but not so good on veg and healthy protein... Mmm... Must. Try. Harder.

Saw Dr today, not my usual one and she was quite brutal about my low AMH, that i'm older than my last round etc. Seems so pants to have 1 in 3 odds despite all the $, intrusion and heartache. So I got home & hubby and I drank a bottle of wine [guilty/happy emoticon!]. Also chatted to an angel of a nurse, she did 6 ivf but no luck. She's now 50 (but looked 40) and was so happy & sorted. Was comforting to know whatever happens, I will not be unhappy for forever. All will be well.

Keep us posted on your lap/hysto & your shows! I really miss all the shows in the UK. Although Festival is on here at the mo, so lovely having so much on for a change - saw Jens Lekman on Monday (Swedish indie pop) & v charming Norwegian support, one of the guys from kids of convenience. Going to see a brass band fron new orleans on monday, supposed to be some kind of mash up of Louis Armstrong & Public Enemy. Should be fun. And off to Melbs tmrw to see an old friend & forget ttc nonsense for a bit! Woo hoo!!

Hope you're all doing ok? Btw - any good tv that I'm missing at the mo?

How are you doing caipirinhas? Work any easier? Progress on planning your next travels? Thinking of you.

X

Wow, Lesley, that band sounds fantastic!

I'm impressed with the healthiness, Brightside. I am not healthy - I eat plenty of protein but not nearly enough veg, I know. I'm down your way today, having a day out in Brighton with DH. We ate at a lovely little fish place in the Arches (orange sign, included the word 'arch' and a number but I forget the name) - definitely recommend if you haven't been there, delicious scallops and quite cheap.

Caipirinhas, you have to be kind to yourself. It's a shitty situation, especially having had a 'hopes up' moment.

Hi everyone

It's official, I am now antisocial too. Have just turned down 3 dinners/drinks out happening in the next fortnight which I just cannot be arsed to go to.

Work is boring. It's ok really, pays well and I like the people but it requires me to be proactive and I cannot be bothered at all so I'm not doing anything which makes the days drag. I'm in sales but our targets are ridiculous so they're no incentive as we haven't got a cat in hell's chance, and no-one kicks us up the arse either.

Lesley - we're off Mozambique now. The beaches look amazing but it just looks like hard work getting around. We change our minds all the time but it might be Cuba now or Thailand. The Caribbean looks like fab weather in April/May but other than Cuba I have this impression that there won't be anything to do and that after 3 days of being on a beach and snorkelling we'd be bored. Anyone been to Cuba? I hate the idea of an all-inclusive resort which at first glance loads of the accommodation at the beach seems to be so we need to do a bit more digging

We're going to see The Darkness in a couple of weeks. We saw them in Paris about a year after we started going out. I bought DH the Paris tickets for his Christmas present, and then told him I couldn't afford to get me let alone both of us to Paris so he had to pay for everything else!

I spoke to the clinic a couple of days ago and they recommend at least 3 bleeds before trying anthing which is fine, I might want longer anyway. It sounds as though you do down regging drugs to get ready for a frozen cycle but I'm wary of that after getting all the cysts last time I did down regging. The alternative is a natural cycle so you track and wait for an LH surge then once you've got that they do the ET 7 days later. The risk is that they don't do it on a weekend (!) and so if the surge is on a Saturday you're screwed. odd seeing as thought they did the last transfer on a Saturday. My query there is that I had to go on clomid last year as I wasn't ovulating so would I get an LH surge without any drugs??

Wow, that was long. Can you tell I'm at work in a meeting room on my own bored stupid??

Hope you're all doing ok. You're all great by the way, I really like having you to chat to
xxx

Hello

Just been catching up on everyone's news.

So sorry for you Caipirinhas. . Have some . I've not been to Mozambique (sorry I thought it was you who asked but now can't scroll back without losing my message) but I have been to other parts of East Africa and I loved it. Don't take any white clothes though - they'll come back and will forever be red!

Well, DH had his docs appt for his second SA test and he was told over the phone that it was the same as before, i.e. borderline normal. When he went to the docs first time GP said that it wasn't too bad and he thought it might just take us longer than everyone else, but we'd get there in the end, but they were just going to do another test to check.

Now, after the next SA test a different GP says that the swimmers are not forming properly. Only a really tiny percentage are properly formed, so our chances of conceiving with current results are 'highly unlikely'. We haven't given up completely, but we are so so sad.

DH is extremely healthy too, so there isn't much he can change about his lifestyle that might affect it. We're talking about someone with no excess body fat, who exercises daily, doesn't smoke and hardly drinks. He eats really healthily too. The only thing we seem to be able to do is keep the goolies cool - buy him looser trousers, etc. GP is looking into talking to a consultant about a varicose vein on his testicle that could be affecting his sperm production.

So not sure where we stand, but we are going to try and do everything we can to get them to form properly. We haven't given up yet, but sometimes it feels like we're teetering on the brink. We may have to go for assisted conception and I know lots of you are much further down the line than us with this. I'm not even sure really what's involved.

I know what you mean about isolating yourself from friends who have children. The other day I went round to see one of my friends who has a two year old and a 3 week old and I was telling her about our struggles. I was fine and then I just couldn't help myself and the tears started. She was breastfeeding at the time so her DC brought me a tissue and gave me a cuddle, which just made it worse.

Anyway, this post is really rambling and long - well done if you managed to get through it! I just wanted to say this is so hard and I really feel for all of you who have to go through it. x

DH is going out to buy gangster style trews today, when he's the least 'gangsta' like person ever. I suggested that maybe he should buy some trackie bottoms and wear those to work! I wonder what reaction he would get.

Hi Bearface - sorry you didn't get the news you were after. I had acupuncture last year and she said about not sitting with a laptop in his lap as that heats them up too. I wouldn't have thought of it so thought I'd share. She also says caffeine heats up the blood so to steer clear of that
x

I should be doing a job app Caipirinhas but sitting in my jammies trying to prise myself away from MN. Disgraceful, I know. But my throat hurts. A bit.

I know a friend who's been to Cuba and they loved it - the culture particularly and the music. They didn't stay in a resort my kind of hell but they had to be careful and do lots of research about where to stay.

I'm sorry I know nothing about IVF so can't help, but can listen . . .

I have to go on a hen at the weekend, but don't want to go - won't be drinking and will have to fend off lots of well-meaning but horrid comments. Would rather be at home with DH in front of the telly. I'm only going because of the hen and other friends who asked me to. Gah!

Thanks for the advice Caipirinhas - good to know.

Hello girls

Does anyone actually enjoy their job ? Shall we all collectively resign and start up a ... errr ... not sure really. Will have to think of the finer detail at another time .... !!

Caiphirinas The holiday planning sound exciting. I'm no fan of big resorts or all inclusive (not that I've actually been to one) - but then again the thought of just turning up with no planning involved is sometimes quite appealing .....

Not Now I know where you mean ! (I think) It used to be called something else - closed down last year - but we noticed when we walked along the seafront a couple of weeks ago that it had re-opened. I will put it on my list of places to go although we are having to curb our eating out due to operation ARGC I love Brighton at this time of year as it's nice and quiet ! (that said, isn't it half term ? Was probably busy !)

Bearface I'm sorry that your DP hasn't had more positive results. But don't give up yet. Good that a consultant appointment is going to be arranged.

Lesley Do you like animals ? Been lots of good wildlife programmes on television recently. David Attenborough series set in Africa and the most lovely documentaty about penguins. Oh, and a really good programme about giant otters. All were on BBC. I know my friend in Oz has 'done something' (sorry - can't expand on that !) so that she can watch the i-player on her lap top .... The festival sounds good. I love seeing live music - and usually the small 'random' things are the best !

Hello to everyone else !

At least it's Thursday ... which means tomorrow's Friday ... which means it's nearly the weekend again ... I have an uneventful one this week. Going to make a start on the boxes of stuff in the spare room which needs to go in ebay (prompted by our first credit card bill on the card we are putting the ARGC fees on. Have spent just over £1.5 k and haven't even bloody started yet ..... I could weep .... )

Frugal living is the way forward !!!

xx

Bearface, just bloody drink at the hen weekend - if your man's boys need a bit of help at the moment it will take them a while to get back on track and you can have a free pass for a normal life for a few weeks. Some fun is required! This whole process just sucks the joy out of life so you have to take your chances for a laugh when you can. At least you wouldn't have to answer any questions.

DH and I had a lovely day out yesterday for the first time in ages and it was completely soured by one of those conversations that starts 'we should do this more often' and ends up with 'maybe we should both try anti-depressants' and fury at life. So totally fucked off with it all at the moment Trying to focus more on planning things to look forward to than some of the shit bits now. Does anyone have any good ideas for fun things to do within a two hour drive of Chichester? DH is sporty and I am not, and we don't have many friends in common, rather pathetically.

Hi Notnow - thanks - I might have a sneaky drink bottle or two.

Sorry you're feeling crap. I don't know Chichester at all I'm afraid, but DH and I like to go for a big walk (he's sporty, I'm a bit meh), which fulfils his sporty desires and then we go for a pub lunch either en route or at the end, which fulfils my greedy guts desires. It's good because you can talk as you walk, or not talk and just look at the scenery and you're still doing something. Sorry if me describing the process of DH and I walking sounds ridiculous!

Oh yes and we have days where we don't allow ourselves to talk about TTC, which is something of a relief at times. It helps us to try and focus on other things, mostly things which are shit, it has to be said, but it does distract and it works.

Maybe you need to get away from it all for a bit Notnow? Is there any way you could go away for a weekend maybe?

Not Now DP and I are much the same as you two. DP is very much into golf (all year round) and football (has a season ticket) so most weekends I end up just doing my own thing usually driving around Sussex lanes with my mum buying tat from car boot sales We have to make a point of planning to do something together.

Go and stay in a caravan in the Witterings ! Or, if you want something more luxurious pack your credit card and have a break at Baillifscourt (although I haven't been so might not be as nice as it looks on the internet !) If your husband likes sport then racing at Fontwell can be a laugh although better if you have been drinking all day or - if you can wait until July - go and see Sussex cricket club play in the grounds of Arundel Castle !!

xxx

..... or go to the Dome cinema in Worthing.

(Although, despite spouting off all these ideas DP and I never manage to pull our finger out and do them and they are just as accessible for us !!!)

xx

... except the cricket one. We always go to the Arundle castle game.

Right - I REALLY must do some work !!

missbrightside I don't particularly enjoy my job, but think that is largely due to the lazy buggers I work with.. That and the rubbish hours :(
Moan alert!... Was feeling pretty rubbish today as AF arrived which upset me (even now when I know it's unlikely to happen I still get sad) thought I'd go and exercise, as it makes me feel better only to find 2 babies.. Yes babies.. In the class, not what I needed. Why are they everywhere?!
Xx

Bailliffscourt spa is fantastic, although haven't stayed there (too expensive). Thanks for the ideas; just got to get off my arse and stop reading for a bit so we can actually do some of them. I hate cricket, but quite inspired to have a look around Arundel Castle, maybe next weekend.

Not Now

(sorry - I'm still harping on about things to do - maybe I should try and get a job in a tourist office ....)

But, If you like historic places then for about £70 you can get a joint membership to the National Trust. Think that then gives you free entry to their 'venues'. Loads over your way !

(Right - I'll shut up now !!)

xx

Hi Ladies

Please may I jump on board the shiteboat?! I found you last night when i was randomly googling terms about shiteness of the last week. To be fair my shit doesnt seem to be as shit as some of the stories I have read but its all the same colour so here I am, seeking some solace but also if I can offer anyone any support along the way too - hands out imaginary donuts and eclairs and sinks in to a cosy warm sofa.

I had a MC last week following an amazing trip over xmas.

I love PINK, high heeled shoes (buy but never wear as I actually cant walk in them). I have a fear of getting on scales, love coffee cake and not a big fan of parking my car. Life would be good if there was always a very wide space and no twat up your bum waiting for you to complete your manouvre.

Going to watch skyfall on DVD with a nasty big bag of Minstrels after doing the nasty. Friday night is fun night in my house!

Hi sarah

welcome to the boat! I still like the fact we come up when people search for shite! Really sorry to hear about your MC last week, hope you're ok.

I've had a down week but had a happy hour last night drinking red wine (2 whole glasses, that's the most since NYE!), eating Ben & Jerrys Fish Food straight from the tub and watching Cain Dingle on Emmerdale! Enjoy your minstrels and film

Tomorrow we're going to go to the pub to watch the rugby and drink beer - fab! I've put on loads of weight since this whole IVF saga started in November (I don't own any scales but everything is wobblier) but will deal with it soon.... (maybe)

xx

Hi Sarah, nice to have you on board (probably not that nice for you but we have all been there and it does help to have a regular moan). I love parking my car - I was taught to park by a Frenchwoman whose attitude was 'that's what bumpers are for' so my cavalier disregard for the motors of others means that I can park straight with about 18 inches total space around the vehicle. It's a useful party trick, if parties were held on the kerb.

Brightside, I love a historic building - nothing nicer than a CFP day out (castle, farm shop, pub). Will check out NT membership, although I've noticed that a lot of places are shut for hoovering until the end of March so might wait a bit. We're off to Rye for a weekend soon, so things are looking up a bit from the gloomy depths of Wednesday.

Congratulations on the wineage, Caipirinhas - long overdue. Hope you savoured every mouthful.

The search for a more fun life continues this Friday night: I have just cleaned out the under-stairs cupboard. It might not be rocknroll but it is bloody satisfying. I used power tools and everything. I filled 4 bin bags with shredded paperwork. Our house is now much less of a fire risk! Hear me roar!

Thanks for your welcome, its nice to have a hello was going to say its nice to meet you alland it is but its not ah you know what I mean. Hi anyway.

Rugby and beer sounds very good, I am going to sit and work whilst other half sits and watches shouts at screen and scares dogs

Today has been better than I thought, had to go and see all the rels on both sides. First time since it happened. Generally though people have avoided getting in contact with me and passed msgs through husband because they dont know what to say to me I imagine - but the rels are different. My FIL gave me a cuddle which was a first and nearly made me fall over in shock. He is not known for his warmth but it was nice to know people care. I have been a bit lost this week so I have to try and kick self up arse now.

So on to tomorrow but before then I have to try and book a trip to Dublin, have been before and loved it but struggled a bit with a good standard 4* hotel, anyone been - got any tips??