Giving it one last go

[oflip]

Had another mc in July, would have been due next month.

We decided to stop after that last mc. That was that.
But we got talking the other night and we both want to give it another go.

I know in my heart of hearts that this is not going to work and that it will be a waste of time, but we intend to give it a go, quietly, without fuss, without any of the crap that goes along with ttc...been there and done all that.

I am 41, i have had 6 mcs, just need a sensible discussion from some one outside of us, who can see clearly and without emotion.

Its not as if we have nothing to loose, we do, but i am struggling to completely say this is the END.

Thoughts please?

I'm sorry to hear your situation.

There is a miscarriage board on here - if I were you I would repost in there it will be seen by those able to help you the most.

Look aftrer yourself.

So sorry to hear you've been through so much :( Have you had any medical investigations into your miscarriages?

Do you know what is causing the miscarriages? Have you had chromosome testing for example to see if either of you are carrying a translocation?

I refused to give up till I got to the bottom of what was wrong with us. When we had our final IVF cycle we agreed that it would be the absolute last one. And out of that came our wonderful son.
You are worn out by the MCs but your desire for a child hasn't stopped has it?

All investigations at reoccuring mc clinics are normal.

Asprin & hormone injections with last pregnancy..just to give it a go...still had mc, it just took longer than usual to mc on all that stuff and was more painful with other hidious side effects from pain killers and asprin.

My heart goes out to you oflip. I'm reluctant to give you any advice as I can't imagine how I would feel in your situation. On the one hand I think it could happen on your next try but at the same time you run the risk of having to go through the terrible heartache of losing a precious baby all over again. Do you think you could face that?

Its other peoples reactions to it too.

"Oh no not again, surely you are going to stop now?"
" You cant keep doing that can you, give up!"

I dont actually tell any one any more.
I cant shake it,
We have 8 year old ds, had 2 mcs prior to him. ttc for about 4 years all in all since we had him.

I feel like i did wanting/needing my ds. I just cant shake it.

I know that feeling oflip, I think most people get it. It isn't rational, it's just a deep longing that is difficult to shake. I can't believe people have had those reactions, who on earth would say something so nasty? I can understand that people close to you might not want to see you upset again but it's not their place to tell you you're wrong to keep trying.

odd thing to say, but i am used to them now.

I know the routine, i know what to expect, i know to get pain killers as soon as iget a positive pregnancy test so that i can manage the pain as soon as it starts.

I never consider myself as being pregnant, i consider my self as continually miscarying.
Any thing else would be a huge bonus.

BUT maybe , just maybe the next time, i might just get lucky?

Maybe, just maybe oflip. The payoff of taking the risk and it working out would be absolutely massive - a beautiful new baby and a sibling for your son. Do you think you are up to taking the risk?

By the way I should add that you don't need to justify your decision to anyone except your partner.

Because it has been routine for the last 4 years right up until June last year, it would be just carrying on with that.

DH really really wants another, desperately but has said what you have said CalinDana. Only if i can go on.

Feel ok, becasue we have removed all that ttc crap, it has taken pressure off, its going to be see how we go on.

I can really empathise OP.

I had 4 mc and a threatened one with ds1 (now 8.5) Was v v ill after 2 of them

I had my last mc just before xmas 2007. I was devastated. Thought "thats it, I'm done" but dh and I had a drink on new years eve, one thing led to another..........and ds2 was born in september 2008!

It can happen. It did for me.

It wasnt a great pg...I was constantly worried, thought amother mc was inevitable, didnt even believe it was really happening til very late in the pg...just couldnt believe everything would be ok. But it was.

Sending love to you x

Hi Oflip,

Can I ask if you've had your natural killer cells levels tested? Some miscarriage clinics don't look at this, but others do.

Re the miscarrying, as a veteran of this I'd say keep trying for a long as you're both comfortable; you'll both know when it's time to stop.

Good luck.

Reoccuring miscarriage clinic advised that they would not tell us to stop, but we are likely to go on and continue to have mcs....they couldnt tell us why this would be as they have never got to the bottom of my mcs...

this is true of 70% of mcs apparently. They just do not know why.

They told us that they could not offer us any further tests, any answers or explanations, so they could do no more for us.

Sorry to hear about your losses. It is a descion only you and your DH can make. Possibly it is a good frame of mind to be in to try and protect yourself just in case. Have the cause of your MCs been established? I have had 4 MCs (2 ectopics) and know how truley awful it feels.

OP I've not been in your boat with the miscarriages, but I did have 6 rounds of IVF so I know a little of your disappointment, also your desire to try again.

Is it worth getting a second opinion before you try again? My consultant (I'm in the South East) was incredibly creative in his thinking and was, if possible, more determined than me to get a result.

PM me if you'd like his details.

awww becaroo that is so inspiring, i KNOW it can happen and go ok, i hear about it allot, whch just inspires me onwards.

Dont think ive had NKC testing, but what would be the treatment for this if it was evidenced as an issue?

I'm so sorry OP, that is heartbreaking.

This has nothing to do with your situation but my grandmother had 6 MCs before my uncle was born. I can't imagine the grief she and my grandfather must have suffered but they decided to keep trying. It is completely up to you and your DH whether you want to keep trying. You know what you can stand. I hope you haves lots of RL support to cancel out the horrid remarks.

I cant even think about what would have happened if we had given up

Ds2 is here on the sofa beside me scoffing biscuts He is now 3.4 and gorgeous!

You will know when its time to stop. No one else can tell you. You know your body and how much it can take and ditto your relationship with your dh and ds.

(we have actually found the age gap - 5.3 - a really positive thing for our family..both dc have had lots of 1-1 with me and they adore each other)

Good luck x

I don't want to advise you either way, just want to tell you my story. I had 7 MC in total (5 to DH) and when tested it was inconclusive. I was advised to stop trying as I was just setting myself up for heartbreak. So we did, and we bought a dog instead. I got the dog for Christmas, and got pg accidentally in the July. DS is now nearly 6, and he was quickly followed by DD.

Only you know if you can go through it again, or if you are strong enough to take the risk. You don't have to tell anyone other than your DH (and close family if you need support if the worst should happen) I wish you luck and strength for whatever the future brings

I am feeling particularly desperate at the moment as there are a load of new babies on friends fb status and with mine being due next month, im feeling very low.

Not ready to throw in the towel.

I think you just know in your heart ohflip when enough is enough and if you are not ready to stop trying then don't.
It is hard seeing others go through pregnancy and birth and tbh I hide fb friends who are expecting,just my way of dealing with it.
I am lucky to know what caused all my losses and in my last pregnancy had all the treatments but still miscarried.
Five late first trimester losses was enough for me and I had the a coil fitted following my last evac.
I am pretty certain that we will not try again but this is mainly because of other issues.
I really do wish you the very best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

With that many mcs, I would also suggest NKC testing. Have a look at the Prednisolone threads for other people in similar positions.

The treatment varies from consultant to consultant but most of the women on the threads I mentioned are seeing one particulart consultant whose standard treatment is steroids (Prednisolone) from ov to period or until late in the first trimester if pregnancy is achieved, sometimes alongside other treatments such as intralipids. There are also a couple on there trying other treatments. The aim of all of the treatments is to suppress the level of NK cells to stop your immune system attacking an embryo.

I am on the treatment, not for repeated mcs but I was tested after I got a diagnosis of unexplained infertility from the NHS. I had a gut feeling that the problem was around implantation all along. Sure enough, I have high nkc. It's early days for me, but other women on that thread seem to be having successful pregnancies on the treatment.

The tests are pretty difficult to get on the NHS and cost around a grand privately. I hope this helps.

Dear Oflip

I am so sorry to hear what you have been through, and full of admiration for the strength of character and tenacity you have to be able to keep trying. There's been sensible advice already on getting investigations into reasons for it happening and also looking into immune issues etc. If you can go private, the Lister specialise in NK cells. I was with them for IVF and started to do some testing with them to look into implantation failure. If I remember correctly, treatment for NK cells depends on the petri-dish investigation findings. I will try and find some more info I have on the immune issues and post later if I can.

I think your decision to keep your decision to continue TTCing from now on between you and your DP is a wise move. It protects you from unwanted advice/untimely comments. Though it's difficult not to have support in RL, there are some great web forums where people truly understand, and are sympathetic to what you are going through.

I have avoided FB like the plague, so don't know much about using it, but can you hide those friends whose updates you find difficult at the moment for the time being?

This link might help you in conjunction with investigations with a fertility specialist: www.fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=226042.0 Go to the bottom page to see her full listing. She mentions avoiding MCs alot in her 'protocol'.

This is a group I'm on for 40+ conception: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1316878-Fantastic-40-thread-part-5 You'd be very welcome to join us. We have mixed stories, and it does include updates from members who have become pregnant and/or had children recently, so you might find it difficult to hear some of the updates. (Being childless and thinking I'd never have my own DC, I know I did while going through failed IVF cycles.) But they are an incredibly warm and supportive group and have a wealth of info to share.

Also, I spotted this earlier: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1360017-Just-MC-and-ready-to-try-again-Pregnant-after-MC-and-seeking-somewhere-safe-to-hide-Jump-in-the-mosh-pit-for-some-serious-metalling-or-settle-yourself-down-in-our-padded-cell-All-welcome-Part-19

Wishing you all the very best luck and strength.

FF
xx