Is it a good idea to tell people you are ttc?

[wifey6]

I'm thinking of the support factor. Any thoughts please?

Have to say I'm with worrying, it's nice to have the support, their is nothing to be ashamed and it does stop people banging on about it. We've told quite a few people but the first and only issue we've had was last weekend when DHs best friend started taking the piss saying we should get a move on, was he DH using the right hole, but then youre probably firing blanks etc. Just general piss take which, when we are waiting for DHs SA results didn't go down to well :/
By and large people have been great and it's surprised me how many people have had problems when I thought they caught at the drop of a hat but they all won their babies in the end :)

Oh and my mum knows, she regularly checks on my colic acid intake and when I said DH had to give a sample she was very funny, kept asking if he'd done the deed yet.

folic not colic!

Sorry, my post came across a bit . I was really thinking about people who advertise details about their personal life on Facebook, not anyone on this thread. Apologies for going off on a tangent.

When OH and I decided to start a family we didn't tell anyone - not family or close friends. As it turned out it was just as well because it took 17 years!

Sorry to hear it took you 17 years, Bunbaker! That's quite a ttc marathon.

FAOD, I have not announced it on facebook. Can you imagine the updates?

"Eurochick is laying on her back with her legs up for the next 15 minutes. LOL!"

"Eurochick is ovulating and hopes Mr euro's train gets in soon! LOL!"

"Eurochick is sad because Mr euro couldn't get it up tonight. Think I've worn him out. LOL"

Faith is going quietly mad because her period is two days late....
Faith has opted for the alternative method tonight - think jam jar and syringe- because she's ovulating but can't be arse to have sex.
Luff it!

I can totally see why some people would want the support of family and friends but I couldn't handle it if it takes longer than we hope. We will start TTC next month and I'm wondering how to deal with any questions we may get if anyone spots that I'm not drinking, let alone if they knew we were TTC. The hopeful/expectant looks from my mum would be too much to handle! I really want to tell some people early on when/if we do conceive, I don't think I'd be able to hold it in then :)

Don't.

If it doesn't happen straight away the constant wink wink nudge nudge glances when you refuse a glass of wine (because you're hung over) will start to wear thin.

You lovely ladies have been of great help...& also provided some giggles! I am definitely opting to bore you all with my ttc journey instead!

Yes do! Are you TTC already? I plan to use MN for support until BFP (fingers crossed!) Everyone here seems so helpful and lovely. Keep us posted :)

A massive no from me too. I told a couple of people I shouldn't have and it gets very upsetting after a while. You may be one of the lucky ones who conceive quickly, but believe me, after a while all the "Are you pregnant yet?" comments, or worse "How's the folic acid situation?" (yes my mum did say that to me) wear a little thin.

No to telling people from the start.

Yes to telling some trusted friends eventually, if there is a fertility problem and you need support.

Bit late joining this thread, but we told nobody when we started out. We got pg quite quickly once but mc'd. Then pg quite quickly again and had DS, so we never told anyone either of those times until the 'bun was in the oven' . We only told our parents about the m/c and then told no-one at all until after 12 week scan the second time.

This time it took us 19 months to get pg, and we had started along the fertility clinic appts etc and tests / investigations.
We never told our families - I wasn't entirely sure how supportive they'd actually be. Not in a mean way, but my mum never had any trouble conceiving and I think she'd be full of those 'oh, just relax' type of lines rather than anything actually helpful. And we couldn't tell the in-laws as we lived with them for 4 mths last year - imagine them knowing we were ttc while in their house - I think I would die of shame!

As the time went on though I did tell some close friends and they were all really good and supportive. They also all listened and said all the right things when we were going for appts etc. As someone else said earlier, I think if you're open about it you find that a lot more people have problems than you'd necessarily think. Eg, with us, people who didn't know might just think we wanted a bigger age gap after DS.

I totally agree that sub fertility is seen as taboo and it shouldn't be. I often want to add on when we tell people we're pg 'and it took us a jolly long time!'

Somehow I feel like we (all of us who go throught it, not just Mr Biscuits and me) should get some extra congratulations for going through the 'troubles'

Also, I only found MN when we were 18 mths in - I wish I'd found it sooner - as Have says I am so much better inormed now.

Oh and love your FB updates Euro and Have

veni...thank you...I will be a regular poster now...these MN lot are lovely!! We are ttc now..we already have a wonderful DS but due to a 12 month battle health-wise...I'm abit scared to be honest. Hence really appreciating this support.
You have all been so helpful & I wish you all luck if you are also ttc. We can do the journey together.

Euro your fake fb posts really made me laugh!! I didn't tell hardly anyone and i must admit i wish i had your bravado worrying, whenever people ask me about my plans for children it feels like they are asking me a question akin to asking about our sex life. One close friend was brilliant and got it spot on every time, but another's 'helpful advice' was exactly the opposite so that didn't encourage me to keep telling people. I found now that I'm pretty sure a lot of people are assuming it (we've been married 4 yrs) I'm fine with people assuming, I just don't wish to talk about it with everyone. I aspire to be like worrying one day!

I've told 3 people in RL, 2 of whom are completely separate from my main friend-group and the other friend noticed I had a scar from my implant being taken out and asked if we were. I'm really nervous about telling other friends we're TTC as I've spent most of the last 3 or 4 years being in the 'We probably don't want kids' camp, so it's a real mind-shift to find myself so firmly on the 'Upduff me NOW!' spectrum.

Anyway, having just a small number of people know has been really helpful as I can share my TTC worries (one person has 2 kids and is full of good TTC advice and the other is also TTC too and it's lovely to have someone to moan about cervical mucus with). The third friend knowing led her to tell me about her own mmc, which I hadn't known about and I'd been so cross with her for being so smug and fecund, when she was going through so much herself.

And the friends that don't know, I can drink gin with and talk about all the other things in teh world that aren't TTC (apparently there are still some!)

It's completely up to you. I have told a few people. It's not that I've gone out of my way to as such it's just when close friends have asked directly I have been honest about it.

I personally feel it has helped as we don't get many stupid comments anymore. That's probably as it has been so long that people are aware we are having problems conceiving.

I have also had to tell a few people at work as I work in a high risk job if pregnant & it's become obvious at times when ive tried to avoid certain tasks.

Although we have deliberately not told some family/friends I feel they have guessed anyway as we have been married a while and have always said we want children when people have asked. My MIL keeps watching me like a hawk anytime I refuse alcohol!

It's been really good (and funny) reading these posts. With my wedding coming up apparently my fertility and our family planning is one of the key questions people seem to ask. Including my work colleagues! One lady (who doesn't want a baby) went on and on and on about not leaving it too late etc. I almost cried/slapped her.

I was thinking about telling my mum and sister, but they've both been uber fertile, and my mum had already made tactless comments about how it's all just a question of being relaxed. So until I get to the stage of getting it investigated, I think I'll stay schtum.

The hardest bit is friends who have said they're struggling to get pregnant and now are pregnant. since we've been ttc there have been three who I've given support to and are now due in dec, jan, march. I don't begrudge them, but it's hard knowing they thought they struggled when it took them about three months, and we've been trying for waaaay longer.

on the plus side, at least I've passed the stage where any baby bump would show through my wedding dress! I was stupidly worried about that the last few months, although I needn't have worried given my apparent inability to get pregnant.

(i did start to tell one friend I was trying...her reaction was that it was stupid to get pregnant before my wedding as I wouldn't be able to drink! I stopped there and haven't mentioned it since to her.)

I thank you all for your honesty. It's been a real help to me...& I think to each other.

@ Nellie02

I wonder if the lady who 'claimed' she didn't want kids actually left it too late herself and regrets it, so says she doesn't want kids so people don't feel sorry for her? Sounds like the sort of daft thing I'd do (although I wouldn't go around telling people not to leave it too late as I'm more of an each to their own type)

Anyway, good luck with the wedding and have a lovely day.

Nellie good luck with the wedding! We got married this summer and so far haven't had any questions about babies really. Until yesterday when one of the LSAs at school asked me when I'd be having a baby, I was somewhat taken aback, especially as I was on the loo at the time but said it wasn't on the cards.

How do you other TTCers feel about (sort of) lying about not being TTC when asked directly? I felt ok with it but if it were someone closer to me I might feel a bit bad...

No I wouldn't - it took us 5 months TTC DS. 2nd time round, we've dithered around, sometimes have decided to have another and tried for a couple of months, then changed our minds (mainly when DS is being 'challenging' ). We have changed our minds (again) and are TTC DC2, being trying for one cycle but nothing yet. We've mentioned in passing, when in laws have been hinting, that we don't want another, so they think there will be no more GC. In my opinion I don't need that pressure, but I can understand telling your mum (sadly mine is no longer with us) and sisters and close friends. Make sure they are people you can trust and not people who will make tactless (if unintentional) remarks when the stork doesn't drop immediately.

Yes, statistically the stork is unlikely to drop immediately, even for those with no fertility problems.