Coping with the stresses and disappointments of IVF

[DoeADeer]

Hello All,

I'm looking for some support, encouragement and perhaps a few laughs. I'm going through IVF. I've been poked, proded and peered at by an army of doctors who have been dishearteningly impressed by my whopping cysts and rampant endometriosis. I've undergone two IVF stimulations, had three transfers - with no positive results.

I don't know anyone else who's dealing with IVF. I don't live in the UK at the moment, and I don't have a close circle of friends in my new home town. So I've come to Mumsnet....... You seem like a sensible lot! (kind of....).

Lately, things have become particularly rough. During my last IVF cycle the decapeptyl hormone treatment sent me into a total spin and I was just so angry with everything and everyone. It got totally out of hand.

So I guess what I'm asking, as I prepare to head into the IVF torment once more, is:

Does anyone have good tips for maintaining some balance through all this? Or just fancy a good old natter?

Hi DoeADeer

We are currently undergoing our 4th treatment cycle and I'd love someone to chat to about it all.

THe first cycle (ICSI) was cancelled after OHSS because of OHSS. We then had a FET which resulted in DS, who is 2. It was originally a twin pregnancy but I had an early miscarriage at about 6 weeks.

We then had another FET over Christmas which was unsuccessful. We now have three 2 day embroys and 1 blast - tomorrow we get the call to let us know if they have defrosted okay. If so, ET is planned for Wednesday.

I know what you mean about being prodded and poked. My sister was horrified when she had to have an internal scan recently - I dont blink an eyelid at dropping my knickers these days !

I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time at the moment. It is so difficult isnt it - its just all so out of our hands. It just seems like there are do many hurdles to get over before you even get to ET.

When are you starting treatment again?

Hi nocakeformeplease,

Great to hear from you! Your fourth treatment cycle? Wow! I hope you got/ get the results you want from the phone call today and that you're all set for a transfer tomorrow. Sounds like you have lots of embryos in the feezer - that's terrific! I have endometriosis, so each stimulation treatment only produces around four eggs, (sigh). Still the doc is 'optimistic' about my chances. Though he says it may take more cycles than average to get a result... Let's hope he's right!

The miscarraige must have been tough, and coming as it did with the joy of your daughter, must have really complicated your feelings.

I'm due to meet with my doctor on the 14 Feb - how romantic! And depending on my cycle, we'll start the next round of IVF soon after.

I too now happily drop my knickers at the drop of a hat - it's almost alarming at how shameless I am! At my last ET there were 7 training doctors in the room plus my regular doctor and the embryologist (oh, not forgetting my husband - tho he was at the top end). As the embryo was embedded all their heads simultaneously craned to the right to get a better view - I had this crazed urge to laugh but I was too worried about being skewered.

I don't know about you but the treatment has the most horrendous impact on my mood. Last time I was injecting high doses of decapeptyl to suppress my cycle and encourage my body to get rid of these annoying cysts. My husband says it made me like the girl in the exorcist - except perhaps without the moments of cuteness. I have to agree, I turn into a total teeth-gnashing monster. It's like PMS but turned up a 1000 degrees.

Perhaps you don't have this side-effect, but if you do, I'd appreciate any tips you have on dealing with it!

Good luck and let me know how you get on!

Hello Doe and Nocake

Can I join you? You both sound much more experienced than me! I am still trying to come to terms with the ivf language let alone the scary prospect of injecting myself which I think starts on Friday if the scan goes ok. I am doing icsi as my DH as dodgy sperm and that combined with my PCOS means we are in for a fun time.

We have been ttc #2 for 5 years after naturally conceiving our son who is now 6. In hindsight he is a bit of a miracle given the fertility problems we now seem to have.

would be good to chat to you guys as none of my rl friends have similar problems..... In fact most seem super fertile

Nocake.... Did yours defrost ok? Got my fingers crossed for you

Hi Kitty,

You're welcome! Join the fun!

I hope the scan was ok - and you get on alright with the injections. I found it difficult at first and bruised myself. But if you inject the stuff slowly I find you don't bruise. My initial idea was to inject as quickly as possible to get the whole thing over: FAST! - bad idea as I ended up with purple welts.

My nurse told me that many other women get their husbands to do the injections. She reckons it makes them feel included and reminds them of what you are going through to make this work (as opposed to out of sight out of mind). I see the logic, but my DH has the shakiest hands so I opted to do the injections myself.

I know what you mean about super fertile friends. It's tough when the whole world seems to be having babies - except you!

No Cake, what's going on? Any news?

Good luck ladies. Looking forward to hearing from you soon......

Ladies - hoping I can join you! I too have rampant endometriosis. Husband has low morphology and count. Happy days!

I am having 3rd laparoscopy on 11th Feb to remove a 6cm cyst, and we are then starting our first ICSI cycle as soon as the consultant says all is ok. This is likely to be pretty soon after the op, before any more cysts appear.

I fluctuate between feeling positive that everything is starting to happen (have been ttc for 4 yrs), and feeling so down it's all I can do to get myself out of bed in the mornings. If I feel like this without drugs, god help my husband when it all kicks off!

Really want to try and stay positive. Just picked up zita west book to get some tips on diet etc before treatment. Did you guys make any changes to lifestyle?

To further complicate life, I have a job which means I drive all over the country and often stay away from home. Not sure how this is all going to work. But I love the job and sometimes it's the only thing that keeps me sane.

Oh yes, and don't get me started on super fertile friends...

Hope it is ok to join you guys? doe - your skewering story made me laugh out loud!

DL x

Hi guys

Sorry have been having internet problems, so haven't been able to get on MN!

DoeADeer - To be honest I haven't really suffered any side effects from the drugs (DP might say otherwise!) but I think I must just be very lucky as most people I know seems to suffer similarly to you. I guess all you can do is just take it as easy as possible and be kind to yourself during this time.

It sounds like your doctor is quite optomistic about your chances which is good news. Anyway not long now, wishing you lots of luck for your appointment on 14th and subsequent treatment.

BTW I second not letting DP do my injections! I'm the opposite though as I find the slower the do it, the more it hurts me!

Hi Kitty - have you started injecting now? JUst give me a shout if there is anything you are not sure about. I am no expert but I'm getting used to the IVF lingo now!

Hi DerbyshireLady - I didn't really make any changes to be honest - although I probably should have done as I dont eat the healthiest diet . How lovely that you have a job you enjoy so much - its nice to have something to take your mind off all this.

Well, only 1 of our 3 embies made the thaw, which was disappointing - it was only a 6 cell grade 2 when it was put back on Wed, so I'm not feeling overly optimistic, but whos knows. I am already planning my next cycle anyway - I know it must sound very defeatist but I haven;t given up on my little embryo, but my way to cope is to have a plan for what happens next.

Anyway, hop eyou are all well and look forward to chatting and supporting each other over the coming weeks/months.

By the way, if you haven't done so already I would highly recommend going on the Fertility Friends website - there is loads of information and support on there x

Just wanted to offer some words of encouragement having been through 5 IVF cycles, two miscarriages, the lose of an ovary and lots of other horrible medical problems - there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I now have a 3 year old and a 11 week old baby thanks to IVF. I don't know how much it contributed to the success of my treatment but I used acupuncture and yoga which helped keep me relaxed and tried to eat as healthily as possible. The hardest thing was remaining positive but you really have to.

Like all parents of IVF children now I realise it just goes to make them extra special.

Good Luck

Hello all... Am glad I found you guys and thanks for the welcome! It's so good to speak to people who are going through the same

Scan went well and have been merrily (ish) injecting gonal f since Friday... So far so good although feel bloated and grumpy by the end of each day. The pen thing makes it quite easy eh. Tomorrow i start the other injections and they look hard! Proper needles! Am not letting my husband anywhere near them or me

Doe....Am also on lookout for any tips to avoid turning unto a psycho hose beast as clomid alone was enough to turn me into a three headed troll beast so am sure that this cocktail of drugs will also be a challenge

Nocake... Sorry to hear the defrost news wasn't so good. You sound pragmatic which is great although I suspect the rollercoaster must be exhausting.

Derbyshire lady.... Fingers crossed for lap on the 11th, we are also doing an icsi cycle. Amazing what they can do!

And thanks Milly fir the positive story... It is difficult to stay upbeat but am determined to stay optimistic and chilled out

Right... Am off to find a pair of trousers with an elasticated waistband as these drugs are making me feel very bloated... It's either that or the chocolate cake

Looks like I killed this off! Sorry guys, hope you are all doing ok. I had day 10 scan today and seem to be responding well so fingers crossedfor eggs out on weds next week..... Hope it was good weeks all young.

I am here! Manic week at work. How are you doing Kitty? Great news that you are responding well. Are you having any more side effects? Would be interested to hear!

I am yet to hear from our clinic - my consultant told me he had referred us a few weeks ago but nothing yet. They have now told me that following the lap this Friday I am likely to have injections to simulate menopause, so that the cysts don't come back. Yippee!

In an attempt to get more healthy, I did my Davina DVD this morning. Have just eaten a creme egg! Oops!

Hope everyone doing ok and having a good weekend x

Hello lovely ladies. You might want to have a look at this thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1041005-Assisted-Conception-and-the-bits-in-between-Volume-6

It's on its sixth thread, but it's a lovely place with kind people who totally understand where you are and what you are going through. And there are a whole crowd of lovely babies born to women there (lots of them look in from time to time the women, not the babies).

Very best of luck to you all, and I hope you all get lovely positive tests very soon.

Hello everyone! It's quite a crowd here now!

I had a long weekend away and then a manic work week so apologies for the silence.

Milly, it was so good to hear your good news story. Let's hope we're all equally lucky.

DerbyshireLady - sounds like we're in the same boat. We've also been trying for 4 years and I too have very frustrtating problems with cysts and endometriosis. I agree that it's hard to stay positive and I've been on a low ebb of late. I've tried to make some lifestyle changes to feel like I'm getting a bit of control over the situation and doing everything I can to make this work. So these days I walk the 35mins home from work or go to the gym, eat well and have cut out wine on a school night. Actually, that bit about the gym was a total lie. Sorry. I have JOINED a gym, but have yet to get in a routine of GOING to the gym. I even got an ipod and loaded it up with loads of 80s music - stuff my husband can't stand but I secretly love - all with this idea that it's going to make me some kind of gym-rat. No luck yet! But I am walking home from work - honest! Well, except when it rains....

I've thought about acupuncture or yoga - as Milly mentioned it might help with the stress. But I haven't launched into either of those options yet..... did anyone else find good tips for alleviating stress?

NoCake, I'm sorry your embryos didn't fare better through the defrost. But I'll keep fingers crossed for the one that remains. Let us know how you get on! I understand you needing to plan for the next cycle - I'd be the same. I find it's really important to just feel like you're 'doing something'. Good luck with the 2 week wait - it's endless. Do something nice for yourself!

Well, must go. But great to hear from you all! And good luck ladies. Bye for now!

Hello everyone! I am back from the land of laparoscopy. Managed to get an infection following surgery last week, but all ok now thank goodness. Even managed a walk round the block today.

Doe - the cyst wasn't an endometrioma in the end. Good news - means I don't have to go on the zoladex injections now.

Other positive about surgery is that I've lost some weight, taking my BMI down to NHS criteria level, so we can get that show on the road. Just need to maintain it! Will probably do a private cycle first though.

So how is everyone else doing? I am starting acupuncture tomorrow and am getting into gardening which I hope will alleviate stress!

Look forward to hearing your news.

Hi DerbyshireLady,

I'm glad to hear the cyst wasn't endometrioma and well done with the weight loss, too. Sounds like all systems are go, if you know what I mean... When do you begin treatment?

I saw the doc last week (on Valentine's day!) and there wasn't much news other than 'Keep trying'. So I have a bag full of needles and potions and we begin the next treatment when my period starts in a few days.... I'm eager to get on with it and dreading it, too. The last round was just really stressful and seemed to go on forever and, of course, failed. I really want this time to be different in every possible way!

So, Derbyshirelady, I'm glad to hear you do acupuncture - tell me, how is it? Do you find it helps? The thing is I've made an appointment with an acupuncturist tonight and I'm having last minute doubts. I mean, I've always been totally sceptical of such stuff. But at the same time I'm desperate to try something new with this round of IVF in the hope that it helps.

Anyway, best wishes to all of you!

Hi ladies

Sorry Doe that I didn't reply sooner re acupuncture. I think it helps me relax so I am going to keep doing it. How did you find it? Has everything kicked off for you now? It has been such a long road for us I can't imagine what it's going to be like when I come home with a bag of drugs that first time!

I have got an antral follicle scan this week, then our first consultation is 23rd. Did you have that scan?

Just got back from 2 days at a health spa which I can highly recommend! Never done it before and feel so chilled now. That is until I get back to work tomorrow! Also done loads in the garden today in this lovely sunshine.

Bye for now!

Hello all! Hey there Derbyshirelady!

Great to hear from you. Sounds like a great idea to indulge in some time at the health spa. This whole thing is so stressful that I reckon anything that helps to lower the anxiety has to be a good thing.

Hence the acupuncture!

Actually, I'm now on my second acupunturist and really enjoying it. But the first experiment was a bit of a disaster.

I live in Brussels, so I went online and googled 'acupunturist' to see what I could find. I found what looked like a helpful list of approved practitiioners and called up the one closest to my house for an appointment.

As soon as I arrived I knew it was a mistake. This little Belgian doctor with a really bad comb-over answered the door and showed me into the most unbelievably messy office. There were books and exercise bikes and lamps and tonnes of clutter just everywhere.

To make things worse, I laid on a this surgical looking bed in the middle of this mess with a really bright light blasting in my eyes, so he could see what he was doing#. And then he insisted on asking me my views on Libya and Gaddafi for the whole hour. And my French is not so great, so it was a struggle! All the while he was using some weird buzzing machine to find the pressure spots to insert his needles.... Oh! And in between all this he was answering his telephone, answering his wife who would bark instructions at him from an adjoining room where she was watching a really loud TV and fiddling on his computer (actually, he wanted to check my Gaddafi facts - I got the old brute's age wrong according to Wikipedia - mea culpa!).

It was awful and not at all what I had in mind!

However, since then I've found a nice little place run by Chinese ladies. They have neat and tidy rooms with a simple bed, low lights and soft music. It's very calming. And when I leave, I feel like I've smoked the biggest, fattest reefer in town. I'm so super-mellow! My husbad couldn't believe it when he saw me and was convinced I'd smoked something. So I'm definitely keeping up with it - in fact, I'm going a couple of times a week at the moment.

I've started my stimulation treatment this week and have my first scan to see how things are going on Saturday morning. I have the most enormous carrier bag of drugs - it's kind of daunting to think I've got to consume them all somehow over the coming weeks.

I don't think I've had an antral follicle scan as such - is that to see how healthy your ovary reserve is? But then, I'm quite far down this road now. I had a laparoscopy about a year ago and hundreds of scans since as this is IVF treatment number 4, so my doctor has a pretty good idea what's going on in there! But I imagine it's good for your doctor to have a clear idea of what reserves you have before he begins treatment as perhaps this can help him/ her decide what kind of treatment/ dosage to give you for the stimulation??? My doctor has tweaked my treatment each time based on scans and results of previous attempts....

By the way, have you taken up any tips from the zita west book you menioned? I just drank a litre of whole milk as I read it was good for helping make good strong eggs. I don't even really like milk.......

Anyway, let me know how you're all getting on!