Am I too young to want a baby?

[broodyelle]

I am desperate for a baby!! I am twenty and at uni. I spend all my time researching baby related things, writing lists, looking a maternity clothes. I am baby obsessed! I have lived with my boyfriend now for over a year and I guess I just want a baby now complete the package! I think what has mad me want one the most is that my partner has left uni and got a full time job, before we spent all day together and now I am still at uni and at home most of the day on my own, I am getting so lonely and only have 6 hours of lectures a week! Surely it is the perfect timing for a baby! It is going to be hard to persuade my partner as he is not sure about having a baby so young, but I need this for me!!!

I still think you are not ready and not having a baby for the right reason.

I know this might not matter to you, but if you and your partner are living together and committed enough to each other to think about having a baby, why not think about getting married?

If you planned for next spring/summer you'd be nearer the end of your course. And all the planning would keep you busy

Then, when you've had a chance to relax after all that, you could see if you still feel so desperate to have a baby, and if you do, you'll be a bit older and have done a bit more :)

thanks for all the posts. I don't want to be a mum because I'm lonely. My partner has only just started this job so I guess it is a shock for me but I will get over it. As for getting a cat, I have a very demanding dog. I know it is nothing like a baby but I do get up at 7am to walk him and then walk him at 1pm and then again at 7pm and he sits with me on the sofa all day, so I will treat him like my baby for now! I will look into finding things to do and I will try and wait another year and then re-assess when I am finished with Uni!

It is interesting the reaction I got on this forum though, having posted on a young parent forum, they were mostly positive and yet you guys are mostly negative.

I suppose a year isn't a long time to wait and then at least I leave my options open though!

You have been very gracious in accepting our comments that you should wait.

I started my family young. I had my first at 23 after a miscarriage when I was 21. I'm 32 now and my firends are only just started to settle down, start their own families. I don't regret starting my family when I was young but I did spend quite a lot of time being bored as my friends where going out, travelling, had exciting careers and i was at home with the baby. After a few months I did make some really good frineds but the early days where dull and I love new babies!

Finish the degree. And any postgrad you want to do. Travelling with parents is different to travelling with your DP.

I'm 24, expecting my first in April, I'm dawdling through my masters whilst working and I'm tired already! I can't imagine the reality of completing my dissertation with a baby. It's not something I thought of... And I wish I had!

A lot of people who are young parents are positive about the choices they made but how many of them were genuinely in your situation - mid-degree etc? Listen to people on here who did have children young. Most of them say they don't regret it but wouldn't have chosen it.

Plus the part if the brain which deals with long term consequences isn't developed until your mid-twenties so make sure you 100% realise that a child is for life.

Just to second the advice about having a baby being boring. I was pretty much suicidal at home with my DD when she was small.
It's no more stimulating than being t home on your own, it's just that you have more tasks to carry out... hence, it's more mind numbing.

wow, I'm honestly shocked at the negative posts here. I'm 31, TTc for no 2 and conceived my first at 28. I wish I'd had my first a couple of years earlier (well, I would have done but had to convince DH first... he wasn't ready).

I think you do need a supportive partner but I don't think you are too young. My mum had me at 22. I have really appreciated having a younger mother.

Having a baby is hard work, nothing like uni, nothing like a regular job, but you can make new friends in a similar position. Don't expect life with a baby to be anything like life without one. You may lose touch with existing friends as you will lack things in common.

Its well-known that to avoid fertility troubles conceive in your 20s... don't have a go at the OP for seriously considering having a baby in her 20s... I think she's sensible for doing so.

No, first get married and get a job, and do some fun stuff. Then have a baby.

I totally agree with Isla that your age isn't a factor in this decision, however where you are in your life is. Your partner doesn't want to commit to kids yet and you haven't finished your studies. You have a lot to do with your life as it is now before rushing the next phase.
You sound like a very caring and devoted partner and dog owner however rather than writing lists about what clothes and accessories you can buy a future baby can I suggest you go and read as many of the posts as you can on the sleep, behaviour, breastfeeding topics here on Mumsnet talk and appreciate just how incredibly hard mothering is. As you read pay attention to just how near the edge and anguished a lot of the posters are. Try to appreciate just how much having a baby can push your relationship, as well as sometimes your own peace of mind to the very limits. It's the best job in the world, but hands down it is the very very hardest. If you really want to prove how good a mum you'll be wait a bit longer til you know who you are as an adult first. I'm sorry if I sound negative, I'm desperate for my second if it's any consolation... despite ending up in a high dependency unit after having my first. Told you it was hard :)

Finish your degree, get a job, give that a try. If you want a baby after 6 months of working then start trying. Do not waste your university education and chances of a career by dropping out now.

Don't do it. Finish your degree

And don't take this the wrong way but you sound like a kid chiming after the latest baby annabelle tbh

It isn't negative, it is realistic people who really know what a child means and it is very different from how you think! The thing to remember is that they are a baby for a very, very short time, so think child and not baby. Get your degree first, it makes life so much easier.

I'm 22, now thinking about #2. I have a 2yo son and a DH I married in May. My life is fantastic!!

Everyone has different situations to contend with, mine was living abroad, unplanned baby. HOWEVER, our son was never unwanted and he has changed our lives in the most amazing way possible! I had to change my life totally, never going out, working as a SAHM 24/7 and being exhausted permanently.
There is so much to having children that people don't realise, believe me I know.

I never went to uni, but have travelled. I don;t feel that I will miss out on anything, in fact I have gained so much experience from being a mum!!

My only concern is, that being a mum, what ever age, is harder than you can ever imagine! I am extremely lucky to have a loving DH with a great job and a good home.

I would wait until you have finished uni so that you can put all of your thoughts and energy into a child. Your baby needs you 100%, even 6 hours of uni is 6 hours away from your baby, plus uni work.

Please think about it, it is not an age thing, it is a situation thing!!

Im pregnant with number 3 and Im 25. I had my first at 20, second at 24 and (please God) this one will be born when Im 25.

This may suprise some but given my chance or choice again to wait and have them - I wouldnt - I wouldnt change a thing. This is despite the fact that I am the only one of my friends who has children, is married, has a mortgage etc.. I do feel slightly out of the loop so to speak at times but I wish sometimes my friends were more settled as opposed to me not being so settled, if that makes sense.

Im pretty sure this one will be our last. I was just thinking the other day that when I turn 40 my children will be 20, 16 and 15 .

I do believe, from antedotcal evidence that childbirth/ pregnancy are much much easier when your younger. Myself and DH do have loads of energy for dc. I love it this way.

Of course theres pros and cons and I do agree with much of the advice that has been offered on this thread but really, it depends on the person. Of course it wouldnt suit some people to have a baby "younger" and I can completely see the sense behind having those free and single 20 something years. That said, equally theres people like me who shudder at the thoughts of having babies in my thirties, teens in my fifties.. its each to their own.

DH has a fabulous career, I have quite a nice job but am studying for my law degree at night (half way there!!), we own our own home in the country, we too travelled when we were 18/19..

I dont know.. just another viewpoint I suppose.

apologies for terrible spelling and grammer. Am feeding my baby and am braindead have pregnancy brain

Also, a little note to those on here who have said that it is AN AGE THING... I 100% disagree with everyone of you and am angered to hear it said.
All situations are different, but age is not one of them. I am not talking about 13 year old mums, I am talking about 20+.
I see myself as a brilliant mum, I do everything for my son and my DH, and I also run a playgroup each week for other kids. I cook home food every night, I keep my house clean, I have NO extra help as live abroad and away from family.

I hope this makes people think a little more before they make sweeping statements purely about age!

"I need this for me" - WTF? Are you for real?

Everything in your OP shouts "Me Me Me, I want I want I want".

You don't have a baby because you're "bored"

Get a part time job. Get a budgie. Just don't get knocked up FFS.

BarbieLovesKen- 100% agree with everything you said!!!!! Same situation for me, house, mortgage, baby, DH, have travelled.

"Having posted on a young parent forum, they were mostly positive"

No shit

I'm guessing that if you posted on a "Burgling for Fun and Profit" forum, you'd get plenty of people encouraging you when you expressed an interest in nicking next door's lawnmower.

If you just want people to agree with you, stick to posting there.

Get a job in your spare time (phft! 6 hours a week!) and save some money.

I know it's your life and your choice but then I suggest you spend some of that money you've earnt having fun and if you feel the same at the end of your course go for it.

You can't change your mind once your baby is here!

I personally don't think you're too young to want or even have a baby. But I don't think age is the important thing - I'd be more worried about WHY you want a baby. You seem to want a baby because you're bored and have nothing better to think about. That says to me that you should at least wait until you've finished uni.

My mum had her first child at 20 - totally planned (had fertility treatment) and she has never regretted that. It's all she ever wanted in life. But she didn't want children because she was bored. She wanted to be a mum.

Personally I think a lot of people are waiting TOO LONG to have children (even if I can understand their reasons) and this does mean that people in their 20s now get judged as 'too young' FWIW DP was 25 and I was 26 when DS was born, but we were both ready emotionally for that. And it was still hard!

Oh and I have to agree with other posters about the strain that having a baby places on your relationship. YOu both have to be fully in it together. DP and I struggled. DS was a very hard baby. He spent hours of every night screaming. I got 2 hours sleep a night on average. We argued A LOT

I don't think you're considering the reality of having a baby - you're thinking of all the cutesyness but not realising what it's like when they scream solidly from 2-5am and you cannot get them to stop.

hi, ive not had time to read everyones threads but to be honest you sound alot like me when i was 18-20. i am baby mad too, and every relationship i had (ive lived with 2 ex boyfriends in the past) i secretly hoped i would fall pregnant- even though i was on the pill so the chances of this happening was miniscule. i have been a nanny since i was 18 and it really helped keep my broodiness at bay! now im 25, bought a house with the man of my dreams and we plan to start trying for a baby this year. this has made me feel so relieved that no 'accidents' happened in the past with young, immature boyfriends who i thought i was in love with. ur prob sick of hearing this but it is best to wait, especially until both of you definately want one and your in the right situation to do so i.e money saved, a job to return to after maternity leave, ur boyfriend wanting to 100% and especially not wanting one just because your home alone alot.