Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Anyone else sick of hearing...

42 replies

jumpingjackhash · 17/01/2011 17:10

'Don't stress about it and it will happen' or 'Just relax... you'll get there' or any variation thereof?

Been TTC for over a year, seems like everyone else I know is pregnant and the (few) well-meaning friends who know we're having issues keep trying to reassure me, but it's just driving me mad!

It's not reassurance I need, it's a sodding miracle (fertility issues)!

[impatient grrr emoticon]

OP posts:

Original poster

jumpingjackhash · 18/01/2011 11:31

How insensitive Jenny, I hope she didn't mean to be, well, mean?!

One of my relatives is pg - completely unplanned (one-night-stand) so while she's moaning about every aspect of being pg I silently want to slap her.

OP posts:

HalleLouja · 18/01/2011 11:38

On the difficulties trying to conceive fred we have frozen fishes to whack anyone who says to relax.

I got pregnant the month we went on holiday. It was also the same month my mum moved in (we don't get on) and myself and DH found out we could possibly be losing our jobs (for seperate companies). So not the most relaxing month in the slightest - apart from the holiday which was fab. We had been trying for 16 months at the point.

HalleLouja · 18/01/2011 11:39

Jenny you certainly need to fish slap your friend! Most of my friends were more sensitive than that and the one who wasn't I am no longer friends with! Not just because of that though.

Got2Dance · 18/01/2011 11:48

at Jenny's "friend". That is awful!

Jennyrosity · 18/01/2011 11:58

I don't think she meant to be mean, jumpingjackhash, I just think she doesn't take the whole TTC thing very seriously, possibly because she doesn't want kids herself. Still, it did make me want to slap her.

WhyWait · 18/01/2011 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ToriaPumpkinHead · 18/01/2011 12:33

WhyWait I'm 25 and get that a lot as well. Oh you're only young, it'll happen, you have loads of time... Well what if I don't? My mum had one child, when she was 27, her sister had one when she was 21, both went on to have numerous fertility problems and miscarriages. So yeah. You're right. I probably have loads of time, but what if I don't?

And Jenny I would have slapped her with a fish as well. Everyone I work with who has children got pregnant by accident and they all never tire of telling me it! I'm sick to the back teeth of "Have a drink...It'll happen when you relax...It'll happen when you least expect it...I had a friend who was trying for years, had IVF and then conceived naturally...My sister got pregnant when she...You're most likely to get pregnant if you have sex on..."

Original poster

jumpingjackhash · 18/01/2011 15:21

It seems everyone is an expert

Ah, I know people mean well, but I'm getting tired of having to grin and bear it!

Anyone have any responses which stop the comments without upsetting the well-meaning friend?!

OP posts:

ToriaPumpkinHead · 18/01/2011 15:27

I might have said, in a very unkind voice, to a very pregnant friend, on New Year's Day, when she told me "You'll have to catch up soon!" that "It's not for lack of trying.", given her a look that could have frozen the sea and then resolutely refused to talk about babies anymore. Possibly...

xstitch · 18/01/2011 15:40

Sounds like a reasoned response to me Toria.

I locked myself in a restaurant toilet sobbing my heart out when my GFIL announced to everyone at his birthday dinner that his life was ruined because I hadn't given him a great grandchild. I then offered to slit my wrists with the steak knives so his GS could find a proper wife . In my defence it was only 3 weeks after one of my miscarriages.

Lettie70 · 18/01/2011 15:44

oh god, i like this post, i have a whole list of things...
'when are you two going to crack on, you shouldn't leave it too late you know' and 'isn't it time you had kids'....urrmm excuse me, I hardly know you and you're telling me to crack on!! Where do people get off???
Grrrr I just want to turn around and say excuse me , what makes you think we're not trying?
I read James McCavoy's wife would just say to people, 'I would love to have a baby - we're not putting it off but unfortunately bodies don't work that way'. That's just sweet and simple but I might add an icy look along with that...

JRsandCoffee · 18/01/2011 15:45

I love this thread, it embodies everything that is bloody frustrating about the whole process in relation to the rest of the world (apart from trying to see a consultant on the NHS - apparently where I am your ovaries actually have to be on fire........).

gottodance Over the festive period I very nearly asked one of my nearest and dearest what, in addition to shagging like bunnies in a variety of positions around the house, throughout the month we were meant to do? when told we needed to work at it. Would have been funny, she was sitting on my sofa at the time.......

I have to say that I've been lucky so far that no-one has been really awful to me, some of the tactless comments defy belief!! The MC comment is just horrendous, and to those who get hacked off with the "you've got time" thing, I can so see how that would grate, why shouldn't you want and be disappointed just the same as a geriatric like me (36). It's rubbish to assume that it hurts less.

shouldnotbehere · 18/01/2011 15:49

My cousin was trying to conceive for three years, and she reckons the reason she conceived was that they'd moved house and she'd changed job, and was altogether happier in herself.

I have another friend who took five years TTC, after two miscarriages. She only had one ovary that ovulated, and so had irregular periods, and was always assuming/hoping she was pregnant.

I know you've heard it before, but don't give up or stress. Sorry I know it's not helpful, but it sometimes takes time.

shouldnotbehere · 18/01/2011 15:56

Okay just read some of the other comments now, I've probably irritated everyone who's commented on this thread, but I just thought it may help to share my experiences.

One of the girls I was in school with was adopted, along with her brother. Her parents thought that they could not have biological children, and then her mum got pregnant twice the first in her mid 30s and second at 39, and had four children with the oldest adopted children.

Got2Dance · 18/01/2011 16:06

Ha ha JRs I wish I'd thought of that!

BrownB · 19/01/2011 13:56

Lettie - that is a quote I am going to borrow.

Jenny - I would probably avoid that friend after a comment like that.

Am 36, got pg the first time unexpectedly about 18 months ago. I lost it at week 10, then spent 13 months ttc. Got pg the second time, and lost this one at um... week 10. And yes - people love to give you their thoughts on the subject. "Better get cracking, not much time left," "Just relax and it'll happen," and, "Well at least you know you can get pregnant." Or how about, "When your baby is ready it will arrive..."

However, I do also have fab friends who say things like, "I don't know how you cope. I got obsessed with ttc and I only tried for 2 months . Fingers crossed for you." Now - that's fair enough. Real friends can take you saying that you're happy for them, but are fucking jealous at the same time.

OracleInaCoracle · 19/01/2011 14:22

shouldnotbethere, and sometimes people are infertile. if its taking longer than 2 years, moving house wont get you up the duff, more often than not you need a little help.

when people tell me that dh and i should get a move on, its not nice to be an only child, think og ds I've taken to saying

"we had sex doggy style last night, its been 13 days since my last period started, was a mid-heavy flow lasted a week. afterwards i stuck my legs in the air for an hour and wore big pants. we've had 12 mc's and an ep, but I assure you that as soon as we get pg, you'll be the first to know! so, how many times did you have sex last week?"

Flip

1 2