Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

The NHS does not support same sex couples!!!!!

99 replies

coulin · 09/01/2011 14:31

So my same sex partner and I decided the we love to extend our family and try for a baby last June 2010. First things first we went to our GP who was very supportive and referred us to Tameside hospital to have all my bloods and tests completed before being referred on to ST Marys Manchester. In December 2010 we go a letter back from St Mary's stating that " there is no funding for same sex couples". We are both heart broken by this discriminatory decision, and area now looking at paying for the treatment by our selfs. I have asked my GP to forward all my results onto sheffield assisted conception unit where we hope to have the support from the staff. My partner has proceeded with the appeal process and has the support of our local MP who is looking to take the matter to the PM question time! Was wondering if there is anyone else going through something similar?

OP posts:

Lulumaam · 09/01/2011 16:46

heterosexuals can and do get that advice.. and use surrogates.. maybe not advised via the NHS.. but it happens.. donor eggs and sperm can be used

but it cannot just be given out to everyone upon request

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 16:48

"the op simply was hoping for some help in conceiving a child through the NHS, "

and liek every otehr couple in the UK must have a medical condition that is hindering that conception in order to receieve funding.

OP does not have a medical condition. she hasn't even tried to conceive yet.

Lulumaam · 09/01/2011 16:49

the OP says firstly that she has had a referral and had bloods and tests etc.. so there is not question re her fertility.. so why should she get free donor sperm on the NHS? more than anyone else?

her tests, she siad, came back fine.. there is no infertility

the NHS/PCTs don't have a bottomless pit of money, so why , for example should her treatment come above a heterosexual couple where the male has no sperm count?

Ilovekittyelise · 09/01/2011 17:30

iloveitwhenyoucallmeboo you are completely missing the point of my post; my assertion is that a country that supports same sex union should make provision for supporting reproduction in same sex couples and that there should be a completely different set of guidelines, and that funding should be stratified. put simplistically, PCT X has budget X for male infertility and budget Y for fertility treatment for same sex couples.

I get that she does not have a medical condition and has not started trying to conceive, i simply have respect for her choice of sexual partner and the fact that she cannot 'start trying'; you clearly miss my point about heterosexuals not being expected to be unfaithful should their attempts to reproduce not be successful and have very little respect for the Op's relation/sexuality: seeing as this is a support forum it might be an idea for those who are not supportive to simply not comment, instead of using the thread as an outlet for your small minded opinions.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 17:33

support comes in more ways than just saying "there there" support also means giving people an unbiased uninvolved opinion on their situation.

and i am not missing the point at all.

i was referring to your sentence taht i quoted. and i explained in my post what i wanted to say. and i'm not teh only one.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 17:34

and it wasn't me that said she should shag someone else.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 17:35

and I'm not sure why tehre shoudl be separate rules either. can you explain why you think this?

unavailable · 09/01/2011 18:03

Kitty, do you really think that all those who have commented on this thread and disagreed with the OP's assertion that she and her partner were being discriminated against by the nhs are "small minded"?

MummyAbroad · 09/01/2011 19:02

I think that ILoveitwhenyoucallmeboo and others have been trying to point out that coulin has not been discriminated against in their view (and mine). This is very different from being discriminatory. I think it IS relevant to discuss the issues with NHS funding/criteria etc, rather than turn this into a debate on the rights of lesbians.

There are many many of us on here who feel the pain of being childless. Lots of us have been trying for years, have had repeated miscarriages, molar pregnancies treated with chemotherapy, surgeries, massive expense, pain and trauma all in the hope of conceiving.

I think coulin would have got a lot more sympathy had here story began "we have been trying unsuccesfully for x years..."

coulin I am sorry that you have been unsuccessful in your very first attempt at trying to have a baby. Unfortunately for some of us it is a long hard road. I hope that going private helps and that it doesnt take too long for you to conceive. In the meantime, you might find some consolation knowing that many many women are turned down for funding, and the reasons cited are often spurious. I myself was denied NHS testing after having no periods for six months (apparently I had to wait a year) 2 and half years later after an mmc, and 7 months of private treatment for the complications it caused I have been diagnosed and treated (privately) and am able to TTC again. The NHS only helped cause my problem (Ashermans Syndrome) but turned their back on me when it came time to diagnose and treat it.

The NHS is rubbish, but dont let that stop you pursuing your goal of having a child.

Good luck to you xxx

Lulumaam · 09/01/2011 19:33

i don't see anything small minded, just not a blanket agreement that the OP is being discriminated against due to her sexuality

PicknMix · 09/01/2011 21:26

After 4.5yrs of failing to conceive and 4 miscarriages, my husband and I have been turned down for IVF funded by the NHS.

Just thought I'd put a bit of perspective on your situation. Whilst I sympathise with you, I must point out that sometimes there just isn't the funding available for everyone. We've had to accept this, and, however much it hurts us, I would always prefer the funding went to a deserving patient - I can save up for private IVF, a cancer patient doesn't have the time.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 23:09

well said picknmix

hester · 09/01/2011 23:18

Just to point out that, whatever the rights and wrongs of this case, the NHS has always discriminated against lesbian couples. Six years ago I was refused fertility investigations - including the possibility of premature menopause - precisely and explicitly because I am lesbian.

hester · 09/01/2011 23:19

PS. OP, it can be heartbreakingly difficult starting a family if you are lesbian. I'm not in disagreement with a lot of the posts on this thread, but I am taken back by the lack of sympathy for your situation. You may find us more welcoming over on the Lesbian & Gay section!

Original poster

coulin · 10/01/2011 07:45

Just thought I said that it is a hard road for all of us! I'm really nervous and yet very excited about trying for a baby! I just wish they had said there is no funding due to your test results! I don't think they should have written "there is no funding for same sex couples" this is what my argument is! They should not have written this?

OP posts:

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 10/01/2011 17:14

but it wasn't due to your test results that the refused funding.

Original poster

coulin · 10/01/2011 20:15

No it was because I was gay! And so they were in the wrong for writing this!

OP posts:

hermioneweasley · 10/01/2011 20:37

Hi good luck with your treatment. We paid privately and had one child through IUI and one throught IVF. both gorgeous blessings. we are part of a local network of lesbian mums too, so the kids all know other children who also have 2 mummies, which is great.

at our clinic they were incredibly supportive. the senior nurse was really protective of us and wouldn't let anyone else see us. Never had any issues.

The thing that made me smile was they had no protocol for NOT treating us like an infertile couple. we had decided that DW would be having the treatment, but I still had to go through a medical history etc. I remember saying to the consultant "I'm not medically qualified, but i think i know why she's not been getting pregnant".

when we started out we got this really earnest book from the states - the lesbian guide to conception and pregnancy. it contained hte sentence (i swear this is a direct quote) "internalised homophobia, and lack of access to sperm, are lesbians' 2 biggest barriers to conception". Erm...i think one is a bigger barrier than the other!

Hope the treatment goes well.

MsHighwater · 10/01/2011 20:51

My dh and I could not get NHS funding for fertility treatment because his infertility was the result of his vasectomy (many years ago, before his 1st marriage ended and before we met). I had tests to establish whether I had any fertility issues on the NHS but, in our circumstances, there was never any question that we would be eligible for NHS funding.

That being so, I would be incensed if NHS funding were available for same-sex couples in the absence of any primary infertility. No, there's nothing you can do about your infertility as a couple but neither was there anything dh and I could do as a couple.

Just because you don't get the answer you want, it doesn't always mean it's discrimination.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 10/01/2011 20:52

no they weren't in the wrong for writing that.

teh reason you didn't get funding was ebcause tehre is no funding for same sex couples. what would you have wanted them to write? make up a lie?

regardless of what you say you have a chip on your shoulder about this and it is stopping you from seeing this clearly.

DanceInTheDark · 10/01/2011 21:02

Maybe a proportion of their funding is specifically reserved for same sex couples? And that has run out?

Original poster

coulin · 11/01/2011 14:26

Thanks for that hermioneweasley! what part of the country are you from! I would love to know other people from similar backgrounds! Was the main reason why I started this but people seem quite caught up in what's right and wrong, but it was to be expected.

OP posts:

MsHighwater · 11/01/2011 18:46

coulin, loads of people on MN don't get to hear only what they want to hear. You expressed indignation and came across as though you thought that your (moral) right to free fertility treatment was a given. At least now you know that there is room for dispute about that.

Nemo1189 · 03/01/2019 23:46

Hello, I’m very late to the party but just want to add my 2 pence. Me and my wife are currently receiving NHS funded IVF treatment, my wife has PCOS and anovulation so without ivf treatment, she wouldn’t be able to conceive (via donor insemination or if she was in a straight relationship with a man) without ivf help. We had to meet all the same requirements as other couples people live together for 2 years, no smoking, low bmi’s etc. NHS guidelines are very strict and we were told at the first initial meetings we would only receive nhs funding if one of us had something wrong with our pathology. And unfortunately both of us have severe PCOS and anovulation, so there is something wrong so our funding was granted. If you have nothing clinically wrong with you or your partner, they will not offer nhs treatment. Having a female partner is not a reason to have free treatment, it is only eligible if without ivf intervention you would be unable to become pregnant. We have received some homophobia but that was through a separate counseller the clinic employs but other than that we have been treated both friendly and kindly - much like any other couple. I hope since you’ve posted you and your partner have managed to achieve your little one!

Flip

1 2 3 4