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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

Original poster

The NHS does not support same sex couples!!!!!

99 replies

coulin · 09/01/2011 14:31

So my same sex partner and I decided the we love to extend our family and try for a baby last June 2010. First things first we went to our GP who was very supportive and referred us to Tameside hospital to have all my bloods and tests completed before being referred on to ST Marys Manchester. In December 2010 we go a letter back from St Mary's stating that " there is no funding for same sex couples". We are both heart broken by this discriminatory decision, and area now looking at paying for the treatment by our selfs. I have asked my GP to forward all my results onto sheffield assisted conception unit where we hope to have the support from the staff. My partner has proceeded with the appeal process and has the support of our local MP who is looking to take the matter to the PM question time! Was wondering if there is anyone else going through something similar?

OP posts:
Original poster
coulin · 09/01/2011 14:55

Should we check my partners sperm then?

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 09/01/2011 14:57

"FYI we were turned down for Funding before they had my fertility results! and denied us funding based on our sexuality!!!!

"

And if your fertility results had come back as abnormal then I'm sure you'd have been able to reapply. I think if a hetrosexual couple applied before trying for a child or having fertility tests (which is basicly what you've done) then they'd be turned down as well.

DottyDot · 09/01/2011 14:57

I would have thought if you've been trying for over 6 months (maybe longer?) and getting nowhere, you could get your partner's sperm checked - best to have a chat with your GP.

K12Mom · 09/01/2011 14:58

coulin, I would try not to feel down about it. IVF criteria is very strict. The reason is, it is very expensive and they cannot afford to offer it to everybody. It is not just gay people who are excluded... many PCTs exclude unmarried couples, women over 38, etc.

I do feel for you, though. I am currently going through IVF in the US. It is very hard.

I wish you both the very best of luck.

VivaLeBeaver · 09/01/2011 14:59

My friend was turned down as she hadn't been trying long enough. Then by the time she had been trying long enough they told her she was too old.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 14:59

why are you being arsey with people? sorry it isn't what you want to hear but you haven't actually got a medical condition that prevents you conceiving that teh NHS are aware of. and the facts that tehy turned you down before your fertility results came back is irrelevant because you hadn't actually tried to conceive yet and this is what tehy were turning you down on.

Lulumaam · 09/01/2011 14:59

I agree with all of those who have posted as to why it is a fair decison. I have a lesbian friend who has been looking at this very same issue and is going to pay for treatment, and has been saving for a long time.

there are no fertility issues, you are both presumably fertile.. but no sperm because you are both female is totally different to being a male with low/no sperm

could you try DIY insemination with a male friend?

Original poster
coulin · 09/01/2011 15:00

Thanks K12Mom xx

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 09/01/2011 15:01

Yes, also wishing you luck. Smile

At least donor insemination doesn't seem as expensive as full on IVF which is something I guess.

Lulumaam · 09/01/2011 15:01

plenty of people are turned down due to weight issues too

the NHS simpy cannot fund everyone for everything

Simbacatlives · 09/01/2011 15:04

I think that most women who want a baby with donor sperm (for example they are single) have to pay dont they?

You can go overseas- I think some of the sperm used in the uk is imported from scandanavia anyway. I believe that you can order direct and it is sent by ups.

wannaBe · 09/01/2011 15:06

presumably you could shag a male friend and get pregnant.

Your partner doesn't have any sperm because she is a woman! Last time I noticed being a woman wasn't a medical condition. Hmm

  • you need to get past your sense of entitlement and get rid of the massive chip on your shoulder.
Original poster
coulin · 09/01/2011 15:06

We have decided that the safest was for us to conceive is through a clinic. I would not want to know the father of the child as this could have legal issues which I would not want to go down! We just wants to see if there were any one else that maybe has same sex friends or in a same sex relationship that experience something similar!

OP posts:
K12Mom · 09/01/2011 15:07

I don't really think that's fair, wannaBe. The OP and her partner are 'entitled' to a family just as much as heterosexual couples.

Original poster
coulin · 09/01/2011 15:09

"presumably you could shag a male friend and get pregnant. "

I love my partner very much and I would not cheat on her! Also is this really medical safe? God knows what you would catch! lol

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 09/01/2011 15:09

yes but being entitled does not mean entitled to NHS treatment just because..

unavailable · 09/01/2011 15:10

I dont think anyone was saying the OP is not entitled to start a family, only that is is not an issue for NHS funding as there is no underlying medical condition.

ShowOfHands · 09/01/2011 15:12

You're being treated exactly the same as a heterosexual couple would. You won't get funding without a known fertility issue. Your partner being a woman is not a fertility issue, it's probably good that she's not producing sperm.

I know why you're frustrated but your snippy posts make you seem like you're toting a massive sense of entitlement.

My Mum's had to wait weeks for surgery (cancer) and those weeks could make all the difference for her prognosis but the money just isn't there.

You're lucky not to have fertility issues, it means your chances of having a baby are much higher.

ShowOfHands · 09/01/2011 15:14

What do you mean 'God knows what you could catch lol'. What are you laughing at?

If you had a willing friend, he'd presumably agree to a full sexual health screen.

Original poster
coulin · 09/01/2011 15:15

I think you could look at this from every direction! We could say that we have been trying for the past year to conceive and not been successful! lol My partners swimmers just aren't up to the job. But my main concern was that they denied us funding with out knowing the medical history were I was or wasn't fertile! I personally don't really care as I'm going down the privet route! But my partner was a bit let down by the way the pct has gone about it!!!!

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 09/01/2011 15:16

it's private not privet, which is a type of hedge Grin

you obviously don't really understand how the NHS/PCT funding works.

agree with SoH, of course your firend would have full screening

you need to look at this from all angles.

Original poster
coulin · 09/01/2011 15:16

Oh and I meant sleeping with a stranger!

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 09/01/2011 15:16

you partner has no swimmers, that's quite pertinent

Original poster
coulin · 09/01/2011 15:17

Sorry I'm dyslexic!

OP posts:
ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 09/01/2011 15:17

basically OP when we decide to have a family, whether by teh conventional method or by AI we have to do that ourselves. it is only when you have had trouble conceiving that you will be entitled to NHS help. and as you haven't yet attempted to conceive, you have no reason to receive NHS funding as tehre are no known issues. you have to try it yourself first is what we are saying.

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