Hi everyone
Not sure why I'm writing this but wanted to 'talk' to people who I don't know in real life.
My DP and I have been together 6 years and are very much in love. We have talked about getting married and having children and its very much something I want, he is more cautious but wants to do it eventually. He's always said we'll discuss seriously having children when our financial situation is stable. It is now.
I came off my pill three months ago on doctors orders (breakthrough bleeding) so we've been using condoms if we have sex (which to be honest wasn't very often as we've had an extraordinarily busy few months). Three weeks ago things got a bit steamy in the bathroom and we started having sex without a condom - his move. I pulled away after a few mins saying that we should be more careful. Then two weeks ago he came home from a night out and asked me if I wanted to try for a baby, saying that that's what he wanted, and it was why in the bathroom that time he hadn't wanted to use a condom. So I said yes, and he wanted to do it right then and there. So we did, and have done it about 3 times since then unprotected.
Then last night we had another chat and he said that actually he was drunk that night (he didn't sound drunk, he was able to come and he usually can't or takes ages if he's drunk, I also ASKED him if he was drunk after he said he wanted to try for a baby and he said no.) and he doesn't think he's ready after all.
I am so upset. I was over the moon when he asked me if I wanted to try. Who gets drunk and tells their girlfriend they want to have a baby if they actually don't?
It's worth mentioning that we are financially secure, we own our own home, both have good jobs, I would get a good maternity package (which I researched last week FFS)
I am just so upset about it. He knows I'd love to have a child. He said he's scared of making the decision to go for it in case he regrets it and life changes for the worse.
What if I am already pregnant?! Now I am worrying that if I am, he won't be happy. He said that if that happens he'll deal with it. I'm just really sad. He said that he definitely does want children but not yet, he doesn't feel we've lived enough. We live in a city and haven't had much money to enjoy it properly, now we're in a much better situation and he wants to make the most of our life at the moment. He also has this idea he wants to live abroad but it's not feasible because he has an elderly, increasingly frail mother who he doesn't want to leave, and I also have family ties in this country.
I understand where he's coming from, I just feel so cheated. Has anyone else's DP done this? I know he's not ruled it out but it's the reneging on what he said. I even started taking folic acid . We're still relatively young, I'm 28 and he's 29. He's always said he'll be ready when he's 30, which he would be if I got pregnant now.
I'm really angry with him but he's saying he just wants to enjoy life how it is at the moment. We have a mortgage together and often talk about our next house move and where we'll live when we're older etc so I don't doubt he's committed. I've namechanged as I think someone IRL knows who I am on here and I'm embarrassed. Has anyone had a similar experience and everything worked out ok?
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Really upset :(
32 replies
Cheeser · 29/12/2010 14:22
OP posts:
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