A sign of how far I've come...

[OracleInaCoracle]

Ive just realised that my period is late. after 5 years of knowing every last twinge of my cycle Ive just worked it out and my period was actually due on thursday. Im not going to test yet (natch) because, tbh, i dont want to know one way or another. but my god! 3 years ago I would have tested a week ago. and I would be obsessing and probably looking for baby clothes while mning. is it sad that my expectations have fallen so far, or good that I have grown out of my naivity?

ok, still nothing. ribs arent too bad so hoping to make it til friday without testing. that way i will be a week late and (if i am upduffed) 5w pg. so around the time i would need to see my cons.

periods here.

just spent 25 minutes crying in the toilet.

The Rage is also here.

:( and for you

LissieLou Im so sorry - have been following the thread with everything crossed.

I have had only four miscarriages but know that feeling of pain well.

Wishing you well xxx

Sorry, lissie.
:(

at least you know now, so you can have a large glass of wine, a lovely cup of tea, a biscuit and a hot water bottle morning.
:(

Oh liss.

Oh Lissie: I'm so sorry luvvie. My heart goes out to you Hun xxx

I so sorry too xx

xxx

hugs x

Oh Sweets, I was so hoping for you. X

Go easy on yourself honey XX

Oh Lissie, having a little cry on your behalf, had it all crossed for you, hugs x

Sorry lissielou xx

Lissie, I am so sorry to hear this

xx

I cant believe how much of a wreck I am. Ive been crying on and off all day. started sobbing in ELC with mil picking up presents. cried again in peacocks. shouted at a young woman at the bus stop for not looking after her dd who was running around. cried again while mil was in the loo.

and i know that there is something wrong with this period, because it hasnt got going yet, and its bloody painful, and I feel like death warmed up.

i cant help wondering why the fuck i have a womb when its about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

am crying again now.

its so fucking unfair.

Oh Hun, take some time out. Your mil sounds good: get her to do your chores fo you for a few days. I'm sure she'll be happy to run errands for you. Why not spend some time in bed with a hot water bottle, favourite DVDs and a box of chocs. You need to look after yourself. The daily grind can take a backseat for now. Thinking of you xxxxx

thanks, unfortunately i cant. dh is working til 8 and ds and i are back home now. im so drained ive stuck him in ffront of the tv with his soldiers and dinosaurs while i mn, eat chocolate, drink tea and cry.

Do you know, your ds will be on cloud 9 the way he's getting everything handed on a plate to him at the moment! Good for you- but is there 'no' one you can share your pain with? Friends, family? I know ots better here, anonymous etc. But RL support is really under rated. Continue to share your grief here- we're all here for you. So wish you were local to me, I'd be over there like a shot. You also need to sleep. Lots. Take care Hunni xxx

I have friends but none of them get how hard it is. they tell me i should be thankful that i have ds etc, what they dont understand is that Im in mourning, not just or the individual babies, but or the family that we should have been.

Sweetheart, I understand how hard it is, I really do. I cried at school once when picking up DS because this pregnant woman was smoking and it was just after I'd had my ep. It hurt so much that she was taking this risk and was still pregnant and I was doing everything I could to have another baby and my body kept letting me down.