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Original poster

Ugh my bloody mother!

35 replies

LoopyLoupGarou · 15/10/2010 14:15

OK, back story... some of you might know already...

DTD1 was stillborn last year, DTD2 now 15 months and big and strong.

We ummmed and ahhed about TTC, and decided this month to go for it, despite being shit scared.

I just did a HPT (due on Monday, so 3 days early, 1st Response). Got a very faint line.

Called DH, who is pleased and terrified like me.

Showed my mother, who is here helping with DD as I've been poorly (mastitis after stopping breastfeeding suddenly- it started to hurt hmmm...) and a chest infection.
So anyway, I showed her the test, and her response was "OH my God NO! No! Oh thank God, it's negative! How could you do that to me? You can't mess me around like that, you know you can't have any more, you can't put me through that again!" I showed her that the line is there but very faint. She says it's "where the line should be, not a red line, it would be a bloody red line for God's sake, you're just making it up!"

Now, I'm pretty sure that a line is a line, but she won't entertain the thought, and now am I supposed to feel guilty for her feelings if I am pregnant?

I'm so cross. I've sent her to the park with DD so I can gather my thoughts.

Any thoughts anyone?

BTW, when I told her I was pregnant with twins before, one of her classics lines was "oh, I'm not sure you'll cope, could you get them aborted and try again?" - so not one for tact, really.

:( and :) ??????

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopyLoupGarou · 15/10/2010 14:22

anyone? :(

OP posts:
Tootlesmummy · 15/10/2010 14:24

I would ignore her and not discuss it with her until you find out you're definitely pregnant and over the 12 week mark. At that point I would say 'Mum, I am pregnant and we want you to be happy for us, if you can't be then please keep your thoughts to yourself'.

Good luck, I hope you are and it goes well.

belgo · 15/10/2010 14:27

Agree with Tootles, wait until you are more pregnant and have had a scan before telling her again, unfortunately it doesn't sound like she would be much emotional support to you anyway at this satge.

Congratulations and all the best with the pregnancy!

phipps · 15/10/2010 14:30

Your mother is an inconsiderate woman. Your OP reads that it is all about her, how your actions affect her, how she can't go through it all again.

I hope everything goes well for you.

Original poster
LoopyLoupGarou · 15/10/2010 14:34

:)

OP posts:
Ariesgirl · 15/10/2010 14:44

God God, she reminds me of my mother

Ignore her, don't mention it again until you have a scan and then say what tootles said.

When I misguidedly told mine we were TTC she said incredulously, "But how on earth will you cope? It's not easy you know." Angry

Good luck!

Ariesgirl · 15/10/2010 14:45

Note to self - proof read emoticons.

fedupttcnosuccess · 15/10/2010 15:04

Hi Loopy, Your mother's response is totally unforgivable. Is she resentful of helping you with your dd? If that is the case, consider help from other avenues rather than your mother. Maybe she is exhausted herself... Her response signals that the responsibility to look after your offspring is hers not yours...or have I read that wrong? Also, is your mother healthy, or does she have health worries of her own on top of spending time with you guys? Think of all these factors. Spare her feelings. Rely and confide in others, eg friends and family. Only tell her when your pregnancy is at least 3 months down the line. Old people are outspoken( sorry: don't know how old your mum is!),and sometimes even feel that your affections may be divided between them and your babies. I have an insight into old peoples mentality as both mine and dhs parents are in close contact with us, so we are keenly aware of their fears, emotions, etc. We try to make our own decisions without treading on their toes or upsetting them. Sometimes it does mean unfortunately that they are not involved in the planning stages of whatever we are about to embark on, until the plan is fully fledged...generally I
Talking about holiday plans here. I hope my advice has been helpful to you. I do not mean to cause offence to either you or your mother, but just hope that you can approach this tactfully, so you all end up with what you want without causing any resentment. Good luck xxx

fedupttcnosuccess · 15/10/2010 15:06

Sorry for typos: iPhone horrible horrible little.....

Original poster
LoopyLoupGarou · 15/10/2010 15:25

Clearblue digital says no... Confused

OP posts:
fedupttcnosuccess · 15/10/2010 15:30

False negatives are very common, you're not due on until Monday, so there's hope yet! FX. Also, I've heard here that first morning urine gives best indication in early days, hang on in there- all's not lost til af rears it's ugly head. Good luck x btw, hope you don't get a period this month and that you are pregnant, as it appears that is what you would like x

Original poster
LoopyLoupGarou · 15/10/2010 16:13

fedup - I don't think it's that at all. She has come to help, but I'm still doing the mornings, making the foo, cleaning up, DH bathing, putting to bed etc, she's just playing with her and taking her to the park. I was put into care as a child due to her mental health issues, so I guess I have to cut her some slack for that. 'Tis hard though.

OP posts:
NOTHEROLDIE · 15/10/2010 16:25

good luck LOOPY

Mothers can act weird , mine did the same when I told her I was PG in May... she went silent then said ' I suppose its congratulations'

When I MMC later that mnth she was over the top sympathetic (fake) and that bothered me more. Mothers can be tactless and insincere outing their feelings rather than thoughtful ,helpful, TACTFUL ones!

fingers crossed for BFP.

x

Wombat33 · 15/10/2010 16:32

Ignore her Loopy if you can and good luck! FWTW I understand that the clear blue digi tests are less sensitive and more prone to malfunction than the first response dip tests. Also as it's still early days the levels of HcG in your urine may well be low enough that time of day and amount you have had to drink could cause a false negative. I'm keeping everything crossed for you x

Original poster
LoopyLoupGarou · 15/10/2010 16:35

Thank you :)

OP posts:
fedupttcnosuccess · 15/10/2010 16:41

Loopy: everything crossed for you Hun, just confide in sympathetic family and/ or friends, failing that keep posting here. Your mum obviously not very good at supporting you sometimes. Happy that you have a loving, supportive dh. Keep your chin up, hopefully it'll happen soon. Once you've got another little one, your mum will come to love the newest addition just as she loves your dd. It's just sometimes unsettling for the older generation to come to terms with a change in their daily routine, or to embrace change in general. Good luck xxx

Hedgeblunder · 15/10/2010 17:20

How far gone are you loopy?
She sounds very inconsiderate,you poor thing. Explain to her that how she feels is a tiny percentage of what you do. And I really hope this doesn't sound patronising but you'll always be her baby so she want to shield you from hurt as much as she can I suppose?
My mum says equally silly things- when I told her I have pcos, was ery very upsetand she just replied 'well victoria beckham has that.' I mean, WTF???
I think women who don't have trouble having babies find it impossible to sympathise or to understand how much it hurts. I've been ttc for 2 years now and she got pregnant as soon as she tried within one monthfor all six of us..
Hope you're ok

Original poster
LoopyLoupGarou · 15/10/2010 17:44

I'm OK ta. If I'm pregnant then it will have been this month, sue due in June (on DD's birthday as it happens!)

As to whether I am or not, I guess I'll have to wait and see...

OP posts:
Original poster
LoopyLoupGarou · 16/10/2010 10:01

I am! Positive digital test this morning! :)

OP posts:
Dracschick · 16/10/2010 10:06

Fab !!!

DirtyMartini · 16/10/2010 10:11

Oh loopy, that is AWESOME!!

Congratulations!!! Grin

Original poster
LoopyLoupGarou · 16/10/2010 10:12

Thank you! :) :) :) :)

My mother hasn't mentioned it since yesterday, so I don't think I'll tell her about the retest.

OP posts:
NOTHEROLDIE · 16/10/2010 10:36

WOO-HOOO :)

HOPE IT ALL GOES WELL

x

Ariesgirl · 16/10/2010 10:58

Brilliant Loopy! Now remember, not a word until the scan and then wave a photo under her nose.

OldPramLady · 16/10/2010 11:08

Congratulations! It isn't very fair of your mum to act like that. I am sure she will come round to the idea, my Dad just didn't talk about my baby/bump until I was about 25 weeks and now he is the most doting Granddad ever! Just wait for the time when she tells you/shows how happy she is and revel.
Good luck!