Fertility Treatment and Male gynos

[Chirpey]

My hubby pants and i have been TTC for three years now i have had a hycosy, bloods, hormone tests, Clomid and a Laparoscopy and dye test. Recently i had the laparoscopy under a general anesethetic. While i was away from the ward my husband witnessed a 'male theatre assistant walk out of the theatre and gyrate and touch himself suggestively as he walked back to the nurse station. Following that the nurse who had been looking after me came out and asked that the rest of the ladies should wear their bras. We have put a complaint into the hospital concerned and the situation is being investigated so we are waiting to hear what an investigation shows up. But since then this has caused my usually very supportive hubby to feel very insecure about the treatment we are going through and the possibility of innapropriatly driven men around me during the process. The problem is its a difficult time for us anyway and now this persons actions has opened up a complete can of worms! I am no prude but i do value my dignity as does my hubby. Usually for smears i request a female because i personally feel more comfortable that way however in fertility treatment we seem to get what we are given. Now i am VERY grateful for the help we have been given because we are clearly unable to conceve naturally and to achieve the baby that we so deeply want we obviously need the help of others but now my hubby has done a lot of research on the subject of males in gyno positions and males during intimate procedures and there seems to be a lot opinions about experienced innapropriate behaviour. I feel i went in for the op and was put out i don't know anything about what happened and now am pleased it is being investigated but i don't know how to support hubby with his feelings PLEASE help.

it's a troll, headbanger.

'chirpey' :o.

I thought perhaps 'twas Expat - and the idea that someone would troll on a subject like this is making my skin crawl entirely off my body and huddle in the corner of the room...

what is a troll?

I instinctively know when someone is behaving wrongly towards my Wife... proving it is obviously a different matter. It's obvious that I'm up against defensive professionals here therefore I will persue this elsewhere. I DO NOT control my Wife, I merely wish to protect her from abuse as she is desperate and therefore vulnerable. I would even protect my cat in the same way if required. What is wrong with questioning things? I know what I saw, I know how it made me feel. I was completely find and relaxed before the event, I trusted the professionals and everything was ok with me. Now, I was made to feel this way and I CHOOSE to protect my Wife because I love her very much and I would expect her to do the same for me. If you can't understand my feelings of wanting to protect her through this then you are warped!

Do you think it's really right to try and add to our anguish by trying to encourage Divorce?! What kind of people are you!

We came here for help and advice on how to deal with all this, it has been quite stressful for us both. All we've had is criticism of spelling, questioning who actually exists etc. You people are insensitive and abusive. I really hope that you're not actually within the medical profession as this REALLY does concern me!

I am the complete oppostive to a 'pervert' I detest pornography and infact any sexual perversion. That's probably why you consider me to be a pervert? As this is not in-line with 21st Century thinking.

OK, Chirpey/mywife - whatever your name is. You've had your highly dubious "fun". I have read your other distasteful thread as well. No one else is going to share stories with you. Accept it and go away.

But please think this. There are many women out there who find it enough of an ordeal already to bare the most intimate parts of their bodies to a medical practitioner, and this is for some people more of an ordeal if the practitioner is a man. You have put some very ugly thoughts out there. You may well have been responsible for a woman, maybe some women, not going to a doctor for help when they need it. You have put their health and maybe their life at risk. Nice.

Well said Aries. I had the exact procedure that is in the OP and it is making me nervous. I hate being seen by male doctors but I knew I had no choice as my hospital has no female gynaes! I asked them.

These threads are not helping people like me.

My intention is NOT to put women off going to gynaes. ALL I'm saying is, don't be over grateful. You have the RIGHT to ask questions and to check out your gynae if he's new to you.

How exactly are you suppose to check out your gynae? Ask him if it turns him on to see women have medical procedures? Ask him if he took the job to get off on seeing fanjos every day?

If your intention is NO to put women off checking out their gynaes then stop posting, you freak show.

My sister recently had a baby. She had a difficult, traumatic birth, and my nephew was born very ill. If she had not had expert (male) consultants during the birth and immediately afterwards both she and he would have died. Should she not be "over grateful"? You really are a horrible specimen.

All situation are different, I'm not wanting to be horrible. I guess I freaked.

Aries, sorry to hear of your sister's ordeal. Congratulations on her and her dcs good health, thanks to the wonderful, world renowned NHS. Please stop sharing your stories with this weird couple. Let them slip into obscurity now. There is room for misconduct in every profession, however, to air this ( real or otherwise) tale, on a site which is aimed for parents to help each other( not scare the s**t out of each other): is highly immoral and irresponsible. This couple have other deep seated troubles within their relationship, if they are indeed a couple. My dh and I are suspecting it is one perverted man appearing to play both roles. Ignore this thread ladies and offer and ask for support elsewhere! Ignore these attention seeker(s): they appear to be very needy.

I love you Aries (but you knew that).

Shucks. I love you too.

Human nature is rather disappointing isn't it; I'm actually dumbfounded on a daily basis by it?

I was talking to an ex-policeman just the other day about the subject, he admitted that through his career he has come to the conclusion that you only have to ?lightly scratch the surface to reveal the 'dark' beneath?, no wonder life SO eventful!

I really appreciate all your reassurances regarding 'safety in numbers' within the Operating Theatre, that was a valid and reassuring point, one which has settle my mind a great deal. It was the two coinciding events that triggered panic within me, along with the fact that I love my Wife so very much that I can't understand how any man could possibly keep their hands off her? I guess that's just how love is.

I understand that my Wife is completely innocent here, she always insists upon a female nurse when attending for a routine smear test. One of the problems is that we've had different consultant doctors every time we've been for different stages of fertility treatment therefore the doctor/patient trust thing has never had a chance to establish itself. My Wife is quite desperate to solve our reproductive mystery, therefore, in my opinion, probably slightly vulnerable to the great doctor/patient imbalance of power therefore it sometimes worries me that a perverted Gynae could pick up on that and just 'maybe' take advantage due to the fact that we're dealing with people that we don't know. To me it's like allowing a tradesman into my home without reference or knowledge of background and offering them a front door key! Except that my Wife is far more precious to me that my home or anything I own!

Also... the fertility procedure is so, so very intimate that it would be impossible for dignity to be absolutely maintained. The doctors that have tended to my Wife so far have seen more and know more of her reproductive organs than I ever will and I resent them for that. I know that feeling doesn't help, on top of all the other fears, but it is the truth... I do actually envy the fact that they know more about a part of her than I ever can or will :(

I just wished that I could have been in the Theatre with her, to go through it with her and to learn what the doctors learnt, I feel strangely 'left out'? Probably that doesn't make sense, but that's partly how I feel right now which adds to the distrust issue. If you feel that I?m perverted for wanting to know what the doctors know about my Wife, then the doctors are perverted too. I take interest in every part of my Wife, just as they do in human biology.

I understand that "the greatest truth is that we must move forward in forgiveness". I really do feel that, even though these people are trying to help us, I feel that I have to actually forgive these people for intimately 'invading' my Wife in this way as during the Laparoscopy she had a dye test which involved passing a tube right through the Cervix into her Womb whilst another doctor inspected her Ovaries and reproductive organs in full colour with a internally probed, high-res camera which would have been displayed on a large screen within the Theatre for all to see.

I feel awful that there were probably 8 people in there witnessing such intimate, private and sacred parts of my Wife, sounds daft I know, but it's honestly how I feel, right or wrong.

I'm left feeling robbed and hollow, especially as the operation was unsuccessful.

I am a medical student (currently taking a little time out) and want to specialise in gynae and so have spent any additional time that I can in gynae theatres/clinics etc.

I have to say that unfortunately, I have seen the odd degree of unprofessional-ism in theatres. Mostly this has been directed at me as I examined the women before their ops (for which I had consented them). There have been occasions when I felt that women should have been more covered up than they were (so I intervened and covered up.)

I always talk to every woman whose op I observe before hand, even if it means staying late to see them the night before or getting to the hospital very early. I think this is good practice but I don;t believe that everyone involved in the procedure sees the patient first - I'm not sure this is possible.

Despite this, I have to say that the VAST majority of people are very professional and really care about maintaining the patient's dignity.

I am sceptical about the 'ex-gynae's' opinion about becoming aroused when examining females. I am attracted to males but have NEVER been attracted to a male patient that I am examining - he is a patient.

Sorry you had a bad experience but please don't loose faith in the medical profession. Good luck with ttc.