Anyone else TTC after a stillbirth?

[loopyloops]

Hi all
I lost DTD1 15 months ago, still breastfeeding DTD2 and considering TTC, but terrified.
Is anyone else considering trying again after a stillbirth? I think I could do with some support if so.
Thanks :)

Hi Loopyloops,

So sorry to hear about the loss of your DD.

I lost my DD almost 3 months ago. She was stillborn at 31 weeks. We are TTC now and im nervous, terrified,excited, happy, sad... basically all over the place.

Good luck xx

Sorry to hear that Loopy, I am not in your situation, still TTC dc2 after 2yrs + 1 mmc. But if it helps, my mum, in the 60's had 1 mc, 1 stillbirth and THEN went on to have the three of us. Women are very much stronger than they look! (and very often stronger than they feel!)

I (accidentally - oops!) became pregnant 5months after my DD was stillborn at 36+3wks in June 2009. It was a big shock and, to be honest, not at all welcome at the time.

My pregnancy was horrible. Looking back on it now, I can see that I was practically in denial and couldn't let myself bond with the baby.

However, the midwives and consultant were all great at looking after us and keeping a very close eye on us. And I'm sure you'll also be looked after really well.

My gorgeous DS is now 13months old and I now count my blessings for my "accident" as I don't honestly know whether we'd ever have been brave enough to make the decision to TTC.

Well done you for being brave enough to make that decision. I wish you every luck.

Hi all, thanks for responding.

I'm sorry to hear your stories. BreakDancing I hope you're ok, remembering how I was 3 months after I want to give you a hug, hope you're looking after yourself.

Have a nice day everyone, keep in touch. I'll be back on Thursday after my appointment. :)

Hi Loopy,

Our DS wasn't a stillbirth but died aged 13 days in June. We are lucky to have our DD as she has helped pull us through so far. Found out I was pg last week (prob about 7 weeks now). We weren't really trying (but not using contraception either) - it's always taken a while in the past. I'm pleased I think but terrified that something will go wrong. I don't feel I can get excited/feel happy yet - and maybe not at all until a (healthy) baby is in my arms. GP has said she'll try to organise a viability scan for me next week which would be helpful.

I suppose I did feel desperate for a baby but wasn't sure if I was ready. If we'd thought about it more then I'm not sure if I'd be pg now. Sorry if that doesn't make sense.

I guess the most important thing is that you are both in agreement. DH is very happy but also nervous.

xxx

So sorry party.

We've arranged to see the consultant on Thursday to talk about risks and how they would manage a pregnancy. I'm absolutely terrified, I hope they will be accommodating to the fact that I'll be paranoid as hell! Have you found them to be?

Good luck with the pregnancy, I hope the scan happens quickly and that everything's ok. :)

Haven't seen a consultant yet. I plucked up the courage to speak to my old midwife today and she was lovely - (remembered what we'd been through). I've actually had a little bit of spotting today and she's going to organise a scan for me asap. She also offered to come and see me at home if all is ok on the scan which I thought was lovely of her, instead of going up to the GPs. I've had spotting with all 3 previous pgs, only 1 of which was a MC so here's hoping. It will be good to know if there is anything there though.

I'm sure the consultant will be lovely and will understand how frightened you may feel about being pg again. Hope it goes well x

Hope the scan's good, I'll be thinking of you. :)

Thanks for the hug Loopy, believe me i need it sometimes.

Partyorganiser and Izziesmummy im so sorry to hear about your DS and DD. Congratulations on your pregnancy and 13mth old son. It gives me hope to know others can go on and have healthy pregnancies and children after such heartache.

I spoke to my consultant when i had a meeting to hear my daughters post mortem results and he made me feel much more positive about another pregnancy.
I have lots of scans lined up for when i finally get pregnant as well as a choice of c-section or vaginal birth. I hope your consultants are as helpful as mine.

Loopy -Good luck tomorrow

Partyorganiser - I hope the spotting is nothing (i had this too with my DS)and good luck with the scan

Rubbish day. :(

Went to the consultant appointment. DH was late getting there, and the hospital never has any parking available, so he spent the whole time trying to park.

Got in, terrified of going to the antenatal clinic (last time I was there, in fact the only time I've been in there was when they did the bad news scan).
My consultant wasn't there. Another called for me, and led me into The Room. The room that feature in my flashbacks (PTSD). The room where I was sick after finding out the results of the scan. DD (15 months) wouldn't go into the room. She stooped at the doorway and refused, I had to lift her.

So, the consultant tells me that, as the post mortem results didn't come back with anything, it will be treated just like any other pregnancy, apart from growth scans at 28, 32 and 36 weeks. No early scan, no specialist care, nothing. I can choose between VBAC and ELCS, but they'd prefer VBAC. If I do that they'll wait until 42 weeks to induce if needed, ELCS would be at 39 weeks. Oh, her last gem of information was "folic acid is a good idea, and babies don't like smoking or drinking".

After asking others what had been the care for them, I assumed that it would at least be treated as high risk, under consultant care. Now I'm not sure if I want to get pregnant again. :(

Loopy im so sorry for your crappy meeting.

Can you request another consultant? My post mortem came back with no results but im still high risk with consultant care so what that woman said is complete rubbish!!!

I have also been told I can choose when to be induced/sectioned from 37 weeks depending on how the baby is growing?
If i get offered all this i dont understand why you arent being offered it too as we have both lost babies in pregnancy.

How you didnt smack her after her folic acid/ drinking/smoking comment i will never know. You are a better woman than me

Big hugs to you tonight xxx

Thanks :)

LL it doesn't sound like you have had very good care, I would ask for another appointment so you can both go in together, write a list of questions and concerns you have and address each one individually.

We had a still birth DD at 38 weeks in March 09, same again that PM inconclusive and it was then put down to assumed abruption. We did start TTC straight away as it was what we felt would help, and I was pregnant by June 09 and delivered DS2 in Feb 10 by c sec.

The pregnancy was consultant led with all apps at hospital with regular, almost fortnightly growth scans and assessment of liquor volume. None of these appointments were for any health reason or benefit other than keeping me sane although I knew myself that nothing could prevent it happening again if bad luck (!) were to strike twice.
All the staffs were very supportive and apart from the odd misplaced/inappropriate comment the care was great but I was aware the whole time that I was just being managed to the end.

It is hard and not something I think I will do again but so worth it.

Don't write off trying again on one bad appointment, perhaps contact your local sands and see if they offer some form of contact with the local hospital.
I hope you feel strong enough to try again.

Thanks Dahu.

I'm going to ring SANDS later to see if they have any advice.

I just expected more, and a little compassion. I don't know if it is this, but I've had the distinct impression from lots of people that, because DTD2 survived, I should be grateful and not mope around grieving. I wonder if this is what they usually do, I don't know.

I really don't think I can do it without more support though. I had a 28 week scan before, which was awful. The sonographer noticed a problem but didn't write it in my notes so the consultant refused to acknowledge it. Next scan, at 32 weeks, she had died. I know I'm overreacting but a 28 32 36 week scan isn't enough.

:(

As I was helpfully reminded lots of times scanning isn't going to prevent anything happening but it did give me a little bit piece of mind. On top of the fortnightly scans I often went to triage in a panic if I did not feel any movements, the midwives were happy to let me sit with a trace on just to reassure me. They said it was normal behaviour for someone who had a stillbirth and were happy to give reassurance.

I think if you choose to get pregnant, once you are in the system and dealing with not only the docs but the midwives too you will hopefully be treated with more compassion. My consultant was fab so I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have to come away from your appointment feeling the way you do.

UPDATE:

Did a test today (due on Monday). Faint line. My mother (with poor eyesight and even poorer attitude) refused to believe there was a line. Did Clearblue digital: not pregnant. The other (1st response) is still showing a faint line...

When I was pregnant before the line was so faint that I had to buy a digital, but that time it agreed. That was on expected period date though, and twins, so still faint...

Oh I hate this! Am I or aren't I?

May I join you? My loss was a very late MC that needed a vaginal delivery so to me it was a stillbirth.

We're working towards ttc again soon. We lost our baby to a MMC detected at the 20 week scan last Thursday. I was induced and delivered Bobbie on Saturday.

I'm so sorry to read about all of your losses which are so much later than mine.

I'm devastated by the loss and also feel a need to be pregnant again, but it's so frightening after the experience we've just had.

Loopy congratulations, it sounds like you are pregnant! They say a line is a line, and I believe the digitals are less sensitive? Let us know what the tests say tomorrow morning. Good luck!

Of course you're welcome to join us! I'm so sorry to hear your story, make sure you take some time to grieve with one another. Take care. :)

And thanks, keeping my fingers crossed! :)

I am! Positive digital test this morning! :)

Congratulations!

I'm so pleased for you. Does your DH/DP know?

Thank you! He does know, he's very pleased but it's a bit tricky right now as my mother is here, and although I told her she doesn't seem to believe it and is totally in denial. :(

Yes I just saw your other thread and was at your mother's responses, both to this pregnancy and your last one! I hope she'll come round in time, hope it doesn't spoil things for you and DH now.

So have you worked out your due date now?

Due date should be 26th June, which is DD's birthday! :)

Hi Loopy, sorry I havent been on in a while. Congratulations!!!!
Whats happening with your Mum?

Spittheteaagain - Im so sorry to hear of your loss... I can remember the pain of losing my daughter like it was yesterday so know exactly how you feel. I too was desperate to be pregnant again after Freya died 3 months ago. Take your time and be very kind to yourself as you need it.
I hate the fact that so many woman have to go through this pain. I wish I was still the woman that believed once you have passed the 12 week scan it was plain sailing til the birth...

I found out last night I am pregnant too. Was a very faint line on an ebay cheapy so this morning was banging on the door of Boots as soon as they opened and my Clearblue says 1-2 weeks... Not even due till Sat.
Im so happy but so worried about getting too excited incase this goes wrong too.
My due date would be 3rd July xxx

BDB fantastic news! Congratulations on your BFP!

It's going to be a very different experience I feel, a pregnancy after such a late loss. Like you I'm shaking my head at my previous naivety when I thought that 12 weeks meant you were pretty much safe. The thing is, you are pretty much safe, but having been in the minority once I'm terrified of it happening again. I've been shocked over the last week or so to see how many people on MN have been affected by a late loss.

Did you get given any reason for what happened?