Am I being silly for not wanting to take the morning after pill?

[nappyaddict]

I am incredibly broody and would love another child. However I am using contraception because now is the not a good time.

DS (4) is autistic and would not cope well with another baby. He loves babies but has pinching and biting issues so I would never be able to leave the room for even 5 seconds without taking the baby or DS with me. I can imagine this would get on your nerves rather quickly. We are hoping his behaviour will calm down in the next few years.

Me and DP haven't been together long enough to be sure we are ready for a baby together.

DP wants to wait until he has qualified before we even think about children (which will be in about 18 months to 2 years)

I stopped putting my patch on to see if it was causing my constant bleeding and tender boobs. It was DP's birthday yesterday and we both forgot I had taken it off a few days before.

He wants me to take the morning after pill. I know I should but I can't help comparing it with abortion. I know if you are pregnant and implantation has already occurred when you take the MAP, then the MAP doesn't work and you remain pregnant, so I know it wouldn't cause me to lose a baby if one was already there.

I have no problem with barrier methods that stop the sperm fertilising an egg. I have no problem with hormonal contraception stopping an egg being released. Similarly with the MAP I have no problem with it stopping you from releasing an egg if one was due to be released over the next few days.

However I seem to have a problem with the fact that if an egg has already been fertilised when you take the MAP, then it stops it from embedding in the lining of your womb. I know until the egg has been implanted you have only conceived, you have not become pregnant, so I feel like I am being ridiculous not to want to take it.

Ah, you want another baby, and if you do the idea of using contraception or the MAP is abhorrent. I don't have any answers, except keep talking to your partner about what you both want. Be honest. He does not have the right to put all the responsibility for stopping a baby on you, when he's the one who doesn't want one. THat is simply cruel IMO.

nappyaddict

Why are you even messing with this? You have had struggles and you have been remarkable and amazing through them , and you are managing fine now. An unplanned baby will just shake your life up again . Please don't risk it, for your son and for you.

Phew. Looks like we are in the clear. I think my period's just started.

Can I just tell you, at the moment. I am crazy in love with my DP but we both know it would be a disaster to have children at the moment, but we know we will one day and we can wait.

I can't have the coil but I have the implant, and we also use condoms, and also, withdraw even with the condom on. Call us mega careful... but There's other ways of 'getting off' that are far better and safer.

Please just don't let your heart rule you head.

Nappyaddictare you completely unaware of your monthly cycle? maybe you should have read up a bit more on which cycle days are likely to result in pregnancy. You certainly gave the impression that you were clued up on fertilisation, implantation, etc. but the truth of the matter was that you didn't need to worry yourself or anybody else needlessly as your period was due! (or is it implantation bleeding? when did you have unprotected sex?)
If anything this episode has certainly reinforced to you that you are very broody. What you make of that is entirely up to you. Personally I feel that all this was a completely wasted thread. Sorry to be blunt, but in my opinion this was a non event. I even feel that you are dipping your toe in the water to see the currents it will create. Sorry for being so harsh, but you need to re assess your prioriities. Good luck

I don't think it's ignorance to be fair. Presumably takign the patch off has had the effect of messing with your cycle. But nappy, what are you planning to do for contraception now? If you are likely to forget again, then condoms aren't going to be the best bet. Have you asked the Dr for different types of pill to try?
I'm not clued up on the patch, but it may be possible to still concieve even if you have what appears to be a period, as goodness knows when you will have ovulated.

fedup I know what my priorities are thankyou and at the moment that is DS. He is my first reason for not wanting to have a baby yet. He would not cope with it and I wouldn't cope with the stress of never being able to trust him with a baby for even a second. It would be like having a toddler and a newborn but with the added worry that my 4 year old is a lot stronger than a toddler. My second priority is money. I can manage just about at the moment, but another baby would seriously add pressure on my finances at the moment.

And as for my period I have never been regular. I hoped the patch would regulate it but no such look. I came off the pill because I went 7 months without periods on that and the constant worry was I or wasn't I pregnant was horrible. That's partly why I'm reluctant to try the injection.

I've come off the patch to see if that was what was causing me to bleed on and off. If it continues I'll know it's not the patch and the doctor has said she will investigate further, but she wants to eliminate it being the patch first. If it turns out not to be the patch I'll probably go back on it.

But nappy can't you see the contradiction in that? Why were you feeling so torn if you know you wouldn't be able to cope? Would you be able to handle an unplanned pregnancy?

I am very pro-life and even the idea of MAP is horrible to me even in the most extenuating circumstances. I have nothing against people who choose to take it or have abortions, but it's not for me. If I had an unplanned pregnancy I would just have to deal with it and get on with it. But I know it would be difficult so I wouldn't knowingly put myself in that situation.

It sounds to me as though you have some real issues that need to be addressed immediately before another child is brought into the mix.

Please speak to a GP and ask for counselling, it's a battle to get referred but it is worth it.

Have you had any support wrt your DS diagnosis? The NAS were amazing for me.

DWP what would I ask for counselling for though?

What sort of support? I go to a group at the local children's centre but that's it.

Because of the ASD diagnosis , were you not offered any?

I didn't think I needed it but afterwards I realised I really did.

No I've never been offered any. Did you get it through GP?

I am a bit about the panic.

You had unprotected sex on the 28th and your period started on 30th. That close to your period starting could you even get pregnant?

I got it through CAMHS and also was advised it by the speech therapist.

What services do you have in place for your DS?

Fab, with all kindness the possibility of pregnancy is not the issue here.

Nappyaddict, I have had two wonderful support workers from NAS. Sad but true you have to push and ask to get these things. If you need any help message me and I will give you details.

My last support worker was wonderful, she would visit me at 11pm as then I knew DS would finally be settled and she really helped me, not just with practical things, but the emotional side.

Hi NA, I was in a similar situation a couple of months ago. We had sex, my then partner decided in the final few minutes to chuck the condom across the room as it was inhibiting him a bit - I barely had time to say 'er - be careful!' before he was there. He pulled out but immediately said to me he was sorry, he wasn't very good at it and he wanted me to take the MAP.
I had a thread on here about it.

I didn't want a baby quite so soon, but on some level I am always keen to be pregnant (it's bizarre really, I hate being pregnant). Taking the pill was something I really struggled with as my feelings about it were similar to yours - also partly I felt angry that my partner hadn't considered the risks when he took them, and I was left to pick up the pieces by 'sorting it out'.

It felt like I was being undermined and that he had no respect for me, only his own pleasure.

The next two weeks were terrible. I had panic attacks every single day, every night, terrified I'd be pregnant - i think because I was actually cross with him, part of me was afraid I was going to be stuck having a child with someone I couldn't trust to treat me well. So while part of me was almost excited in a broody-hormonal way, which I do find is incorrigible with me, the most part was absolutely bricking it. For the first time in my life I was too scared to test.

My period came and there were huge sighs of relief all round.

But it was awful. I'm glad now that I wasn't pregnant because I broke up with the person a few weeks ago, for various reasons - but I can remember the feelings about the MAP quite clearly.

Yes, to me it is wrong, not for other people but for me. I would feel I was 'killing' something that had already been created, and it would make me very sad.

So I do understand.

Thankyou Flight for sharing that. I was beginning to feel like I was completely mad as I seemed to be the only person in the world who felt like that about it.

Fab As I have already said my periods are very irregular I never know how long it's going to be before the next one.

So CAMHS referred you to NAS? Are you on FB? You can message me through there. I don't have anything really. I asked the consultant to refer us to CAMHS cos of his behaviour and he said they didn't deal with Autistic children because there's a known reason for their behaviour unlike other children with mental health issues or something like that. We used to see SALT, physio and OT but now he's atschool there's a SALT there and a physio that goes in and his teachers follow a plan from the OT.

nappyaddict I just wanted to pop on and say that I totally understand how you feel about the morning after pill.

I have read most of the comments and tried to follow the thread and it sounds like you are all sorted now! I guess you will be really careful now after your 'potential pregnancy scare'. Having had years of infertility I am not sure how it feels to be potentially able to get pregnant without trying very hard! I mean this to say that it's hard to put myself in someone else's shoes!

I think if you had taken the MAP against your will you might have ended up feeling very upset about it and as the pill and its effects are in your body then it is only really you who can make the decision about whether or not to take it.

But I think others have made lots of sensible comments about planning and you and dp being on the same page at the same time.

Anyway, I wish you all the best for the future and I hope you get to where you want to be at the right time, it would be a shame to rush things - I don't want to make any comments or judgements about whether you should have a baby with your partner or when is too soon etc but I think you and your partner will need to do some talking about that if you end up wanting it to be sooner!

All the best.

Thankyou :)

I was edging towards taking it I think. Although a few people had said they had felt similar feelings to me, they did end up taking it and they said it was the right decision and in the long run it probably would have been for me.

I don't think there will be any action for a while as this period is horrible. Liver like lumps, the lot and it's not looking like disappearing for a while. Sorry, probably TMI there!

If it felt right for you to take it then I am sure that would probably work out best for you. I just felt at the end of the day it is your body and I don't think other people - including your partner - should pressure you into taking it. BUT as everyone says you are young (I saw your photos, you are very young to me! - I am a lot older!) and so hopefully next time you and your partner discuss this you will both be a in a place to start trying.

Good luck and all the best.