Am I being silly for not wanting to take the morning after pill?

[nappyaddict]

I am incredibly broody and would love another child. However I am using contraception because now is the not a good time.

DS (4) is autistic and would not cope well with another baby. He loves babies but has pinching and biting issues so I would never be able to leave the room for even 5 seconds without taking the baby or DS with me. I can imagine this would get on your nerves rather quickly. We are hoping his behaviour will calm down in the next few years.

Me and DP haven't been together long enough to be sure we are ready for a baby together.

DP wants to wait until he has qualified before we even think about children (which will be in about 18 months to 2 years)

I stopped putting my patch on to see if it was causing my constant bleeding and tender boobs. It was DP's birthday yesterday and we both forgot I had taken it off a few days before.

He wants me to take the morning after pill. I know I should but I can't help comparing it with abortion. I know if you are pregnant and implantation has already occurred when you take the MAP, then the MAP doesn't work and you remain pregnant, so I know it wouldn't cause me to lose a baby if one was already there.

I have no problem with barrier methods that stop the sperm fertilising an egg. I have no problem with hormonal contraception stopping an egg being released. Similarly with the MAP I have no problem with it stopping you from releasing an egg if one was due to be released over the next few days.

However I seem to have a problem with the fact that if an egg has already been fertilised when you take the MAP, then it stops it from embedding in the lining of your womb. I know until the egg has been implanted you have only conceived, you have not become pregnant, so I feel like I am being ridiculous not to want to take it.

Also I have read that sperm can reach the egg in 15 minutes and somewhere else that sperm can reach the fallopian tubes where the egg is in a few minutes. Not sure if this means the egg can be fertilised in a few minutes or the sperm get to the tubes in a few minutes and then it takes a bit longer for them to get to the egg and fertilise it.

Basically either way even if your chemist was next door, it'd be pretty unlikely that you would be seen and given the pill in less than 15 minutes so technically even if you take it really quickly after intercourse the egg could still be fertilised already.

Basically you want a baby and procrastinating like this just adds weight to your argument implantation = abortion.

Just admit you want a baby.

Nappyaddict - that is ridiculous and simply not true. Eggs are NOT fertilised in 15 minutes from ejaculation. Not unless your man's swimmers are jet-propelled!

I took the MAP this month at my DH's request. I had similar feelings to you, as I've been desperately wanting to start a family for a long time but DH doesn't want to. I couldn't even speak to the pharmacist, I had to write it down. But I think it was the right decision. It might sound trivial compared with what some others are going through but you have my sympathies.

My friend just went through IVF and knows a lot about it all. Her consultant told her that it can take anything from minutes to days and the average is usually somewhere in between.

It sounds to me like you are desperately trying to find a reason not to take it! Are you even at the right time of your cycle to be ovulating? As there are only about 3 days a month that you are likely to conceive this may not even be a valid concern anyway. Two of those possible days are the days when the sperm is on it's way up to wait for the egg to even be released so really there is only one day in the whole month where the actual instance of fertilization can occur, and very rarely, I suspect within minutes or even hours of your partner ejaculating. Also, implantation doesn't take place for over a week after fertilization anyway.

Forgive me for saying this, but I think you are being a bit irrational and also unfair on your partner with whom you have already agreed to wait and has expressly asked you to take the morning after pill. It's nothing like having an abortion and he hasn't asked you to do that. He has asked you to avoid getting to that situation. Declining to do that is tantamount to not taking the pill without his agreement/knowledge when you have both agreed to wait.

I personally feel that you need to have this conversation with your do. It is a decision to be taken jointly. You are right to seek advice here. However, if does take two- he may be sympathetic to your viewpoint once you express it to him. We none of us are mind readers. Trust him and start to vocalise with him a bit more. Who knows, his response may take you by surprise! Good luck x

I meant speak to your dp not do! Sorry. Hate iPhone!

I agree with everyone who says that deep down you want a baby. But this is not the way to go about it, and no, your egg does not get fertilised 15 minutes after ejaculation.
I would take it and then talk to your partner in depth about your wishing for a baby. From what I have seen on ohter threads you seem to have quite a low self esteem (apologies if this is not the case, but a thread about two brothers rings a bell. Was that you?) and I have seen too many of my friends have babies in attempts to remedy this. It never works. The best boost to your self esteem will be a baby with a person who truly wants one, and who you have been together with long enough to feel secure in the decision.

I have spoken to DP. I basically said all of the above to him and said my problem with taking it is that the egg could already be fertilised before I take it even if I take it today.

He says he would never want me to have an abortion, but in his eyes unless the egg is implanted it's not a future life so has no problem with me taking the MAP. But in my eyes as soon as the egg is fertilised that's a future life and something I don't feel able to potentially destroy.

You are procrastinating. And while the decision ultimately lies with you, this will cause trust issues in a relationship where you clearly both (already) want different things.
I've had a baby with a man who was all for it for the first few months of pregnancy. He then changed his tune when the reality hit him and it crushed me.

This is only an issue if you just so happen to be ovulating today though.

We do want the same things. As much as I want a baby and he does too, neither of us think the time is going to be right for at least a couple of years. That's why we were using contraception.

However if I accidentally got pregnant we had already both decided we wouldn't like to terminate.

For me taking the MAP has the same issues as terminating, for DP it doesn't.

There's your answer then. You want a baby.

I thought about doing an ovulation test first but would that show up if I had ovulated the day before?

Completely Agree with boo boo and hkittens! I think this is more about your relationship than you think or are letting on. Time to think straight now, before youmake life choices incompatible with either one or both of you. You already have a child who needs you. Think carefully xxx

You see, the trust issue will have been planted by all of this even if it wasn't there before. I've seen it happen time and again. He will now think twice every time he sleeps with you, and tbh you really should be using condoms so regardless go to the clinic today and stock up. Maybe someone there can explain to you that the morning after pill isn't in fact an abortifacient.
What will happen is this. YOu will not take the pill, you will spend the next 2 weeks secretly excited, he will be crapping himself. If it's positive, the same will apply. If it's negative, he will be relieved, but you will be disappointed and for sure will have a few more 'accidents' until you get what you want. Without wishing to be harsh, I think you need to have more respect for yourself. If a baby isn't right for you now, wait. You are very young, there is plenty of time to settle down. I understand the broody feeling. Give it a year or 2. It will pass, and if it doesn't, hopefully you will be in a better position then anyway.

No it wouldn't. It only shows positive on the days leading up to ovulation. But, where you are in your cycle should give you some indication.

It's also pretty rare that an egg, if it SO happens to be on its way down at that very moment has been hit straight off by recently delivered sperm. Most people who are TTC are trying to have sex in the days leading up to ovulation rather than the day of or after ovulation, so the sperm are already there waiting for the egg when it is released.

Have a look at this link, maybe it will give you more perspective about the (un)likelihood of instantaneous fertilization.

knol.google.com/k/10-things-you-need-to-know-about-ovulation#

Sorry to repeat myself but like I said I know in techincal terms the MAP isn't an abortifacient, because you are not technically pregnant until the egg is implanted which the MAP stops from occuring. If an egg had already happened to be implanted the MAP doesn't abort the baby, you continue to be pregnant. It's only in my eyes it is a sort of abortifacient because it stops a fertilised egg being implanted.

If you mean I will purposely have more "accidents" I am quite frankly insulted. He asked me to take the patch off because it clearly wasn't suiting me and to go and see the doctor next week about trying something different. Because we are so used to it being there and not having to worry about contraception we both ended up forgetting I had taken it off until a few hours later. Why should we be using condoms when we are in a relationship?

The overall consensus to your question appears to be: yes, you are being silly by not taking the MAP.
Good luck with your decision. No one wants to insult you here, I am sure. You wanted mnetters to offer you their honest advice, and you got it. Whether you choose to take that on board or not is ultimately your choice.
I appreciate where you are coming from. However the overall concern is that this partner of yours may not have the same desires as yourself, in relation to any future children you may or may not decide to have. Certainly at the current time your motives are different: he is absolutely sure of not wanting children now; whereas you are broody. Hope you can arrive at a decision that makes you both happy. Good luck and all the best. X

Good luck xxx

I think you need to discuss it more with him and tell him you don't feel happy to take it.

"Why should we be using condoms when we are in a relationship?"

Why not?

It's a perfectly reasonable, (if sometimes slightly inconvenient) non-hormonal form of contraception. Am sure many millions of couples choose to use it, and not just in places with no alternatives.

I do get the feeling that you intend to leave this potential pregnancy to chance though, whatever anyone here says.

Why should you? Well if hormonal contraceptives are not workign then they seem a logical step, and if he is the one who suggested you take it off then he really should have thought to get some.
I only say this in concern. This relationship is very new, and you have been messed around a lot in the past. You owe it to yourself to give yourself the chance of a happy relationship. By not taking the pill, you will be effectively shooting yourelf in the foot. You have been together a matter of months, he does not want children yet. And yet presumably you've not been and got the pill today. Do you really feel so little of your prospects that you will leave something so enormous to chance?

It is entirely up to you whether you take the MAP but what I would say is this: if possible it would be better for you, your DP, your current child and any future children to go into the next pg with the complete support and agreement of your DP. This is particularly true given the added pressure you anticipate will result from taking care of the needs of both your son and a new DC. Make sure you weigh this up properly.

Boobooglass I think what you said was rude. There is nothing in this thread that the OP will "for sure have a few more 'accidents' until she gets what she wants". She didn't ask for wild speculations about her motives or intentions, she just asked for views about taking the MAP in these circumstances.

If people want to use condoms that's fine, but to say that I should really be using condoms when I am already on the patch is a bit OTT for a relationship. He has got loads of condoms from before we had both had a STI check to make sure we were OK to stop using them. We thoughtlessly forgot I was no longer wearing the patch cos we are used to it just being there, similarly to if you have a coil, implant or injection. It's there for a period of time and the advantage of it is that you don't have to think if you've remembered it every day.

We are both broody, we both want kids, but we both know in our hearts that we should wait before trying to have any.

DP just can't understand the heartache it's causing me, like many of you can't either. As much as you and he drill into me I'm being stupid I just cannot get it out of my head that I am taking something that is going to stop a potential fertilised egg and therefore life from going any further.