Has anyone received counselling for infertility?

[pointsmakeprizes]

Hello

We've been trying for No 2 for about 15/16 months now and I am seriously beginning to get depressed, I just feel like I can't take the disappointment anymore and some days I can't really function because I am so obsessed about when it's finally going to happen for us.

It just feels like someone I know is getting pregnant every week and it always seems to be within a couple of months of them trying. I always try to be happy for them but I am just finding it more and more difficult to deal with the pain of not being able to conceive month after month.

I know that I am lucky that I already have one child but it took us a year to conceive him too so it just feels like a struggle everytime.

We've been diagnosed with unexplained fertility, had the hormone tests done, scan and hsg and DH has had SA done which was borderline in some areas but good in others so overall no problems.

We are now on the waiting list for IVF, we may get our turn by summer 2011 if we are lucky.

There is a fertility counselling service in our area and I am thinking of going to see them and was wondering if anyone else had used such a service and if it was helpful for them.

many thanks

I did as it was a requirement of the centre we went to for fertility treatment. I found it really helpful to articulate things which terrified me so much I could barely think about them. Generally it was very reassuring.

I would also add though that I found acupuncture very helpful as additional counselling and feeling I was doing something really positive.

Hi, I haven't had fertility counselling per se, but have had counselling in the past and found it extremely helpful. I think you just need to give it a go and see if you have a connection with the person doing it. I knew on my first session that I wanted to work with my counsellor. Like azazello I have found accupuncture very useful for my infertility problems (though I have not got pregnant) as it is holistic and about balancing your whole mental, emotional and physical state - with a good practitioner you get a listening ear and support too.

I'd just like to empathise with you really! We are in a similar situation - one DD (nearly 4) and now 14 months of trying (AF is on its way for this cycle). I could have written your post in terms of how it feels.

We aren't even on an IVF waiting list yet and are just coming round to the realisation that we will probably need to do it.

I do have that sense of not being able to go on some days but also unable to give up. I was worried about the age gap with DD increasing and increasing but am now reaching the realisation that she will be lucky if she gets a sibling at all.

Anyway, this is now all about me and I just wanted to send solidarity vibes really. Hope counselling does help if you decide to go for it.

Could have written your post in terms of how you feel points!

I haven't been for counselling but is certainly something I'm considering as honestly on the days when AF is about to arrive, I don't cope. I have one DD who is almost four and I feel blessed to have her. Been trying since may last year with no success and have recently found out that DP has extremely poor sperm count, was a one in thousand that I got pregnant the first time!

I can totally empathise with how your feeling, everywhere you look there are babies, bumps and huge families. I don't know about you but I feel robbed at times of the chance to have the family I feel my DD deserves.

It's not fair that IVF is the only solution and as expensive one at that, but that's life and it's not fair; when I'm not too hormonal I can tell myself that we are very lucky to have one already and actually believe it!

Personally, I'm at the undecided stage just now as IVF would very much stretch us financially even for one cycle. I'm 31 soon so time isn't a big issue yet. Who knows, the unexpected might just happen for us all, fingers crossed :)

I'm in the same position littleshamriock and pointsmakeprizes.

We've been ttc#2 for 13 months and so far we have unexplained sub-fertility although I have yet to have my HSG.

I can totally sympathise with your feelings. Somedays, I can't function either and I'm sure work have noticed that something is not quite right with me. I get days when I feel incredibly depressed, crying at the drop of a hat etc. And no one understands how I can feel this way when I already have DS. In RL, there have been ten pregnancies announcements in the last five months! Four at work, three relatives and three friends. It's hard to avoid the baby talk but at the same time, its heartbreaking and soul-destroying.

Like you shamrock, I'm undecided about whether to spend on assisted conception [we have been told that IUI would be the first option for us] because of the cost of it.

I can have free counselling at the private clinic I have been to but as their hours are 9-5 and I work 9-6, I haven't done this yet. I will consider it though if these feelings get unmanageable. I'm sure it would really help to talk to someone face-to-face about thsi. Otherwise, its a very lonely journey.

I hope you find some resolution. Also, please feel free to chat/vent/rant with us here, points. There are a lot of us in similar situations.

Me too I am in the same situation. Going to FC on 30th September so hopefully can get some more investigations done. DS was conceived very easily so I can be pregnant. Just finding it all so hard. Though it seems to be better recently, there is still at least one day a month I can't function - the day the spotting begins. The rest of the month I can get by.

Points [nosy emoticon] are you getting IVF on the NHS?

It's kind of "nice" to find others in the same situation. You don't feel so alone.

Hi Loujalou and lilysma [who I missed earlier].

Perhaps we can start a thread for struggling second timers. I'd love to share/offer support.

Me!

I am the odd one out () as mine was for primary infertility. We had massive male-factor issues and had counselling to work out what we were going to do about it. Then, when the treatment wasn't working I went back on my own to talk about that. Which I imagine would be the kind of thing that you would need.

The counsellor was very good, and went over some of the things that I was saying, such as "I'll never get pregnant" and dissecting them with me - what was the evidence for thinking that? and so on. It was lovely to unload on someone who wasn't DH (who was feeling very guilty that it was his problem and yet I was the one who had to go through treatment). It was also good that we paid her, as I didn't feel guilty about offloading, it was all about me, if you see what I mean. Plus, she wasn't at all interesting on a personal level, and so could be calm about the whole thing.

I was wrong, by the way, as we hit the jackpot and I got pregnant twice, and now have two lovely children. At the time, that seemed like an impossible dream.

Good luck with your fertility journey. :)

I did have hypnotherapy. Forgot about that and that did help me get to a happier place. Forgot about that!

Maybe we should set up a "Why is it so hard to get up the pole with baby 2" thread! I would join.

Sounds like a plan loujalou and lychees, I would definitely join, My DP must be fed up of listening to my lack of baby related moaning!

It seems like there are quite a few of us in the same position, would be good to talk and support each other on the bad days.

Come join me, ladies.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/1040439-Having-difficulties-ttc-2

thanks for your responses ladies - feel better already talking about it with people in the same position.

In relation to the IVF - yes we are on the NHS list. Our PCT allows everyone one go regardless of whether you have a child already or not so we are very lucky that we still have this chance. However, because my infertility is unexplained I feel that it is too much for intervention for us but I am so desperate now that I will do anything. I have also asked for IUI but was told that it was pretty much a waste of time for unexplained cases as it won't really increase your chances.

I have been doing acupuncture aswell for a year and i do find it helpful but as I am not getting any results I am starting to feel resentful of the cost of it which is silly I know.

I think the counselling sessions are free as well so I am going to try and get an appointment this week and will let you know how I get on.

hiding thanks for your story, i'm sure it's given a few ladies a lot of hope.

I'm going to check in with the new thread!

Great to hear there is a thread for us! I've been lurking on others but have felt my situation is different from everyone on them. But sounds like many of you are in the same boat (comiserations!) See you on the other thread!