Having difficulties ttc#2?

[Lychees]

After chatting on another thread, I've discovered that quite a few of us are having trouble ttc#2.

It's difficult to find much support in RL; people tell you that you should be happy as you already have a DC [I really am!] and unless they've been there, they don't really understand why it's so upsetting not to be able to get pregnant again so I've created this thread so we can share and we have a place that we can rant/vent/moan/support each other......

Sorry for the unimaginitive title ... marketing is not my area of expertise !

FYI, I'm 36, DH is 38, we have DS who is just over two and a half and we have been ttc#2 for 13 months.

We have had bloods and SA on the NHS and an internal scan and AMH privately and so far, our status is unexplained sub-fertility. If I don't get my BFP this time, next month we'll be having another SA and HSG privately.

hi

i am 28, married with 1 DD who is nearly 5 and i have had 6MCs since starting to TTC#2 in oct 2007. i have had 7 MCs overall and have almost completely given up hope of having #2

i have had all the investigations and i have APS which is the main cause of the recurrent MCs. i also have underactive thyroid and low folate levels which may also be a contributing factor to them

sooo....nice to 'meet' you

Plonks herself on a cushion and makes comfy.

I have 2.5 year old DS and have been trying for over a year. Just about to go to FC in a couple of weeks.

Panda and Lychees nice to meet you.

Hello Ladies

I have a 3 year old DS and we've been TTC #2 for nearly 16 months, I am about to start cycle 15 - don't think there is much hope for me this cycle as all tests negative so far.

I know I am lucky to have one child already but am feeling very down about not being able to conceive No.2. We have been diagnosed with unexplained infertility and on the waiting list for IVF.

panda so sorry to hear about your MCs sending you big hugs.

lou and lychees met you in the other thread!

Welcome Loujalou and pointsmakeprizes

Panda, I'm really sorry you've had a really tough time of it all. MC is a terrible thing to go through once but to go through it seven times !

Hi duffegg, I'm also on the 2ww [CD26 of probably a 30 day cycle]. This bits horrible, isn't it?

Did anyone find that their GP's weren't that interested in helping them because they already had #1?

I went to see my GP after about 9 months though I told him it was year of trying as I was coming up to 35 and wanted to get the ball rolling and he was ok about ordering the day 21 test for me but nothing else and assured me that it would happen in the next few months. After another 3 - 4 months went by he let me have the day 3 and day 21 tests and he also referred me to the fertility clinic but said there would be long waits so at this stage I got him to refer me privately and I was seen within a month of phoning up - had a scan the first appointment and a HSG within a couple of weeks of that. The private consultant also offered the option of IVF and placed us on the NHS list within a month of that I think. We've been very lucky our doctor is quite pro-active, though he seems to think that we will fall naturally before we have to go through IVF - but that is the pain of unexplained infertility - every month there is nothing stopping you getting pregnant but every month you just bloody don't!

Now, I'm thinking, I should have been a bit more pushy and got some of the tests I paid for on the NHS. I'm not entitled to any treatment but perhaps I should have insisted on the tests. I wonder if it's because I live in over-populated London.

Duffegg, in all of my 2ww, somedays I'm convinced I'm pregnant, on others my PMA goes AWOL. Today, I don't think we've done it ... again. I won't test until I'm late late though as I can't face the BFN. How about you?

My DS was playing "babies" yesterday. He was rocking a blanket in his arms and saying, "baby done a poo" and "I'm a big brother". He didn't get any of that from us! Rather than feeling sad about it though, I figured that perhaps he knows something that we don't know .

Hi,
Am in a similar position too! I have a 2yr old and have been trying for a second since Dec 09. Have had private SA done and day 4 bloods done on NHS. Both appear fine!

It's 'nice' to meet others in the same position - I am sooooooo sick of being asked when we will be having another. It's very tedious!

Hi orchid good to see others join the thread - all the more support.

lychees and duffegg i can't believe how strong you ladies are in not testing. I have to admit that i am on 12 dpo and I have 1 test out of a 25 bag of cheapies I got off amazon. yes ladies I have already squinted and sighed over 24 BFNs this month - even a record for me! I don't know what happened, I just became super obsessed and starting testing from about 3 dpo and I couldn't stop. They were the 10 ml sensitive ones so I am pretty certain that it is another baby fail month for me.

I'm usually not that bad, in fact the last 2 months I've been pretty good and stopped temping and using opks and just tried to relax but this month i am back to my wicked ways.

lychees you should definitely go back and see what other tests are available for you. That's so cute about your DS, they do say children have a sixth sense!

It really breaks my heart too to see my DS play on his own. He told me a couple of weeks ago that there were no other children in our house and that he has to go to nursery to play with other children.

I've gone from hoping and feeling positive every month to thinking why would it be turn and don't be stupid and get your hopes for no reason

Hi, please can I join too? I was on the other thread Lychees mentioned. DD is 4 in November and we've been trying for 14 months. I have duff fallopian tubes it seems, though DD was conceived within 3 months and I've had one chemical pregnancy during the 14 months of trying. I had an ectopic pregnancy before DD.

We're now planning to start down the assisted conception route as I'm 37 and DH is 40, but will have to pay for it as the NHS only pays for fertility treatment for people who don't have any children in my area.

DD has stopped asking about a new baby which breaks my heart.

I need some help with acronyms - what is AMH and APS??

Panda I'm so sorry about your devastating experience so far. I have struggled to cope with my two pregnancy losses (one of which hardly 'counts') and can't imagine where you find the strength to go on. I am in awe and admiration.

Nice to meet you all

ERTD is here. But I am off on my hols at the end of the week so still in a cheery mood. Actually its the spotting that puts me in a foul mood and by the time ERTD comes I am relieved I can move on and start thinking about the next cycle.

Hello Everyone,

I don't know whether you're ok for me to be here as we have two already and we're trying for number three. I suppose in the same way that people tell you to appreciate the one you have, we get the same about how lucky we are to have two (we know we're lucky). It's just that we planned on three and there's still a gap before we can get on with life.

I'm 39 and we've been trying for about 2.5 years for this one. I've been pregnant twice during that time but sadly mc both at 11 weeks. Since the last mc we've been trying for about 9 or 10 months now. I haven't approached my GP because I'm sure that I ovulate each month. We seem to be one of those couples where everything works, it just isn't working this time!

Panda, so sorry to hear of what you've been through. For everyone else, too, my thoughts are with you. It's so frustrating, so all-consuming and so sad and other people say such stupid things sometimes. I've been 'on the buses' for the past few months but have taken some time off because I don't feel up to being cheery and happy for all the BFPs . I'd welcome the chance to lurk on this thread if you're ok with that.

Duffegg seems like we have our first success?

Lou bah humbug to the RTD (we call it droid on my other thread!). Glad you're looking forward to your holidays though

Prinpro welcome . I used to go on the buses so to speak, but like you got too upset with seeing all the people who seem to get PG by just thinking about it, so stopped.

You've all prompted me to start looking at FC round here. I've been costing it up and with egg sharing I reckon the costs are [gulp] manageable. We'll be on a year in two more cycles (start of Dec) and the GP has already said she would refer us then if no news. I think this cycle is out so in my mind it's looking more and more likely that we'll end up in Dec needing a referral. It's actually making me feel more positive to think that we can get some help rather than just battling on by ourselves. Does that sound crazy?

Orchid I have been known to call it the bitchy witch as that about sums it all up. I like droid too.

I had a dream that I was pregnant last night. I hate dreams like that when I wake up.

I did nearly start blubing (if that's a word) yesterday when someone I had never met before asked me if I was going to have any more. When I said one day (trying to be casual) they started saying "Oh I see", "Oh is it a sore subject". Anyway would I be unreasonable to whack the next person I hardly know to ask me about my reproductive plans. I am just fed up of people asking. Just makes me want to take up some martial arts to practice on them all.

Rant over....

Oh Lou - you have my permission to give the next person who asks a VERY big whack around the head. I have lost count of the number of times I have been asked since DC1 turned one when I'm having another. I vary from wanting to burst into floods of tears to wanting to embarass people and tell them the whole sorry story, to wanting to perform random acts of violence to their person. I don't know about you but I dread people asking how old DC1 is, because following that you pretty much always get the horrible inevitable question!

I feel your pain and have ranted many, many times about this same subject myself. That question goes hand in hand with the lovely piece of advice that some people chose to offer about 'relaxing'. Karate chops all round to the next person who ask a naff question or passes on some rubbish advice. 'Nuff said.

louja i have basically started to say to the people who i dont know, if they ask about me having more babies, that i have been trying for a while and keep losing babies when i finally get one in there...makes them uncomfortable if they are prepared to ask a perfect stranger about their plans to have some productive sex then they should be prepared for the honest answer i say

its good to know (well not good but YKWIM) there are others around with difficulties...mkes me feel less alone

i am part of a few other thread groups and one of which i joined as soon as i started TTC and i am now the only one left without baby but hey ho i m feeling more positive of late...dont know why though

The last person who told me to "relax" I am no longer really talking to. That is not the only reason but it is somewhere near the top of the list. That and when she was pregnant. Telling me she had some good news but couldn't tell me what it was. Then I found out on fb. Well actually way before all of that she posted something on MN and I figured it was her - so knew way way before.

Sorry second rant of the day over. Can you tell I am being a bit hormonal today.

Anyway I am doing this thing called couch to 5k hoping that I will be able to run. That has provided me some distraction but still not pregnant.

Hello....can I join too? we have been ttc#2 for about 4.5 years now. We have a nearly 6 year old boy ( who is smashing of course...) but would dearly love to be able to have a second child. We have had a few investigations and clomid under the NHS which didnt show up that much but just have gone private and it looks as if one of my ovaries is polycystic and my DH has got crappy sperm with 99% abnormal. Guess I am frustrated that the NHS didn't pick that up (how?!) but at least it explains why the clomid really didnt work and why I reacted so badly to it. We are now starting the IVF journey (I think)
I will second the desire of wanting to whack the "just relax" crowd round the head but also have to say that all my friends have been incredibly supportive and sensitive especially when announcing their inevitably enlarging families. Good to hear everyones stories here - makes me feel less alone to understand everyone is going through the same emotions!

Morning Ladies.

Welcome Orchid12, Lilysma and Prinpo.

Pointsmakeprizes, I have actually only ever used a HPT three times ever in my life. Like Duffegg, ignorance is bliss!

Duffegg, I'm keeping my FX for you.

Lilysma, APS is Antiphospholipid Syndrome which a condition where the body produces antibodies that, instead of attacking foreign tissue, attacks your own tissue [correct me if I'm wrong Panda]. AMH is anti-mullerian hormone and the blood test is relatively new but gives an indication of egg reserve. I guess, its more relevant in older women as your reserves can dwindle with age.

Wrt, slapping ... there have been several occasions when I'd have loved to have done a bit of that, too.

My own GP kept telling me to "relax" when she just popped three out herself in quick succession ... thanks[!]. I also heard from another lady on here who asked her fertility consultant about the effects of stress and evidence shows that the only stage that stress affects is ovulation so if you're ovulating then you're not THAT stressed.

Loujalou, its good to have something else to concentrate on. I'm refurbing my front room ... the carpet is being fitted tomorrow and my new sofas are coming next week. Am I sad ?

lou sorry you are feeling hormonal xx i have a work friend who keeps saying well meant but insensitive comments my most recent MC was in july and my friend is pregnant and is due 3 weeks after i wold have been her pearl of wisdom was 'obviously it wasnt meant to e. when it is meant to happen it will happen' she went on to say how she knows 'exactly how i feel' even though she is pregnant by accident, has never had a MC (she told everyone she had had a MC and then told me she thought she might have been preg but didnt test and her period turned up on time and was entirely normal) and has no children of her own yet i snapped at her and made an effort to distance myself until i felt stronger about the situation. it is only recently i have felt ok about talking to her about her pregnancy. i have made it clear i am happy for her but so not happy for me and i find it hard not to feel jealous of her pregnancy as it should be me i have paid my dues now and i think i deserve a break
that said, i feel more positive since the MC than i have for the past 2.5 years and it has really brought things into perspective for me and DH what doesnt break you makes you stronger and all that